• Member Since 6th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Nov 24th, 2017


I am an pretty filly.


When Discord begins drafting all unicorns to serve in the military, young Celestia and Luna are given no choice but to flee their Unicornian home as refugees. But when Celestia discovers that they don't have enough money to pay both their ways to safety aboard the ship, she is forced to make a decision: return home and risk losing her sister to their cruel kingdom...

... or pay Luna's ticket and walk the desert pass alone.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 9 )

If this isn't featured in the next 12 hours, there is no justice.

Yes, yes, yes! This is beautiful, and I love Celestia's transformation.

Wouldn't this be a prequel? <------ before reading

You said you would mention me, you damn stoner. :fluttercry:

Finding out this was being told by Celestia really caught me off guard. From the opening I had just assumed the narrator was an OC. It was a very pleasant surprise, though I may just be a little biased when it comes to Celestia (or very biased...). This take on her early life was very interesting. I actually liked the idea of her being hardened and smoking and drinking (something else that came as a surprise, though I think that's a little obvious). Though the reason I was so open to it was likely because I knew she'd still turn into the same ol' Celestia we all know in the future, so her habits weren't anything permanent. But even if that wasn't the case (say in Athanasia she still smokes and drinks), I wouldn't tell you to change it--and certainly not for being out of character--because what good is fanfiction if you can't explore other possibilities with the characters and setting?

I liked her relationship with Luna, and how she was much softer around her. I liked the idea of Luna being so innocent--it made you want to protect her. Though I consider Celestia foolish for lying to her so much. I mean, I can easily understand her motivation for wanting to protect Luna from the world, and I would do the same thing, but in a different fashion, because lying to her about everything is unwise. For instance, I would have told her the real reason she needed to keep the funny looking hat on, because otherwise she might take it off for a moment (if it's just keeping her horn worn, what would a few seconds hurt?), or not be as careful with it as she should. She is after all just a kid, and doesn't understand the importance of it, and when children don't grasp the importance of something, they tend to treat it carelessly. It's why they wander off on their own or talk to strange people that they shouldn't, because they don't recognize the danger. Telling her the real reason for the hat would instill some healthy fear in her, and keep her safer; Luna would make sure that hat never came off. So while she had good intentions, Celestia wasn't keeping Luna as safe as she could have. But then again, she herself is only nineteen here, and she's been without parental guidance for how many years? So it makes sense she would have errors in judgement like that.

I was very interested in learning how Discord of all people brought the three tribes together, and was (I suppose) ruling them all now, especially since things didn't seem to be in any state of chaos. I also really liked that Celestia hadn't gotten her cutie mark yet; it fit with the idea that her true self had been hidden behind a thick wall of bitterness towards the world. Of course, it also fits with her being special, and having a connection to the sun; she couldn't really get her cutie mark until she had made that connection.

Which she makes in the desert. While I liked this scene and thought it was ultimately successful, it felt too quick for the massive, soul-changing (or soul purifying) event it was supposed to be for Celestia, in my opinion at least. I would have liked to spend more time just watching the desert work its powers on her, instead of Celestia glazing over the specifics and saying how it broke it her down. I wasn't really able to feel her despair because I hadn't seen her struggling for days on end. I didn't see her change in real-time, but rather I mostly got the summary. Of course, putting the reader more in the present here and drawing out Celestia's defeat and release of held back emotions and reaching a sort of higher enlightenment would have made the story much longer, and perhaps you didn't want that for a one-shot side story/prequel. And that's fine. You still communicated all the important information though, even if I wasn't really able to get invested into it.

I really liked the moment where Celestia forgives herself, because that really is such an important part of life and overcoming our past and failures. It's something I could easily relate to. I'm very interested in your references to Jesus, with the crown of thorns and the sacrifice of blood and body in allusion to the Last Supper. Were you trying to symbolize Celestia as a sort of savior? Alluding her to God and Christ isn't very hard even within canon, and with her "death" here before she ascends into alicornhood seemed to me very purposeful on your part, as opposed to using biblical references to simply to add more mystique or a sense of grandeur.

I would have liked the conversation with the sun to launch into things a bit slower, to give the reader and Celestia some more time to appreciate the sun is alive and talking before having to wrap our heads around why he brought Celestia here. But I liked the ideas behind it all, that the sun isn't just a floating ball of gas. I thought the story ended in a nice place too.

All in all I enjoyed it. It makes me wonder just how much of this you had originally planned on revealing in Athanasia as the story progressed.

This is a nice take on the beginning, though I have to agree that from the desert on things feel a bit rushed - only slightly, though. It is still a good story - the only thing that I find vexing is, that Celestia stands at the edge to unicornia and that Luna is suddenly ... forgotten. She was such an important part, but after the cleansing in the desert, there was no Luna in her thoughts anymore ... And I somehow think, that she would have at least wanted to know what happened to her little sister ...

Nevertheless, greatly written. Thank you.

Nicely done! I love the hard-scrabble mare who became the Celestia we know!

This was moving! And it reads like a good Exalted origin story. :-)

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