//------------------------------// // Applejack's Cereal (Killer) // Story: Captain Applejack Harkness // by Inthretis //------------------------------// Excerpts from True History by LHS. ...There are many hidden aspects of Equestrian history that will reach the light of day. Pre Celestial time is filled with many inconsistencies in the dating system. The terms After Discord and Before Celestia have a period of history between them that, to this day, remain unrecorded. In fact, 0 AD and 1 BC are actually spaced fifty-three years apart. This error in calendar records is not limited to only calendars, but to most diaries and catalogs of the period. The lost fifty-three, as it is called by most historians, is a timespan where 99.9999% of all records mysteriously vanished. What is known however, was the occurrence of the first Equestrian civil war, wherein five of the six founders were hanged as war criminals. The sixth founder, Smart Cookie, vanished without a trace. All records of Smart Cookie, except for three diaries, were destroyed during the fifty-three. Some believe this disruption of record keeping caused by the rise and fall of Discord, but this argument is inherently flawed. The records were destroyed before Discord became Equestria’s ruler. What caused this disappearance? Are there any more records remaining? Why were the records destroyed? We will attempt to summarize, explain, rationalize and answer these questions throughout this book, as one can figure out that... ...We will never know the whole truth. The truth has different meanings to different ponies and for truth to exist, we must be honest. Nopony was ever honest when they recorded history. It is always biased, modified, exaggerated, or “politely” excluded from the archives. A good example is the Canterlot Royal Library is the most extensive historical archive in the world, and yet it has only one journal from the lost fifty-three, and no records on the Rise of Nightmare Moon, despite having over two hundred witnesses. It can be easily concluded from this error that Princess Celestia took an active role in the censorship of Equestrian history. There is more evidence of her tampering. The most obvious example can be found in a story everypony (and donkey, mule, some buffalo, and one or two dragons) has seen or heard at least once: The Tale of Hearthwarming’s Eve. The example I use is from the Canterlot play fifth edition, which shows the modification in broad daylight. It is traditional for an actor, when playing the roles of the founders, to portray their roles using a bit of themselves. This is not because the founders and their message of fraternity, equality, and whatnot can be found in anypony that plays them, as Princess Celestia claimed in response to 1544’s controversial edition of the play. In 1544, the role of Private Pansy was played by former slightly deranged heiress, Mareis Hilton. She showed up once to the rehearsals, and then did not appear until the third act of the play while it was showing, completely drunk on her hooves, wearing the helmet and saucy footwear. She then continued to act, very poorly, drawing out her half remembered lines, then puked on the actor portraying Princess Platinum. The other five actors began improvising, ending the play in a way similar to the original, with the exception of Private Pansy knocking out a windigo with her bare hooves. Princess Celestia’s comment on this was a purposeful attempt draw attention to Hilton’s bad acting and away from the true debate: “Why are there no records of the founders of Equestria?” Another, more obvious example is the usage of the Diarchy (Yin Yang Princesses Sun and Moon hippy style) flag at the end of the play. Celestia and Luna did not appear in Equestria for over fifty years after Equestria’s founding, right?... ...History is rife with mistakes, the existence of Star Swirl the Bearded’s Time travel spells prove the possibility of rewriting history. If a pony can time travel, they can alter whatever they want, to their own goals, whether we want it or not. That is the true history of Equestria, irresponsible, reckless, time travelers rewriting history for their own purposes, not giving horse apples about the collateral damage that ensues. -Lyra Heartstrings, PhD. --0o0-- October 31, 1618 AD Nightmare Night, that one time of year where everybody in Equestria gets to dress up in ridiculous costumes, give out free candy, and have fun playing carnival games. For some unknown reason, the night sky appeared darker than usual, the clouds seemed more menacing, and all the trees gave off a spooky vibe. Normally, this night would have Applejack donning the scarecrow costume she got off of Brother of Mine’s semi-dead body, but instead this year, she was wearing her memorable “Serial Killer Stopping World War Two Style” long coat. When asked why she wore it whenever armor or stealth suit was a better option, she always replied “‘Cause it’s awesome.” Cheerilee was dressing up as Count Dracula, with a black cape, fake plastic fangs, and red contact lenses. Vinyl Scratch was still in town, dressed as herself, all her mechanical parts showing. She even added a fake robot moustache to liven up her costume. The three mares met each other at the outskirts of Sweet Apple Acres, just before sundown. Applejack was sitting on top of her fence, looking as badass as a pony could get on Nightmare Night. When Cheerilee and Vinyl arrived, they gave Applejack a couple of stern looks. Applejack smiled, “Let’s get started.” --0o0-- Alright, let me tell the two of you something about time travel. It is the most dangerous kind of travel in the universe, and it comes hoof in hoof with space travel. When I time traveled back in the old days, I always knew where known fixed points in time were. This is one of them. Today, Neighsayer dies, and we can’t change that. Or can we? That book cataloguing every serial killer for the next two hundred years, it also documented the fixed point deaths of the coming centuries. The author didn’t know it, but that book has allowed me to change history for the better. Right now, we go to Neighsayer’s house and talk to him. Then I’ll show you guys the great loophole of time travel. --0o0-- The trio walked to the other side of Ponyville, to 15 Wind Street, the home of Neighsayer. The house itself was a simple one-story abode, made out of a light tan brick and had a shingled roof. In other words, it was normal. Little did the lone occupant of this building know, but tonight would be the last night he would ever spend in his home. Neighsayer was a normal, albeit abrasive, pegasus. He had a bright purple mane, with a light tan coat, similar to the coloring of his house. He had a cutie mark of a megaphone with an angry-looking mouth on it. His special talent was denouncing things, and as such, was a critic for the Ponyville Express. One month ago, he wrote an unflattering article about the Ponyville spa. He pointed out every single flaw about the establishment, from the worn out tiles, to the damaged heating system of the sauna, and even the exact components in the mud bath. A lot of which resulted in a significant turndown in business. He made a lot of enemies in the town, from the market stalls to Barnyard Bargains. If he went missing, the suspect list would be huge. In fact, the only businesses in town that he didn’t piss off were the Sweet Apple Acres, Carrot Palooza Farms, and Sugarcube Corner. In fact, his only friends were his coworkers, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie ,and he usually tried to avoid Pinkie Pie. In two hours, he would be dead. At the very least, Applejack wanted Neighsayer’s last moments alive to be enjoyable. Applejack considered him a friend, and despite his rough personality, he showed signs of a deep understanding how businesses worked, and when he pointed them out, a lot of businesses fixed their problems, and became better off because of it. He was something of a connoisseur, coming from the upper parts of Fillydelphia, and always was good at finding problems. It was just in his nature. Originally, he wanted to be an inspector, but later found a knack for writing, and decided to become a journalist in a newspaper. Ponies hated him, but he was only doing his job. Applejack, Cheerilee, and Vinyl Scratch arrived there around six o’clock. They rang the doorbell, and waited. After only a minute, the door opened, revealing the soon-to-be-unlucky stallion. “Eh? Who is it? I’m very busy right now, I’ve got to judge some costumes, then hoof out some prizes to a bunch of kids. Then I have to go to that disgusting spa for some reason. What do you want, Applejack? What are you doing here?” Neighsayer asked, his face showing signs of irritation. “Ah’m sorry ta bother ya, but- Vinyl NOW!” Applejack screamed. Vinyl Scratch struck Neighsayer from behind, knocking him out. --0o0-- Three mares dressed as a vampire, cyborg and leather clad biker were walking down a road carrying an unconscious stallion on Nightmare Night. He will be dead in less than six hours. This is not a joke. “Stop doing that! Keep him balanced on your back!” “Why am I carrying him? He’s crushing me, and I’ve lost all feeling in my upper back!” Vinyl Scratch whined as her legs began trembling. “You’re fidgeting! He’s going to fall!” Cheerilee said with worry. “This is not what I signed up for, you here me?! I did not join Torchwood to carry dead weight like a workhorse!” Vinyl Scratch cried out. “Quit yer bellyachin’! We’re about ta save a life here! Now just keep walking,” Applejack urged. “Arrgh, fine. But I expect overtime for this,” Vinyl Scratch begrudgingly said. She began gritting her teeth. “Ya’ll have zero taxes, an unlimited credit account, and you want overtime? Well hay no!” Applejack responded. “I’m surprised we were able to walk two miles without anypony seeing us,” Cheerilee remarked, “I can’t believe we haven’t run into any foals yet on some stupid dare-” “Howdy Miss Cheerilee!” the sound of a young filly filled the air as Cheerilee silently cursed to herself. Applejack and Vinyl, on the other hand (hoof?), were frantically hiding Neighsayer’s limp body under a large blanket. The origin of the voice was none other than Apple Bloom, who was galloping closer to her “sister”. Apple Bloom was dressed as a large peacock, complete with a beautiful display of blue and green feathers. She was closely followed from behind by an orange pegasus filly dressed in brightly colored spandex. “Hey, Miss Cheerilee! Heeyy… Applejack. Uh, what. Um, I mean, huh?” Scootaloo began, but was cut short as she looked at the way Applejack was dressed. Something in the filly’s mind went click! as soon as she saw that outfit. Her gaze continued into a full blown stare, until Apple Bloom decided to break the awkwardness. “Err, Applejack, Miss Cheerilee! What’re you two doin’ out here? Who’s yer friend?” Apple Bloom gestured to Vinyl Scratch. Scootaloo snapped out of her gaze, only to look at the reformed Cyberpony, this time, her mind went Bang! Get away! NOW! as she took in the oddly familiar figure. Scootaloo’s pupils shrank to pinpricks as her brain began connecting dots, rebuilding bridges, a flood of half-remembered memories appearing. Her! I’ve seen her before, somewhere in my mind. And Applejack too! Right? No wait, that could’ve been anypony in a long black coat, right? She just happens to be dressed in a long coat for Nightmare Night! She couldn’t possibly be- Scootaloo’s inner monologue was cut short when Apple Bloom nudged her. “Scoots, stop starin’, it’s gettin’ weird!” Apple Bloom kept poking Scootaloo with a long fake peacock feather, trying to get some sense of recognition out, “C’mon, yer freaking out Applejack’s friend. And Cheerilee.” Scootaloo blinked a few times and shook her head. Cheerilee awkwardly shifted on her hooves as Vinyl tried to shift the weight closer to Cheerilee. Applejack had a look of slight amusement when she finally said, “We’re just meetin’ somepony out near the Everfree, what’re you doin’ here, Apple Bloom?” Apple Bloom stopped poking Scootaloo as she remembered what Applejack had asked, “Oh, uh, we were out here for, uh, Trick-or-Treatin’!” “Apple Bloom, don’t ya’ll lie ta me now, there ain’t no houses out here.” “We’re looking fer witches?” “Apple Bloom,” Applejack began chiding with her tone. Apple Bloom looked to the ground and sighed, “Alright, we were supposed ta go to the Everfree forest ta catch a manticore as a dare.” “Ya know that’s dangerous, right?” “Yeah, but if Fluttershy of all ponies could take one down, ah’m sure so could the both of us!” Apple Bloom motioned towards herself and Scootaloo, who just continued staring at Vinyl Scratch. Applejack closed her eyes, took a few breaths, and opened them again before speaking, “Apple Bloom, just go back. It’s too dangerous out here, and there is no way you can beat a manticore in a fair fight.” “That’s why ah’m a peacock!” Apple Bloom smiled, “Ah’ll tickle him with mah feathers until he’s down, then we’ll use Scootaloo’s Mistress Mare-velous lasso to tie him up!” Applejack facehoofed and said, “That is not going to work. Go home, or I’ll git you two home mahself.” “She’s right, Apple Bloom,” Cheerilee said, “Manticores can’t be tickled, you would just make it angry.” Applejack motioned the two back in the other direction and added, “Besides, Fluttershy didn’t beat a manticore, she just made it happy by removin’ a splinter.” “Okay, Applejack, bye Miss Cheerilee and, err…” Apple Bloom stalled, trying to remember the white pony’s name. “Oh! Forgot to introduce you three. Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, this is mah friend Vinyl Scratch, she’s a DJ in Canterlot. Vinyl, this is mah little sister Apple Bloom and her friend, Scootaloo,” Applejack made gestures at the three ponies. Vinyl Scratch smiled and held out her hoof to Apple Bloom, “Nice to meet you, Apple Bloom. Applejack’s said a lot of good things about you, I hope we can get to know each other better later.” Apple Bloom took Vinyl’s hoof and shook it, “Ah hope so too, Vinyl Scratch. How ‘bout you, Scoot- Scootaloo?” Scootaloo was sitting down, squinting hard before opening her eyes, “Huh? Oh, yeah, nice to meet you too, Vinyl Scratch.” Scootaloo got back up and began walking back towards the town, “Come on Apple Bloom, let’s go back for the, uh, costume contest.” “Sure Scoots, but what about the manticore?” Apple Bloom asked. “Yeah, it’s too dangerous, let’s just go,” Scootaloo said as the two fillies began walking to town square. After the mares were out of earshot, Apple Bloom asked Scootaloo earnestly, “Does this have anything ta do with yer nightmares?” Scootaloo didn’t say anything, as her mind just began thinking. Scootaloo gulped as her gut instinct combined with her subconscious. It’s her. She’s dangerous. Applejack and that mare are hiding something. Something dangerous. Be afraid. This is just the beginning. Scootaloo hoped that the beginning wasn’t for a long time. --0o0-- After the two fillies had walked out of earshot, Vinyl collapsed onto the ground, “Aargh! Get him off, it hurts!” Neighsayer rolled onto the ground, his unmoving body splayed out haphazardly. Vinyl Scratch stood back up as she began stretching her back. Cheerilee and Applejack started to pull Neighsayer up, but could barely get his front end above the dirt road. “Whoa nelly, he is heavy!” Applejack grunted as she pulled the stallion’s hoof into the air. She wrestled the body until his left shoulder was draped over her neck. Cheerilee went to the other shoulder and motioned him up. “Applejack, next time, we are bringing a cart. This is ridiculous,” Cheerilee huffed out as the weight of the unconscious pony bore down on her. Vinyl pulled up the back hooves and said, “I got the back, you guys just start moving him into the forest.” The other mares just nodded as they all began steadily moving forward. Within the hour, they reached the Everfree forest towards their destination. --0o0-- Deep within the Everfree was an underground cavern whose powers were believed to defy the laws of magic itself. Nothing had ever been discovered to be like it, and of course when it was found, Torchwood claimed it. Ever since the Battle of Canary Wharf five years ago, Applejack came into the possession of one of the most powerful artifacts in the history of the world: the Mirror Pool. As the three mares and one stallion reached the entrance to the cavern, Applejack laid down Neighsayer in front of the hole. Cheerilee and Vinyl decided to do the same, when Cheerilee asked, “How are we going to get him-” Applejack pushed Neighsayer into the hole, then jumped in after him. “-in to the... hole. Hmm. Oh well, Geronimo!” Cheerilee jumped in there as well, followed by Vinyl Scratch, who took running start before diving head first. All four ponies bounced around the inside tunnel before skidding out onto the floor of the cavern. Cheerilee and Vinyl slowly got up, feeling aches in their backs and hooves after the bumpy roll. Applejack seemed completely unfazed, as she looked around the cave, at the plants growing and the circular pond of water in the center. She took a deep breath and stared towards a bush and yelled, “Ah know yer here! Get out ‘fore I knock ya into next Tuesday!” Cheerilee and Vinyl looked at Applejack with confusion, wondering what she was talking about. Before long, they all heard a rustling of the nearby foliage as cloaked figure appeared. The figure removed her hood, revealing a familiar zebra. Applejack glared at Zecora as she started speaking, “We had a deal. No interference, Ah don’t mess with you, ya don’t mess with me. Or do ya got some premonition fer me?” Zecora stared back at the orange mare, then she began to reply, “You must understand, you cannot stop his death, just go back home, and save your breath. If what I believe is true, what you are planning will be your undoing. Is this what you learned from your time with the Doctor Who, or is it something more you are pursuing?” “Doctor Who? Who is she talking about?” Cheerilee asked. “Nobody ya need ta know about, Cheerilee. Double fer you, Vinyl,” Applejack replied. Vinyl gaped and whined, “Aww, but I didn’t even ask! I wanna meet the Who Doctor! He sounds like an old crotchety stallion with a cane living on a tiny flower, and then an elephant picks him up and talks to him!” Everybody stared at Vinyl as her ramblings became more nonsensical. She stopped and blushed, “Sorry everypony, my imagination matrix must be malfunctioning.” “Right, well, Zecora, we are fulfilling all the fixed point’s requirements. There will be no paradox when ah’m done, and nothin’s gonna go wrong.” Zecora closed her eyes and sighed, “While I do not agree with your choice, I will not stop you three. I am but one voice. Simply… time’s referee.” “Are ya tired? Yer rhymes aren’t very coherent,” Applejack answered. “Very much so, now I must go. I can feel the weight of reality on that pony’s shoulders, and wish to leave this matter to a pony much wiser and older,” Zecora began to leave. “Wait you mean Applejack? This is a grown mare who gets excited over redecorating an underground lair! Are you sure you’re okay with leaving this pony’s life in her hooves?” Vinyl Scratch asked with surprising seriousness. “Let’s just say, I know she has found a way to save the day,” Zecora replied as she left the cavern. After a couple minutes of awkward silence, Cheerilee asked, “So what are going to now?” Applejack smiled and began to speak. --0o0-- What is a time paradox? It is when you screw up history and cause bad stuff to happen. Imagine you went back in time and killed your father before he met your mother. What happens to you? Do you fade away, or will time stop you from killing him? Or will reality itself collapse because it doesn’t know what to do? Today, Neighsayer dies. I know because it was written in a book published in my time. But if I stop this murder, then it would have never happened. It would never have been written in the book, which I never would have read, so I wouldn’t have stopped it, so the murder does happen and was written in the book, which I read and stopped, so that… et cetera, et cetera. We are going to skip all that. We are going to let this murder happen, but at the same time allow Neighsayer to live. How? Well, we do have the Mirror Pool with us... --0o0-- November 1, 1618 7:25 AM The Mirror Pool Cavern “So. I’m dead. Like, dead. As in, nopony I know will ever see me again, and everypony I know will mourn me when they find the body,” the bright tan pegasus stated sadly. “Yeah, that’s about the gist of it,” Applejack replied. The two of them were sitting down beside the magical pond of water, talking to each other like old friends mourning a third friend. The sun had just begun to rise, bringing forth a new day. “Let me guess, you are going to put me in some sort of witness protection program, shuttle me off to some remote region of Equestria to live the rest of my days in obscurity. I am to never contact my friends or family, and can only trust you and those two,” he mimed Cheerilee and Vinyl, “Are those two dating or something? They look really into each other.” Applejack laughed a little, “No, they’re not, the’ve only just met the other day.” “They seemed to really hit it off then,” he smiled a little. “Ya seem ta be takin’ this well,” Applejack remarked. “No, I’m not. My killer got away with killing a clone of me, and won’t caught for another eight years. I am terrified that beneath the facade of equestria, there lies a hidden world, filled with Cyborgs and time travel. I am depressed that my future legacy is a footnote in a book about the mare that killed me because I pointed out the safety and health violations in the building,” Neighsayer continued ranting. “I built up my fame a little bit at a time, I was going places! Last month, I accepted a position for the Trans-Equestrian Chronicle! That’s like the best newspaper in Boeshane province, but now I’m going to live in a hick town that’s even more hick than Ponyville! That’s like out in the middle of nowhere, with nothing to do, and I’m going to go write under an assumed name that sounds more ridiculous than ‘Neighsayer’. “Everypony thinks I’m dead, and I really am. My life is over, and I’m just going to go pick up the pieces. But guess what? All the pieces will be held in police custody as soon as somepony notices I’m missing. I’m just stuck. Nowhere to go, not a thing to my name. Oh, and I’m going to play a part in your weird cosmic game to decide the fate of the universe or whatever. You know, fate of reality and all that.” Applejack grimaced before she finally replied, “That’s all true, but don’t worry. Neighsayer died last night, but ya get ta start over. Build up a new personality, a new life with a new name. Ya don’t even need a disguise. Just a stetson.” Neighsayer raised an eyebrow, “What are you saying?” Applejack looked towards the horizon and merely asked, “Tell me Newspeak, have ya ever been ta Appleloosa?” --0o0-- November 8, 1618 Scootaloo woke up sweating the Ganges River. Her heart was beating a light year a minute, and was inhaling a oxygen at an unpredictable rate, with every breath she inhaled the mass of several rabbits worth of oxygen. She sat up and groaned again. This was the fourth time in a month that she had that nightmare. For some reason, she kept dreaming of bunnies, followed by strange clanking noises and and beeping sounds. Then a metal pony appeared, surrounded by what appeared to be floating salt shakers, followed by a baseball bat and explosions. After that, she saw her mother with a phone booth, and strangely, everything smelled of roses. But ever since Nightmare Night, ever since she saw Applejack and that unicorn mare, Vinyl Scratch, something sparked within her mind. Every time she had that dream, she saw Applejack near the phone booth and Vinyl Scratch as the metal pony. She tried shaking it off, but the nightmare kept returning. She sighed and faced her ceiling. The nightmare was gone, but she had the feeling it had once been reality...