Just a woman who writes about tiny horses
This story takes place just a few months after Fluttershy moves into her cottage in Ponyville from Cloudsdale, leaving behind the only home she's ever known. Though content to be alone on a night meant to celebrate closeness and kinship, her night alone is interrupted by friends, acquaintances, and some friendly new faces who teach her that she doesn't have to feel so alone after all.
This story is my entry and the second-place winner in the Poniverse Hearth's Warming Eve Contest
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THAT FEELS
Nice story! The lesson is low-key, but very suited to Fluttershy and even more fitting given the backstory you gave to her. For your first story, I quite liked it. Fluttershy's past is pretty tragic; honestly, it seems like parents forcing their expectations onto their children is a very destructive force. By the conclusion of Fluttershy's backstory, I see Flitterwing as an utterly despicable pony. It's nice to see that she's finally found a family that loves her.
The only part that kind of rubbed me the wrong was the conclusion to the first chapter. When Fluttershy has her final flashback, she does nothing except cry, and yet Applejack seems to know exactly what Fluttershy is going through. I might have missed something, but why would Applejack go into such an oddly specific, fitting, and appropriate monologue if she wasn't aware of Fluttershy's plight?
Other than that, great job! This is a strong and entertaining entry into the ongoing Hearth's Warming Contest. Good luck in the competition!
(I'm obligated to say this because I've entered, too! May the best author win!)
5422396
Thank you so much! That really means a lot to me, seeing not just that my story conveyed what I intended it to but that it did so with some subtlety, which is also what I was going for (awfully nice when you get across the message you were going for, isn't it? :p )
As for your critique, I admit that was a bit of a concern for me as I was writing it, and I can see how you're picking up on it now. The idea behind her monologue is that she was talking about her own experiences and how she came to understand that just because she'd lost the parents that are integral to a "traditional" family, that didn't mean that she didn't still have a family that was loving and whole. I think I'll edit Applejack's dialogue before the flashback so that it would clearly be obvious to Applejack that 'family' was the trigger for it, and see what I can do about the monologue as well to better reflect that she's speaking from her own experience.
Best of luck to you too! I'll admit I have not gotten to your story yet, but it's next on my list to be read, and I'll be sure to leave you a comment when I'm done too!
This was an expertly-written Fluttershy fic. I have no trouble at all declaring that with the utmost confidence. What's really impressive is that you really nailed pretty much all of the Mane Six's personalities, and even if someone didn't share your interpretation of them, at the very least you gave them distinct personalities. But writing Fluttershy so well is, in my opinion, the best achievement of them all in this case; too often, fics that revolve around her portray her as being far too introverted. This was a fantastic balance; you had plenty of room to work in the first place since most of this fic took place before she met Twilight, so we could assume she'd be more reclusive than usual, but you rightly recognized that, just because someone's shy, that doesn't mean they don't want friends or aren't willing to open up to others if friendship is extended their way. This is easily one of the best Fluttershy-centric fics I've ever read, maybe even the best.
My one (and I mean one and only) complaint would be that last scene with Fluttershy's mom. I get that there are parents who can be like that with their children; heck, I've butted heads myself with my own mom over my future, albeit obviously not to that extent. It's just that, in Flitterwing's first two scenes, she behaved like a parent. A parent who was invested to a fault even in her daughter's life and future, and had a picture of an ideal future for her, but she still clearly loved her. That last scene, though? It seemed like an entirely different character who was no longer speaking like a parent, even a distant or controlling parent, would speak. Again, I'm not judging the interpretation itself of her mother being distant and not valuing Fluttershy's own opinion; I'm more judging the fact that it didn't seem consistent with the character we'd already been introduced to. Anyways, besides that, this fic was pretty much flawless on every level: great story, sound grammar, excellent writing all around. Thank you so much for your entry and for the wonderful read!!!
5484993
Thank you so much for your kind review! I am so honored by your compliments, really, I don't even know what else to say
As for your complaint, I do appreciate your criticism, but perhaps some explanation would be helpful. I did portray Flitterwing differently in the last scene, but that was a very intentional move. It was really important to me that I portrayed that character in a way that shed light on the subject of abuse, and what I intended those scenes to display is that abusive people(ponies) aren't always the obviously troubled, nor are they always abusive all of the time, and that people who seem very kind and personable in public can become monsters when no one else is looking (notice that the final scene is the only one where the two characters are alone). Flitterwing does love Fluttershy, but sadly, people can abuse the ones they love. In fact this is a very common abuse pattern, the abuser will lash out on occasion and then be very kind and generous the rest of the time to "justify" those abusive spurts.
I also employed the concept of "micro-aggressions" when creating Flitterwing's character. Micro-aggressions are small slights and negative behaviors that build up to form a bigger picture of unkindness. These slights were littered throughout the first two flashbacks, ranging from the belittling of Fluttershy's experiences behind her back to the subtle hetero-sexism of Fluttershy's family. I could perhaps see how these might have been too subtle, if I revise this later I might add a few more to better get the point across.
Again, thank you. It's easy to forget while writing that people might not have the same familiarity with certain subjects as I do, and it's important to write in a way that is accessible and, when it's appropriate, educational (in addition to just being a great story of course!).
And thank you so so much again for all of your compliments! It means a lot to me to see such things from someone with a strong knowledge of what separates the good from the bad in writing
5488888
OK, that explanation makes sense. Oh, and I don't think you need to revise the family's more subtle displays of their behavior in the first two scenes, I thought they were fine as they were. I definitely got their hetero-sexism in the first scene, it just didn't leave an impression on me because it didn't factor into Fluttershy's personality in this particular story. That's not a bad thing, mind you, I didn't feel that anything was left out by not having a romantic thread of some type here. It's just I didn't take anything away from that hetero-sexism because, like I said, we weren't given anything to suggest that it factored into this story other than (1) her family clearly has expectations of her, and (2) in that first scene, it was very, very, very mildly suggested that she might not be sure of her sexuality (though on the other hand one could make an argument that you were providing some very subtle set-up for FlutterMac in the Apple dinner scene, though again, couldn't say for sure). Again, I'm not saying you need to make anything more explicit, everything worked just fine (including the last scene with her mom now that you explained it), I'm just pointing out that the only thing I really took away from her family prodding her so much about her love life was that they were really nosy and pushing her to move quicker than she wants to, there was just too little to suggest they might have her sexuality wrong altogether. NOT a bad thing, just a fact. I look forward to reading a lot more of your work; you're clearly a very seasoned writer, or at least you have a fantastic handling of writing. It's refreshing getting to talk with someone who knows so clearly what they're talking about; if you ever took a look at my writing, I'd certainly be honored.
5488991
I'm glad I could clear some things up. I do see what you mean, I actually considered defining her as not-straight in the story, but I figured that unnecessary romance arcs are usually awful *shrugs*. As it stands, the idea was that it's wrong either way, because you shouldn't presume that everyone is going to be a certain way until the say they aren't, and it wasn't meant to be a stand-alone display of cruelty, rather a small part of a whole (which I know you get, I'm just babbling)
Between you and me though, the themes of heterosexism and racism in this story might prove important in a certain possible future story
I would be very happy to read your story, I'll be sure to take a look at it in the very near future!
5489060
).
It's definitely interesting seeing pegasi being racist. It's usually easy for writers just to write unicorns as racist because so many make up the elite of Equestrian society, especially in Canterlot, but we have to remember that all of the races have a history of not trusting each other. One of the best examples I've seen of writing all three races as having their own problems with each other is in "Lunar Rebellion" by Chengar Qordath, phenomenal story, let me tell you. And yeah, I got the overall point that you were just trying to promote that presuming one's sexuality is wrong, at least if they themselves haven't embraced it yet. Guess I'm not used to seeing it done so subtly, usually people are a lot more explicit about such things in their fics (that's a compliment to you, for the record
What'll be really interesting will be seeing if you show how people's attitudes can change in the future. Take my own family, for example; I've never been one to hide since joining the brony fandom that I and my family are all conservative Christians. Yet it's fascinating how, especially in my immediate family, I've seen our own attitudes towards homosexuality evolve and continue to evolve in my lifetime, some even as a result of personal experience in my own family. I don't want to go into detail about those views here, seeing as that's both personal and might detract conversation in the comments section, but if you would like to know what I believe just feel free to PM me about it, especially if it might help with your future writing. Anyways, back to your writing: obviously you can't write either that everypony changes who holds a view that you portray as wrong, cause that's not true to life either. But I certainly expect to see some evolution from some of your characters, just because you seem to have a great grasp on the truth that most people in general are well-meaning and only want to do good, even if they don't hold the same beliefs, some of which might be wrong or lead to misguided actions. Obviously there's such thing as evil people out there who genuinely do want to do wrong, but most people aren't that black-and-white, and I'm sure we'll see that in your future writing. Anyways, can't wait to see what you come up with next, my friend!
Damn. THEM FEELS.
Sad
Slice of Life
Both tags are completely accurate. You really give the feeling that this is a day in the life.
And, to rip off the two commenter's before me, DEM FEELS!
5782712
Hehe, thank you. I've noticed those feels comments slowly piling up
The end made me cry (happy tears, of course!) , and I just couldn't hold it back. This was a beautiful story. Infact, I think it's a work of art.
6373381
Awww! Thank you so much, I'm glad you liked it