It's been over a year since the 'Baked Bads' incident, and nopony trusts Sugarcube Corner's Muffins anymore. As a result, The Cakes have decided it's time to stop making muffins. However, When Pinkie Pie Insults the name of muffins in front of Ditzy 'Derpy Hooves' Doo, The wall-eyed pegasus sets up her own bakery. Now the race is on to see who's product is the most popular, with both of their livelihoods on the line!
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First!
Second?
Jcel's Quick Review:
I like it! I truly like it!
You have a well thought out, believable plot-line, and good characters to fit within.
My only problem is that it moves very quickly. It might just be me, but I like a story that moves at a moderate pace. This is a bit to fast for me. My advice would be to slow down, throw in some more character development and dialogue, and more detail in general.
In the grammar department, I did not notice much, but I was not reading to proof-read as much as to just read.
All in all, it's good. Not overtly outstanding, not skull-crushing terrible, but just good.
1945062
Sage advice. I will definitely take that into consideration for future chapters.
Pretty good, despite some capitalization errors. The setup went by fairly quickly, although whether or not that's a problem depends on how farcical the finished story is supposed to be. Still, keep at it!
(Also, do keep in mind that I'm more than happy to preread for my prereaders...)
1945247
It's definitely meant to be a parody of action movies, (war movies in particular) which is why I chose to give it a rather fast pace, at least here at the start. As for those capitalization errors, yeah, my unhealthy relationship with the shift key tends to be my greatest weakness.
this has potential, i shall be keeping track to see how it turns out.
pinkie promise now has a "rights reserved" sign.....
so am i not allowed to pinkie promise without pinkies permission now or....what?
1944949
1944975 *sigh* there's always some-pony isn't there? or in this case some-ponies
nah, jokes i really don't care
this looks interesting.
A pinkie and derpy fic?
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1945440
Well, I figured if someone was going to 'first' my story, it might as well be me.
as for the Trademark on the pinkie promise: Of course! This way she can sue you if you break your promise!
1945761 fair enough, can't argue with that logic
also, pinkie pie does not sue you for breaking a pinkie promise
or need i remind you of when applejack did that?
1947177
Don't bring logic into this!
1947850
sorry
Why is it Dash and Twilight that always give Pinkie advice on her problems?
That chapter ending... Right in the feels.
Fortunately I like muffins better anyway, cupcakes are great and all but they just can't stand up to the versatility of the elegant package that is a muffin.
1950504
So Dash can tell her how weird/stupid/insane she is and Twi can give her the right answer.
An update?
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Hope Lyra dose not mess things up for Derpy. She cant go out of business
cant wait for more
ERMAHGERD...UPDATE!!!
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right now that that's out of the way
good chapter, nice touch there with the drama derpy now faces with dinky as a result of the competition. though it's nice to see carrot top (tis her real name, i shall accept no others
) helping her out.
lyra working there though.....there are only two outcomes that i can see here
fail
and epic fail
with a side of hilarity
A Cupcake and Muffin War between Derpy and Pinkie! You must update this soon! Maybe have the Background six and the mane six join in the war.
This is awesome. I can't wait for the third chapter!
2173954
an interesting idea, you get the awe struck cat for that
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UPDATE!!!
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good chapter...shit's gettin' dark between these two
i predict blood shall be shed
Uh-oh Hope Pinkie isnt going to do what I think she is gonna do
cant wait to see more
This took so long because you needed the pastry pun, didn't you? Those things can't be made on a whim, they need to be mildly relevant!
2258595
Actually, I had a rather large list of pun titles prepared before I even started on the story proper, at this point the only difficulty is choosing which one to use. No, the reason this took so long was that I got a bad case of writers block near the end that I had to chew my way through.
UPDATE!!!
I love the dialogue you gave to Lyra with the Muffin kingdom banter. Also I really like how this is going it looks like things are going to get epic! Hope to see the next one soon.
This is hilarious. It needs to be updated much more frequently.
The bet between the two misses a realism check: It's possible that Ponyville has sufficient demand for BOTH cupcakes AND muffins to keep BOTH stores afloat. In which case the bet is irresolvable and nopony's foals are endangered.
OH GODS.....here we go
I root for Derpy because she is best pony
But DAMN.....this is going to get hetic, I love how Derpy is being spiteful towards Pinkie, talk about being enemies, this is goping to be so much fun. Though it's really hard to read, be sure to seprate when others speak as well as your pargraphs, I would suggest an editor. I'll be watching you and waiting for more, you seem like you might be able to make some some dark written Derpy stories
She just....fell asleep
I would be annoyed if I was Rainbow, why should she have to give away the cupcakes she just bought?
Damn.....poor Derpy, she seriously has to think of this, very glad Lyra got hired to work with Derpy though
2258829 Writers block can be quite rubbery and resilient, huh?
Ahhhhhhh......shit, Pinkie resorting to cheating? I don't believe it. But the two shops have lives that they have to provide for so it makes sense....still...wonder if tis could turn into a legal court war? Either way, something sad and dark is going to come from this, I'm so happy something is creating a darker Derpy other then myself
Your doing great, even though it's quite hard to read at some points, I can't WAIT for more
I honestly would have thought for both Derpy and Lyra to get more serious when dealing with the Cakes, is their a more serious version coming soon? Damn.....this is getting crazy, GO DERPY AND LYRA!!! (Lyra's best background pony
)
Oh good grief yes.
2408367
2408191
I'm not sure what you all mean about it being 'Hard to read,' What can I do to make it easier? You say that I need to separate my paragraphs? I've been indenting my paragraphs just like all the professional writers do it. and Also for the record, I DO have an editor, His name is Kwakerjak, and he's awesome. so toss some love his way.
2414080 Really? Huh.....strange, I don't see it
Badass, he's an amazing writer, love his work. Can't wait for the next chapter.
oh lord, this will only emd in tears.
No Pinkie! You're not Rarity, they won't let you get away with cheating!
Sometimes, when stories get updates after a long time, I can't remember what the story is even about.
This one, though, I remembered right away.
Welcome to the fanfic of muffins Vs. Cupcakes! Where the greatest snacks assemble! Get ready for the ride of your life!
I just realised... Vinyl is mute.
5934426
It's interesting to think about, I always thought that she was albino or synesthetic (Experiencing senses out of order with the norm)
but mute... seems interesting
5939215
Maybe she is, the 'Music to my ears' short does seem to point that way. who's to say she can't be all of those things?
6156162 Yeah, but that would be interesting to say the least.