Captain Applejack Harkness

by Inthretis

Meet the Captains

ALERT: Black Ness has been spotted.

Code 8 has been activated! Defcon 4 has been activated!

Case File BW-214-2315126

Black Ness is an organization of unknown size and capabilities. Its members consist of Earth Ponies and Pegasi, with a relatively small number of Unicorns. It is believed to be funded by an unknown number of businesses in Canterlot and Manehattan.

The symbol used by members of Black Ness resemble a circle with three dots inside. The meaning of the symbol is unknown. Another symbol used sparingly in terrorist attacks is a trio of three circles with a notch in each at the 12 o’clock position.

Contact with Black Ness is forbidden. If discovered, do not approach any suspected members, as they have been known to be intensely violent. They are responsible for several attacks on Canterlot and the surrounding cities, resulting in widespread chaos and destruction. Immediately Inform all Alpha level Officers.

List of known crimes:
1309 AD- Collapse of third national bank of Equestria
1310 AD- 17 deaths traced to gun violence in Manehattan
1311 AD- Mass blackout of power grid
1313 AD- 48 deaths caused by caffeine overdose
1314 AD- believed to have participated in the assassination of Archduke Ferdinass, sparking World War I
1322 AD- Confirmed bombing of Cloudsdale museum, attack on Cloudsdale archives
1326 AD- Selling of illegal “Apples and Oranges” liquor
1329 AD- Collapsed petriculture industry, leaving thousands without jobs
1332 AD- 793 deaths confirmed due to silver poisoning and BB gun violence
1347 AD- Stolen information regarding Manehattan project
1370 AD- Incited mass riots in Las Pegasus over cost of eggs
1386 AD- Bombing of Canterlot Royal Library, Museum, and Theater. Members arrested, imprisoned, tried, and executed.

<<<<<<<<<<Alpha Level Clearance Required to View>>>>>>>>>>

Warning: This is for Captains’ eyes only!

Only converse this information with other Alpha levels (captains) or Princess Celestia (omega level).

June 2, 1386 AD- Final report

I can’t believe I’m writing this. I mean, I’m a sane pony, but it only makes sense this way. We are dealing with an entity as undying as the Princess. This thing we’re dealing with isn’t a group of powerful ponies, it’s ONE PONY. Or at least I think it’s a pony. No pony could have survived that many bullets to the head, and yet it did.

Everything, the collapse of the banks and petriculture, to the bombings of Canterlot can be traced back to five bank accounts. Those accounts were opened up by a zebra. The zebra, named Zephyr, could not remember who or what compelled him to make the withdrawals and deposits, or how he ended up with eight tons of explosives in his personal storage.

We later discovered evidence revealing the location of this entity to an underground hideout underneath the Canterlot Opera House carved out of the basement. When our teams entered, we were immediately attacked by a strange bipedal monster with two heads. After much effort and injury, we were able to slay the beast. It was later determined to have originated from the Tartarus gate near the Everfree forest. The entirety of the remains and anything related to it was commandeered. The eccentricity of this case resulted in its transfer to Torchwood.

-Captain Sharp Sword, of the Royal Guard

June 18, 1386 AD

The data is conclusive. This entity is descended from Smart Cookie. It belongs to a mare, but the DNA fragmented before full analysis was complete. The hidden journal discovered in the safe has determined that this entity has knowledge of the censored Equestrian history logs. In it detail Celestia and Equestria’s origin, as well as the beginning half of the first Equestrian Civil War.

The technology discovered here is incredible, with the designs found in a desk, we will be able to increase particle transfer efficiency by 60% and data processing by 220%. This entity, which we have designated U-004, appears genetically identical to an earth pony mare but has been witnessed doing magic and capable of flight. Another discomforting ability is that it is able to deflect enormous amounts of damage with little to no effect.

Whatever U-004 is, she is clearly hostile and dangerous. The circle with dots symbol is probably a reference to Smart Cookie’s cutie mark, of which no record exists. If she believes herself to be Cookie’s heir, than we expect that she is targeting places with relevance to the life and death of Smart Cookie.

Not much is known about Smart Cookie, except what is written in the journal, which is being decrypted and transcribed.

-Commander Hoofer, of Torchwood One

--0o0--

October 26, 1618

Fifty feet underground into the base of Canterlot mountain lies a room. A conference room made completely of welded metal, with titanium screws drilled into six-inch thick steel infused with anti-magic alloys and sound proofed to perfection. Inside the room is a long black table with ten chairs, seven of them filled. The one door entering the room was a four ton piece of engineering more powerful than a team of fifty pegasi, able to withstand tens of thousands of Neightons in force.

And inside this room, the most secretive meeting in Equestria was just beginning.

“ All rise for the Princess!” the scribe shouted.

Five captains and two special agents stood upright with perfect posture. It had been only twenty four hours since Defcon 4 was raised and all alarms in the country sounded. In only twenty hours, the top eight military personnel in Equestria assembled in what was beginning to feel like a minor bomb scare, at least until Princess Celestia walked in.

The Princess was radiant, appearing dimmed only slightly from the day before. While she appeared to shimmer in the pale fluorescent lights of the room, her mane was waving slightly less than normal. The colors remained the same, but the decrease in animation seemed foreboding.

“Please be seated,” Celestia said calmly, “Scribe, please call role.”

“Yes ma’am,” answered Scribe the scribe, a white unicorn with a grey mane and reading glasses, “Everypony, please also remember your passphrases as well. Captain Spitfire of the Wonderbolts.”

“Present, and ready for launching a gratuitous amount of aerial strikes, your highness,” replied the orange and yellow pegasus.

“Captain Cleric Cartmane of the Border guard.”

“Here and willing to serve our increasingly racist agenda against possible immigrants, your majesty,” answered a yellow unicorn mare with a red mane.

“Captain Herald Klaxon of the National Guard.”

“Present ma’am, and ready to kick flank and take names, ma’am,” replied a blue earth pony stallion with a blonde mane.

“Captain Duty Calls of the Civil Guard.”

“Captain Duty Calls present, and ready to arrest all whippersnappers out past seven o’clock, Princess,” an aging green unicorn with a black and white mane said.

“Agent Mulia Mild.”

“Present, and ready to shoot first and ask questions later,” a female donkey with a black mane was the origin of the voice.”

“Agent Joe.”

“Here and ready to spray hot coffee in evildoers’ eyes,” shouted an orange unicorn with a brown mane.

“ Introducing the new captain of the royal guard, Shining Armor.”

“Um… ” a white unicorn stood nervously in front of all the ponies and one donkey in the room, “why do we say these codes again?”

Scribe sighed and pulled out an old, worn out document, “For security reasons, no spy would believe that these codes are the real deal, so we usually make them sound utterly ridiculous. Now please state your code.”

“Okay, I guess… ”

Shining Armor was very nervous. He had only been Captain of the Royal Guard for about six months, and today was his first meeting with the other captains of the military. Since Celestia was admiral in all positions, that meant that the next highest spot was captain, meaning that Shining now took orders directly from the Princess! Sure, he had met her before, but now it was his duty, and he swore on the Equestrian flag to protect and serve the Princess and her citizens.

To his credit, he was doing better than most. On Duty Calls’ first day, he tripped and accidently headbutted the scribe. On Spitfire’s first day, she spilled scalding hot coffee on the scribe, causing severe burns. On Mulia’s first day, she set Scribe’s notepad on fire because she thought he was a spy. By all accounts, Shining Armor was farther ahead on the first day than any of the other equines in the room.

Shining Armor swallowed and saluted, “Ma’am! Captain Shining Armor present and ready for duty, Ma’am! I am ready to skewer all ponies who give you funny looks, Ma’am!”

The rest of the ponies seated at the table looked at him reassuringly, and motioned for him to sit down. Once seated, Princess Celestia began explaining the situation.

“Yesterday, I witnessed several dozen ponies residing in Ponyville proclaiming information about me that was supposed to top secret. After what they yelled, they acted like nothing was wrong,” the Princess sighed, “and then they just continued on without a single thought. It disturbs me that after all this time, Black Ness has returned with such control. I know I have seen little proof of Black Ness, but the knowledge she has could be disastrous to Equestria.”

“How dangerous, Princess? Black Ness has access to nuclear weapons, we have no leads to her, don’t know her capabilities, or her goal. We are dealing with an entity powerful enough to survive Torchwood, disappear into a crowd, and manipulate ponies into doing her bidding. If what you say is true, then we have little hope of stopping her from doing anything.

“She holds all the cards, has the element of surprise, and we have nothing to fight back against with. Princess, what can we do?” Duty Calls asked.

Princess Celestia closed her eyes and drew breath, “There is only one thing we can do. She knows we’re looking for her, so the only reasonable course of action is to look. We must search all corners of Equestria, in all places, even those with no chance of her being there. She expects us to look, so we shall, but not how she would expect.”

“Ma’am, while that does make sense, what you are suggesting is to take all search protocols and rights, and shove them out the window,” Mulia pointed out, “is this what we want? A lack of rights and regulations, arresting ponies for suspicion of terrorism?”

“Well, it is clearly precedent that the safety of ponies is higher than the rights given,” Spitfire rebutted, “besides, we are only arresting ponies if they show clear evidence of involvement.”

“And what pray tell is that, Spitfire?” Captain Herald Klaxon asked, “it’s not like any evidence actually exists of Black Ness, other than what was discovered by Torchwood… ”

The debate between the captains continued, but Celestia was having a hard time concentrating. Ever since the day before, she had been mulling over what she heard. Do you understand the message yet, Soldier Ourania? The words filled her every thought, her brow creasing as she continued drawing breath.

No, I have to stay calm. This is too important to lose control. That mare will not get on my nerves. She is not in charge, I am! This is my country, and I am its solemn ruler! I am ready for you, Black Ness. You will not best me, wherever you are…

Celestia’s eyes widened, her thoughts pacing wildly as an epiphany reached her. She was in Ponyville! That was her goal, of course! The legend of the Elements of Harmony! She needs to get her hooves on the bearers, and to do that she must be hiding in Ponyville. If she isn’t, we’ll be able to catch her allies. If she is, we’ll stop this monster before she can finish whatever plan she’s started.

“... No Spitfire, you can’t have mass inspections of entire provinces without a warrant, even if it is a terrorist! We don’t do that! We can’t, and raising punishment on crime is an entirely different issue, right now, we have to focus on search patterns,” Agent Joe yelled decisively, “The rights of equines can’t just be overruled by-”

“By what, officers of the law? You are a hypocrite, Joe! Last month, you assassinated the Duke of Zebrica because he wanted to raise tariffs on Equestrian wool! When did you get such moral high ground? You’re not better than-”

“Silence! Silence! Silence! Silence! Silence! Silence! Silence! Silence! Silence!”

Everypony looked at the Princess with worry and damaged eardrums as she flared her wings and bellowed the Royal Canterlot voice in an enclosed space. With metal echoing walls. Designed to keep all sound in, never to leave the room. For almost five minutes, the entire structure vibrated, all the ponies in the room with surprised eyes as the just sat.

After the waves of sound has calmed to a slight ring, Joe simply said, “will fall.”

Celestia winced as she heard that phrase, not wanting to remember the past, “My little ponies, sorry for that, but I believe I’ve reasoned Black Ness’s plan. This is what we’ll do… ”

--0o0--

October 28, 1618

Applejack sat in Ponyville Park, a pleasant plot of land surrounding a deep blue lake. Around the water stretches a road of dirt, creating a running track for ponies wanting some fresh exercise.

Applejack wasn’t at the park for exercise, she got enough of that from bucking apples. No, the reason she was there was much different than what she told her friends and family. It was work of the secretive kind, the kind that could get a pony executed. By your choice of firing squad, drop from 10,000 feet, or devoured alive by manticores (lethal injections don’t work when dealing with many different species, and a universal poison is as hard to find as a universal cure-all).

The thought of being executed brought back memories of pain, sadness, and anticipation in Applejack. She tried to remember the first time she was executed by the laws of a sovereign country. It was sometime back in Zebrica…

“Captain Applejack?”

Applejack broke out of her trance as she looked up at the origin of the voice. In front of her was a gray earth pony mare with a black mane. She has a purple treble clef for a cutie mark and had a look of pure indifference on her face.

“Huh? Oh yeah, that’s me,” Applejack replied as her daydream was interrupted.

“What’s the passphrase?” the gray mare asked.

Applejack smiled, “They still do that? Alistair started that as joke, they know that right?”

“Just say it so I can go home.”

“Fine, ahem, Captain Applejack Harkness present, and ready to shoot down all threats with a massive laser cannon,” Applejack said, “Can get the info now, Octavia? ah’m needed at home.”

“Sure, here you go,” Octavia handed Applejack a manilla folder, “Compliments from the other captain.”

“Now, be careful, don’t say the other captain’s name. Our moles in the government really don’t want to go ta jail,” Applejack reminded, “Also tell the guys in Canterlot that ah’ll see em soon, alright?”

“Yes I will, have a pleasant day, Applejack,” Octavia said as she turned to leave, “And say hi to Cheerilee for me!”

“Sure thing, sugarcube, sure thing.”

As the musician-slash-Torchwood agent left, Applejack peeked into the folder. Inside was a sticky note that read:

A,

Looking forward to seeing you on Nightmare Night,

-VS

Applejack smiled as she put the folder into her saddlebags. So they plan to search Ponyville, eh? Well, they won’t expect to see me, hidden in plain sight.

Author's Note:

Alternate titles:
Celestia holds a meeting
The only chapter with OCs that have more than two lines
Think Tank
Shining and Spitfire talk with Celestia
Applejack is in trouble
Captains assemble!
The Justice League of Equestria: board meeting

Please don't hate my OCs, they have minor roles and will probably never be shown again

Will the character introductions ever stop? Nope.

Slightly edited: 9/13/2014

Comments

[Aatxe360]

Make the Element of Surprise a tangible thing. I can see this turning into a great piece of comedy if you do.

Starting to like this fanfic. A little unusual for PP not to be a part of it, even in the background.

[islandsun]

WEAPONS STORES DEPLETED! IMPROVISATIONAL STRATEGY ADOPTED!

This, I think has to be my favorite chapter yet. Manly because watching Celestia and the entire Equestrian Government get trolled by Applejack is just so darn fun!

Loved the code phrases. Also, only just caught the Silence will fall reference. And I can only guess that VS is actually Vinyl Scratch?
And poor Scribe! I think she deserves a pay raise for everything she puts up with.

Humorous data files Nice world building, as usual.

There's a lot of details here, obviously setting up something big, but the sheer amount of details relevant to things which have not happened yet makes things a bit confusing at times.

BANANA GROVE LOCATED! NEW WEAPON CHOSEN! BANANA'S ARE GOOD!!