Applejack has many secrets. She is much older than she looks. She is also smarter than she looks. Not only that, but she isn't very fond of Princess Celestia. She’s also searching for a long lost friend. Last but not least, she’s a time-travelling immortal alien hunter with a secret paramilitary base hidden underneath her family barn.
Stranded in a different time from when she grew up, she hides herself in plain sight, lying in wait for the chance to prevent a horrible future from emerging. Can she change history, or is she doomed to spend eternity watching everyone die at the hands of the greatest evil she has ever known?
A story written with diary entries, present day action scenes, dialogue, secret documents, and little to no editing.
Crossover with Torchwood. The Doctor will not actually appear in story line except in flashbacks.
I am monitor lizard
> "Captain Applejack Harkness"
Doctor Who with 20% more cider.
Is any G1 Applejack involved?
I`d very much like to see where this is going, good job!
3491206
I am Komodo Commando Saurus Rex
3491937
That gives me an idea...
3492224
Applejack is Applejack. That's all I'll say. Anything else would be spoilers. (River Song Style)
3495169
Thanks!
3495419
The Muzzle of Po! (-nyville)
This is confusing as hell but I'm enjoying it.
3498031
What's confusing? Tell me, so that I may improve as a writer of pony stuffs.
3499097 It's kinda all over the place, one minute she is talking about defeating Nightmare Moon and the next she is capturing a secret agent Gilda with a net gun. There is no explanation as to why Applejack is Jack Harkness or if any of the other mane six know about that. Also time loops are naturally confusing, has she done this before? Her aunt was Apple Bloom? Why does she hate Celestia? (I understand some of these questions may be answered later in the story). It's just a little tough to grasp all of these happenings all at once. I have little to no writing knowledge or experience but I would suggest spacing things out more because it seems a little rushed and you should give more detail about the things going on. It is good however in a charming sort of way, it looks like you are putting effort into it and I can respect that so I will continue to read this story. I hope this advice is helpful, keep at it and surely you will be writing like a pro in no time.
3500942
It will be kept mysterious, but it will be answered slowly over the course of many, many, many chapters. Also, it's a surprise.
3502813 Guess we're in for a bumpy ride!
hiveworkshop.com/forums/attachments/off-topic-478/98814-my-little-pony-friendship-magic-allponypeople.jpg
3503491
You got any other good badass Applejack pics?
Yay for immortal AJ! I like dis. I like dis muchly.
3504093 I think I might images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/26900000/Applejack-Badass-D-applejack-my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-26924376-411-545.jpg
derpicdn.net/img/2013/4/19/302607/full.jpeg
twentypercentcooler.net/data/90/09/9009ddfce120706b931230042b60b734.png
fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/192/c/0/applejack_by_justsomecomputernerd-d56ub8v.png
Yep, found some, here ya go!
'Nother good chapter, Moustache for you!
Did Trixie just call herself he?
3516901
"Trixie does not know where he is"
She's talking about someone else. Can you guess who?
3503491 Rainbow, did you steal my getaway car again? You know I use that to rob banks.
Oh! Oh! Do I count as having one of the two good Torchwood crossover fanfics? null
Great story so far, by the way!
Yup, this looks like it's gonna be pretty good. Can't wait to see what happens next!
3495620
I think I will address this chapter first, and separately from the others because of how important it is and sets up the rest.
The way you give us this premise, I think, is very well done. We have the two major elements of Celestia's relationship to the doctor, and Applejack's true identity, both of which I like very much just for their sheer originality.
One of the best and worst things in this chapter is the characterization of everypony.
First, the best:
Captain Applejack Harkness is done brilliantly! You can see the Applejack we all know and love all through the tone of her Diary Entry, and we can also see the former Time Agent and the Captain Jack through her actions. Recording her deaths in the way did you did was very morbid but also very interesting, and I feel it is something Jack might do in the situation.
Then the worst:
Overall, your worst isn't that bad. I just felt that the characterization of the Doctor and Roseluck was a little off, I mean, sure they couldn't interfere with a fixed point, but I can't shake the feeling that they would feel bad about what happened and attempt to comfort Celestia.
Celestia's characterizations seems good, although different from canon, and her actions appropriate under the situation. But, I couldn't help but hear her declare Torchwood's existence with Queen Victoria's voice.
Your grammar and mechanics are all well done, but I would take another look at the spacing between paragraphs because it seems to fluctuate a bit.
Bottom line, you introduce a very interesting concept and characters, and that's what you need from a first chapter.
It's funny, actually, I deal with the rise of Nightmare Moon too, just in the first book of Secret Agent Macintosh, and it's always interesting to see what other authors can create for it.
A VICIOUS COUNTERSTRIKE!
Yours Truly,
The Insula Sol
3552073
DIRECT HIT! MASSIVE BLOOD LOSS!
thanks for the critique!
POTION OF HEALING ACTIVATED! HEALTH RESTORED!
INITIATE ROUND TWO!
(Well, time to review your prequel)
3504093
THE EXPLOSION SENDS FIC FLYING! TRAUMATIC INJURY SUSTATIANED! MUST REMAIN DOWN TO REGAIN HP!
An interesting chapter. I especially enjoyed the Diary entries, the humor was really on point and I laughed out loud several times. Writing things like Diary entries can be really boring, but you are making a great narrative out of them.
The pacing here is really fast, and I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing. It does well to highlight interesting and emotional parts, but it can also have readers less interested in each individual event unless there is significant build up.
Once you get to the part about Roseluck and the rabbits things start getting really Timey Whimey. You should be careful around timey whimey as it can easily confuse some readers, and heck, sometimes even Moffat can't pull it off. However, the idea that Applejack is her own namesake is a very interesting one.
Your take on Gilda was an interesting one, especially the idea that she is a secret terrorist...and apparently a really bad one. This is a massive plot twist, but I don't think it has the massive impact it deserves because of the fast pacing. Though, it does serve for us to learn a lot more about Applejack, her team, and her feelings towards Celestia.
Overall, it spurns a lot of intrigue, and I really, really like the jokes in the diary entries.
SNIPER FIRE! SMOKE BOMB!!
3517725
WHOLE MILK CONSUMED! HEALTH RESTORED!
And the plot thickens!
I really admire your way of setting things up, the use of encyclopedia and reference book entries are actually interesting to read.
Also, Zecora would be a brilliant officer for UNIT! Mainly because it gives her a reason to be there and be from a different country. Her warning comes across as ominous which is good, although her rhyming seems a little bit rudimentary, but rhyming as a whole is very hard so I get it.
Can't wait to see Trixie actually holding a position of power, that otta be good.
3516901 And pretty sure she was talking about the Doctor there.
Which brings me to this very intricate plot your are plotting. I gotta say that I like it. From what I can tell Captain Applejack Harkness is rounding up all the grandchildren of former companions to help Torchwood, and she's planning to release Discord, on purpose, to ensure the Solar Empire does not come to be. Seems like things will get pretty hairy when it all comes to a head.
I did spot some mistakes though, specifically some decapitlized names towards the beginning. And this mistake, which I forgot to point out last time, and it's something you do consistently. It might be to difficult to change it now, but just use it for future reference.
The comma should always be within the parenthesis.
Oh, and seeing Captain Applejack Harkness's view of cannon events is always fun, and hilarious to read.
HOWITZER ACQUIRED, LOADED, AIMED, AND FIRED!
Make the Element of Surprise a tangible thing. I can see this turning into a great piece of comedy if you do.
Starting to like this fanfic.
A little unusual for PP not to be a part of it, even in the background.
3560804
ARE...YOU....MY...MUMMY?
Seeing Applejack as a terrorist was probably the most disturbing thing I felt when I first read this. The fear she inspired in Celestia here, and her reputation, is what gave me that sense of dread I told you about earlier. I really wasn't sure how far, and to what lengths Applejack would go to do these things, and it is a little frighting.
Also the line about the soldier really added to that, I'm sure we'll learn what it means in good time, but it almost gave me shivers.
The foreshadowing is strong with this chapter, particularly the talk about being bored. Sounds like something big will happen.
SHEDS AND CRAWLS OUT OF ZOMBIE SKIN! IT IS TIME FOR THE FINAL SANCTION! TASTE MY RAINBOW VOMIT!
imagehaul.com/thehauls/cfeb8ba12e6346b65b9efcfa3d3cefa0.gif
Nice chapter! Unfortunatly I haven't seen too much of the classic series, or the Remembrance of the Daleks but I got who Ace was and I really liked it. Though, the bit about Vinyl Scratch was a tad bit confusing.
Sorry I didn't mention it earlier but I'm glad you liked the Racquetball story, Psych and Mary will forever hold a special place in my heart.
Do you wish to continue the FANFIC DEATH MATCH? Cuz I believe it was your move, or you can make a pass for this round, in which case you'll have to fight back with the ferocity of a rabid porcupine if you wish to survive. But if not that's okay. Just finished writing the next chapter, and it won't be long before editing is done.
Really like this story, and I think I'm beginning to ship Captain Applejack Harkness and Cheerilee.
3633037
Nah, I'm going for a crack ship later, Cheerijack is too normal for my tastes. If it's going to be shipping, it's got to be ridiculous.
For the DEATH MATCH, I was busy with some personal stuff, but I'm mostly done with it, so... LET THE BATTLE RESUME!
And to be honest, Remembrance of the Daleks is the only classic episode I watched
Yeah, and Vinyl will be explained next chapter, I couldn't figure out how to work it into the current one.
Seventh Doctor reference, nice!
WEAPONS STORES DEPLETED! IMPROVISATIONAL STRATEGY ADOPTED!
This, I think has to be my favorite chapter yet. Manly because watching Celestia and the entire Equestrian Government get trolled by Applejack is just so darn fun!
Loved the code phrases. Also, only just caught the Silence will fall reference. And I can only guess that VS is actually Vinyl Scratch?
And poor Scribe! I think she deserves a pay raise for everything she puts up with.
Humorous data files
Nice world building, as usual.
There's a lot of details here, obviously setting up something big, but the sheer amount of details relevant to things which have not happened yet makes things a bit confusing at times.
BANANA GROVE LOCATED! NEW WEAPON CHOSEN! BANANA'S ARE GOOD!!
EXTRAPOLATOR SHIELDING ACTIVATED! BANANA'S MASHED INTO PUDDING!
It's interesting to see Ace's tone of voice in the exposition, and I think I've said before that I like the way you do your tone overall. Also interesting is that you've been keeping to Doctor Who Canon pretty well, whereas I find that diverging from some canon events can make things a bit easier. The distopian future Applejack paints sure does feel like something straight out of the whoniverse, and I'm curious to how you'll pull off the reveal of just how dark these dark things where.
Like I said before, I enjoyed Ace and her character presence, although the bit about Vinyl Scratch is confusing.
And since you made some predictions, I think I'll make some of my own.
Seems to me like it's Applejack's plan to create the Cutie Mark Crusaders as a part of a larger event to free discord and change the timeline enough to prevent some division between Luna and Celestia, and also prevent the Distopian future. And the place where everything is going to go down is Ponyville which is why she's assembling ponies who where exposed to, or descended from those exposed to, time travel so that the timey whimey changes will effect them least.
And judging by the previous Doctor Who canon events, I'm going to say that the climax will be similar to the season 3 finale with the involvement of the Doctor and the Master.
Sorry for taking so long.
CHOCOLATE BANANA TRIFLE ASSEMBLED FROM MASH AND PUDDING! PREPARE TO HAVE YOUR TASTE BUDS ASSAULTED!
As far as GOOD Doctor Whooves stories are concerned, I'm rather partial to the ones by Loyal2Luna, H3ph3stus, and R5h.
THE SUNDAE! IT LOOKS....SO ENTICING! I MUST CONSUME IT!
So Vinyl Scratch really is a Cyberman, or rather, the in universe Cyberwoman (at least she hasn't put her brain into a pizza girl). I hope we get to see her backstory some time soon cuz I bet it'd be pretty interesting.
Seeing Applejack deal with Applebloom was cool, and Applebloom was nicely in character.
Also, not just a Day of the Moon reference, but also a Spongebob reference! I snickered for a good minute or so after that one.
Spotted a few typos.
As apposed to Amarecan.
I feel like this is foreshadowing...hmmm....
Looking forward for the next one!
DIET ACQUIRED! SUNDAE DISCARDED! SPOON CARVED INTO SHIV!
3729080
fixed the first typo (American is correct, as I meant actual normal football)
That barnacle wiped out all the sea ponies, so it is the most dangerous thing in her vault.
IT'S GOT ITS OWN INTERNET PAGE FOR PETE'S SAKE. I had to include it.
On another note, what is your opinion on this story's tags? Sad? Dark? Comedy? I want to change it, but I'm not sure which ones to add.
3730598
I'd say Dark and Comedy feel appropriate. However, it doesn't quite feel sad yet. Maybe include the tag is something tragic happens which drastically changes the mood.
3732528
IT HAS BEEN DONE!
Thanks for the feedback.
I don't get it, what was the pattern?
Death by Boredom 1 them accident.
......I really want to know what happened
3495337
*gasp*
So Applejack is G4!Applejack, G1!Applejack, G3!Applejack, and...
The Apple Jacks cereal!
By god, it makes so much more sense now!
Also, death by boredom?
I want to know the story behind that.
3495620
Make it so.
Please make it so.
3855764
I will, I swear on Applejack's empty grave.
In about 15 chapters and a sequel, it will happen.
When AJ mentioned that the future had Lensflares and Teleporters, I saw the reference that you made...
It's a reference to a well-known series about semi-peaceful explorers seeking out new life and exploring the cosmos, remade in a split universe by a man who likes Wars in a distant galaxy.
(Best riddle I could come up with; is it any good?)
If you change the Alicorn Twilight arc, I. Will. Cyber-convert. you.
3857445
Yes!
Also, this story is awesome. PLEASE continue it soon!
M&M LANCE SUMMONED FROM THE PITS OF CANDY HELL! AVANTE!
Huh, that is a pretty clever way to circumvent the fixed point system. I like it. Also, good job with the foreshadowing about Scootaloo, it's really cool how things are coming together.
I did feel that Neighsayer was a bit too smart and accepting of his situation to the point that it wasn't quite realistic.
Oh, and Nice Human Nature reference.
I SHALL LUNGE!
3892476
To be fair, Neighsayer was awake for about six hours, the conversation at the end was several hours after he woke up.
3809130
She must have been listening to twilight talk about princess celestia.
I'm...confused.
It's keeping me hooked, though.
3951519
What's confusing? Any criticism is wanted and needed for me.