• Member Since 27th Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen Sunday


Writer. Editor. Reader. Reviewer. Gamer. Armchair mafia kingpin. Trans-dimensional yodeler. Cthulhu's unplanned 667th son. Grand High Muckymuck of the Mystic Order of the Defanged Gerbil.


Long Jump's career as a professional daredevil has allowed him to see the world and touch thousands of lives, but fame has taken a heavy toll on him. Instead of retiring quietly, however, he sets out to perform one last stunt, the most dangerous he's ever attempted: a daring leap over Ghastly Gorge...on roller skates.

Pre-readers: Frission, Drweegee1337, and ZealousHeretic
Editing assistance by Comrade Sparkle and Garnot

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 19 )

This was very good, be proud! :heart:

I am impressed. This was a very good read.:moustache:

I'm glad you were entertained. Thanks for taking the time to read it.

Nice to see Dashie not be the only daredevil in the land. I like this, so it gets an upvote.

Hello, this is superpony55, reviewer and admin for The Gem Hunters. Congratulations! I deem this story a sapphire.

I did not notice any big grammar mistakes. 9/10.

I enjoyed the plot very much, but I would like more detail. 8/10.

Rainbow was in character, but I would like more background on the OCs. I did like their characters, though. 7/10

All in all, a good story! 8/10

Comment posted by superpony55 deleted Jan 3rd, 2014

I'm glad you enjoyed it, but I'm interested in hearing what grammatical errors you spotted, no matter how minor.


I'm not going to give anyone a ten on grammar, because I don't spot everything. If you'd like, I can go through to look for any mistakes.

Okay, I get it. You didn't spot any, but you're leaving wiggle room in case you missed something. Saying that you didn't spot any big errors implied that you saw small ones, so that concerned me.

Anyway, thanks for the clarification.


Right. You're welcome! :twilightsmile:

I have to say, the characters were the best part of this. You did a really good job getting me into their shoes, even if you didn't have much time to flesh out their personalities. You even somehow managed to give Dash some depth despite having her effectively in fan-mode the whole time. Have a well earned thumb.

Nice little story here!

I read this story a while ago, I loved it then. I have nothing further to say except.

"AWESOME :rainbowlaugh:"



Very good. I was rooting for Square Root, but I'll get over it.

Comment posted by kalash93 deleted Apr 23rd, 2014

Very cute, felt a bit of an abrupt ending but still a solid piece.:pinkiesmile:



Square Root's backside was a major side character. I would like to have seen more of her.

That came out wrong.

I would have liked to see a hint that she's going to stick around, or conversely that her backside is all he was interested in, and any pretty backside would do just as well. But I'm not qualified to comment on endings, so...

If I’m gonna quit, I wanna go out with a bang.

Sin Counter: *ding!* Rolllllllll credi—oh, wait, conjugation. False alarm.

No pegasus was that fast.

This is the line where you signify to the reader that Rainbow Dash is seconds away from surpassing the protagonist's grim expectations by showing off what we already know about her, and by doing so show him the next daredevil in line behind him.

Login or register to comment