• Member Since 15th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Fernin


T

Skydancer is getting pretty tired of being a young earth pony with a name better suited for a pegasus. Lieutenant Green would love to finish his deployment safely, but first he has to figure out where he is and, just as importantly, why all the Afghans look like colorful little horses. How can a misnamed colt and a misplaced Soldier help each other when they don't even speak the same language?

Contains minor violence. Not really GORE per se, but some violence.

(Image by Skaleal)

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 43 )

Is there going to be a sequel?

Seems kinda open ended.

Not my cup of tea, but that was rather touching in a way. Plus, your writing was pretty good. 4.5/5 Keep writing if you so desire, and the best of luck to you and whatever you may write.

13183
I don't know... I enjoyed the characters but haven't really come up with anything that would reasonably bring them back together. It's on my mind, however.

I like the story so far. :moustache:

It was an emotional roller coaster. But still very good

15581

Thanks! But sorry, it's complete so that's all there is. Unless I figure out what to do for a sequel :pinkiecrazy:

Very nice, maybe while hes at home it can go the other way around?

Top notch Story, I consider this one of the Best HiE fic's I've read, and I've read all of them on this site and EQD. Excellent job with the characters and superb job with the language barrier. Truly, well done.

52252
Wow, that's quite some praise. Thank you! :pinkiehappy: ...Too bad EQD didn't agree, lol. :pinkiesad2:

Doing the bit with the language barrier made it quite fun to write; it was still an interesting challenge.

31159
We shall see... :trixieshiftright:

Truly masterfull, an exeltent piece of writing if i do say so my self.:pinkiehappy:
everything was perfectly assembled, the dialoge was brilliantly done, the premace, Even the main location, witch was (as far as i know) never mentioned in the show felt vivvid and real. I practically could see the landscape it was so well done.

I would say this writing is at the level of a published book, I await your next masterpiece on baited breath.:moustache:

Interesting so far. I shall read a couple more chapters before I rate it.

To quote Fluttershy: "It's... nice." Chapters 1-6 are excellent (I love reading first-contact sci-fi stories, and I think you handled the corresponding scenario here really well, even if I have to grumble a bit about the excessive quotation marks around foreign words), which makes chapter 7 that much more of a disappointment. Your interesting setting and believable characters deserve a better ending than the deus ex machina of Celestia just magicking everything back to normal, especially since chapter 6 ends on such a great set-up for a big dramatic confrontation.

Then again, this was the first time I enjoyed a human-in-Equestria story since "Arddun Lleuad". 4/5, and I'll be reading your other stories as well.

Very clever, naming the famous horse general after Alexander the Great's horse!

That was awesome! Very well done, and it kept my attention even with almost all original characters. You had Green's military terminology correct, even the subtle digs at the Air Force. I'm glad you kept the language barrier in place, and I liked the way Green reasoned (ok, I had a TBI, I'm not seeing things correctly, but I'm going to deal with it).

cool story. How long did the research take?

Sweet, well written and not too long. One of the few HiE stories that don't Mary-Sue it up. 5/5!

Awesome story, thanks so much for sharing with us! The part with making the kite was especially touching. Mike's return home was a bit abrupt (Celestia doesn't even bother introducing herself to him?).

AWESOME! You sir are a talented writer! great story! I thoroughly enjoyed it!
:derpytongue2:
Herpa Derpty derp Sir!
translates: Good show dear Sir

Normally, I'd be all 'rar rar ponies at least know what fingers and hands are', but 'kid pony' + 'remote mining community' makes it believable here.

I *LOVED* how you've handled the language barrier. TOP NOTCH writing! I must say I agree with everypony else on the Celestia part - it was rushed and occurred far, far too soon. Overall: superb 200k word story that got brutally mutilated just where it started...

did you re-upload this? there's no way there can be this few views for such a high quality piece of fiction.

590996
Thank you! No, I did not-- But I did upload it all at once, which as it turns out is a mistake when it comes to generating views. :derpytongue2:

Also it's a HiE and contains basically no characters from the show, both of which tend to drive down the views a bit. Nevertheless I had a lot of fun writing it, and I am glad that you liked it.

592298

Dude, this ties for my favorite fan fiction, the level of professionalism, characterization and interaction is fantastic. and tell anyone to read it when I get the chance.

I even got the idea for the language barrier in my story from this one, Hope you don't mind that I copied that idea.:pinkiehappy:

P.S. The one you tied with is The conversion Bureau: Last Man Standing Another underrated masterpiece.

I remember this on FFNet a while back. Was pretty damn great.

Also, too many Macedonians, not enough Albanians.

Just marathoned through it, not bad. Thumbs up. :twilightsmile:

Excellent HiE story, I truly enjoyed it, especially loved the language barrier. A question though, when does it take place in Equestria? All through the story I felt it was waaay before the timeline of the series.

1047225
When does it take place? Click the link to find out!
Honestly since it doesn't involve Princess Luna or any of the show main characters, it could take place pretty much any time.

Anyway, glad you enjoyed it! Although I sort of cringe thinking about this story nowadays. I feel like I could have done a better job on the ending since it's sort of, "shoo! Shoo! Back to your proper places, everyone!" :facehoof: But rewriting things is for people who aren't me! :pinkiecrazy:

I'm so hooked on this story now...

Just wanted to say that your "brain damage assumption" idea was inspired. A neat, believable little quirk of thought that let the main character avoid an instant freak out upon first contact. As a bonus, it makes his lack of panic remain plausible. I dont recall seeing anyone else do it quite that way and I really wish I'd thought of it.

Clever. That's the word that kept coming to mind as I read this story. All kinds of clever.

The OCs were well developed, and your portrayal of the foals' trains of thought felt genuine. The story was clever (there's that word again), well-written, immersive, and interesting. The pacing was strong, though it sped up a bit more than I would have liked toward the end.

Speaking of the the ending, though... it did feel a bit stunted. Particularly the way it involved princess Deus ex Machina Celestia. It's a bit of a conundrum, that the transference into Equestria was just as unlikely and unexplained, yet read much better than the transference out. Not sure why, honestly.

Mostly, though, I felt like there would be so much more of an... adventure. The beginning felt like it was building up to something, then the story ended more like a one-shot or a slice-of-life, with the human character having seen no additional development beyond his initial characterization (which was great, by the way). The foals are another story... their development was fantastic.

Overall, this was a wonderful read. The story was very entertaining, and the characters were just wonderful. I can't stress that enough, really. It's certainly going in my favorites, and I would happily recommend it to anyone looking for a top-quality, mid-sized HiE to read.

Between this and Whip & Wing, you're quickly becoming one of my favorite authors on the site. It's no wonder you have so many followers.

Hey, ya' know what this comment section calls for!?
A COMMENT! :pinkiegasp:

I think Green underwent ultimate bronyfication. From oblivious to Equestria to Earth to Lieutenant Colonel Brony, he must be at least tempted...

This is excellent in almost every way. In my opinion, best human related story on this site.
It's great to finally see some more realistic human/pony interactions. A story where they can't understand each other and become friends right away, but that doesn't depict humans as hostile beings, only being able to destroy either. Instead, you let them be cautious at first, not being able to think what to make of the other, separated by a language barrier. Then you let them getting to know each other, develop a friendship despite being so fundamentally different and not being able to communicate with each other properly. In short, the characterization of all your main characters was fantastic. you handled them and their actions wonderfully. Having different viewpoints was a brilliant idea here, and made the story all the more interesting to read.
I especially liked the character development you gave the colt. Having a inferior complex and pondering what it means to be a earth pony is something I've always wanted to see in a story. Again, you handled this very well and made his conflict very believable.
This alone would have been enough to make this one of the best fanfictions on this site.
What really made me grow attached to the story were the bits and pieces you gave about Equestria's geography and history. Learning about the town and its surroundings was something I very much enjoyed, and the same is true about Bucephalus the Great. Taking into accord his name and where he was fighting (the Afghanistan/Middle East equivalent of Equestria), he kind of reminded me of Alexander the Great.
As 534573 said, the ending was the only thing that felt a bit rushed, but at least this story has some kind of conclusion. A lot of great and interesting stories stay incomplete forever.
I would like to thank you for writing and publishing this. I haven't enjoyed reading a story this much for a long time.

short an sweet! vunderbar ^^

A very nice read. I enjoyed it immensely.

Wow, talk about flashbacks...

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