//------------------------------// // A for Applejack // Story: Captain Applejack Harkness // by Inthretis //------------------------------// Play this song, listen while reading. (50 Ways to Say Goodbye, by Train) Mah heart is paralyzed Mah head grew three times in size She came down like a meteor Eaten by a manticore Drowned in quicksand Killed on command Chomped by a bear trap Super duper dragon bitch slap Stabbed in the back tied to train tracks Slept with a shady pony Caught an STD from the phony Reenacted assassins’ creed Oh gosh, watch her bleed Chorus: Apples! Apples! Ah don’t know what ta do! Aliens and time travel through spaaaaace!!!! Stepped on a landmine Sliced by a turbine Explosion in a coal mine Constricted by a magic vine Listened to the Lullaby Accidently threatened Fluttershy Fell during a rock climb Committed thought crime Blew up miniluv Attacked by two turtledoves Exploding partridge in a pear tree Help, I’m trapped in an episode of Glee Sucked into a portal Ah really am immortal! Chorus: Apples! Apples! Ah don’t know what ta do! Aliens and time travel through spaaaaace!!!! Hit by a rocket sled Crushed by a hospital bed Flinched at high noon Crushed by the falling moon Drowned in a puddle Giant hydra cuddle Trapped in a mudslide Demonic cart ride Stung by killer bees Tried to stop a crime spree Hayroshima, Neighgasaki Crushed by a tree Crashed into a jet ski Stranded out to sea Faulty parachute Attacked with a lute Eaten by monster slime Angered a petty mime Burned at the stake Very old chariot brakes Bitten by a snake Ate way too much cake Once got a vampire bite Went towards the light (They made me go back) Hanged at sundown Holy smokes! Monster clown! Fell down a mine shaft Not good at real life minecraft Blown up by a creeper Punched out the grim reaper Tried to stop a serial killer This line is purely filler Locked in a washing machine Crushed by a flat screen Choked on an eclair Ran out of air Why is this so long? This is the neverending song! Chorus: Apples! Apples! Ah don’t know what ta do! Aliens and time travel through spaaaaace!!!! Died by the cutie pox Rammed by a large ox Beaten by a minotaur Slammed headfirst into a door Slashed by a griffon Spontaneous combustion Bitten by a zombie Hit by a tsunami Beheaded, sliced and diced, grinded Flew an airplane while blinded Melted by acid Ate poisoned salad Cooked into pony soup Joined a really bad support group Took part in a civil war Fell down a trap door Best friends with Trotsky Shot by a bunch of nazis Extreme dehydration followed by heat exhaustion Chorus: Apples! Apples! Ah don’t know what ta do! Aliens and time travel through spaaaaace!!!! Flamed by a lantern Died by freezer burn Doused in kerosene Hit by a deadly laser beam Sank into the ocean Bullets in slow motion Sneezed during a joust Screwed over by Faust Stabbed with a butter knife Extremely jealous wife Jumped off a cliff Recited a cursed hieroglyph Because of an apple pie there are a thousand ways to die~ Switch to this song now with this link. (Friendship Is Witchcraft’s It’ll be OK) Got into a bar fight Sometimes Ah lay awake at night Ah gave ya mah heart And then ya turned around (Ah perished) Ah gave ya mah kidneys And then ya turned around (Dead in three hours) Ah gave ya mah lungs And then ya turned around (Saw it coming) This. Is. It. No more organs for you. Say ‘Buck You’ And Ah’ll see to it Because this is how it goes Everything’s gonna blow~ (away) "A Thousand Ways to Die" Performed by Sapphire Shores Lyrics by Applejack and Zecora Composition by Octavia Melody When the Egg hatches The Story will begin Anew The One whose flames burn bright Born of Fire Raised by Pony Magic The One who traveled the seven seas Taught to Fly in Sky And Protected by the Earth Thou Shalt court the Mare of Darkness She who is hidden in plain sight Powered by Love Defeater of the Alicorn of the Above The One will face the Truth And will have to play Sleuth Reveal the Darkness hidden in the Sunlight Greed shalt be Thy Bane And Companionship Thy Boon Whose Past is connected to Nightmare Moon Whose Present Lies in Life And Whose Future cannot be Read Even by Those who See Whose Memories will be thy Shield Thoughts will be thy Armor And Actions will be thy Sword The One, protector of the Weak Defeater of Tyrants Stronger and more able than the Alicorns Cursed to watch thy friends die As the Ages pass Lying in wait Gathering allies In Preparation For the Final Confrontation And in the End Three and Six shall converge And Give Rise to Four and Infinity Life Lost will bring forth A New Age -Excerpt from Predictions and Prophecies, page 63. Originally predicted by Sybilline Sisterhood Translated by Lyra Heartstrings, PhD, published 1616 AD. Mare of Darkness, Mare of Darkness She who is hidden in plain sight Powered by Love Defeater of the Alicorn of the Above Who is she? And why does she sound so familiar? Her irises of pure green Forever watching Forever hidden Forever guiding Reborn with every generation Her strength has no limits Her endurance no bounds Her wit and cunning unmatched Knowledge of the unknown Rebel against the Tyrant Allies both old and new Shall help her in her quest To change… Exoskeleton of Disguise Beware the Supermare! Magic, flight, unimaginably strong! She who is above right and wrong! Infinitely old and infinitely wise Crushes all of those whom she despise! Pegasus, Earth Pony, Unicorn All in one Control over the heavens Stars above and ground below Ruler over all, far and wide Everyone, even us heathens Wisdom and strength collide Together in her graceful stride! Bringer of Healing Bringer of Fame Bringer of Death Bringer of Destruction Beware the Supermare! Beware the Supermare! Stars above shall fall from the heavens Crushed by the iron dragon That is the juggernaut The being known as Alicorn! We are the Defeated We are the Forgotten Lost through history We are not even memories We are those who lost the battle We lost to the Supermare Now our children take up our mantle Continue the fight! We have not lost until we give up! We hide in the shadows Lost in Darkness And we will rise again Bring down the tyrant Maker have mercy on our souls! Let us stop destiny And the chosen roles! We are not broken We are not fixed We are not Good We are not Evil But we will fight! Beware the Supermare! Beware the Supermare! For Princess and Province For Queen and Country For Friends and Family For Everypony! She is an obstacle A wall to climb over To reach the spectacle Our true goal We must unite Together in the fight! Combine our talents Become one! We three tribes Forced together Time and Time again We will fight Eternity is at our grasp Against the Supermare Here comes the drumming 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. na~ na~ na~ 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.