//------------------------------// // Nightmare Gilda // Story: Captain Applejack Harkness // by Inthretis //------------------------------// June 20, 1618 Dear diary, Everything is happening exactly like it’s supposed to, I think. The preparations for the summer sun celebration are almost done, and today I met Twilight Sparkle. I tried to make friends with her by pulling a “Howdy, I’m a simple farmer, meet the folks” maneuver. I don’t think it worked. Hopefully the awkward introduction won’t be remembered when fighting Nightmare Moon. Let’s hope any changes to the timeline didn't mess with her intelligence. Right now, it is only about 2 PM, so I’ll go back to work. Just needed to write these thoughts down. Soon, I’ll be facing Nightmare Moon, but discreetly. The other members of my team are ready, and so am I. I have to be careful, because once Princess Luna returns, everything changes. -Captain AJH --0o0-- June 21, 1618 Dear Diary, It has been an interesting 24 hours. So apparently, Nightmare Moon was literally trapped on the moon. That explains why I kept picking up life signals from there. So no need to strategically strike moon pony hideouts in case of invasion from the hidden space laser under the barn. Not like I was planning to do so next week. Nope. I was also correct that Twilight knew what she was doing; I mean, she confronted Nightmare, monologued, searched a library, and saved the day at the last second.If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she is a female version of the Doctor. Think about it: Twilight is an inspector, arrived the same day a world changing catastrophe was going to happen, didn't flinch when Nightmare Moon arrived, searched for the mystery in the library, has a companion of the opposite gender (and of an different species), her cutie mark could represent travelling the stars, is generally nonviolent, and shoots Nightmare Moon with weaponized friendship. So now I am destined to save the world multiple times with someone who resembles the Doctor in several personality traits. So might as well jot down these notes from the UNIT archive: Subject: The Doctor Species: Time Lord Sex: Male (presumably) Age: Varies Cutie Mark: Hourglass (presumably) Appearance: a normal pony, either as an earth pony, unicorn, or pegasus 1: male gray unicorn with white mane 2: male dark gray earth pony with black mane 3: dark blue unicorn, white and blue mane 4: orange-brown earth pony with brown mane 5: Beige Pegasus 6: ?green stallion? 7: Blue pegasus, dark blue mane 8: ?unicorn? 9: black earth pony, short black mane 10: ??? Also surprising, I didn’t die once. Usually, when one fights an immortal goddess of the moon, who was known for her omnicidal tendencies, and could only be defeated by strange magical artifacts that shoot magical rainbow lasers, one expects huge casualties (or one casualty over a hundred times). Either that, or Nightmare Moon’s return and purification is an unalterable part of history. Anyways, Princess Luna returned, I became the bearer of the Element of Honesty for the third time, and I became friends with five random mares. I knew of Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash, and were on a friendly basis with them. Rarity and Fluttershy were more frilly for my tastes, (frou-frou and non-athleticism). Twilight knows a lot about magic theory (definitely more than my last science officer), and appears very introverted, though makes up for it in her underlying personality. I don’t know, maybe I’ll ask her for some help. It would be an easy way to get to know her. She may not be the Doctor, but if she’s anything like her brother, she can probably handle whatever the world has to offer. -Captain AJH --0o0-- June 28, 1618 Dear diary, The Grand Galloping Gala is ironically the only party I’ve never been to. Avoiding Celestia while working for her is difficult, but now that I’m an element again, I can scout for the Doctor at the most exclusive party of the year (which he mentioned visiting several times). Not only that, but I can also make some bits off the nobles by selling pastries to pay for Granny Smith’s broken hip (government family health insurance does not apply to immortals). Rainbow Dash is in trouble, mostly because the Wonderbolts are always swarmed with photographers.. Rarity is in for a ride, because Blueblood hates ponies that want him because of his royal title. Not to mention his love of incredibly esoteric subjects. Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy will probably be fine, they’ll probably lighten the mood. Twilight’s night will be weird, because Celestia has to greet all the guests (heard about that one time back in 1367 when she greeted ponies for almost 24 hours straight). What could go wrong (Other than a Zebra/Griffon invasion, invasion by aliens, getting crushed by a monster, arrested by Celestia, shot down by Luna, framed for murder, etc.) ? -Captain AJH --0o0-- July 3, 1618 “Boy howdy! I got my work cut out for me. That there is the biggest bumper crop o' apples I ever laid eyes on.” “Eeyup. Too big for you to handle on your own.” “Come on, big Mac! You need to rest up and get yourself better. I haven't met an apple orchard yet that I can't handle. Oops, sorry. I'll take a bite out of this job by day's end." “Biting off more than you can chew is just what I'm afraid of.” “Are you sayin' my mouth is makin' promises my legs can't keep?” “Eeyup.” “Why, of all the... This your great aunt Applejack remember? Ah’ve been buckin’ these fields since before your parents were born. Remember?!” “Doesn’t matter, yer still only one pony, and one pony plus hundreds o' apple trees just doesn't add up to... ” “Ah, was the one ta teach ya how ta count, and ah’m sayin’ I'm gonna get every last apple out of those trees this applebuck season all by mahself.” --0o0-- July 8, 1618 Dear Diary, I hate time loops. I remember my friend Roseluck, who told me this story about how when she visited Ponyville for a flower convention, there was a bunny stampede that ate everything. Guess who started it? Me. Back when I traveled with the Doctor and Rose, I was always fascinated about my ancestors, especially my namesake, Applejack. Rose told me stories about how she and her friends bravely fought off Nightmare Moon and saved the world from neverending night. She then told stories of what life was like back in Ponyville, how monsters attacked the town often, but the Elements of Harmony would always save the day in the end. I grew up listening to my grandma Apple Bloom about the tales of my namesake, how she gallantly saved equestria multiple times with her friends, how despite being famous enough to become whatever she wanted, she always stayed with her family, helping out, even when she was busy saving the world from the god of chaos. I always wanted to be just like her. I just never thought that I would be my namesake. Ever since Apple Bloom was born, I had to be careful not to do anything that could change the timeline (such as blowing up aliens and burying the ashes in the southern orchard or bringing home ponies after a wild night out). I have been observing Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, and nudging their families to stay in Ponyville, despite better reasons to move elsewhere. To fulfill Rose’s time loop, I had to launch Rainbow Dash into a tree, poison half of Ponyville, and cause the bunny census to eat all the produce in the surrounding area. All because she said I would. If I didn't, the paradox would've probably sucked up Big Mac into oblivion. In retrospect, I should probably apologize to him for yelling. And to most of ponyville for the rabbit rampage and food poisoning. And to Rainbow Dash for launching her into the library (keeping a dark matter reactor in my hat induces drowsiness, but made me heavy enough to propel Rainbow into the stratosphere.) -Captain AJH --0o0-- July 15, 1618 “Stupid Rainbow Dash, stupid ponies..." Gilda grumbled as she flew towards Manehattan, “I don’t need them! I can make new friends! Ones that won’t turn on me when they get new lame-o friends.” Meanwhile, inside a tree in Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack Harkness was preparing for a new capture. She stared one-eyed into her telescope, as she pointed her bird net straight into the air at a precise angle. “Just gotta aim right there...” she said under her breath, “when she passes that cloud... NOW!” She pressed a button, releasing a large net, 10 feet by 10 feet, causing said net to catapult itself across the sky. Within moments, the net had impacted the only griffon for miles. As she plummeted to the ground, Gilda screamed curses that were made unintelligible by the Doppler effect. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” CRACK! On the ground lying in a crater surrounded by apple trees, Gilda was severely injured. Her feathers were ruffled, her wings twisted from the impact, she was definitely traumatized. “Ugh...” Gilda moaned with sheer pain, as she laid in the center of a crater created by the impact. “Wh-what happened? I can’t-” Gilda muttered breathlessly. A blurry figure walked up, obscured by delirium and shock. As the figure got closer, Gilda turned her head slowly to see an orange and yellow blob.The figure was immediately followed by another, dark purple blob. The two face each other and begin talking in hushed whispers, Gilda barely hears anything. “It’s definitely her.” “Or somebody similar.” “Why do you use that phrase? ‘Somepony’ still works even if we’re dealing with Griffons.” “Eh, force of habit.” As Gilda continued to squint her eyes, they finally began to focus. What she saw made her even more confused. “The heck is going on?! Let me go, you lame-o pony!” Gilda screamed. “Ah see yer conscious," Applejack said, “but unfortunately fer ya, ah can’t do that.” “What!? Why not?!” Gilda yelled, wondering what was happening. “Cause yer under arrest fer crimes against Equestria, Germaney, and the Griffon Empire," Applejack stated nonchalantly, “Let’s see, you’re wanted for armed robbery, assault, attempted assassination, sabotage, affiliating with a known terrorist, implanting commands into sleeper agents, and harboring illegal aliens." Gilda's eyes narrowed as she slowly sat up. She definitely needed to be careful with these ponies. “I didn't do any of those acts that you accused me of," she said tersely. “And ah have proof ya did," Applejack pulled out a folder labeled ‘Griffon, GILDA 178’ and handed it to her colleague. The purple mare nodded and took the folder into her hoof. She flipped through everything and snapped the portfolio shut. “This is actually very comprehensive evidence. In any court of law you’re screwed so badly, the judge would declare you guilty of stupidity," the mare stated. “Are you saying I’m dumb!?” Gilda yelled. “No, just really bad at covering your tracks. You left at least a dozen claw prints lying around, evidence of your meetings, and an audio recording of your involvement and testimony to ‘wanting to blow up as many noble dweebs as physically possible’," the mare said. “So what, you’re just going to arrest me and ship me off to the royal guard?” Gilda huffed. “Nah, ah don’t really care fer brainwashing, but ya aren’t much of a threat. Ya’re an enemy of the crown, and ah respect that," Applejack said. “You… what?” Gilda asked, confused and bewildered. “Ah personally don’t care much fer Celestia and her ‘brighter future’ campaign. Ah’ve seen it, and it ain't bright. And besides, yer only a threat if the ponies ya tried to assassinate were blind, deaf, and never bothered to hire any protection," Applejack pointedly stated. “I am clearly a threat! I manipulated ponies! Attempted to assassinate the mayor of Canterlot! I robbed the Equestrian National Bank with a shotgun! I do to deserve to be arrested!” Gilda argued, “What did you ever do that could be worse than that?!” “What makes ya think ah’ve done something?” Applejack asked. “That condescending look on your face when you read my crimes. So let me ask again. What. Did you. Ever do that could be worse than anything I've ever done?” Gilda jabbed. A smirk appeared on Applejack’s face as a nostalgic feeling swept over her, “Ah exist. And that’s what makes me Enemy of the Crown Number four.” “But Enemy number four is a terrorist organization," Gilda said in disbelief. “Eeyup, took me years ta convince everybody that I wasn't an earth pony,” she smiled as she continued, “Black Ness was an alias, created using really good prosthetics and a jetpack.” “That was over a hundred years ago," Gilda said. “And still lookin’ good," Applejack said, “Now, Ah’m givin’ ya two choices: go to jail fer the rest of your life and probably die from yer bosses ta prevent ya from spillin’ secrets, or do a little job fer me and get off Scot free.” “What kind of job?” Gilda asked. “Go to Canterlot library, there, ya’ll meet a friend of mine. He’ll be a white unicorn wearing a blue pin. Once there, he’ll inform ya of the parameters of the job. Now go, and if ah catch ya brainwashing again, no amount of alien tech’s gonna save ya," Applejack said sternly, “understood?” “Yes," Gilda murmured. “See ya soon then," Applejack said, “here’s a train ticket and an ice pack. Ya’ll be there by tomorrow mornin’, but ya don’t see him ‘til 2 PM.” Gilda winced in pain as she stood up, then began walking slowly towards the train station. As she continued, she wondered how she’d been so easily caught. Whoever her blackmailers were, she knew that they were dangerous. They seem familiar… have I met them before? Wait… the orange one… wasn't she at Rainbow’s party? With the griffon out of earshot, Applejack relaxed. The other mare had an eyebrow raised and a frown. “Are you sure you can trust her? I mean, if she told somepony-” the mare said before being interrupted. “She won’t tell. She doesn't want ta go ta prison, and she doesn't even have proof. What can she say? An apple farmer and a schoolteacher caught her in a net, then blackmailed her into doin’ some menial labor involving the transfer of an alien artifact? Not even Pinkie Pie would believe her," Applejack pointed out. “I’m just saying, this is tricky business. You usually only recruit stable ponies, and Gilda is not stable. She’s going to snap eventually," the teacher said. “And if she does, we’ll just send her off ta prison," Applejack said, “Don’t worry, nothin’s gonna happen.” “But are you sure? Can’t we at least wipe her memories, just to be safe?” “No, wipin’ memories are fer scumbags who can’t own up ta their mistakes. If this is a mistake, ah’ll fix it head on.” “This is our job, and doesn't the ‘any means necessary’ clause mean-” “No. We don’t need ta use it, so we won’t. Gilda is clearly goin’ along because we have a mountain of evidence against her, and usin’ Retcon to solve all our problems is only gonna hinder us. Memory searchin’ spells are a bit a dozen in the upper circles, and findin’ hidden memories will only give evidence against us.” “...Fine. But I am not covering for you when we appear in court against two dozen eyewitnesses.” “Come on sugarcube, ah got some neat disguises if ya’re so worried. They’ll make you look like a blue unicorn from Prance missin’ an eye if ya need to.” “That would explain how you haven’t aged since we met.” “Eenope, just good genes, regular exercise, healthy diet, and immortality here. Mah face is all natural, not a single cream or surgery on a single freckle.” “Healthy diet? You eat more than the rest of your family combined!” “What?! That’s not true, ah’ll have you know yesterday, ah didn’t eat a single thing.” “I found you chained to the wall of deranged maniac yesterday.” “Exactly, he kept tryin’ to feed me pears!” “You know what, I’m not even going to argue. I’m going home.” “Hey, we caught the legendary doomsday cult leader of the Pearicles, and ah defeated a moon demi-goddess with five random mares. Ah’m pretty sure that entitles me ta be picky about mah fruit!” “Sure, whatever, see you later Applejack.” “Goodbye Cheerilee.”