I was hardly prepared for this...
Even though I am an avid reader of the "human finds himself into the equine society" kind of genre, most of those stories which happened to have an average human as the main character were simply.. absurd, biased against humanity or simply illogical right off the bat, mostly picturing ludicrous approaches and results, ranging from resorting to outright socipathy for no apparent reason to instantaneous mutual affinity between two alien beings who had never met before, again, for no actual reason.
As a result, those had little to none useful advices... nothing that can aid me now on dealing with the real thing, just dumb, over-the-top, childishly written perspectives... like a supersoldier's violence-ridden one-track mind, a fanboy's squeamish and annoyingly upbeat vision, a lonely human' sugarcoated dream of making out with equines and so on...
I figure I have no choice but to carry on my own particular approach by avoiding such distorted perspectives... we'll see the results soon enough.
Someone logically going through what one should/shouldn't be doing when thrown into a mythical world....... Tell me more.
I personally don't like these types of stories. But you sir, have gotten yourself another reader
Despite the short chapter length, this is definitely much different from the cookie cutter HiE stories by taking a very intelligent approach to the HiE concept with its very contemplative protagonist. Paraphrasing, "running for the mane six" strikes too true. I don't even know how many HiE stories have the human meet one mane six in minutes. Not only do you avert that, you clever use twist that device by introducing Cheerilee of all ponies to the main character and not even vice versa. he protagonist had literally done nothing but think what to do. Good job
! Cheerilee definitely needs more loving, and not the "potion"-induced kind.
.
More plus points for the gumption of an Earth Pony colt protagonist. I guess that makes it slightly easier for both author and protagonist now that there's no need to stress over handling magic or learning to fly ("I'm learning to fly, but I ain't got wings. Coming down, is the hardest thing"), but it also resents a small challenge as there's no impressive flying tricks or wondrous magic talents to eventually master. Nope, it's down to his brain and perhaps brawn (Earth Pony, see). I trust his intelligence more than strength though
Lastly, there were no spelling or grammar errors as far as I could tell. Correct English is crucial, lest the reading experience of mine be drastically reduced.
Interested in seeing where this analytical approach will get you. Carry on.
I really don't like Bronies in Equestria stories, but this one seems awsome!
Hello folks! Stalin the Stallion here with another instance of Stalinview! As always, i remind you, that anypony can get their own Stalinview if they shall make some feedback to Stalin's own story. If you want your own Stalinview, either PM me or comment my story and state that you want one.
Have a nice day!
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"Ok, I’ll be blunt... I’ve been turned into a pony. Some night that looked just like any other when I went to sleep and woke up only to find myself on a multicolored world."
Ahhh, pink dream of all bronies, including myself"
"Of course, I could always spruce my coming by involving a mysterious all-powerful being with a stupid name"
Geez, our dreams are the same. Stalin always wanted to become Uguvungr, the Almighty spirit of Marture and Distress (Stalin has no idea what word Marture means or if it even exist, but still it sounds cool)
"When I first set my eyes upon the way too bright world (somebody must have set it on 1080p)"
Hilarious!
"A damn blank-flank colt! A human who has the experience of 21 years turned into the lowest chaste of the lowest chaste of ponydom... a male earth pony colt..."
Awww. Don't be so mean! Stalin likes that gamer colt from "Hearts and hoofes day". It's because of him Stalin decided to start selling videogames in his Empire of Evil! "Super Stalin Brothers vs Uncle Sam" was a great sucess!
"If they really planned to do such, they were definitely moronic..."
Yep. Stalin always wanted to dispel Discord's spell first! And then rule Equestria. Discord and Uguvundr... Ah, sweet dreams...
"give me a harem of mares"
Honestly, Celestia giving harem of mares? She isnt slave dealer... By the way, do you really need it?
"Restrain contact with the mane six to a bare minimum, PERIOD."
Another hilarius line
"release their power against Celestia"
Honestly, Stalin doesnt think that elements should work on it's previous wielder.And if it will, Celestia would banish you to the moon before you try it.
Why do you hate Celestia so much? She's irresponcible troll, yes, but not a bloody tyrans as Stalin are!
Ok, time for overall.
Fic's name reflects it's content perfectly. It is not a typical human in Equestria Stalin despise. It's analysys of Human in Equestria writer's psychique, and yourself!
This one is nicely done, by the way. It's freas and unicue, have some good lines and thoughts. But still it's hard to be called a story because of it's style.
Also, Stalin likes first-person narrations, so point in tis one.Also it brings up a nostalgia of those days Stalin was dreaming to go to Equestria. Ah, Uguvungr, my perfect alter-ego...
Overall: nice one. Track on. Like on. Stalin look forward to see other chapters!
Very nice! I really like the character's reasoning during this whole... "Situation"
Well, short chapter, but still
Hello folks! Stalin the Stallion is here, bringing you yet an other installment of Stalinview! I remind you, that you can always get your own Stalinview. Chack Stalin's last blog entry for details.
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Dirt Boulder, what an adorable name!
Why do you afraid of Celestia so much again? It becomes paranoid, you know...
"stallions chatting about fashion designs"
What about countless stallions that DOES chatting about fashion disignes? Fancupants, for example.
"Where did you came from, Boulder?”
"I rolled down the mountain"
Yep. Telling that your parents sacrificed themselves to save you defenetely won't bring any attention you are so afraid of.
Yep. No attention to you, poor little colt, who has survived one of greatest tragedies in Equestria and dont even know what "school" is. You are a genius of discuise!
Well, Cheerilee, you have forgotten that child LOST HIS PARENTS pretty damn fast.
Again, this colt dont know what a book it. Not suspicious at all!
" as away as I could get from the cutie mark crusaders"
Incorrect verb. Stalin thinks that "As far as i can from CMC" shall be more appropriate
"“Quiet down, please… we have a very special guest today, my ponies…”
Oh no… she won’t…"
DUUUUUDE! YOU ASKED FOR IT YOURSELF!
"Of course, I could always tell them their talents… I knew them by heart, just a few words and their quest would end… but that would ruin a multitude of upcoming episodes and…"
Nice line
Ring of bell wraps up this chapter
OVERALL:
Some interesting thoughts, but illogical behavior of your character. You really should pace it not like a story, but as a psychology analysis you did in first chapter. But overall it's a nice piece of writing. Good job!
You're right pal... I didn't thought this chapter throughtly enough... thanks for the heads up, stalin, now I can think of something to solve the illogical predicament I've inserted. As for a psychology analysis only story, I don't think that it has enough substance to survive alone without a story in which such knowledge is applied with effective and not so effective results, besides, there are a few things I desire to try...
Awsome chapter, I can't wait for more!
....... Didnt see that coming. I think teachers all secretly have superpowers. Or built in lie detectors.
My idea of Boulder
i.imgur.com/qCXwu.png|200px
Edit: WHOA! I didn't realize how big this was!
I liked Cheerilee's reaction. That was a nice twist.
Excellent
Does it say something about me that whenever I read this story I start thinking about how I would probably act in his place? Like, with most HiE fics, I just sort of go along with the character, but this one manages to get me involved enough that I really think about how I would act differently. I suspect that a large amount of said acting-differently is because my standard technique where interpersonal relations are concerned is manipulating the emotions of whoever I'm interacting with. Also, when someone feels antagonistic towards me, a common response of mine involves presenting them with a straw-man version of whatever they're doing, and proceeding to tear it down and hoping they don't notice the difference.
Short version: I'm a manipulator even in casual conversation, and seeing this protagonist taking a different path is leading me to some interesting introspection, given that I hadn't really consciously observed most of the above patterns of mine before reading this story (especially this chapter, although the story as a whole too). So thanks, I kind of enjoy introspection and therefore really am grateful for the level of introspection which I engaged in as a result of this fic.
Hey guys, thanks for the support, it means a lot to me.
Will keep on writin'
351406 Probably so... infinite patience and a good chunk of interpersonal skills.
351500 It's almsot like that, the hair is a shade darker and a bit more unruly on my headcannon, but otherwise, it's fine.
352617 Goes to show that a human isn't always going to fool a pony, the other way around can happen instead.
355228 I'm glad that it made you reflect about your own actions, the story is (evidently) based on my own view of the situation, not that it is the best or most flawless way to deal with it, but the one that seems logical and comfortable (according to my own biases and personality). I find it intresting because you are a completely different individual, yet, will probably take something from it (or not, well, it's your call.) I'm just glad that the world is filled with different people who have diverse thoughts about things. If everybody always thought the same, the world would be an incredibly drab place. Well, at least there wouldn't be trolls...
358554 .... i assumed being able to put up with screaming kids all day WAS a super power.
358557 It is. By the way, how much do they earn in your country ? In mine, it's one of the lowest salaries among the public services' payroll. That's another superpower, being able to live on that.
358573 Don't quote me on this, but i'm pretty sure its about $45,000 per year before taxes. Keep in mind, that is merely the average. More experienced teachers usually earn more. This is just the national average
Also, what country are you from? Sorry if you find this question insensitive.
358614 Wow... that's way much more than teachers recieve on my country... well, here they recieve around 12000 USD/year on average, the teachers for public schools. more for university teachers and for the ones teaching in private schools. As a result of this, teaching is often put aside as a career choice.
And I don't mind the question. I'm from Brazil.
358877 Oh Brazil! Ive always wondered what it would be like to go there. From what ive seen it looks very beautiful.
358877 You're a teacher? Man, I can't imagine that. I'm a freshman, and I can get along with teachers pretty well for the most part, but I could never do it. I would just curse at them and throw assignments at them, and if i was feeling extra apathetic that day, We would watch a movie.
Anyway, can't wait for the next chapter!
Less hyper-rationalizing his own actions and internal monologues would be nice. I like the potential in this fiction for unexplored ground, but you're trying way too hard to justify in-universe his actions. Not having an a**ton of plot armor and/or raping the characters' characters until they're a twisted hollow shell of what they used to be is nice, but you're not merely descriptive of the main character you're trying to portray. Show some of his rational for what he does, but less explaining his-every-movement would be appreciable and would, I believe, help balance out the erratic flow of this fiction's narrative. Tracking for now, withholding a more definitive judgment until later.
I hope this fic isn't dead, I could use some introspection-fuel and this is one of the best sources of it that I know of, lol.
358877 Hey. Me agian. Got a bit of an update about your question about how much money teachers make in America. Apparently, theres better money in public education than there is in private education.
598159 No, it isn't dead... its just that I am a terribly slow writer...
but no worries buddies, I'm almost done with the next chapter (seems its gonna be larger than the average chapters), just a few more days and I'll post it.
603704 Huh, strange... that's rather counterintuitive to my external vision, I suppose that American government pays better to public teachers in order to bolster its countries' educational indicators as a whole...
But still, I assume that there are careers with better wages for someone qualified enough to teach.
608566 I assume so as well. Another reason for the pay difference is that most public teachers are part of the teachers union and have collective bargaining. That, and at a private school, most of the tuiton goes towards making the place awesome. I mean my school has touch sensetive projector screens and pizza every wednesday, Chic-fil-a every Monday, and about 40 non- teacher computers in the school.
608589 Bro, I wish I had those back in my time, heh.
About having a union, that makes sense...
also, I suppose that private schools are more lax at hiring teachers, since they are unconstrained by not needing to show concrete results every now and then to the state, like the public ones.
So, I guess that free market economy takes its place on private schools: a lot of teachers who couldn't make it to the public ones apply to teach on the private schools, and the supply-demand ratio gives the school an edge on bargaining with the private teachers, driving their wages downhill.
612309 That and I like to think the teachers in the private schools care about the students a little bit more and are willing to do it for less.
Pretty nice chapter. Boulder is starting to realize that he can't really avoid meeting canon ponies, so instead just does his best to be normal-seeming to them. At least, that's the impression I'm getting. I'm not sure he succeeded with that last overly-profound-for-his-supposed-age speech which he gave to Sweetie though, lol.
669571 , well, even kids might know a thing or two that might surprise grownups...
671152 From what I recall of being a kid, I might have been able to say something like that by the time I was like 11 or 12 (might), but I kind of suspect that his physical age is more like 8 or 9, and I definitely wouldn't have been able to say something like that when I was that age.
(Note that I don't literally mean unable to say something like that, I mean unable to actually think of it without quoting from somewhere else)
Do you have an editor/proofreader?
I don't want to sound mean when I say this, but you need one.
I understand English is not your first language and therefor minor issues should generally be ignored, but there are far too many instances within your story where a word should be removed or a sentence should be re-written for clarity.
I like this story, but I find myself becoming sidetracked every time I find an error in syntax or grammar.
Any reader with english as their first language should be able to help you correct a great many of the current issues within your story.
They are likely things that only a native speaker would pick up on.
Quick note:
I am NOT perfect.
I make more than enough mistakes to prove that point.
I am not an English major or even particularly knowledgeable in its applications within writing. I do however know when a sentence 'feels wrong' and can generally work out alternatives to correct it.
I will never claim to be better than anyone else in regard to writing. I will however offer suggestions on how they may improve a story should I see something that may be an issue.
That being said, here are a few examples from chapter 4 to illustrate what I mean.
Example:
Of course, I could always go on trying to avoid the mare whenever I could… it would be the same thing of trying to put down an out of control forest fire with a dropper, a futile effort.
Altered Example:
Of course, I could just keep trying to avoid her whenever possible… but that would be like trying to put out a forest fire with a medicine dropper; a futile effort.
Explanation:
"always go on" is a 'clunky' phrasing. In this instance the word 'always' is your biggest issue. You could remove the word entirely and have "I could go on…" or you could do as I have done and replace the group of words with something else.
"the mare" is already implied to be Pinkie and as such you can simplify the wording by referring to her as… well... 'her'.
"the same thing of". "Thing of" is nonsensical in this phrasing. If you were to replace 'thing of' with the word 'as' to create 'the same as', the sentence would be fine. I chose to simplify the sentence farther by replacing "the same as" with "like". It means roughly the same thing, but shortens the sentence for clarity.
I added in the word "medicine" to help crate a visual connection to the described item. It is not necessary, but I feel it helps illustrate the comparison.
Example:
I knew enough from Pinkie to expect effectively anything from her,
Altered Example:
I knew enough about Pinkie to expect almost anything from her.
Explanation:
You have seen enough From. You know enough About. (either option works)
I can not explain to you why 'effectively' feels wrong in this sentence, but it does. Maybe an english major could tell you, I cannot.
Also, this is a complete sentence.
Will the canon ponies eventually learn that Boulder has the syntax/diction of a grown-up? His language is too good for a small colt. Common mistake, as most writers are adults after all.
671223 Hmm... you're right on that point, it does seem a tad mature for Boulder, Tulip... but remember, we are talking about a world where canon ponies learn character-building lessons on a weekly basis, with high emphasis on "Friendship Report" kind of lessons... some of them which might just teach something to foals to the point they can teach their friends aswell. Anyways, that's a nice observation... it gave me an idea for a dialogue next chapter...
672301 Thanks for the feedback. My answer is no, unfortunately, I currently do not have a proofreader... I agree, I'd best get one soon, I'll look up something in this regard. I appreciate (and will keep appreciating) every kind of help/suggestions in this kind issue, because that's really the point of storywriting here: picking up the ropes of storytelling and of a foreign language all at once.
673090 Well, there may be a few feasible explanations for that... being well-read helps, also, not being an especially talkative foal much as well... but indeed, it might set a few suspicions towards Boulder...
So... Another really long chapter break? Or is the fic actually dead this time?
Another long break, as usual... I'm not finding enough time to write, and I can't help being the world's slowest writer either... Rest be assured, there will be an update on this month.
It seems that I've miscalculated a bit... I'll be needing some more days to unleash the newest chapter, but... well, I'd rather write something nice and take a while to release it than just post my first terribad draft. Anyways, that's it.
A thousand apologies from this half-ploted writter.
Logic? In Fimfiction? Puh-lease, what a joke!
Well you got me. I'm clenching my heart as I read along your speech, aww my God soo cute!
331682
I know right. It's really amazing hearing all the survival tips and tricks made to be as actually logical as possible.
Holy crap that took a turn
1379354
This is really good. I hope the next chapter's up, it's been quite a few days now.
Only an idiot kills guests from another world. Even our rulers would not start a potential war so stupidly.
The truth is