Cynewulf
Joined 5th Dec, 2011 ·
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Oh ho ho! A new Cynewuff fics? Well then.
Wonderful character exploration of Best Princess and her moonbound alter ego! Nicely done, as usual.
Missing ending period.
What's that first word? Equestria?
This wasn't written for Augie's contest? :O
4028490 Augie?
I saw a post about some Luna group contest and was like hey Luna on the moon sweet and I had been reading Kierkegaard and it was late and I was craving eggrolls so I wrote a lame thing
4028390 whoops. When I wake up from exhaustion nap I will correct those
4028038 yes. I gave you a weird story now you have to give me spring rolls :(
4028883
Yeah, AugieDog ran a Lunafic contest that just wrapped up today. :B
Most excellent, I liked it!
4028883
companyscoming.com/images/freestuff/recipes/Ginger-Pork-Spring-Rolls.jpg
Well. That was good. Psychological and stuff... I like psychology.
I'm also really tired, so thumbs up and fav. Merry march.
Very nice!
Hey bub! Saw this in my feed and figured I'd give it a shot. I do believe this was the first of your stories I read, and I was not disappointed. A few minor editing suggestions, if you don't mind 'em:
Laid should be lay
a while
its
its
I don't believe that comma is necessary. "Begirt" would be "begirded", but I think you could argue voice or something in this regard.
Did you mean "as is customary"?
I would suggest using "widely" here.
Oh, TheLastBrunnenG got that already.
But yeah, I loved it - my first experience with your stories. I must add, though, that I didn't know you listen to Nightwish.
4032116 Yikes, pretty low place to start :P
Nightwish is rad
It is something of an irony that I want to compliment this story on its atmosphere.
4034960 pfffttt
It took me a second to get that, but then I grinned wide and laughed in the library. Excellent
4034960
well think of the space you will take up conveying it.
it had to be done
Exemplary and thought-provoking. Excellent work.
Not really seen anything like this penned down before. You seem to have a rather unique way of writing too. Applauds for both points!
[MASSIVE NITPICK INCOMING]
4034960
I have to agree. I upvoted before I'd read hardly anything on the depth of the moon's... atmosphere.
I can't say I'm tempted to betray that upvote, either. This is a short but solid read.
Huh.
I liked it. (10/10 - It's okay. IGN)
Interesting. I enjoyed reading, but this has a sort of roundabout, rambling prose. It leans towards dull, but the writing and subject matter are enough to hold it up. I'm sure the meandering quality was intentional, but I'm not sure to what purpose. It seems like something more striking would have been more appropriate.
4028883 My god, this is great. Yours is definitely one of the better fics in the contest. Good luck to you!
I found a nitpick the others apparently missed. Yay, nitpicks!
and Celestia and did not worry
"and I did"
4489789 pfffft
No, the story has nothing to do with eggrolls. I was being silly when I typed that. I had written this in one sitting while suffering from insomnia, and being hungry, and I was trying to say that I didn't really plan it like I usually do.
Is the title of this story by any chance based on Nightmare Academy? I read that book years ago and that title reminded me of it.
5030659 Nope.
Either/Or
It's a book by Kierkegaard, my favorite philosopher waifu, on the contrast between the the Either (the aesthetic life) and the Or (the ethical life). The first is explored through the diary of a young man, the second in a series of letters from an older judge on the subject of love. Both are insufficient if carried to their last conclusion, and so the path is in between, through what Kierkegaard will refer to as the Religious.
Never read those.
Once again, there seems to be lore I do not understand in full and have to guess at it's meaning or go based on whatever context I can find. That aside, I dis enjoy this story even though it presents an idea that I never went with: the concept of Luna being (typically lonely, often with some Celestia-bashing on the side of why'd you send your poor widdle baby sister to the moon) on the moon as herself, or just physically present on its surface at all. The unique voice you give to this particular Luna is well done instead of having butchered attempt at heavy Shakespearin and flowery language all over the place..
7137857 I tend to write Luna speaking in an archaic, poetic way, but not with heavy thee/thou usage so much as atypical sentence structure. Really I would pattern her speech in other stories after Milton more than Shakespeare.
Same lore as before, more or less. Night would probably be cannon to this as well.
Its not important to the plot, but Night explains both stories well--basically Alicorns are born out of the Song, the literal music of the spheres which is the fabric and author of creation. Jannah the city was built around the plateau where the Alicorns stepped out of the Well of the Firmaments, which is both a literal well and a gateway into the nebulous heart of the Song. It's super trippy and mYstical. Luna and Celestia did not start with their dominions but rather earned them through a quest. In Sisterhood they have just left Jannah after reaching and drinking of the Well there, and in Either/Or we see the aftermath of their final quest. Celestia's apotheosis involved foresight and things, but Luna's involved her actual body being deposited on the moon, called Sulva, where she learned war.
If you're curious what she was referring to when she was mentioning off-handedly about being on the moon before, that's how. 300 years has finally destroyed the life she once knew, which only makes her more bitter. I've only written parts of the Sister's long quest--Sisterhood is somewhere halfway in there and Either/Or is the epilogue of sorts. Other parts appear as stories or memory in Night or as hints in a few other stories.
7138007
This is also so fascinating!
(I used Shakespeare as an example since he is still quite the household name. even though most people who attempt to write Luna's dialogue like this don't seem have even read a bit his works or realize that most of his characters are speaking in poetry which is not how a normal Elizabethan Era person would have talked.)
7138024 well except for the most common characters.
Mil tons later, and it's a bit higher diction and a bit more stable. Shakespeare is all over the place, jazzing around gleefully just reveling his own energy. He's like... Molten, harder to catch. I think peeps should use Milton or Herbert as guides to a Ye Olde Luna voice. Stately, composed, measured--but also capable of excitement. Sprinkle in some of that Shakespearean oath-making perhaps :P
7138037
Ha-hah but they are simple peasants-poetry is not in their blood! I haven't read any of Milton as I have Shakespeare, but know of him. I am afraid that Herbert eludes me since I do not recognize him. In my writing I tend to give characters different speech patterns, so even if Luna doesn't use the Royal We you can still tell it is her based on word choices or sentence structure like you have been mentioning. Almost all characters get this.
7138054 The man himself
The poem most anthologized of his would be "The Pulley" which manages to be both hopeful and a little resentful all at once. He wrote as a devotional exercise (much like an American named Edward Taylor did in the 17th century) but he and Donne are both very unafraid to wrestle with emotion.
Milton was a huge fan of Shakespeare, actually. Wrote a poem about him as a young man! He is one of the reasons we still have the bard. When the guy who wrote your new national epic endorses someone you remember them.
7138064
I see you are very well-read.
I'm slowly reading through many of your works, and I'm coming to realize a few things:
1 - Your prose is a rare thing to be found here on Fimfic, and most of the Internet, for that matter. It's a delight to read.
2 - I need to read more, and actually read material out of my comfort zone. Your discussion with Ice Star demonstrated a depth of understanding that, as far as I can see, is attainable only by exploring a great variety of works, something I've certainly not done.
3 - You seem to take an idea, be it bold or mundane, and explore it fully. In this short story alone there's ample idea-branching to take example from.
4 - I really need to reel in the scope of the tales I want to share. You did such a brilliant job of delving into Luna's psyche with a mere few thousand words, whereas I've embarked on a hefty tale with the intent of expressing something that I could likely communicate in a paragraph. I'll have to keep in mind that something need not be great to be grandiose.
Thank you for the story. Please keep up the writing!
8139259 I like to chase ideas down until they die like gazelles that made a wrong turn. That can be good or bad.
Reading is good. Ping my userpage if you ever want a suggestion. I have always intended for a thing to be enjoyed not only to those who have read whatever bullshit allusions I decide to toy with that time around but to anyone willing to try. "willing to try" to me doesn't mean neccessarily going and like, figuring out all of my references. There's a ton in most of my stories. The Night is Passing's chapters alone go from early 2000's post-rock tracks to Virgil's Aeneid. But these things are hopefully and should be so made that if you knew nothing of any of the things between Godspeed You! Black Emperor's best album and what Aeneas did in Italy there would still be some sense that something has occurred.
I'm often left mystified by things I read and watch and I've usually liked it.
Is there a sequel?