• Member Since 29th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen 17 minutes ago

Chengar Qordath


I write lots and lots of horse words; everything from comedy to drama. If you like what I write, please support me on Patreon.

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Princess Twilight Sparkle is perfectly happy with her perfectly ordinary life in Ponyville. Every library book is properly shelved in its appropriate place, and her life continues on exactly according to her meticulously planned out schedule.

Then she gets a bodyguard.

Now she has to find some way to fit this new pony into her life on short notice. It won’t be an easy thing to adjust to—especially since Captain Storm Kicker’s presence makes it that much harder for her to go on living like the same old Twilight Sparkle she was before she became a princess.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 206 )

This should be an episode. Seriously. Twilight's as perfectly neurotic as one would expect, Spike's sarcastic (and then absent), and Celestia would have to realize that her faithful student is long overdue to get some kind of bodyguard.

So--yeah. I want to see this be an episode.

Excellent job once again, bud.

Twilight has a bodyguard who looks like a ponyfied Lucario... :rainbowderp:

I haven't even read the story yet and I'm already jealous.

Huh, neat. The whole thing felt a bit contrived but overall I did like it.

Misago #4 · Mar 22nd, 2014 · · 7 ·

Right, a princess and a guard captain. I do believe shipping is in order.

PC
PC #5 · Mar 22nd, 2014 · · 1 ·

4116183 I agree, this would be a great episode.

4117825 I shall contact FedEx!

1st person perspective totally killed this story for me.

Comment posted by Genghis deleted Mar 24th, 2014

It's a good story, but I don't think it did anything to suggest the 'comedy' tag. This is pure slice-of-life with a couple of maybe-kinda-silly moments. Which, given the setting, is still just slice-of-life.
Thoroughly enjoyed it, though! Thumbs and stars all around.

So I'm a bit of on Which Kicker is Which, Storm is the Older Sister of Star, who is the pony who is sleeping with dating Sparkler, yes?

PS. Faved!

That's like the best cover ever! Read later, I'm too exited to do it now.

Second on the featured box. You did it again, Chen.

replygif.net/i/288.gif

I'll just leave this here. :rainbowlaugh:

4118387
Having thousands of followers helps with that.

D48
D48 #15 · Mar 22nd, 2014 · · 2 ·

This was good, although I feel like having the story be told from Twilight's perspective really hurt the power of the narrative because Storm is a non-entity until the very end. I think either a floating third person perspective with more information about what was going through Storm's head or a first person view from Storm Kicker would have added a lot more value to the story because we already know more or less how Twilight thinks. This was a great opportunity to flesh out Storm's character, but the presentation really limited her impact on the story despite being a main character.

Also, the hair colors in the cover art are really screwy for some reason. The lay of the hairs is very clearly defined, yet the color bands cross it all over the place for some reason. It is not too noticeable in most places, but it is painfully obvious at the very end of Storm's mane.

Finally, I am slightly disappointed that Celestia let Cloud off the hook. This would have been a hilarious opportunity to return her to active duty and troll Twilight hard by forcing them to remain in close contact with each other. :trollestia: It would also have solved Clouds issues with her duty without forcing her to leave the life she made for herself in Ponyville, although it would still drive her friends up the wall.

This was disappointing. The premise was good, but Twilight's oblivious/neurotic side was exaggerated to the point of being completely OOC.

4116183 I second that Idea, this would be a really cool episode. I would love to see what a golem would look like in pony standards! :twilightsmile: either way this would actually be a really good episode, it was almost as if. . . . . . . . the maker of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic wrote this chapter. . . . . :rainbowderp:

Heh heh, Charlamane.

I approve of this message.

4118239
You've got it. I had that problem too. Storm = Pegasus. Star = Unicorn. That's how I try to remember.

I really liked it. Other than the actionless void of dialogue after escaping the castle, it flowed well.

4119110 YEAH WELL I APROVE OF THIS MESSAGES MESSAGE:pinkiehappy:

Wait is this technically part of the Winning Verse?

Aw, this was adorable! I really want Twilight to repair that golem and make it her servant. I just do.

4118387 Like we're surprised... :trixieshiftright:

:rainbowlaugh:
Congrats, Chen! :yay:

...And then the golem followed them back to Ponyville. :twilightoops:

Damn, this still doesn't say who Twilight bumped uglies with... though I can only assume it's Storm. There's still a lingering doubt with that line about Twilight's history with Cloud.... damn you troll! Damn yooouuuuuuu~! :raritycry:

I liked this, it's my understanding that this is part of a larger story right? any chance to get some information on it?

Twilight isn't THAT ridiculously neurotic/OCD...

Excellent as always!

… This was a good read! I like how the story seemed like it was a real episode! But for some reason I couldn't get this out of my head as I read this story:

It just seemed appropriate...

4118410
Who crapped in your cornflakes? :unsuresweetie:

4120126

Part of the... what are they calling it, the Kickerverse or something? Ah, that's right, the Winningverse. There's a group for it and everything.

Twilight really isn't very likable in this, and it takes away from what is an otherwise entertaining premise. A little of oblivious hypocracy could be funny and endearing, but for me this tipped beyond that. I would have enjoyed it more had it been a story about the two of them learning some mutual respect and admiration for each other, and in fact did like it better when they started actually talking, but by then there wasn't any reason I could see any pony wanting to serve under Twilight beyond following orders.

I'd enjoy revisiting this set-up and these characters if we could actually see Storm and the rest of Twilight's potential guard finding a reason for not just tolerating her, but seeing her as a Princess worth some devotion.

Fantastic job, my friend. :pinkiehappy::twilightsmile::yay::raritywink::rainbowkiss::ajsmug:

Awesome story! Storm's stiff on the job but an all-around likeable character. And Twilight...you so silly. XD

4120306
I didn't realize stating honest facts is apparently taboo.

4120618
It's not taboo, you're just needlessly cynical and borderline spiteful.

4120106 This is after TLTOWP. So it can't be Storm.

4120306 No, he's got a point. No followers would mean it's just 15K words floating around on a fiction site.

4116183 I second that notion.

4120632 it was hinted that there was a posibility ck did the sideways mambo with Twi back during hurricane Fluttershy.

4120666 I'm pretty sure that isn't right either considering the HF TLTOWP chapter.

I was looking forward to a chance to read this for several reasons. I have thoroughly enjoyed Ponybus's depicton of Twilight in the Winningverse, and wanted a chance to see how CQ himself would depict her. He's done well with the Sparkles in Lunar Rebellion (I know, totally different personalities), as well as several other M6 members (Rainbow, Pinkie, and Fluttershy especially) so I had pretty high hopes.

Perhaps a bit too high.

Twilight was grumpy, sure, but she came across as a total asshole in this. There were several key character traits that were successfully hit, so this wasn't exactly and OOC depiction of Twilight. Her OCD, focus on scheduling, disdain for royal formality directed at herself, sarcasm, and even her messy eating depicted in Twilight Time was present. There were also several other good bits of filling in, such as noting how as a student she'd be used to fast food. Despite all these good efforts to remain in-character, she felt off. She came across as being ruled by her irritation, selfish, and in several places downright mean. What was missing, beyond certain surface traits, is the spirit of Twilight; underneath those surface traits is a mare who is honest, loyal, kind, generous, and optimistic. This is a mare who has faced down those ancient evils, been scared, but stood bravely because of her love of others and will to protect and serve them. Her friends especially, but her home of Ponyville, her Princess and mentor Celestia, and Equestria as a whole. While she is still "the same old Twilight" from before her ascension, she isn't the same young mare who was sent by balloon/chariot away from her home and studies in Canterlot. Twilight ascended because she understands friendship. It felt incredibly off for her to be so hostile toward a new friend, and nearly every step of the way I felt my immersion break as I tried to figure out how this character was supposed to be Twilight, beyond superficial resemblance.

Fair enough, this is and AU, and it's not like Winningverse Rainbow Dash matches very closely to canon Rainbow Dash, nor the others.

Considering that "Study of a Winning Pony" is canon to the Winningverse, I was eagerly looking forward to some expansion on that dynamic through Storm. I can't quite say exactly what it is I expected, but perhaps some reaction from Twilight upon hearing Storm's full name was expected. I suppose I was expecting Twilight's knowing Cloud would be at least one source of the conflict between her and Storm. I guess I expected it to be more... relevant. Instead, it barely registers a mention towards the end of this story. A missed opportunity for continuity in the 'verse, I feel. Seeing the sort of conflict we got instead of what I was expecting, I can't help but feel further disappointment.

I was also looking forward to seeing more of Storm Kicker. I really liked her depiction and interplay with her sister when they rescued Lyra from a rusalka. Getting to see the solo, more public Storm was nearly as prominant an expectation of enjoyment. Seeing how this character is outside of the big sister dynamic seemed like a great thing to read about.

You maybe detecting a pattern by this point, that my expectations were high, and what I got proved to be rather underwhelming.

I make no attempt to disabuse you of this hypothesis here. I was greatly disappointed in Storm's lack of role in this fic. The fact that she was a Kicker, the fact that she was Storm Kicker was entirely beside the point for this story. She could have been a vanilla, nameless guard. She could have been Flash Sentry for all the depth we got to see in this story. Yeah yeah, some minor details got sprinkled in, in an expository sort of way as Twilight pried what little she could out of her.

Considering how badly the characterization was going over, I was rather looking forward to at least some interesting action happening. I mean we have Twilight Sparkle, trouble magnet paired up with major badass Storm Kicker, with a writer who delivers awesome adventurey fighting. We're not even limited to merely competant and scrappy Cloud Kicker either, but a military trained (and now with several years of experience) Storm Kicker, as well as the world only Alpha+ unicorns, ascended as an Alicorn.

And they turn tail and run from a golem, tossing some nearly ineffective tanglefoot bags at it.

At this point, it is barely worth even mentioning, but I had a third expectation from this story coming in, that once again failed to deliver. I was looking forward to seeing 4th season content in the Winningverse. The main story finally got through S2, giving us a chance to experience S3 content, and here we already have an S4 fic?

Failed to deliver. After seeing how carefully the Winningverse had been woven into S2 events, hinting at them and fleshing out all the timeline behind, beside, and between episodes, I was hoping to see more of the same in this fic. Instead all we got is some vague reference to Twilight Time, and some mention of various (now background) stuff from the seasons total.

With Life and Times ending, and side-stories of this caliber representing more current content, I'm wondering if perhaps CQ is tired of MLP/Winningverse? I suppose I still have Lunar Rebellion to look forward to, but "modern" Winningverse seems to have really just fallen to apathy.

Write a story about the fudge twi got for 'scientific pourpases' bad speller

4120629
I'd be interested to know how you were able to form that deduction from a simple statement, which is common knowledge here.

To further substantiate my case, I refer you to the video that CartsBeforeHorses made on how to be popular on this site. It has its funny moments, sure, but it also sheds light on some truths as well, namely the key point of having a large following increasing one's chances at success and notoriety (much like gambling odds). Then again, that's just commonplace in most areas of life, not just here on Fimfiction.

The defense rests, your honor.

4120678 apparently you didn't adventure through the comments section. During the hf chapter ck wakes up next to an unnamed mare. The mare wants another go, ck gives in then arrives late to work . Twilight also arrives late after ck makes an excuse for her, and she notices twi is kind of off in a world of her own.
That combined with the insinuation that Twi 'got some' before Dash, combined with ck's lack of any definitive denial that she was in fact the one that got it on with princess pretty purple (even in internal narrative) means the question of whether ck and Twi got binary with each other is a completely valid one.

It also means Trollgar set up a very long, very elaborate joke that we're still looking for the punchline to.

4120629
That sounds like projection to me. All that's necessary to say 'having thousands of followers helps with that' is a basic understanding of statistics and sociology. Cynicism and spite are entirely optional.

4120810 Sorry. Been a while since I read it and I'm two days sleep deprived(Still no hallucinations.).

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