The Vault
October 30, 1618
Sweet Apple Acres Adjacent Barn-Beta-7
“Applejack, why are you and Miss Cheerilee meetin’ out by the old barn?” a small yellow filly asked Applejack as they walked towards the old barn.
“Apple Bloom, ah told ya, she and ah are meetin’ fer some business discussions, and the barn’s the best place for it.” Not exactly lying, this is technically business.
“But Applejack, why can’t ya just meet in the kitchen?”
“‘Cause Granny’s in the middle of baking a pie, so ah didn’t want ta bother her. Now quit pesterin’ me, ah got work ta do.”
“What are you gonna talk about?”
“Bunch of things, ah suppose. We’re plannin’ stuff out ahead of time, ‘specially fer the winter. Now, why don’tcha go play with yer friends?”
“But Sweetie Belle’s busy with Rarity about some fashion thing, and Scootaloo’s been havin’ nightmares.”
“Now what do nightmares have anything ta do with playing?”
“She’s all tired and tryin’ ta get sleep, so she won’t do anything.”
“Well, ya could try bein’ Cutie Mark Crusaders Insomnia fixers,” Applejack mused.
“Insomni-wha?”
“Ya know, lack of sleep, ah hear Rainbow Dash has that sometimes, maybe it’s tha reason she sleeps so much.”
Apple Bloom’s eyebrows furrowed for a second, as her mouth twisted with concentration. A second later, confusion switched to a wide grin as she took a deep breath and bellowed, “CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS INSOMNIA FIXERS! YAY!”
With frightening speed, she turned around and galloped away, hoping to help her friend get some rest. As the little filly sped away from the farm, another pony trotted towards it. Applejack smiled as she saw the familiar purple coat of her “sister’s” teacher.
“Good mornin’ Cheerilee!” Applejack hollered at the mare, “Get over here, we’re burnin’ sunshine!”
“Wouldn’t that be ‘sunlight’, Applejack?” Cheerilee replied in an attempt to prevent another awkward heart-to-heart about Applejack’s tragic and depressing past. Seriously, she knows about three minutes worth of it, and she’s already feeling sad.
“Eenope. Sunshine because sunlight is fer plants, and sunshine is fer ponies and certain species of owls.”
“Owls hunt at night.”
“That’s what they want ya ta think.”
Cheerilee resisted the urge to facehoof in front of her “boss”. The fact that Applejack was carrying saddlebags full of pond water didn’t really help. Applejack shifted her weight, causing the water to make a sploosh!
“Why do you have pond water on your back?”
“Why don’t you?”
“Nevermind. Let’s just wait here for Vinyl Scratch the Mega Death Robot to come and help us with her electroshock hooves.”
“Now that’s just mean!” Slosh. “First off, she’s a cyborg, not a robot. There is a clear and distinct difference.” Splosh. “And ah’ll have ya know she has not killed anypony on purpose in the past six weeks! She’s gettin’ better, and I don’t yer snarky attitude bringin’ her hopes down, jus’ ‘cause she’s different!” Splash. “Fer shame, Cheerilee, if ah knew how intolerant ya’re about miscellaneous creatures, you wouldn’t be a member of this here alien huntin’ club.”
“Yeesh, I’m just worried about the safety of Ponyville, no need to get your immortal flank up in a twist.”
“Listen, today’s gonna be a team building exercise, ‘cause the two o’ ya are gonna be in perfect synch before our mission. Understood?”
“... Fine, but if she starts speaking in all caps, I’m shooting her,” Cheerilee said nonchalantly.
“Alright, but ya gotta warn her first,” Applejack answered, “She should be here right about now…”
“Maybe she bailed on us and decided to assimilate some random pedestrians.”
“Aw come on, don’t be like that, she’s gonna be fine- wait, ah think that’s her!” Applejack squinted her eyes as reached into her hat for a pair of binoculars, “That might be her! Unicorn, white coat, funny lookin' cloak, and purple sunglasses. Definitely her!”
As the mare got closer, Applejack saw an old friend and past lover (*wink wink nudge nudge*) returning from a long stint away.
What Cheerilee saw was less poetic. As the pony in question approached the duo, Cheerilee noticed the silver skin underneath her white fur, the patchwork stitches across her legs, and the odd discoloration around her left eye. Closer examination revealed that it was a robotic implant, appearing to beep every few minutes.
Applejack rushed up to Vinyl and immediately brought her into a hug, “Aw, ah missed ya Vinyl! How ya been?” Applejack pulled her in for a noogie.
Vinyl Scratch grinned as Applejack noogied her, “I've been great! Nothing like new co-workers to brighten the mood.”
Applejack let go of Vinyl and smiled, “And how are Trixie n’ Gilda? They aren’t givin’ ya trouble?”
“Nah, they’re fine, though Gilda’s kinda grumpy.”
Applejack pointed towards Cheerilee, “Oh! I’d like ya ta meet Cheerilee, she’s gonna be our new PR pony. Cheerilee, this is Vinyl Scratch, aka DJ-PON3, our administrator.”
Vinyl held out her hoof to Cheerilee, “Nice to meet you, Cheerilee, I hope we can work well together.”
Cheerilee was torn. Should she accept her friendship? Maybe just as co-workers would be fine… for now. She took Vinyl’s hoof and gave it a shake, “Yeah, I hope so too.”
“Great! Now that we’re all warm and ready, let’s go to the Vault!” Applejack grabbed the two mares’ shoulders and pulled them towards the barn, “Personally, ah think ah’m gonna do some remodeling, but ah need some second and third opinions on the matter!”
Cheerilee and Vinyl were equally surprised as their commanding officer pulled them into what appeared to be a dirty old barn with peeling paint. Cheerilee’s eyes gave Vinyl all the unspoken communication to ask: Where are we going? Vinyl’s response with her shoulders told everything: I have no idea.
“This is gonna be great, ah spent the last century workin’ on this place, and now ah can finally show it again ta ponies! No more spendin’ hours in here alone with nothing ta talk to, whooee, you guys are gonna have a blast!” Applejack said as she dragged the two into the large vacant room filled with hay.
Inside the old barn was an empty room, with large wooden doors capable of holding several parade floats and a carriage. Other than some scant supplies lying around, there wasn't much.
“Umm, Applejack? What vault?” Cheerilee dared ask, worried about her boss’s mental stability.
“Just… give me… a second… Where is that darn button?” Applejack looked around several bales of hay, until she stopped next to the back door, “Right! Now ah remember where ah moved it!”
Applejack pushed several screws in the door until the floor started glowing a light blue. Cheerilee and Vinyl looked in awe as the floor beneath them separated into a large hole, thirty feet by fifty feet across. A staircase appeared with slow anticipation, leading downwards into a deep chamber with a light at the end.
After several seconds, with Cheerilee’s jaw gaping open coming to a close as she steadied herself, “Okay, I did not expect that to be our meeting place.”
Applejack was already trotting down the stairs as she grabbed a torch off the walls, “You two gonna keep gawkin’ or are ya gonna follow me?”
Vinyl and Cheerilee started as the orange mare disappeared down the flight of stairs. They quickly galloped down with her.
--0o0--
The three mares were in a deep cavernous hallway, lit only by the torch Applejack was carrying. The endless corridor was made of a gray stone that was cold to the touch. Vinyl swore she heard something dripping.
“Alright, rule number one about the Vault: Don’t. Touch. Anything. You will die. This place was built specifically fer me. As the only immortal not running a country, ah deal with anything and everything that would kill a normal pony in an instant.”
Vinyl snorted, “I’m not exactly a normal pony.”
You got that right. Cheerilee commented mentally.
“Eeyup, but yer still mortal,” Applejack responded as they reached the end of the hallway. In front of them was a large black door with no visible markings of any kind, “Ah had this imported from Amareica, seein’ as they didn’t need it anymore. One hundred percent pure dwarf star alloy, nothing in the universe can penetrate this, except time machines and anyone with the key.”
She put her hoof on the door. Within seconds, a blue glow surrounded her hoof as the glow spread across the door in a brick layering fashion. The “bricks” in the door slowly moved to reveal an opening into a lit chamber. Applejack smiled and entered, followed by the two ponies behind her.
“Welcome, fillies and Cyberponies to the Vault. Don’t forget yer hats and jackets when you leave, ‘cause you ain’t gettin’ them back.”
Inside was an orange-brown room, lit by a strange glow coming from the ceiling. The room itself was thirty feet tall, and about as spacious as an American football field. To the sides were strange objects kept inside glass cases, and occasionally, large metal boxes sealed tightly.
This time, Applejack did not wait for her friends to stop staring at her vast underground archive of ancient alien artifacts. She simply walked around pointing at things.
“Over to our left is the Lullaby, a magic flute whose music will kill anybody who hears it. Over on our right is a giant block of granite that eats you alive. And over there is a magic mirror leadin’ to another world. Usually post apocalyptic wastelands filled with zombies. Don’t worry, most of the stuff here is caged, so you guys’ll be fine.”
Cheerilee was purely dumbfounded as she looked at the artifacts surrounding her. Ancient weapons of doom, strange beings of the apocalypse, and… a metal box?
“Ah, here we are,” Applejack stopped in front of the five feet by five feet and six feet tall box, heavily chained to the floor, with what appeared to be an airlock. She typed in a password, heard a click, then proceeded to open the door, “Now you two stay here, ah’m gonna be dealin’ with mah number one patient. And no matter how much ah scream in agony, don’t come in. You will die. Ah won’t. Ah’ll be out in about five minutes.”
She entered the doorway into the box, locked it, and pulled out of her saddlebags her containers of pond water. Cheerilee couldn’t see what happened next, but noticed an inscription on the box:
“Once, there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end.”
Cheerilee and Vinyl looked at each other, then back at the inscription. They didn't say anything, but decided to step back and look at something else.
“My eyes!” A scream was heard from the box, presumably Applejack's, so the two mares decided not to ask.
Cheerilee looked around until she saw a familiar file cabinet. Huh, guess Applejack moved it here after I went snooping in her office. She went towards the top drawer, and pulled it open. Inside it were the same folders and files from before, but there were a couple of new additions. The first one she saw was labeled “Pinkamena Diane Pie- U-003”. Another one was labeled “Project Ourania”, and a third was labeled “Nightmare Moon, Incident file”.
Cheerilee decided to not look inside the files, instead opting for another one, labeled "U-004". She opened the folder and glanced at the image shown. It depicted a picture of an unknown pony shrouded by fog and shrapnel, covered in many bruises and cuts. The underlying description read: The only known photograph of Black Ness. Identity of the entity is still unknown.
She looked around and saw scribbles in Applejack’s hoofwriting: I cannot believe they missed the hairs I left on the cactus by accident. That was the luckiest break ever. Along the right side, she saw a list of crimes committed by Black Ness… an immortal mare... who hates Princess Celestia... just like her boss.
Okay, don’t panic now. Breathe. Take a deep breath. There’s got to be an explanation for all this. Yeah, an explanation, that’s it. Maybe it’s a prank or some big misunderstanding. Cheerilee had started to calm down as her mind raced back and forth. Okay, you know what? I’m just going to ask. It’s fine, just a misunderstanding-
“What’cha reading?” Vinyl Scratch popped up behind Cheerilee.
“Eeep!” Cheerilee rocketed forward, barely stopping herself in front of a strange jar, “Don’t do that! My goodness, you almost scared the cutie mark off me!”
Vinyl merely grinned, and looked at the files Cheerilee was gripping hard in her hooves. Vinyl’s mouth shifted into a more neutral position, her robotic eye whirring at the picture.
“Hmm, so you found out about Applejack’s criminal record. You scared?”
Cheerilee sputtered as she attempted to regain her composure, failing as her thoughts ran wild with the revelation.
“S’alright. I was scared too, at least until I actually read the whole review. Look at page seven. ‘Deaths caused by caffeine overdose’? ‘Mass riots over the cost of eggs’? Sure some of this stuff is serious, but if you look closely, you’ll notice a pattern. You see it yet?”
Cheerilee looked down at the folder, glaring deep into the reports as she noticed said pattern. It took effort, but became glaringly obvious when one thought about it. How come it this long for me to notice?
Vinyl smiled as Cheerilee’s mouth gaped open, her mind connecting the dots, “Yeah, it takes a while but once you see it, you can never take it seriously again.”
Cheerilee’s lips twisted into a smile as her eyes opened wide, “Dear Celestia, it makes sense now,” she said between giggles.
“Yeah, Applejack is actually annoyed by this stuff, but it’s hilarious!” Vinyl replied. Both of the mares laughed as she read aloud from the file, “‘Illegal selling of liquor’? Who the hay is she, Al Capony?”
Applejack stepped out of the metal chamber with what appeared to be second degree burns. She turned around a corner towards her coworkers, “Alright you two, stop whatever fightin’ or runnin' from whatever abomination you two unleashed-”
“Considering how old she is, she might as well be. Oh my Celestia! They think she caused the Great Depression! My sides hurt so-o much,” Cheerilee laughed hard as she rolled across the floor, tears streaming from her eyes.
“Look, they ‘executed’ her five times! What did they do, shoot her, wait two minutes and shoot her again?” Vinyl Scratch chortled as her cybernetic implants flashed erratically.
The two ponies laughed hard as they continued reading. Applejack stood there for a minute with a slightly annoyed look on her face. Eventually, Applejack cleared her throat to get their attention, “Ahem.”
The two laughed quietly as they calmed themselves and stood back up. Applejack decided to continue, “Well, I guess the two of you are now acquainted with my criminal record. Yeah, it’s a real riot, but that right there is the ‘public statement’. Look at page nineteen, and we’ll see if ya keep laughin’.”
The two smirked at each other and turned the folder to page nineteen. They began skimming the page with a feeling of mirth. Halfway through, they begin taking it seriously, reading quickly but taking in the words with a fearful look in their eyes.
...Black Ness has been connected to fourteen cases of serial killings in Equestria, and eight cases of mass murder and genocide across the globe. This entity is not to be messed with. We have never lost a member of the guard to her, but our luck may run out. Black Ness is to be elevated on the most wanted list from eleven to four, effective immediately. We are to double resources into Black Ness’s capture…
The two mares looked at their captain with fear on their eyes, as Applejack walked to a nearby glass case. They continued staring at her as she opened the container in front of her. Inside it was a black notebook with its title scratched off. Next to it was an even larger book, titled “The Big Black Book of Serial Killers in Equestria, 1300-1800 AD”.
Applejack placed the two books on a nearby stand, and opened up the larger and read from a place she had bookmarked, “October 31st, 1618, the Delightful Killer kills her first pony in an act of revenge, in the Ponyville Spa, via drowning. The body was discovered one year later during Winter Wrap Up.”
Applejack closed the book and looked up at her colleagues and asked sternly, “Now are you two gonna keep horsin’ around, or are ya gonna help me prevent a murder?”
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THE SUNDAE! IT LOOKS....SO ENTICING! I MUST CONSUME IT!
So Vinyl Scratch really is a Cyberman, or rather, the in universe Cyberwoman (at least she hasn't put her brain into a pizza girl). I hope we get to see her backstory some time soon cuz I bet it'd be pretty interesting.
Seeing Applejack deal with Applebloom was cool, and Applebloom was nicely in character.
Also, not just a Day of the Moon reference, but also a Spongebob reference! I snickered for a good minute or so after that one.
Spotted a few typos.
As apposed to Amarecan.
I feel like this is foreshadowing...hmmm....
Looking forward for the next one!
DIET ACQUIRED! SUNDAE DISCARDED! SPOON CARVED INTO SHIV!
3729080
fixed the first typo (American is correct, as I meant actual normal football)
That barnacle wiped out all the sea ponies, so it is the most dangerous thing in her vault.
IT'S GOT ITS OWN INTERNET PAGE FOR PETE'S SAKE. I had to include it.
On another note, what is your opinion on this story's tags? Sad? Dark? Comedy? I want to change it, but I'm not sure which ones to add.
3730598
I'd say Dark and Comedy feel appropriate. However, it doesn't quite feel sad yet. Maybe include the tag is something tragic happens which drastically changes the mood.
3732528
IT HAS BEEN DONE!
Thanks for the feedback.
I don't get it, what was the pattern?
3495337
*gasp*
So Applejack is G4!Applejack, G1!Applejack, G3!Applejack, and...
The Apple Jacks cereal!
By god, it makes so much more sense now!
3855764
I will, I swear on Applejack's empty grave.
In about 15 chapters and a sequel, it will happen.
3857445
Yes!
Also, this story is awesome. PLEASE continue it soon!
Can... can someone explain this "pattern" to me? I can't find it...