Hi this is my first fanfiction so I hope you'll like it. Someone requested this idea to me. He asked me if I could write a Twilight x Trixie fanfiction in an alternate universe.
AU: A human world like in Equestria Girls but in this version ponying up is totally normal and the people who have a unicorn as their pony selves require a certain amount of magic for a horn to appear during the pony up.
Story: Trixie thought it was going to another day at Canterlot High but she was wrong. Her crush Twilight Sparkle asks her to sit next to her in the bus and even invites her for lunch and the two become closer and closer. Will Trixie be able to win Twilight her heart now that their closer?
Chapters (1)
This story was pretty cute.
Plus the pony up feeling normal in the world the story is taking place maybe a possible future for the real equestria girls world since magic is now existing within it so other characters maybe able to use it.
Though there was a lot of errors in the writing.
This is one of many examples, and the most common one in this story. Don't forget a period at the end of what someone is saying. Plus the paragraph after it is suppose to be connected to the quote, as the paragraph starts with she said to herself. Here is one example: "What did she say?!" yelled Twilight.
Some sentences have some words without a space between them.
This is one example:
Good morning is two separate words, not one word.
But in the end this story was fun for me to read.
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Thank you so much for the tips! I will definitely make use of them for the next fanfiction I'll write. Thank you so much for your positive feedback.
6661406 No problem! Just trying to help out.
There are three things that make this story a little hard to read...
1. The paragraphs go on way longer than they should. As a rule, a good paragraph shouldn't be over six sentences long; if it's longer, try to break it up into smaller paragraphs.
2. There's not enough punctuation. It's especially noticeable at the end of quotes, where you've dropped every period, but you could also stand to use more commas.
3. I'm not sure what this thing is with each quote being its own paragraph. It can be a little confusing sometimes.
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Yes I'm very sorry for that! Thanks for letting me know though.
There's quite alot of spelling errors. Other than that it was fine