• Member Since 15th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen Yesterday



Being the night security guard for Ponyville General Hospital is a boring and thankless job-- especially for Vigilance, who has his heart set on becoming a member of the Equestrian Royal Guard. Unfortunately both his current job and his future career are now in jeopardy thanks in part to a ridiculous incident in which Rainbow Dash broke in at night to steal a book, of all things. A book!

Now to save his job a reluctant Vigilance is saddled (pun unintended) with a new and frustrating duty: assisting in the treatment of his least favorite patient, an unidentified mare who thinks she's a dog.

Can Vigilance swallow his pride for long enough to get "Screw Loose" the exercise therapy she needs, or will her canine antics drive him barking mad?

Author's Note: Thanks to my prereaders, including Sapphire, Rated,and Ezefilly.

I came up with this idea ages ago as something I could write easily by hand when I didn't have access to a computer. And now thanks to the magic of "long exercise which gave me time to write," here it is!

Special thanks to Arrkhal on deviantart for drawing the picture that gave me the idea for this story in the first place.

Oh, and sorry for the potentially misleading short description... This cried out for a "they fight crime" thing, and I couldn't figure out something more accurate that would fit in the space provided ha ha.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 61 )

A story with Best Crazy Pony Screwloose?
I'll read later.:rainbowwild:

Brilliant! More! :trollestia: I love this!

And just because the odd quirkiness reminded me of it, I think you might enjoy this: Ponyville 911

Hilarity ensues.

You know, they do make a handsome pair.

Not many fics feature Screw Loose.
This was fun to read. I can't wait what crazy things they'll do next!:pinkiecrazy:

A boy and his dog.

A pony and his... hm.

I smell hilarity AND a serious lawsuit.

That's layman's term for, "MOAR"!

:pinkiehappy: - I'm insane first! Me me me! WOO!

I feel really bad for Vigilance. He's extremely relatable. A guy with failed dreams, works a job that he hates for an overbearing bitch of a boss(Nurse Coldheart), and his only escape is making himself feel like he's more important than he is, yeah I think you couldn't ask for a better hero than that. It's people like him that make the world work whether it's this security guard, the trash collector or the custodian that cleans the palace's bathrooms after the big royal chili cook-off. Seriously, I want to see more stories from this author: Fernin about the unsung working class heroes, because as guy who has worked in the service industry I salute this fic.

On a side note I was hearing Hugh Laurie voicing Dr. Stable.

Peace Out.

Looks like Vigilance is going to be driven...
barking mad.

In any case, this looks like it's going to be a most enjoyable read. I look forward to more.

Hmm. Looks interesting so far. Not entirely sure what direction this is going to take. Vigilance is instantly likeable as a protagonist, while Coldheart really does earn her name. I'll give a tentative favourite.

Intresting idea . . . POTENTIAL! :rainbowdetermined2:

I missing clicking favorite the first time around, and was lucky to catch it in the recently updated list.

Comedy and drama. Wonderful. And touching.

I agree. The montage you've done--it's funnier this way.

This is a great thing.

Of all the background ponies, in all the strangest situations, this is definitely one of the coolest stories I've been fortunate to find. I don't know how you figured this scenario, but it's is great fun!

Tracked, and loving every line. Thank you! Thanks for an excellent ride!


Oh dear. What havoc is that crazy mare wreaking? Well, guess I'll have to wait for the next update to find out.

In any case, great stuff. The montage worked fantastically. I'm definitely looking forward to more.

I'm going to hazard a guess and say that the arguing couple might not be quite as it seems, and that Screw Loose is going to put a stop to whatever unsavoury activities the couple are committing. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_grin.png

Hehe. First!
Awesome story, bro. keep it up!

....*rereads* Umm...*clicks where the next chapter should be* :twilightoops: WHY THERE NO MOAR!?

Heheh. Marefriend. In a ROMANTIC-comedy universe this is about the point when that might be developing.

Oooh, I can feel the MODERATE ANTICIPATION! :pinkiehappy:

Oh man, cliffhangers! This is going quite well, can't wait to see where it goes.

Goshdarn it. So you're going for Screw Loose helping Vigilance find a missing pony rather than preventing a crime. :facehoof: Oh well. This is shaping up to be a rather interesting story. Are you only planning on writing a single arc? The next chapter is the last? I was just starting to like these characters. Well Vigilance and Screw Loose, everybody else seems to be rather unlikeable.

let's see here...
Goshdarn it. So you're going for Screw Loose helping Vigilance find a missing pony rather than preventing a crime. Oh well. Yup :pinkiehappy:

This is shaping up to be a rather interesting story. Thanks!

Are you only planning on writing a single arc? Just the one, yes.

The next chapter is the last? That's correct.

I was just starting to like these characters. Well Vigilance and Screw Loose, everybody else seems to be rather unlikeable. Really? I like all my characters :rainbowlaugh:

Well that was quick, a great chapter and ending to boot. Well done sir, now i have to go searching for something else to keep me occupied until you have another idea.

aw ending a great story like this should be a crime, but it will be re-read over and over. so epic job on this one.:moustache::yay::heart:

I demand more tales of Equestria's working class and unsung heroes:
Taxi cab drivers
postal workers
Garbage collectors
Personal Assistants
Sewage and water treatment plant workers
The guys who do the landscaping at the castle.

No glory, but dammit they keep everything running.

What would a sewage treatment cutie mark look like, anyway?

a bio-hazard symbol?

but Vigilance doesn't like the nurses, I thought. wouldn't he have vocalized it then?

Fantastically executed. Part of me wants there to be an epilogue from Screw Loose's point of view, but this is a satisfying end in and of itself. Well done. :yay:


Great story !
I had a hope that there will be several episodes with Screw Loose and may be she will be cured in the end...
But anyway it was great and finale is awesome.
Thank you !

Are you only planning on writing a single arc? Just the one, yes.
Nevertheless I hope that you will get back to Vigilance and Screw Loose sometime.

read this on FF.net., good work putting it here too.
this demands a SEQUAL!


You know, I was actually expecting him to do a even MORE complete acceptance of her based on what she accomplished, and then have the acceptance letter be written for "One Guard-Pony trainee for fast-tracking into tracking unit and One special circumstances trainee to serve under first trainee as tracker.".

I have a theory she isn't per-se curable, since insanity is her cutie-mark and any cure would quickly send her into "Cutie-Mark Failure Insanity Syndrome". Ergo... what would you think of doing that as a sequel? Or MAYBE if I eventually did? Probably neither would suit you, but it never hurts to ask. It could start when he graduates with merely average grades, after he has a chance to calm down a bit on the subject so HE doesn't go insane when they suggest who his partner should be.

Feel free to do a sequel.

I liked it. I wonder what misadventures will happen now. Not saying a sequel mind you, but just a thought of the silly antics that could happen.

Best wishes!

This story is so cute!:derpytongue2:
If I read these chapters carefully, there aren't any grammatical errors, good descriptions and it is pretty enjoyable.

I'm happy that he made it into the Royal Guard and I hope that Screw will get better, be somewhat of normal mare.

This was fun.

Awesome story! I really liked the ending. It was very, uh... Humble, I guess. Anyway, good job!

very good, it is sad that it is the end. I want a romance story with exactly this characters, i don´t care that much if Screwloose would be still a little crazy if they start the romance, but i don´t know somehow i expected him to stay with screwloose.


A romance story? Out of this pairing?

That's sick. Even necrophilia is better than whatever -phila that would be.

The way this was written turned out perfectly as-is!

5605791 Most of the things are only sick, if they are real, as long as it is only fantasy i don´t care for the most stuff. But i never said something about sex, i mean that philia stuff is only meant for sex right? I don´t know, but as long as no one does that stuff, i don´t care.

At some parts it looks like Screwloose started to act a little bit like a Pony, at least facial.
That they spend time with each other could mean, that she is getting better.

....why would that be sick? I mean she is ill, but they are both Ponys...., he don´t have to buck with her as long as she is still this weird. (I honestly don´t get why you think that, i don´t want to be mean)
I don´t go further into that stuff, because i don´t want to use my time on this right now.

The story was good, but as usually to short for me, and somehow i enjoy a bit romance in a story once in a while, but this is just because i haven´t seen good other stuff till now. At least not much that was super awesome or something like that.

Barking Mad. It's as good a name as any.

Of course, things must have worked out since she's SANE the next time we see her.

Candy Stripper? You mean the little filly?

Off to a fun start! Vigilance is very relatable.

Poor Vigilance. He just can't catch a break, can he? :rainbowlaugh:

It's so ridiculous to me how much people (and ponies, as we see here) look down on security guards/officers. :facehoof:

That was a great story. The ending was fantastic for both Vig and Screwy! :twilightsmile: Really enjoyed this one. Have a fave!

Login or register to comment