Rocks in the Head

The Strata plains Rock Nursery has just hired a new unicorn to help tend the fields. But its owner the long suffering 'Gravel Packs' soon finds that Trixie who is still stinging from her previous humiliation in Ponyville is more than he can cope with and calls in an expert in the form of Maud Pie to assist him in helping Trixie settle in.

Some rocks are harder than others, can Maud help Trixie before the whole farm is ruined?

(Short story entry for EQD writer's training grounds.)

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 4 )

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MaudPie21

MaudPie21 #1 · Mar 17th, 2014 · 1 · ·

This was a gem (pardon the pun).

I am loving all the rock metaphors; you executed them excellently and it really added a lot to the story.

Trixie's characterization was brilliant! She came off as supremely annoying outwardly, but I felt empathy for her as well. She does have a tender side.

Golden Paw

Golden Paw #2 · Mar 17th, 2014 · 1 · ·

Thanks so much! for you interest and for the follow, I aim not to disappoint!

P.S welcome to Fimfic!

Silver-Tongue

Silver-Tongue #3 · Oct 7th, 2014 · 1 · ·

There is a good setup and conflict between Maud, Trixie, and the Rock Farm, and the characters feel true to themselves. However, just as Maud is about to help Trixie come out of her shell, the story skips to the epilogue without showing enough rising conflict or the climax. The epilogue makes it clear that Trixie's character developed and changed due to her time with Maud, but this isn't shown to the audience. Trixie is shown in the epilogue as bold and cocky as ever, leaving her development implied but now shown. To really make this story resonate with the audience, Trixie's change needs to be shown; that is essential to endearing her to the audience. That is the way to make this story really shine like the diamond it is beneath the coal dust