• Published 2nd Jul 2014
  • 8,141 Views, 94 Comments

Apple Turnovers - MythrilMoth



While organizing Ponyville's Hall of Records, Twilight discovers Applejack's deepest, darkest secret.

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Springsun 22nd, 992 E.C.

Twilight stared in abject horror at the mess that was the Ponyville Hall of Records. "What in Equestria...?"

Polly Mare laughed self-consciously. "To be honest...I've never really gotten around to setting up a filing system."

Twilight wheeled on her. "But...these are all of Ponyville's important records! This information needs to be filed and catalogued and sorted and stamped and labeled and...and..." Her left ear twitched, and a manic grin spread across her face. "This is not a problem! This just calls for...ORGANIZATION!" She bounced in place on her hooves, flaring her wings. "I'll get all this sorted out, and then we can begin the process of setting up a neat, organized, efficient new system of government for Ponyville!"

Polly backed away slightly. "Alright. Um...is there anything I can do, Your Highness?"

Twilight nodded. "Go to your office—well, my office—and get the list on the desk, then take it to whichever contractor you normally use for big construction projects in Ponyville. Get an estimate on the new library. Don't authorize it yet, and tell them it needs to be cleared by me first."

"A-alright. I'm on it." Polly rushed out the door, and Twilight turned to the task of sorting the history of Ponyville in legal document form.

"Let's see...construction records, city planning records, birth certificates, death certificates, marriage certificates, carriage certificates, crop estimates, weather reports..." Twilight skimmed the header of each document before placing it on a pile with its brethren for further sorting.

Once the documents had all been organized into piles, Twilight began the laborious, meticulous task of labeling, stamping, and filing everything in a neat, orderly, efficient manner. She spent an hour and a half on the documents pertaining to city planning, construction, weather, and trade. Once she was done, she turned to the vital statistics piles. She rubbed her chin with a hoof, frowning. "I should cross-index these," she mused. She flipped through the birth certificates, and stopped when she came upon a familiar name.

APPLEJACK
Born on the 10th day of Harvestmoon in the year 978 Celestia
To Bright Macintosh who is the father and Pear Butter who is the mother
In the town of Ponyville

"Huh. Now that I think about it, I never knew anything about Applejack's parents," Twilight said. The name 'Bright Macintosh' seemed familiar; feeling she'd just seen it, she glanced at the death certificates. She shuffled through them until she found it:

BRIGHT MACINTOSH
Died on the 9th day of Wintersun in the year 996 Celestia

The certificate went on to list his rather grim cause of death. A moment later, she found a matching document for Pear Butter, with almost identical details.

Setting those aside, she went back to the birth certificates pile.

BIG MACINTOSH
Born on the 3rd day of Summersun in the year 969 Celestia
To Bright Macintosh who is the father and Pear Butter who is the mother
In the town of Ponyville

APPLE BLOOM
Born on the 22nd day of Springsun in the year 992 Celestia
To __________ who is the father and Applejack who is the mother
In the town of Ponyville

Twilight froze, eyes wide, and reread Apple Bloom's birth certificate twice.

The filing forgotten, she ran from Town Hall, spread her wings, and took off for Sweet Apple Acres.

* * * * *

Applejack peered up at an apple tree, head tilted, brow furrowed as she studied its branches. "Eeyup," she said. Tensing her legs, she leapt into the air, snagged a stunted branch with her teeth, and ripped it free, spitting it to the side as she landed on her hooves.

"Applejack, we need to talk," Twilight Sparkle said from behind her.

"GAH!" Applejack spun around, rearing. "Consarnit, Twilight! Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"Sorry," Twilight said tersely, "but this is really important." She looked around furtively, then leaned closer. "Is anypony else here right now?"

"Jes' Granny Smith," Applejack said with a shrug. "Apple Bloom's off on a field trip with her class, an' Big Mac's in town doin' some shoppin' for new tools an' such."

Twilight nodded. "Alright. Let's head up to the house. I want to talk to Granny Smith too."

"What's goin' on, Twilight?" Applejack asked.

"Wait until we get inside," Twilight said as she trotted toward the farmhouse. With a frown, Applejack followed her.

As Twilight opened the door, Granny, seated in her rocking chair, looked up. "Well howdy, Yer Highness!" she called cheerfully.

"Hello, Granny," Twilight said. She sat down on a worn-out old cushion. Applejack sat on the living room sofa.

"So what's this all about, Twi?" Applejack asked.

Twilight looked at the two Apples and sighed, her ears lowering. "I was refiling paperwork at the Hall of Records when I came across something...unexpected."

Granny worked her gums. "We ain't gone an' lost the farm or nothin', have we?"

"No, nothing like that," Twilight said. "It's about Apple Bloom." She looked at Applejack. "I saw her birth certificate."

Applejack tensed up. "Yeah, and?"

Granny sighed. "Applejack...yer Ma an' Pa didn't put their names on Apple Bloom's birth certificate like y' asked."

Applejack stared at Granny. Her ears fell flat. "Horseapples."

"Applejack...you're Apple Bloom's mother?" Twilight asked softly.

Applejack sighed. "Dammit...Ah never wanted anypony t' know..."

"Not even Apple Bloom?" Twilight asked.

"Especially not Apple Bloom," Applejack said.

"Applejack, I don't understand," Twilight said. "Why would you hide this? You, the most honest pony I know...I just can't believe—"

"Ah was fourteen when Ah got in a family way," Applejack said quietly. "Ah wasn't th' same pony Ah am today. Ah was young. Ah was scared. Ah was embarrassed. Ah didn't..." Applejack swallowed. "Ah couldn't handle it.

"Ah talked it over with Ma and Pa, an' Granny an' Big Mac. They weren't none too happy with what Ah had in mind, but..." She sighed. "We told ever'pony Ma was pregnant again. We made it look like she was fixin' t' have a foal. When...when Ah started t' show, down the line...me an' Ma started wearin' big heavy saddleblankets that hung clear t' our hooves all over town. Me t' hide that Ah was pregnant, an' Ma t' hide that she wasn't.

"Then when Apple Bloom came, well...Ah weaned 'er an' all, but we got it inta her head early on that mah Ma an' Pa were her Ma an' Pa, an' Ah was her big sister. It was all goin' great...ever'thin' worked out just like Ah wanted.

"An' then Ma an' Pa died. By that point...well...we were already tangled up in mah lie." Applejack shrugged. "Ah couldn't bring mahself t' tell Apple Bloom th' truth, an' Ah wasn't about t' let Big Mac or Granny tell 'er."

Twilight's eyes filled with tears. "Applejack..." She studied her friend, who was rubbing one fetlock with the other hoof and looking down at the floor. "Is it alright if I ask..." She trailed off.

"Ask what, who her daddy is?" Applejack said.

Granny snorted. "Forget it. She ain't never told a soul. We all tried t' get 'er t' tell us for a dog's age, but Ah still don't know."

Twilight approached Applejack, placing a hoof gently on her shoulder. "Applejack...don't you think it's time now? Do you really want to keep living with this secret? Even knowing it could be hurting your family?"

Applejack gave Twilight a dirty look. "That's right low, Twi," she said sourly. Then, she sighed. "But you're right." She bowed her head. "Apple Bloom's daddy is Braeburn."

Granny's eyes widened. "Braeburn?! You gotta be kiddin' me!"

Twilight drew back, a faintly disgusted look on her face. "Braeburn?! Your cousin from Appleloosa?!"

Applejack sighed. "This was back when we could still buck th' west orchard, before them fruit bats moved in. Back before Appleloosa was settled. Remember how Braeburn an' his papa used t' come around t' help around applebuck season?" At Granny's nod, Applejack continued, "Well, one day, it was hotter'n dragon farts out in th' orchard, an' me an' Braeburn had been buckin' an' doin' chores right up till sunset. We was wore out an' sweaty, an'...well...Ah was in heat, an' that didn't help none.

"So Braeburn said he could sure use somethin' t' drink, an' Ah agreed, an' then...Ah did somethin' real stupid." Applejack looked down, cheeks burning. "Ah snuck inta Pa's private cider stash."

Granny blinked. "You mean th' double hard?"

"Eeyup." Applejack snorted. "Didn't know what Ah was doin'. Got me an' Braeburn nice an' drunk. An' then, well...Ah don't really remember how or why it happened, but..." She looked away. "An' that was that." She looked up. "Braeburn never knew. He was so drunk he doesn't even remember us...y'know. Heck, Ah doubt he even remembers drinkin' that cider."

"An' that's why you ain't never told nopony?" Granny asked.

"Eeyup. Ah mean, it is pretty embarrassin'," Applejack said with a heavy sigh.

Twilight looked Applejack straight in the eye. "No matter how embarrassing it is, don't you think you owe Apple Bloom the truth? It isn't right to let her go through life thinking her parents are dead, when her mother is right here."

"Well now, t'ain't necessarily that simple," Granny Smith said. "That filly ain't gonna take it too well."

Applejack sighed. "No...Twilight's right." She trotted over to the window and looked out at the farm. "Ah always knew, deep down, someday Ah'd hafta tell Apple Bloom th' truth. Ah just...didn't wanna face it." She turned back around. "Ah'm scared. An' it ain't gonna be easy. But...it's what's right."

"Do you...do you want me to be here when you tell her?" Twilight asked. "For moral support?"

Applejack shook her head. "Thanks, but...Ah think it should just be me an' Apple Bloom."

Twilight nodded. "Well, you know where to find me if you need me," she said. She stood and trotted to the door. "By the way, Applejack?"

"Yeah, Twi?"

"For what it's worth...you've been a pretty good mother to Apple Bloom all along." With that, Twilight took off, soaring into the sky.

Applejack's eyes widened, irises narrowing to pinpricks. Her jaw dropped.

Granny Smith smirked.

* * * * *

Apple Bloom returned home from her class field trip to a wonderful smell. "Is that Granny bakin' a pie?" she wondered.

She walked into the kitchen to find Applejack placing a tray of apple turnovers on the table, next to a pitcher of milk and two glasses. Applejack looked up. "Howdy Apple Bloom," she said. "Uh...Ah made us a little snack."

"Thanks, sis!" Apple Bloom said, trotting eagerly to the table and sitting down.

Applejack poured two glasses of milk and slid one in front of Apple Bloom. "Careful now, them treats is hot," she said as she slid a turnover onto a small plate with a spatula and placed it before Apple Bloom, before serving herself.

"Looks an' smells dee-licious!" Apple Bloom said happily.

Applejack watched Apple Bloom blow on her turnover and take a bite. She sighed. "Hey, Apple Bloom...Ah gotta talk to you about somethin'. Somethin'...real important."

Apple Bloom looked up. "Sure, what's up?"

Applejack started to say something, then stopped. She grabbed her milk, took a sip, then seemed to be about to speak again.

"You okay, sis?" Apple Bloom asked.

Applejack sighed. "Dang it all, there ain't no easy way t' do this." She looked right into Apple Bloom's eyes. "Apple Bloom...you ain't mah little sister."

Apple Bloom tilted her head in confusion. "Huh?"

Applejack took a deep breath. "You're mah daughter, Apple Bloom. Ah'm your real mama."

Apple Bloom froze, staring at Applejack. "Say whut now?"

Applejack sighed and told Apple Bloom what she had told Twilight and Granny Smith earlier, leaving out the part about Braeburn and getting drunk. When she was finished, Apple Bloom's eyes were wide and wet.

"This is...this is some kinda joke, right?" Apple Bloom asked plaintively. "You're funnin' me, right?"

Applejack shook her head. "Ah'm tellin' th' honest truth, Apple Bloom." She bowed her head. "Ah was a scared kid what did somethin' stupid, an' then Ah went an' did somethin' else stupid, an'...an' Ah never shoulda pretended we was sisters, or made everypony else in th' family go along with it." She looked up at Apple Bloom, tears in her eyes. "Ah'm sorry."

Apple Bloom swallowed heavily. "Why...why are you tellin' me this now?"

Applejack looked down at her plate. "Honestly? Ah wasn't sure Ah'd ever get around t' tellin' you th' truth." She chuckled ruefully. "Some 'Element of Honesty' Ah am, huh?" She shook her head. "By th' time Ma and Pa died, it...it jes' didn't seem possible no more, an'...an' Ah didn't wanna change th' way things were. Even though..." She swallowed. "Even though Ah ended up raisin' you anyhow, jes' like Ma and Pa wanted me to in th' first place." She grimaced. "Ah knew Ah couldn't keep it secret forever, but...Ah jes' didn't wanna..." She gestured with her hooves. "This."

"You...weren't ever gonna tell me?" Apple Bloom asked. "Never?"

"Ah know," Applejack said. "That's selfish of me, an'...an' a sorry ain't gonna cut it."

"So...why did you decide to tell me?"

"Twilight found your birth certificate down at Town Hall," Applejack said. "She came out here a little while ago an' confronted me about it." She sighed.

"So Twilight guilted you into telling me you're my mother?" Apple Bloom asked, a touch of anger in her voice.

"Pretty much, yeah," Applejack said, hanging her head in shame.

Apple Bloom rose from the table. "Ah need t' go for a walk," she said. "Ah can't...right now, Ah just can't be...here."

Applejack sighed. "Ah understand."

As Applejack watched Apple Bloom head for the front door, she felt her heart breaking.

* * * * *

Apple Bloom trotted aimlessly up the dusty dirt road from Sweet Apple Acres to Ponyville proper, lost in thought.

In the span of a half hour, her world had completely changed. Her parents, who had passed away almost seven years before...were actually her grandparents.

Her sister was her mother.

Everything was just...wrong.

A sudden, sick thought made her stop in her tracks. *If Applejack is...then what about...is Big Mac—?*

The thought turned her stomach. That...couldn't be possible. At least, she hoped it wasn't. Things were twisted enough already.

"Hey Apple Bloom. You alright?"

Apple Bloom shook herself and looked up. A tiny cloud hovered above her, with Rainbow Dash peering over the edge.

"Oh...hi Rainbow Dash," Apple Bloom said listlessly.

Rainbow dropped from the cloud and landed beside Apple Bloom. "What's up? You look pretty down."

Apple Bloom sighed. "Ah...Ah don't wanna talk about it," she said.

"You sure? Talking about your problems always helps," Rainbow said. She rustled her wings. "Noooot that I'd want anypony to know I said that." She patted Apple Bloom on the head. "If you don't wanna talk to me, maybe you should talk to AJ?"

"NO!" Apple Bloom shouted, startling Rainbow Dash. "...sorry. Ah just..." Apple Bloom looked away, frowning.

Rainbow Dash nodded in understanding. "Had a fight with AJ, huh?"

"...somethin' like that."

"Yeah, I getcha. I don't have any brothers or sisters, but back when I was...a little older than you, I kinda went through a teen rebel phase. Had a few pretty bad fights with my dad." Rainbow snorted. "Tried to run away a couple times, too. But you know what?" She looked Apple Bloom right in the eyes. "I got over it. Because you can't stay mad at family."

Apple Bloom frowned and looked away. "Ah dunno. Ah'm not really mad, just..." She sighed. "It's hard t' explain."

"Well...once you've cooled off some, go back home and talk it out," Rainbow said. "Just don't do anything dumb, okay?" With a wave, she took off, dragging her cloud with her.

Apple Bloom sighed, kicking at the road. She lay down in the dirt, ears flat. She lay there for quite some time.

"Apple Bloom?"

She looked up to see Big Macintosh approaching. She swallowed nervously. "Hey...Big Mac..."

Big Macintosh tilted his head curiously at her. "Why in tarnation are you lyin' in th' middle of th' road?" He frowned. "You didn't have another fight with your sister, did you?"

"Don'tcha mean 'with my mother'?" Apple Bloom said, arching her back and glaring up at him.

Big Macintosh paled, eyes wide. "What—?"

"She told me," Apple Bloom said. "She told me Ah'm her daughter."

Big Macintosh sighed. "Welp...it had t' come out sooner or later." He looked down at Apple Bloom, eyes gentle. "Don't be too hard on your mama, Apple Bloom. What she did...it weren't right, an' we all tried t' stop 'er, but...the important thing is, she loves you. She's always loved you."

Apple Bloom looked down, eyes full of tears. "Ah know," she said. "Ah just...Ah'm havin' a tough time wrappin' mah head around all this." She looked back up at Big Macintosh. "Who's mah real papa? She didn't say."

Big Macintosh shrugged, frowning. "Ah don't know, Apple Bloom. To this day, Applejack ain't told nopony who your daddy is."

Apple Bloom blinked. "Not even Ma an' Pa?"

"Nope." Big Macintosh sighed. "You know how stubborn that gal can be."

"Yeah..." Apple Bloom sighed.

Big Macintosh started walking back down the road to Sweet Apple Acres. "You come along home now, Apple Bloom."

"Alright," Apple Bloom said, trudging behind him.

* * * * *

When the front door opened again, Applejack's heart leapt in her chest. When she saw Apple Bloom walk in behind Big Macintosh, she charged over and swept the filly up in a hug. "Oh thank goodness," she said.

Apple Bloom pushed her away. "Ah'm still upset with you," she said.

Applejack's ears wilted, and she let go, her head drooping. "Oh," she said listlessly.

"But not too upset for some more of them apple turnovers," Apple Bloom said with a small, hopeful smile.

Applejack smiled. "Sure thing, Apple Bloom. Big Mac, you want some turnovers?"

"Eeyup," Big Macintosh said, unlimbering his saddlebags and following the others to the kitchen.

Once Applejack had placed turnovers and milk in front of everyone, Apple Bloom looked at her. "Ah still have one question," she said.

"Okay," Applejack nodded.

"Ah wanna know who mah daddy is," Apple Bloom said. "Ah asked Big Mac, but he said you ain't never told nopony."

Applejack gulped. "Oh ponyfeathers."

"Applejack," Big Macintosh said sternly, "it's time t' come clean now. You owe this filly th' whole truth." He paused, and added, "Y'owe me an' Granny th' truth too, after all this time."

"Granny knows," Applejack said. "Ah told her earlier today. Her an' Twilight."

Big Macintosh grunted, but said nothing.

Applejack sighed. "Apple Bloom, yer papa is Braeburn."

Big Macintosh choked on his turnover. "BRAEBURN?! Whut th' HELL, AJ?"

"He's our COUSIN!" Apple Bloom said, face green.

"Not only that, he's as queer as a cupcake in a pie judging contest!" Big Macintosh thundered.

Applejack grimaced. "Yeah, Ah know...let's jes' say Pa's secret cider stash kinda makes ponies forget stuff like that."

Big Macintosh gave Applejack a stern, disapproving glare. "Ah see," he said.

"Ah don't," Apple Bloom said. "Whut's cider got t' do with mah gay cousin from Appleloosa bein' mah daddy?"

"Pa liked his cider...extra hard," Applejack said. "An' one day after chores, Ah got into it, an' me an' Braeburn got real drunk."

"Oh. Now Ah get it," Apple Bloom said with a grimace.

"Ah need t' have a little talk with Braeburn," Big Macintosh said gruffly.

"Like hell you do," Applejack said. "He don't know. He don't remember what happened, an' Ah never told him."

"MORE lies?" Apple Bloom asked sharply. "And you're supposed t' be—"

"Yeah yeah, Ah already got this speech from Twilight," Applejack grumbled, rolling her eyes. "Young ponies make mistakes, alright? Real dumb ones." She looked askance at Apple Bloom. "Not that you'd know anything about makin' dumb mistakes, right?"

Apple Bloom looked away guiltily. "Heh...Ah see your point," she said with a weak chuckle. "Still, don't you think you should...?"

"Why?" Applejack asked. "What's th' point? Does it really matter?" She sighed. "Look, Ah know after that whole business with Granny an' th' tonic, Ah learned that you can't let ponies live with a lie just because it's convenient an' makes 'em happy. But this ain't th' same thing. If Ah told Braeburn th' truth, it'd ruin his life. An' for what?"

Big Macintosh and Apple Bloom looked at one another, silently taking in Applejack's words. "Ah guess you're right," Apple Bloom said.

"Eeyup...when you put it like that, it makes sense. Ah don't like it, but it makes sense," Big Macintosh admitted.

"The important thing is...Apple Bloom, you've got a family that loves you. You may not have ever known Ah was your momma, but Ah've done mah best t' raise you up right, jes' like Ma an' Pa did for me an' Big Mac. An' Ah didn't do it alone. Ah had Big Mac an' Granny Smith here t' help after Ma an' Pa passed on." She reached a hoof across the table. "You've still got th' same family you've always had, Apple Bloom. Nothin's ever gonna change that."

Apple Bloom frowned pensively, then reached out and touched Applejack's hoof. "You're right. Ah'm still gonna need time t' let this all sink in, an' Ah'm still mighty upset with you for keepin' this from me all this time, but..." She looked up at Applejack and smiled. "Still family."

Applejack smiled. "Always family."

"Eeyup," Big Macintosh agreed, adding his hoof to the pile.

Applejack sighed. "Ah guess...Ah should probably tell th' rest of mah friends," she said. She chuckled. "Ah do feel better, havin' this all out in th' open an' all."

"Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are gonna flip," Apple Bloom said.

"You're...you're really gonna tell your friends?" Applejack asked curiously.

Apple Bloom shrugged. "Of course. Why wouldn't Ah?"

The three ponies finished their turnovers and milk in silence.

Author's Note:

Yeah it's another "Applejack is Apple Bloom's mother" story. There are tons of them out there, but I wanted to try my hand at one.

Comments ( 94 )

just a few weeks ago i saw something that had a similar premise.

4633073 There are a LOT of "Applejack is Apple Bloom's mother" stories on this site, as I mentioned in the author's notes.

shrugs, not bad. probbly doesn't help that i am had read a much better take on applejack is the mother. it started as just a one shot story, which shows that Applejack had an enormous amount of baggage when ti comes to it. then it continued with a story where applebloom deals with the fallout......... she does not take it well and it is surprisingly realistic.

First time I've seen this. I've seen "Rarity is Sweetie Belle's mother" but not this. I like this.

'DAT INCEST 'DOUGH:pinkiesick:

4633120
There's been a few. Most notable one I know is The Truth but this one is good too.

Ah, the problem with choosing a year. Celestia banished Luna for 1000 years, so for the year of her return to be 1000, either Luna transformed into Nightmare Moon immediately, or Celestia was a tyrant that renumbered the calendar to celebrate her sister's banishment.

4633169 I explained (sort of) my calendar in a blog post. The Era of Celestia (or E.C.) years are the years since the banishment of Luna, whereas the previous era was the Era of the Two Sisters (or T.S.E.). With Luna's return, the Era of Celestia ended, so the year 1000 E.C. is actually the year 1 C.N.E. (Canterlot New Era).

For the record, in my headcanon, the events of the season 4 finale occur in the year 3 C.N.E. (In other words, 3 years after Twilight moved to Ponyville.)

4633167 my favorite is what i brought home from manehatten and its sequel, florett.

4633193
While I suppose we cannot be absolutely certain, the s4 opener appears to imply that only a single year has passed since Luna's return, at that point in time. Do what you want, though. :twilightsmile:

Nice fic. I glad that you decided to make sure Braeburn was absolutely jack-hammered drunk instead of just turning the situation into self-gratifying "I loved my cousin" schtick. That would probably have had me rolling my eyes and moving on, but overall, you did an okay job of this. Have a thumb.

4633164 Incest is the best, put your sister to the test. :ajsmug::heart::eeyup: :rainbowderp::pinkiecrazy:
I'm sorry, I keep hearing random people chant that and saw my chance to hop on the bandwagon.

4633341 Be careful where you say that. Guys with sisters WILL hurt you.

4633347 I know martial art things though, like punches, and kicks, and Muay Thai :pinkiecrazy:

4633375 That's not going to save you from getting a haymaker to the jaw from a pissed off brother.

4633389 True, i have suffered that fate while defending my brother for violating the flower of another mans sister. But thats too much information *puts on shades and activates Neuralyzer* You have a nice day sir.ma'am

4633169
To be fair, it isn't all that unlikely that that IS how the calendar is numbered. Remember, we've heard it was the thousandth Summer Sun Celebration; the most likely cause is simply that several hundred years ago, someone started numbering years by that system.

Once you have a fairly universal system, everyone tends to stick to it; the AD/BC or CE/BCE system is pretty widely accepted these days, even though it is based on an incorrect estimate about when an event happened; I doubt we're ever going to switch away from it simply because there's no real reason to do so.

Hard to say with their word's strange schtizo-tech, but they have electrical power, so...

4633492 For the record, my dating system is a hybrid of the B.C/A.D system that's in common usage, and the Japanese system of listing dates by the Imperial era. (ie, Showa, Heisei, etc.)

I think you got the accents-into-writing spot on, and the way that all characters, regardless of accent, have believable speech. I think that's pretty awesome, and it really helps accompany the story.

Must admit, I've read a LOT of stories that say that AJ is Appleblooms mother, but I gotta say, this is indeed one of the better ones.

Good job, Mythril. Ya done good, friend. :twilightsmile::ajsmug:

4633686 can you tell me the Applejack is Apple Bloom's mother fics you know of
Please

Do a sequel
Please

4633756 Do me a favor, and call me an idiot.

I've been reading them for the past couple of days, but I never added them to my favorites... :fluttercry: :twilightblush:

4633852 I just made a group called Applejack is Apple Bloom's mother

Whoa. :applejackconfused: That was some pretty interesting stuff. Damn, do I feel bad for Applebloom, having thought that she was AJ's sis her entire life.

4633856 There's already a motherhood group, and this story's in it. Also, please stop with the comment spam.

4633900 It could be worse. Apple Bloom could be wearing a gas mask.

4633942 sorry and what's the group called

4633958

Go to your room.

Wanderer D
Moderator

>"Not only that, he's as queer as a cupcake in a pie judging contest!"

Classic. :rainbowlaugh:

4634106 Glad you liked that. :twilightsmile:

Applejack is Applebloom's mom!? I can't see it. I can't. I won't. Can someone please explain how AJ is AB's mom, please? I'm still reeling from the Twimom crisis.

4634346 Well you see, when a mommy and a daddy love each other VERY MUCH...or get drunk and have sex without thinking about it... :scootangel:

4634393 Yeah, yeah, I know about the Talk. I regret reading this fic now.

>Another "Applejack is Apple Bloom's mother" story
>*rolls eyes*
Well, after reading that authors note, I suppose I can't fault you for it, but if you're going to go where everyone has gone before, you should bring something new to the table—something to set yourself apart from the rest of the pack. If you have no desire to improve this story, stop reading this comment right now. If, however, you would like some helpful critique and advice, keep reading, and I will do my best to be tactful.

As a story written for yourself, this isn't... terrible, but if you're hoping to present it to the judgement of others, the word I would use is awkward. This story could have bee cute or even adorable, but it's pinned down by frustrating stylistic choices. Now, I get it. Applejack is a dive right in kind of girl, She takes the world head on, and deals with it as it comes. But I feel like there's too little emotion stuffed into what should be a very emotional subject matter. That Applejack hid it at all means that she feels very strong emotions around the subject, and most likely of shame or embarrassment. She shouldn't be taking it so well.

You roll past these difficult moments seemingly without thought to what should lie behind them, as though they are, admittedly awkward, but every day events.

Applejack sighed. "Dammit...Ah never wanted anypony t' know..."

You know something, Applejack? I half believe you.
As an author, I can see you're trying here, but this moment passes too quickly, I feel. It's almost like Applejack's response is "Oh, shoot they found out. What a bummer." Like she only half cares. This should be a very emotional moment for Applejack, as she's being forced to face something she's spent half her life trying to forget. Applejack is honest, yes, and very open with her family, but these emotional moments lack emotion, so I find it difficult to feel for Applejack the way I think you want me to, despite how in character they might be. Now, if you're going for straight up awkwardness, change nothing, but if you want some emotion to leak out of the paper, you're going to need a bit more effort.

Then there's the moment where Applejack spills the beans

Applejack took a deep breath. "You're mah daughter, Apple Bloom. Ah'm your real mama."

Whoa whoa whoa. Slow down there, cowgirl. Applejack is now trying to explain something to the pony she cares for the most in the whole world, something that could very well hurt her emotionally. She's lied about her identity because she was embarrased, and hoped she could forget about it. This exact situation has been used in literature many times, and it always causes a huge rift, if only for a few scenes during the more stable encounters. Applejack shouldn't find this so easy to tell, and in fact it should be very difficult to say. She might manage to just come out and say it like this, but not before struggling to find the words. This moment passed too quickly, and with far too little emotion for its purpose.

>Rainbow Dash talks to Applebloom
Rainbow Dash is actually my favorite part of this story. She doesn't have a clue what's going on, but she notices a pony in need, and stops by to do what she can. And actually manages to say almost exactly the right thing

"Tried to run away a couple times, too. But you know what?" She looked Apple Bloom right in the eyes. "I got over it. Because you can't stay mad at family."

"Well...once you've cooled off some, go back home and talk it out," Rainbow said. "Just don't do anything dumb, okay?" With a wave, she took off, dragging her cloud with her.

This was probably your best moment as far as emotions are concerned. We get to see how Apple Bloom is taking this, and it's... well I'm not really sure. I can't really tell what she's feeling, though it's clear she's not happy. Again, I can't really fault this for what it is—Rainbow Dash did an excellent job—but the emotions are just... bland. All your really have to show that Apple Bloom is upset is her reluctance to speak, and her sighing. She just sighs a couple of times. No sniffling, no tears, no trembling lips, no bewildered eyes, no stuttering—nothing to show that she feels anything at all other than reluctance to share. Applejack may be a grown mare, and capable of handling such subjects, but Apple Bloom is a filly! Granny Smith said it herself that Apple Bloom wouldn't take this too well. She's just found out that the person she's thought of as a sister her whole life is really her mother. That's a lot to take in for a little filly. She ought to be feeling a lot of stuff she's never felt before; I was expecting some confusion at least! Maybe a little denial, anger, sadness... There's none of these here—just withdrawal.

If you really want this story to have an impact, you should work on adding emotional depth to these scenes.

A few nitpicks:

Back before Appleloosa was settled.

Um... Apple Bloom is like, ten, maybe. Is the town of Appleloosa really that young?

When the front door opened again, Applejack's heart leapt in her chest. When she saw Apple Bloom walk in behind Big Macintosh, she charged over and swept the filly up in a hug. "Oh thank goodness," she said.

Has she never left the house before? Surely Applejack didn't think she was running away.

Well, that's about it for issues. Your grammar and formatting for this were very nice. I actually didn't notice any issues, so that means you've done a pretty good job editing.

Shorter and sweeter than some of them that I have read...

I found this in the "Applejack is Apple Blooms mother" group, and I got to say, this is really good. I always kind of liked this kind of fanfics, but I never really liked the. Applejack x Big Mac that most of them contain, but I do ship AJ and Breaburn, so this is the perfect AJ is Apple. Blooms Mother fic!:yay:

4633518

For fun, in my headcannon I use "Before Celestia" and "After Discord" for pony calendar eras. :)

Nice fic, though I could have seen AJ refusing to tell Applebloom. It's not like there really was any pressing need to do so, other than AJ's guilt over lying. There's honesty and there's Too Much Information. In the real world, I've heard that Jack Nicholson later learned that his "parents" were actually his grandparents and his "sister" was his mother, but he never learned about it until after they were dead. I guess that I just don't see the urgency of telling Apple Bloom then and there.

I'll get all this sorted out, and then we can begin the process of setting up a neat, organized, efficient new system of government for Ponyville!

"Followed by the revolution to put that system into place! It'll be the most organized period of transitional anarchy ever!" :twilightsmile:

Not only that, he's as queer as a cupcake in a pie judging contest!

This was entirely too funny. Completely broke the mood. How dare you.
...
:rainbowlaugh: Yeah, the scene needed it. Kept the drama from becoming overbearing.

In any case, this is not a concept I'm at all fond of, but you made it work as well as it could. Thank you for it.

4636184 Yeah, the first part of this will make more sense when the story it's REALLY a sequel to is actually published. Short version: Twilight's running Ponyville now.

Not too shabby, but it's really rushed. Everything happens a bit too quickly, and everypony is a bit too quick to open up about these big, life-changing secrets. It rather lessens the emotional impact. You should try to slow down and build things up a bit more.

Abxes #46 · Jul 3rd, 2014 · · 1 ·

Not really bad but not relly good either. The idea, as you said is not exactly original and the execution isn't really great. While there aren't any major issues with the style of the writing you made a mistake that's really common in fanfiction. You were going way too fast about this whole thing. Is like every chatacter was some kind of cyborg who could get over life changing events in a couple of minutes. When you do this kind of things, you can do it quickly and bluntly, but you do it leaving the reactions to the imagination of the reader so they fill in the blanks. On the other side you did it quick and described the whole process the characters went through very quickly. That makes the whole thing seem kind of lifeless.

Applejack was like "I've been lying all my life about this really important thing that would change Applebloom's life forever, but you've been really convincing in this last 3 minutes of talking, Twi. Welp, let's be grown ups about the whole thing :applejackunsure: " Most people just don't work like that, and that's what make the characters of this story less credible because most of the characters in this story doesn't seem to be like that. Big Mac was, truth be told, the better done one because he seems like that kind of guy who would just take things as they are and move on.

That flaw alone kills stories like this that are suppoused to be about emotional reactions and they shouldn't come out as "Hey, Applebloom is Applejack's daughter. Crazy world we live in, huh?". And your story kinda feels like that to me. The outcome? A story that is suppoused to convey some emotions to the reader doesn't deliver anything. Well, that's just my opinion anyway. Please, understand Im only trying to make constructive criticism and Im sorry if it came out too hard.

4637160 I appreciate your criticism, but I don't think you're looking at this in the right light. Also, no offense, but you have zero published stories, which frankly doesn't lend much weight to your opinions, as it doesn't give me the impression of you having any real experience with writing, nor with handling treatments of emotional issues.

Furthermore, you need to distinguish between a story written as closely as possible to an episode of a cartoon for young children while still dealing with a weighty emotional issue, and soap opera melodrama, which is what you appear to want this to be. Nothing was resolved at the end, except for Apple Bloom accepting the truth but still needing time to adjust to it. Applejack didn't spent ten chapters agonizing over whether or not to tell Apple Bloom the truth because that would be an excruciatingly boring read, and as a writer, I had no inclination to sit here and shit out ten chapters of boring soap opera melodrama about Applejack agonizing over a decision.

Bad writers drag things out to the point of exhaustion. Good writers deal with them succinctly, in a manner which befits the tone of the medium in which they're working...or, in the case of fanfiction, in a tone which fits the source material as closely as possible.

I can see where some readers might think this feels "rushed", but I assure you that anyone who reads it that way is basing their criticisms on dramatized treatments of emotional issues. Reality is unrealistic for people who think television and Hollywood drama portrays realistic depictions of situations such as this.

Believe it or not, when a situation such as this occurs? There's no hours and days of agonizing introspection. There's no screaming and crying in the rain. There's no throwing and breaking things. Because that isn't how real people deal with things.

And, again, there's the fact that this is a story about cartoon ponies, attempting to follow the pattern of an episode of the show as closely as possible. In that context, a situation like this WOULD be wrapped up neatly in a 22-minute animation storyboard.

So again, I do appreciate your taking the time to comment, but I have to respectfully reject your analysis of the story.

:facehoof: Applejack is the element of HONESTY, passing off Applebloom as her sister for her entire life is an EPIC LEVEL LIE, not merely one lie but a cyclopean EDIFICE of lies stacked one atop another, propped up to no good end whatsoever. It furthermore supposes that not only Applejack but the entire Apple CLAN is a bunch of liars and cowards who spent nearly a decade incapable of facing up to the truth.... about something anyone could expose merely by sifting through some government paperwork or by reading the dates on the Apple tombstone and using some BASIC MATH SKILLS.

It is so far out of character that if the planet it was on exploded, the flash of light would not be seen by the planet of In-Character until a hundred years later. It's not original, it's not clever, it's not even remotely intelligent, it is the plot device of a moron. It should have been not merely tossed but SLAMMED into the waste bin with as much force as possible.

Insta fail, thumbs down. End of discussion.

4637474 Feeling enough hatred there, fella? :rainbowhuh:

As loathe as I am to wade into a comment war....eh. *straps on kevlar vest* into the breach!

This is a good one shot. You hit a lot of notes well, I like that Appleblooms reaction isn't I HATE YOU nor is it. oh I get why you did it we're cool now.

Is it a little rushed? Eh...it's a one shot, the nice thing about one shots are that you don't have to spend time leading up to and then away from events.

I think the topic of AB is AJ's daughter is usually told in a multi chapter arc for that reason, but as far as one shots go I thought your pacing was okay. Overall I enjoyed the story, have a :twilightsmile:

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