• Member Since 28th Aug, 2013
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FLUTTERxxDASH


T

The Witch of the Everfree... a tale that has spread among all who live by the ever illustrious forest, to whom the witch truly is, no one knows apart from the one herself... until now. Twilight Sparkle had lived in the Everfree throughout most of her long life, since the corruption she was alone until not long ago when she met few companions. Trained along side her sisters through bond in arcane magic, given true immortality, she continued her studies alone only every now and again seeing how her race fared. Now, forty years after she was dubbed a witch by her race, three little girls stumble through her woods in search of the ever mysterious "witch", what could really happen? read to find out.

FEATURED: 16/03/14

Clarifications:
Many have wondered what Twilight looks like and such so to clarify, she does not look like a human female, she retains her fur coat, she is of human height and has hands. The facial structure is more detailed such as where the eyebrows should be there is a darker patch of coat much in the color of her mane.

The story starts a few episodes in, around halfway through season one I would say, some shall stay canon whilst some with alter, I am sorry for this inconvenience.

Twilight is still Twilight in every way, though she has been with little to no contact throughout her life apart from when the Everfree retained people, in such her words would become haggard sometimes so that's why you will probably go "huh" when you first see her talk to the CMC.

That is all for now.

Chapters (12)
Comments ( 532 )

Strange, but interesting. I Like It!:pinkiehappy: I await more, My Princess.:heart:

Interesting so far, if not a little fast paced and some awkward phrasing, but I'm willing to forgo those points on account that this seems like a neat idea. :twilightsmile: I'll wait a couple more chapters before I decide on anything solid. 'Till next time! :pinkiehappy:

Twilight Sparkle, The Witch of the Everfree, that was what ponies had called her for the last seven hundred years. She was once one of three who brought about piece to Equestria, taught by the creators themselves, given true immortality. As the other two had stayed in the light of their ponies she had drifted away to work on her many studies, even now she has lost touch with her family's bloodline, with only two friends who knew about her she was alone but that was the way she liked it. What happens when small fillies are in trouble walking through her garden?, what about when fellow students of old find her after so many years?, what happens when she meets her blood relatives once again? Only time will tell.

Peace

Also how is the next chapter of Code Name: Dark Star coming along while I am correcting the single error in your description? :twilightsmile:

She was once one of three who brought about piece to Equestria

brought about piece to Equestria

piece to Equestria

piece

img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20131125165222/mlp/images/2/2e/Big_McIntosh_unamused_%22nnnope%22_S4E01.png

4090199 Oh wow, how in the hell did I miss that one........ face desk :twilightsheepish:

Thank you

4090196 Its coming along nicely, just having to straighten out some rough patches and rearrange some facts and we will soon have an update... should be no less than a week or so depending on my studies as I have two weeks left to finish a documentation of a 25k+ word spread with diagrams and such for my project... as I said in my blog.. life's a bitch and I shall be its bitch henceforth until due notice and once I have spare time I can devote some to my projects that I really want to work on.

4090401 YAAAAAAAY~ HELLSING FAN, just thought I had to say that and guten tag

4090199
4090196
Its okay guys, I fixed the Typo, (wipes sweat off obvious misspelling of the year award)

Ok I'm very interested by this story, keep up the solid work. :pinkiehappy:

A tad fast paced, but rather interesting.

I was worried this story would have Twilight as either crazy, or the sinister cackling type, but nearly as nice as in the show, if a bit more formal.

I believe I shall follow this, yes.

Would it be too much if I demand for well.. MOAR!:flutterrage:

Seriously though, can't wait till there is more for it was an extreemly pleasant read sofar.
I kindly request you to keep it up:pinkiehappy:

4090403 He, of course. Miau und guten Tag to you too.=^-^= (Allthough my name is originaly based on the original experiment, not that little Waffen SS brat.)

Very intriguing. I will eagerly await more. You also spelled "can't" without the '.

4090653 Thank you for that, I just got a proof reader so it will be edited soon, I really didn't expect it to go so well

Please realize this is just the rantings of a disgruntled author letting off steam

*notices only chapter was posted last month... notices spike in views within the last 24 hours* :pinkiecrazy:...

*restarts brain*...:twilightangry2: *inhales* :flutterrage:"son of a :yay:"

I've been struggling to get half a dozen new people to look at my story each time I update with a new chapter. Now, without updating, you spontaneously skyrocket onto the featured list with over 200 views in one day. What gives? You don't even have half that many followers. Did you submit your story to a group yesterday and get really, really lucky? Don't just say 'the story was good' I get a lot of pretty good remarks on mine too, It's the lack of readers that hold mine back. What skyrocketed you? It was like spontaneous combustion.

4090596 Your demands are duly noted, it shall be done my friend.

4090902 Just to ask... no mal intent I swear... when was I featured... I really am curious?

4090912 just now. Look at the front page at 5th from the top (6th place) of the feature list.

4090920 OMG I just noticed as you posted a reply, I swear I am dreaming... I could cry I am so happy but on another note, just sayin it will happen, I had this conversation with someone else not too long ago and he said I would eventually be featured so keep posting, I am about to look at your stuff :pinkiehappy::heart::heart:

4090902 To be completely honest with your earlier comment, I just went to the shopping mall for about three hours to have a break and when I got back I had around 50 notifications and rising, looked over them and no one had put me in a group or anything but yesterday I re-edited the story if that re applies it to the update box I don't know?

4090958 nope, re editing doesn't count. I have often done multiple re embeddings a week. Looks like you are as clueless as i am to the source of the sudden attention. :twilightoops:

This is going to be the new craze like "Ten Years Gone" (though I wish the author could update anytime soon)

4091080 Funnily enough I figured why it got attention, I only just posted this yesterday, I created this last month but I never posted it till yesterday and I already have chapter two all lined up for your reading pleasures :raritywink:

4091178 I'm so sorry :fluttercry:, just did so no worries, it will soon be edited hehe :pinkiehappy:

I like the word potential, why is a reason long gone by now:derpytongue2:.
Anyway, good going.

Very interesting story. Can't wait to see where you go with this. I wonder who's taken Twilight's place as the element of magic.

Very interesting story. Can't wait to see where you go with this. I wonder who's taken Twilight's place as the element of magic.

This needs a lot of editing.

The children sat in class as the teacher, Miss Cheerilee, handed out the homework. All waited to go home, well almost all, three fillies sat at the back awaited the end of the day to go to find out what they talked about during the day at break. After the teacher had finished she asked the class to stand, five minutes remained on the clock as everybody grabbed their bags with their lunchboxes, Cheerilee wrote one last thing on the board before turning around. Somehow Miss Cheerilee always made her speeches on the dot, because right after she told them all to have a good weekend the bell rang.

The children sat in class as the teacher, Miss Cheerilee, handed out the homework. All waited to go home. Well, almost all. Three fillies sat at the back waiting for the end of the day so they could go to find out about what they had talked about during the day at break. After the teacher had finished, she asked the class to stand, five minutes remaining on the clock as everybody grabbed their bags with their lunchboxes. Cheerilee wrote one last thing on the board before turning around. Somehow Miss Cheerilee always ended her speeches on the dot and right after she told them all to have a good weekend the bell rang.

That's just the simple stuff to make it a bit easier to read. It's still very "tell-y" even so. I would suggest revising so that there is more variation in how things are said, and so everything is a bit more expressive. Here's a more comprehensive version of what I'm talking about:

The foals sat in class as their teacher, Miss Cheerilee, handed out the day's homework. All were eagerly waiting to get out of the schoolhouse. Especially the three fillies sitting in the back, who were excited to be freed to follow up on what they had talked about at recess earlier in the day. The three stood as the rest of the class was asked to rise by Miss Cheerilee, only five minutes remaining until their freedom. Every foal was already inching closer to their bags and lunch boxes in anticipation. One last thing was written on the board by their teacher before she turned around, a smile gracing her face as she wished them all a good weekend. And just like clockwork, like always, the bell rang as Miss Cheerilee finished her last word.

There's actually a lot more you could do with this setup as well - describing the antsy movements of the foals as they anticipate getting out of there, the smells/sights inside the classroom or viewed through the windows, etc. I couldn't actually read it because unfortunately the entire story needs this kind of work-over. Do you have an editor/reviser helping you?

This is anthro that has hands, just for the fact I find fighting scenes or any with inclinations for fast action moments are easier to do.

So, MLP:FiM minotaur-esqe anthro's then?
cs.sankakucomplex.com/data/92/a2/92a27e7e4dda669500659f9f5299210f.jpg?3339585
Anthro 2/hands, Anthro 3, or Anthro 4?

4091538 the picture didn't load, post again and I will look :fluttershysad:

times when you use Human words for ponies for example: Instead of "women" use the word "Mare"

other than that you should get yourseld a betareader
but is has potentional if you work out the kinks

Concept is good, but there are a lot of grammar issues that needs to be fixed. Every time I hit them it makes me stop dead in my tracks or stumble. If you can fix those you'll have something good going. I always reread my chapters whenever I make them now. Helps me catch a lot of mistakes or sentences that don't flow correctly.

I liked it I want some more kind sir and don't skip out on the words.

Chapter 1:

Hm... This is a tough review for me, since its difficult for me to say what I liked about this story. While the narration seemed fairly solid, with some minor spelling/grammar mistakes, a lot of the dialogue and thoughts felt a little awkward. I've honestly gone back and forth a couple times in wondering if this story is worth faving to keep up with. However, you have said that you've recruited someone to help you with editing, so its very possible these issues won't exist moving onward, or at least won't be so severe.

I know I primarily read it due to the picture implying the presence of cat-Twilight, and an interesting concept. Admittedly, I was expecting more of a story set in the future rather than an alternate universe. But... I'm interesting in finding out why everything in Ponyville seems to have remained the same without Twilight being the same. Who is the element of magic? A different student of Celestia, like Sunset Shimmer? I think it's this curiosity about the nature of your version of the world that will keep me reading. Although, extended sequences with Twilight as a cat won't hurt either. :twilightsheepish:

...But that's just my two bits.

4091736 As for the first part of your comment, I fully put my hands up, I am quite bad when It comes to grammar and the such... hopefully with a bit of help and time I can make my chapters better.

On the second note, the element of magic is a ways off and for Kitty twilight... mehIdon'tknow, you might be seeing a lot more of her, we still have around ten more fillies and colts to go through and then there is much more in store, hopefully I don't disappoint and hopefully you will follow until you deem it non-par standard with what it has been given,

i like the concept definitely original i think anyway
:pinkiesmile:

4091930 Of course, I only have one setting and that's original :trollestia::heart::trollestia:

that title, oh god it gives me such ideas of death and despair, but i will see how you do.

4091944 nothing stopping you from making a fiction like this with a witch Twilight... if you do send me a link and I will post it... could be fun actually, I might make that a small project later.

4091944 not that in the later chapters there ain't sad parts, I mean Twilight does come from pre Equestria in this fiction so you will have to wait to know her past!!! :rainbowwild:

4091954
well my entire thing would be a post-equestria in a whole new kind of world. or, wow i just realized how the idea could go into hundreds of different directions

4091961 Now thats what I like to hear, get going Brotha... or sista, either way, hope the Idea for the new "WITCH TWILIGHT GENRE" ... yeah I said it. Send me a link if you do create one, I will happily read it for you, I am really intrigued as to what the idea could bring :pinkiehappy:

RC

Dear auther, i, an avid reader of unusal fiction, hereby as for a pm on you projected updating sequence. I am a huge fan from just thischapter, and wyvren spike is a great idea. Oh and last night when i slept i saw this, twi clestia, and lulu in a room conversing of what has happened and how the world has changed with the 'new' mane 6 in the background listning in on them.
And hears my vote:heart:

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