• Member Since 27th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

FLUTTERxxDASH


My doctor said I had no hope, my hope grew with my friends and the things I love, I beat my mountain... now overcome yours! I love you guys ;)


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Twilight Sparkle lived a relatively normal life, right? She now had friends, she had Spike, she even had her cosy little home in golden oaks library... everything was going brilliant for her. As she finally got a day off she received a letter from the Princess that she was summoned... alone. Strange as it may sound, Twilight hadn't been summoned alone in many years but when she arrives she is surprised to see both Princess' with worrisome expressions, so why was the Princess of Night there? read and find out!

First things first: this is a different universe from MLPverse so some things will inevitably alter, be warned I will not reply to those with questions as to why some canon facts are changed because thus I have warned you of this fact it will be changed. Thus ends my warning, have fun reading, Serra out.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 16 )

Does this mean you are going to take down 'The Light Of The Moon', Princess Serra?

Comment posted by FLUTTERxxDASH deleted Oct 29th, 2016
Comment posted by The Seagull Milker deleted Mar 10th, 2014

In my opinion this story is really underrated! Have rest knowing that it is one of my all time favorites! :heart::ajsmug:

4061049 I like this guy, thanks for the comment :heart::heart::pinkiehappy:

Well, certain grammar errors creeped from the original into this one, but were far easier to go through.

However, I don't like that you removed twilight's reaction when the guard announced her as a princess. Even a small, "why did that happen?" either in her mind or to the princesses would have made more sense than her simply not seeming to notice it.

How come I'm the first to comment?:rainbowhuh:

:twilightsheepish: oh well. Good chapter. I felta. Few things were missing, though, at this moment, I can't think of what. :facehoof:probably won't until later today (it's just passed midnight here right now):facehoof: it always happens.

Very well done with this chapter. I actually almost cried when rainbow embraced twilight. Never has a writer as far as I know brought up dash as an orphan, but made it so she'd been adopted. Very good work:pinkiesad2::pinkiesad2::pinkiesad2::pinkiesad2:

Twilight and spike's scene felt a little too small, but it was still better than the last time.


You, my friend have earned a favourite a like and a follow, along with these:raritystarry::pinkiehappy::ajsmug::yay::twilightsmile:

Few grammar mistakes but nothing too serious there.
The biggest flaw in this story is the "Tell" instead of "Show" formulating. (according to me, that is)
And the dialogues. I could make a joke about a certain youtube series. Youtube playlist
(i.e could use more dots, commas and such.)
EDIT: the thing with dots and such seems to apply almost everywhere. Try cutting down the length, or at least the "intensity" of the sentences (for example: don't get her wrong she loved to study just as much but it never hurt to catch up every now again with her favorite book series in her 'fiction' pile.
Changed to:
Don't get her wrong, she loved to study just as much. Although it never hurt to catch up every now again with her favorite book series in her 'fiction' pile.
EDIT2:
4362618
She was never called a princess. Just some misleading (lack of) comma.

6 things;

Wall of text has awoken! [insert boss music here]

This.

Grammar. Small mistakes, but they kinda stack up after a while.

I felt that the swearing was misplaced; didn't feel... pony :twilightoops:

Why is Twilight so huge? If she grew a meter then she's making Celestia look like a dwarf; and Luna... oh gawd.
(maybe Cadence-sized Twilicorn™ would be better?)

No, I'm not trying to be a douche. Added this afterward; it felt like I was attacking/insulting you. I assure you, I'm trying to help. :pinkiesmile:

I think ponyville would be fine if she returned there as a princess. Remember in Prime MLP they have to deal with it

Here an option is availible. Restore the Royal Sister Castle. might discourage some of the nobles.

So if this is a reboot of Light of the Moon will you be rewriting some of the story?

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