Trixie Lulamoon is traveling the same route through Equestria that she always has, pulling her show cart and only home behind her. When a wheel on that cart cracks and Trixie finds she can't fix it herself, help arrives in the form of a pony who leaves Trixie frustrated and confused, and perhaps just a little intrigued.
Written for the Everfree Northwest 2015 writing contest.
Special thanks to my lovely prereaders: Taialin, PathfinderCS, and Shadow Beam! Double thanks to Shadow Beam for also providing the cover art!
Chapters (1)
This was nice.
And thus, a ship is born. You have surpassed the orange.
Very in-character, very well written, very good interactions and very funny. Good job.
5763544
5763957
Thanks to you both!
5763675
Haha, yes! Mauxie for best OTP
(In all seriousness, while this wasn't intended as a shipfic I do have a fondness for them as a pairing. Glad I can inspire that in others
)
Didn't finish the cover in time, I'm really sorry. Hopefully it will be complete by tomorrow.
5765281
No worries! Just finish it up when you can :)
Hee, that was awesome! You got both of these two spot on, and I love how their very different personalities/reactions play off each other
5785968
Thank you! These two were a ton of fun to write together for that very reason
Well, it's an unexpected combination of characters, but it works. Trixie and Maud are both well characterized and the way their opposite attributes bounce off each other is interesting. I like it.
5798154
Thank you! I thought it would be fun to explore a dynamic rarely seen in fan-works
Official EFNW 2015 Pre-Con Contest first round grading
Total: 23
Technical: 5/5
Plot: 4/5
Character: 5/5
Creativity: 5/5
Bonus: 4/5 (It made the interactions between Trixie and Maud delightful.)
Comment: This is a real gem. I couldn't find any major faults in the execution of it, and it's a lovely idea. The dynamic between Maud and Trixie really shines, and they play off of each other extremely well. Even when Trixie was alone, her antics could bring a smile. It's nice to see characters with real character, portrayed by an author who knows how to let them shine.
5801618
Thank you so much! Your flattering review really means a lot to me, and I'm so glad that this little story was able to succeed at what it was meant to do, even if it was meant just to tell a simple little slice of life story
This is my favorite of the contest entries I've read so far! It's a good idea, executed well. The two characters played off each other nicely. Thoroughly enjoyable!
I do have to say that I was baffled by this sentence:
"If she was describing this strange art of not trying to get anypony’s attention in such a way that it just makes ponies want to pay attention to you more, this ability that the mare in front of her was using to hold her attention."
I had to reread it several times before I grasped what you were going for. Also "flare" should be "flair."
But these are just quibbles. This is a simple little story with a lot of heart. Thank you for writing it.
5842145
Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Thank you for pointing out the little issues you found too. I appreciate the help in keeping my work typo-free
I didn't like this, but I'm not sure why. Too predictable, maybe? As soon as Maud was revealed, I knew exactly what was going to go down. The prose was serviceable, but, again, unsurprising. There wasn't anything to latch on to, no brilliantly crafted passages to see endlessly quoted in the comments.
It is by no means bad, just, you know, there.
5844653
Hmm, well, thank you for reading it anyway. I'm sure a story like this isn't everyone's cup of tea, if you go into something wanting surprises then yes, I can see how this piece would disappoint. I like a good twist, but this story just wasn't about that this time. I usually try to take something from comments, but since this is more about personal preference I suppose I'll just say that I hope the next story you find is more your taste
A cute read that was over far too quickly. Have a ribbon:
i.imgur.com/GizVyc0.png
The Goodfic Bin
5878541
Thank you! I appreciate the ribbon
Hi there! I'm reviewing this as a candidate for the Everfree Northwest community choice award!
Some have pointed out the predictability, but considering the whole theme is "making new friends," that was kind of the idea. I really liked their interaction and you did a nice job capturing both Trixie and Maud's characters. The prose was nice, the premise believable, and the subtle humor had be cracking a smile too. Excellent work, EloquenceInkwell! I'll be adding this one to my list of nominees! Good luck in the contest!
5882199
Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I'm flattered by your nomination
You're definitely one of the better authors i've seen when it comes to pure characterization; even a simple five minute scene moves wonderfully on just the interaction alone. I love Trixie, I love Maud, and both of them were portrayed incredibly in this story. All in all, fantastic.
5923060
Thank you so much! I'm glad to hear that I was able to stay true to two characters that you're so fond of
So I read this as part of the contest judging, but I was so busy I didn't have time to comment then... so finally getting around to that now.
First off, let me say this was one of my favorite stories (that I read) in the contest. You did a fantastic job of showing Maud and Trixie in a way that felt real. Both were in character, but with Trixie just barely starting to come around to realizing she needs to improve herself. Maud is therefore the perfect foil, neither impressed nor put off by Trixie's overbearing ego and personality. The resolution is sweet and simple, and flows naturally from the situation and the characters. Great job!
5933018
Thank you so much! These two were so much fun to write together, even I was surprised by how well the two ended up working together
Ah yes, this has been sitting in my list ever since the contest; after participating with a Maud Pie fic of my own, I just had to read it at some time.
The characterizations are on point and well-executed, the dynamics between those two is great and is carried by their differences, which is also resembled in the dialogue. I would expect Trixie to be more stubborn, but I understand that, within barely over 2k words, there's only so much room to have development happening, so what can you do. I like the story!
6179442
Thank you! I'm glad to hear you enjoyed it, and that a fellow Maud writer appreciated her characterization here :)
Oh ho, I very much enjoyed this! Spot on characterizations, pretty much the living, breathing definition of a slice of life story, and impressively, NO SHIPPING. Not that I mind the Trixie/Maud ship, mind you, I'm just impressed that you didn't even mention the start of a crush here as so many authors do in one-shots like this. Instead, you simply made it a random encounter between these two characters that left an impression on Trixie for non-romantic reasons; obviously if you were to continue with these two I wouldn't be surprised if they got shipped in the future, and there's nothing wrong with that, but I applaud you for resisting doing so here. It made it more effective for Trixie's biggest takeaway to be her being impressed by Maud's humility rather than having a crush develop after five minute's interaction.
And of course, Maud was just Maud, as she should be. I also loved that you didn't build up to Trixie's fabricating that story, but rather just had her dive into it. Felt and flowed very naturally and made it all the funnier for it. Great fic all around, definitely worthy of a like and fave!
That was a lovely picker-upper, thanks a lot Eloquence.