Captain Applejack Harkness

by Inthretis

[Title Corrupted]

Case File PP-314-1592654

Subject known as U-003

Unknown Equine Abomination Class Three, otherwise known as U-003, is an entity that takes the form of a mare. There is/are currently [Classified] in existence. One of which resides in Ponyville, Boeshane province, Equestria. The other(s) are located in [Classified].

Do not attempt to trigger Cutie Mark Failure Insanity Syndrome. Any attempt to purposely initiate CMFIS in a known U-003 is punishable by death. No exceptions.

U-003 is an Equine-like being which appears similar to a normal female pony, but with several key differences. First and foremost is the ability to partially or (rarely) completely defy the laws of physics. Notable occurrences include staying afloat in midair with no source of magic, weather, or other explainable phenomenon. Such occurrences have been dubbed “Type-Three events”.

Type-Three Events recognized and catalogued:
1. Nullification or manipulation of the laws of physics
2. Non-Unicorn Teleportation
3. Temporarily modifying/adding/subtracting of own and others’ body parts
4. Defying laws of metabolism and biology
5. Short range prognostication
6. [Alpha level clearance required]
7. [Alpha level clearance required]
8. [Alpha level clearance required]

There have been [Classified] U-003s recorded in these files the first of which, [Classified], was instrumental in the founding of [Classified]. Leader of the [Classified] tribe, she was known for her eccentric personality and [Alpha level clearance required]. See report KL-789.

Warning: This is for Captains’ eyes only!
Only converse this information with other Alpha levels (captains) or Princess Celestia (omega level).

January 2, [Access Denied]

She knew we were coming. When we learned about her abilities, we were sure to take extra precautions. Our studies into pony abilities determined that initiating Cutie Mark failure in a normal pony causes a breakdown in personality and magical prowess. You would think that her cutie mark was what got her to become a leader. We were wrong.

We burned down the city to start the process. Her cutie mark was about being a leader, and so we destroyed what she held most dear. Then we traveled to Platinum Palace to confront her. When we reached the palace, we expected an army protecting her. We were eight hundred and she was one, and I am the only survivor.

We had one hundred pegasi bombers, pelting the palace with incendiary explosives. We tried aiming for her, but she dodged every single shot. Our unicorns attempted to shoot her with magic, but she spun and danced her way through our offense as if it was nothing. Then she saw what we did to the city.

The horrors I witnessed can never be properly explained on paper, but I am telling you now, warning everypony now, so that this may never be repeated. I saw the ground turn molten as the fires of Tartarus itself appear before me. All eight hundred of us were judged by our maker that day, and we were all deemed guilty. The only reason I am still alive is so that I can warn you never to repeat these actions again.

Apparently, after I collapsed from the pain, a pillar collapsed onto [Classified], knocking her out. She was later detained and [Classified] while the workers rescued me from the wreckage. I have survived, and what I know must be remembered for all of history.

She had kids, you know that? That being, not even a pony anymore, an equine abomination, had kids! We lost track of them. We got one of them, but the others escaped. We have to be prepared, these hellspawn could bring about the end of Equestria itself.

We thought that Clover the Clever or Commander Hurricane was the most powerful of the main six, but she was so powerful, that if we didn’t stop her, she could have taken down General Ourania! I am not exaggerating, I believe, that for all her might, Ourania could fall to one of these abominations. I don’t know what we should do, but at the very least we have to learn more about what we’re up against.

We have to learn and adapt, harmony cannot be achieved this way. We are fighting against enemies unknown. You are not going to listen to me until it is too late. We need to build an institution, one that can fight back and prepare for the future.

It may be years before something of this magnitude happens again, and yet the nightmare I endured may one day become reality and return.

-Lieutenant Birchwood, of the First Battalion

"But Big Mac, why doesn't Applejack ever come out on Hearth's Warming Eve? Can't she just leave her room?"

"Eenope, yer sis is in there by choice. She's mournin'."

"Why is she mourning?"

"Ah don't rightly know, but it's her business. As long as ah knew her, she kept this time to herself, so best not to budge in."

"...Okay Big Mac, but could we at least exchange Hearth's Warming gifts together? Ah got her a new bow for her fiddle."

"Ah guess it's up to her. We'll see."

"She's like this every year. Who's she even mournin' anyway?"

"She doesn't talk about them, but they were very dear ta her."

"Okay, ah guess," Apple Bloom frowned as she looked at her sister's bedroom door. It was silent other than the ruffling of papers.As the two left the upstairs, Applejack was sitting in her room, looking over as set of drawings and old documents. Next to her were some old books with the labels "Diary no. 12" increasing in number until stopping at "Diary no. 25".

She didn't do anything except stare at the drawings. Applejack then decided to stand up. She went to her bed and sat down on it. She laid down on her pillow and stared at the ceiling. For almost five minutes she didn't do anything, but finally whispered, "ah'll avenge you guys one day."

She closed her eyes and remembered the days of old. She remembered the snow and stories. She remembered the adventures and politics. She even remembered the very first Hearth's Warming...

For the first time in one hundred years, Captain Applejack Harkness decided to go downstairs and enjoy Hearth's Warming Eve with her family.

A massive crystal star floated over the city of Canterlot, it hovered gently over the general marketplace. All the ponies in the square looked up in awe at the massive structure, wondering what it was. Before any of them could ask, the star shot lightning out of its sides, burning the buildings and homes around the marketplace.

All the ponies in the square promptly panicked. Chaos ensued as the star destroyed entire buildings and reduced stores to rubble. In the entire incident, only one pony was able to call the guard.

Beep.

“Hello, Canterlot Emergency Dispatch, how may I take your-”

“Ohmygosh help we’re all gonna die! Send somepony! Gaah! We’re in the marketplace at fifth street and-!”

Beeeeeep…

“We have orders from Herald Klaxon himself! Fire magic missiles!”

Fifty-eight unicorns fired from their horns at the abomination. The star was only slightly damaged, so the orders continued.

“Fire ballistics!”

Sixty earth ponies and forty pegasi fired from their cannons. Built to take down aircraft, they were strong enough to further damage the unknown enemy.

“Stallions, load the striker!”

The remaining soldiers put their efforts to wind up a large artillery weapon, put in several hundred pounds of payload, and released the safety.

“Fire!”

The result was spectacular. The explosives did their work, ripping the crystal star from the inside, as fire rained down in a torrent of flames and sparks. The crowd of ponies cheered as the alien spacecraft crashed to the ground in an earth shattering thud.

Just last night, an enormous spacecraft destroyed large portions of downtown Canterlot, resulting in the deaths of dozens. The death count is rising, but is probably floating around fifty.

The star was destroyed thanks to the quick thinking of Captain Herald Klaxon, head of the national guard, who was on leave in Canterlot that night. Klaxon was able to take command of the troops, as all other high ranking officers were not in the city at the time. He was able to put together a working attack squad that shot down the star. Herald Klaxon was unavailable for comment, tending to the wounds of the civilians hurt in the incident.

While it has not been clear, it was stated by Klaxon’s aides that the attack was an attempt by the terrorist group “Black Ness” to scare the populace into following the group’s will. Princess Celestia has since raised the alert for the country to Defcon 3.

Herald Klaxon, among several other ponies, civilian and soldiers alike, are due to receive honors for their quick thinking and bravery in the incident. The ceremony will be set in early January, shortly before a service for all that died.

December 26, 1618

Dear Diary,

Buck you guys. Buck all you jerks! I did not send an alien spacecraft to blow up ponies in a random marketplace. Herald Klaxon better watch his back, because I am gonna get him for this. In a totally nonviolent way, I might add!

It’s bad enough ponies died (I’m get Vinyl’s head for this!), but now they’re blaming me!? What in the hay does blowing up a market even do, it doesn’t even make sense from any normal standpoint. Seriously, I am having Octavia triple the system parameters for surveillance. They missed a freaking alien spacecraft piloted by a giant spider!

I swear, UNIT is going to be all over my flank about this “incident”.

-Captain AJH

The ceremony was a public affair, but was subdued enough not to warrant the appearance of Princess Cadance and the Elements of Harmony. Despite that, both Celestia and Luna were there, as well as Captain Shining Armor, who had just returned from a trip to the east. Other than that, there was a crowd of several hundred, most from Canterlot, but many also from the nearby cities.

The ceremony was being held in Canterlot Castle’s throne room, which is also the multipurpose ceremony/gala/any-other-event room. The room was decorated with the symbols of the National and Royal Guards, the two divisions of the military that aided in bringing down the crystal star. Of the one hundred and fifty-nine soldiers involved that fateful evening, four of them were to be honored for exceptional bravery.

In that group was Herald Klaxon, Captain of the National Guard. He is an earth pony with a well cut blonde mane and a blue coat. He was in his captain’s dress uniform, which covered his entire body except for his head and neck. Ever since the ceremony began, he had a look of confidence and satisfaction about his body. His entire being seemed to radiate all-that-is-good.

In the center, in front of a white podium, Princess Celestia tapped her throat before speaking, “My little ponies, please rise for this momentous occasion. Today we honor the brave stallions and mares who gave up so much for protecting our way of life during the unprovoked attack ten days earlier. First, in memory of the fifty-six casualties, the members of the Canterlot Art Society have erected a monument to be placed in the Canterlot Royal Garden.”

Many ponies in the crowd cheered while stomping their hooves, while several other openly sobbed at the wonderful gesture from the Princess. Celestia continued as soon as the applause died down, “Secondly, I would like to award the medal of patriotism to the one hundred and fifty-eight soldiers who so valiantly protected our nation and capital from enemies unknown. Please rise, the honorable twelfth battalion!”

This time, the applause came down like thunder. The news reporters snapped picture after picture, like flashes of lightning raining down on the ponies in the grand hall. As the servants handed the medals to the soldiers, Princess Celestia herself came and shook the hoof of each and every one of her faithful soldiers. After a solid hour of applause and flashing cameras, Celestia returned to her podium.

“Next, I would like to bestow honor to the seven civilians who bravely protected others from the monstrosity that terrorized us. And another round of applause to Gilda the Griffon, of the Griffon Empire, for her valuable help in the investigation of Black Ness!”

The crowd erupted again as Princess Celestia handed out the highest level of award a non-soldier could receive to the seven ponies, as well as the highest award a non-pony could receive to Gilda. Once again, as the roaring stomps died down, Celestia finished her speech.

“Citizens of Equestria, valiant soldiers, esteemed guests of other nations, this last award goes to a pony, far out of his depth, who quickly took command of unfamiliar soldiers, who thanks to his quick thinking and fearlessness, defeated a monster of immense scale. I give all of you today, Captain Herald Klaxon of the National Guard!”

The response was unheard of. Mostly because no one could hear it. It was so loud, enormous and sudden that everyone within two hundred feet of the castle was taken aback by the standing ovation. Every single pony in the audience was cheering for the brave captain, bringing the award ceremony to a satisfying conclusion.

An hour after the ceremony ended, Captain Klaxon approached Princess Celestia while she was returning to her throne. The entire hall was now empty except for the two ponies and several on-duty royal guards.

“Your Highness?” Klaxon politely asked.

Princess Celestia turned around and looked at the captain, a quizzical look on her face, “Yes? What is it that you would like to speak with me about?”

“Ma’am, that griffon you awarded today, she gave me this data file earlier, and I was shocked when I learned what it contained.”

“And what would that be, my little pony?”

“...It contains the list of ponies working in the defunct Torchwood division, the one that was destroyed six years ago,” he showed her a USB drive colored black, with a “T” shape made of hexagons. Princess Celestia picked up the data stick with her magic, examining it with slight skepticism.

“And what is so special about this file? This memory drive appears normal, and it is possible to find some remaining files of Torchwood from before Canary Wharf.”

“That’s the thing, the list contained was heavily damaged, and any attempt to recover the lost data proved fruitless, but from what I have deciphered, well, you’ll just have to see it to believe.”

Celestia motioned the guards at the door to bring in a computer, which they did after several minutes. She was feeling uncertain, her face beginning to show lines of worry. Herald Klaxon remained stoic, his face betraying little emotion. When Celestia booted up the computer and inserted the USB drive, what she saw dumbfounded her.

[Data Heavily Corrupted.] [Attempting to Recover...]

[File Loading...]

[File Finished Recovering. 54.026% of Data Lost. Displaying Data Recovered...]

Torchwood Employe[Data Corrupted.]-stry- Div[Data Corrupted.] 1618 AD

Leader
Captain [Data Corrupted.]-ac-[Data Corrupted.]-kness
Gender: Female
Species:[Data Corrupted.]
Age:[Data Corrupted.]

Technol[Data Corrupted.]-ecialist
[Data Corrupted.]-via [Data Corrupted.]-elod[Data Corrupted.]
Gender: Female
Species: Earth Pony
Age:[Data Corrupted.]

Administr[Data Corrupted.]
[Data Corrupted.]-yl [Data Corrupted.]-atch
Gender: Female
Species: [Data Corrupted.] Unicorn
Age:[Data Corrupted.]

Pony Relations Special[Data Corrupted.]
Ch-[Data Corrupted.]-ee
Gender: Female
Species: Eart[Data Corrupted.]
[Data Corrupted.]

UNIT Liaison
[Data Corrupted.]-in-[Data Corrupted.]
Gender: Male
Species: Unicorn
Age: 27

Weapons Specialist
Gil-[Data Corrupted.]-78
[Data Corrupted.]
Species: Griffon
Ag-[Data Corrupted.]

Magic Specialist
Tri[Data Corrupted.]-moon
Gend[Data Corrupted.]
Speci-[Data Corrupted.]
Age: [Data Corrupted.]-3

[Remaining Data Confirmed to be a Data Deletion of a Level 7 Parameter. Deletion Mechanism is a 94% Match for the Bad Wolf Virus.]

Princess Celestia continued staring at the screen, her eyes drifting up and down the list, eventually settling towards the top name. Ac-kness. She took a deep breath and looked back at Captain Klaxon who was viewing the same file.

After an awkward silence, Klaxon finally spoke, “I didn’t believe it either. Torchwood is still functioning, and apparently, it’s leader is none other than-”

“Stop.”

“Your Highness?”

“How are you,” Celestia paused, recollecting her thoughts, “How are you sure this is legitimate?”

“I checked earlier to make sure, but this file was last modified by a Torchwood computer and hasn’t been modified since. This file was made using a Torchwood program, by a Torchwood administrator, on a Torchwood computer. This is undeniable proof that Black Ness has taken over division six of the military.

“She has access to the deadliest weapons to fall from the sky since the founding of the most covert organization on the face of the planet. We need to forward our plans. Two years is too late. We need to bring it in to at least by the end of the year.

“Who knows, maybe she’ll try something tomorrow, or we won’t hear of her until the end of the decade, but we need to strike back, find out where Torchwood is now located and stop Black Ness from killing more ponies for whatever it is she has planned,” Herald Klaxon finished his long monologue with a breath, waiting for the Princess to respond.

“You’re right. We need to organize the other captains and work on a better plan to stop Black Ness. This is of the highest priority,” Celestia said with a pronounced sigh.

“I am glad you agree, Princess,” Captain Herald Klaxon bowed before turning to leave the throne room. Nobody noticed the smirk that appeared on his face as he entered the hallway...

February 8, 1619

Dear diary,

Winter Wrap Up, my favorite time of year. The one day where everyone freaks out and does everything completely wrong for twenty-four hours and screw up badly enough that using magic would make it even worse. Apparently, the rift near Ponyville causes magic to get screwy during Wrap Up, so everybody just works with their hooves.

Well, at least that's what I tell them. Best way to drive up chaos is to make everyone late on the day we perform continental scale terraforming. Localize it to a small town filled with latent chaos magic, and watch Discord roll in.

This year, Twilight was able to get Winter Wrap Up done on time, so my plans might be stalled a week. She didn’t even bother taking the “Rift Precautions” that everybody does every year.

Seriously, everyone will believe you if you cite the Everfree forest as the reason. Also "magical side effect". The rift is common knowledge, but it's actual effects are secret. To be clear, this is a list of the actual effects of the Ponyville rift:

-Occasional teleportation, in space and time, but never to alternate realities. It does not result in free money and food if you visit certain locations.
-It does not spawn giant lizards. Or giant robots. It does, however, spawn small toys and parasprites.
-Yes it does connect to the gates of Tartarus. No it does not mean demons and tortured souls escape from it.
-The rift is not racist to earth ponies. Ponyville is 40% earth pony, and for most of its history it was dominated by earth ponies, so naturally the percentage of rift transfers is higher in the earth pony population.
-It does not cause cancer. Or any other type of disease, but it has been known to give temporary hiccups.
-There are no zombies. Only weevils. And giant cockroaches.
-It does not lead to Candyland.
-Scientists attempting to understand it does not make it angry, just leave them be.
-The Apple family does not profit from selling raw rift materials. We got it from the Carrots, end of story.
-It does occasionally lead to space. I am so sorry for you loss.

I need to post this somewhere. The rumor mill here in Ponyville is ridiculous.

-Captain AJH

February 18, 1619

Dear diary,

Rarity freaked out for the past week trying to make dresses for everyone, then freaked out again when we revised them and turned them into atrocious pieces of modern art. I was personally trying to fit in four hundred years of history into mine, but gave up when Rainbow Dash started taking my ideas.

She was all like "That looks so cool! Can I use that for mine?" and I replied "Yeah sure, just don't go overboard with-" and then RD flew out the window.

Pinkie Pie looked like Chancellor Puddinghead got smushed with Candyland and a carnival. I'd say Twilight just invented 46th century fashion, and then Rarity burned it. Fluttershy was a mobile ecosystem. I kind of wished we kept those outfits, it would have been so ridiculous, watching the nobles staring at us, trying to decided whether to laugh or feel insulted.

Also, Vinyl DJ'd Rarity's fashion show, and nobody noticed her robotic limbs I hid with white paint and sunglasses. Yeah, those dresses were so distracting and unsightly that everyone stared at us.

Then we nearly ruined Rarity's career. Then we tried getting her a second chance by using my one contact in the fashion industry... Who turned out to have been dead for over a decade, so we were stuck until Hoity Toity decided to give Rarity a second chance. It all ended happily with Rarity forced to make seventy-two dresses by next week.

That look on her face was priceless.

-Captain AJH