• Member Since 28th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

BlueSun52


Hey there, everypony! I'm a big time video gaming nerd and love to write stories and make art. Hope that you all like my stories and become good friends!

T
Source

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away….

A thousand years of peace has ruled over the galaxy and all ponykind continued to live happily under the protective eyes of Grandmaster Celestia and her faithful servants of the light, the Solar Knights. But now a dark empire has come upon the galaxy and spreading chaos and misery across worlds and vast civilizations.

Now all hope lies with Garret, a scout who has an incredible gift within himself, Twilight Sparkle, the apprentice of Grandmaster Celestia and a gifted unicorn with tremendous power, Applejack Onasi, an experience veteran of the Republic and a mare with a mysterious past, and their loyal friends and companions as they go find the enemies’ true power and return peace and harmony in the galaxy.


Additional characters will be listed here as the story progresses.


Inspired by OmegaPony11 and his work Pony Age: Origins

Thanks to Eldorado! for approving this awesome story.

Editing are done by rhinotaz and That1Brony3

Proofreading is done by Higherbeach

Art cover made by XNightMelody

Chapters (21)
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Comments ( 111 )

Calm down Zaedra! :ajsmug:

Ahh that's the first thing I hear when I hear Hidden Bek :fluttershysad: almost a melancholy to the times past. Maybe I'll return to that galaxy far far away someday.

This game brings me a mountain of emotions. It brought me many happy memories, some of the best and it carried me through the bad ones. This story man, dang :fluttershysad: I tear up reading it just because the memories.

I'll follow you.

3459396 Thank you. I was planning on going back to that and fixing the problem and making it better for the readers.

"Welcome welcome welcome!
A fine welcome to you!
Welcome welcome welcome!
I say how do you do?
Welcome welcome welcome!
I say hip hip hurray!
Welcome welcome welcome!
To the Undercity today!"


Now I'll here that song every time I enter the Undercity. :moustache:

3509333 I don't know if I'll ever be able to go into the undercity with a straight face again... :twilightsheepish:

Well glad that your among the living again, that must have been a rough ride for you.

*Place a comma after well and change "your" to "you're".

So all we have to do is find their base and break in to found Twilight and Fluttershy. Right?

*find.

but we're have an easier time finding Twilight, then Fluttershy

*than. *we'll. remove comma.

Is there anything you can tell about Twilight commander?

Place a comma between Twilight and commander.

Yo' must've hit your head harder then Ah thought.

*than

Hey are you okay?

Place a comma after "Hey".

After reading this chapter I can safely say this is a huge improvement. The character names still bother me (Garret, Gavin, Sandra), I can't help but see the actual characters from the game instead of the ponies that are suppose to resemble them. Not to mention the names sound too human. I'll be reading the next few chapters and come to a conclusion. :twilightsmile:

P.S. It's Gadon and Zaedra, not Gavin and Sandra.

Well Ah served during th' Diamond Dog Wars, but Ah didn't become commander before th' Imperials started invading Equestria space. Ah was a captain on one of th' star ships thet were defending' th' pegasus'

How can she be a commander and a captain at the same time? Commander and captain are two separate ranks.

Are looking for both Vao and Zaalbar?

*Are you

But you don't have to worry about telling me your with the Republic

*you're

Wait What

*Wait, what

Yes you

*Yes, you

Hey Applejack about what Rukil said to you. What did he mean by that?

*Place a comma after Applejack

Thanks for the help. I didn't think we would get any help

Redundant use of "help".

Sure I can lead you there

*sure

Don't worry we're not with the Imperials

Place a comma after "worry".

What is it Canderous

Place a comma after 'it'.

This chapter was a little tougher to read due to grammar errors. Garret seems to be a little too open with telling strangers he's with the republic on a planet that is blocked by Imperials. Pacing and character development so far is good. I'll be reading the next chapter soon. :twilightsmile:

Hehehe, Zaalbar. During one of my many playthroughs, I ended up joining the dark side, killing Zaalbar, Whats her bucket, and that other guy ( Need a computer version to play, my Xbox brome, and I forgot everyone's names.)

Good so far, though kinda confused at where they ended up. Didn't your character in game wake up in an upper Taris room?

He was wearing a Beks' riders outfit with colors of the Beks.

No need to clarify on the colors.

Eclipse soon lifted her up in to the air

*into

Now I'm ready to show my skills," Garret replied and was excited about it.

*Garret replied excitingly.

Not to worry I'm a aware

Remove the a before aware.

He also the nicest ponies

*He is also.

This is Flim

Period after Flim.

were louder then the cheering fans

*than

Many of the racer

*racers

they were either get ahead of them, they weren't paying attention to their surroundings carefully, or were too impatient to wait for a chance to gain the lead.

Remove the first 'were' and change 'get' to 'got'. Remove the second 'they'.

asked Bronze having a bad feeling about Solar's plan.

Comma after Bronze.

Properly, but nopony cares

*Probably

They didn't have to do that to an old donkey like that," Pinkie said, enraged by what had happened.

Replace the comma with a exclamation mark. Swap out 'said' with 'shouted'. It will help how angry she is.

They're no better then th' Luna Empire," Applejack added also enraged by what happened.

Same as above.

IT'S NO GOOD, KEEP GOING

Place an exclamation mark at the end.

the rammed against one another.

*they

OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OOOHHH MMYYYY GGOOOODDDD

Not sure if God applies to a universe filled with ponies.

Okay so this chapter was a slam dunk. You managed to reference to Episode I and IV respectfully while creating what swoop races should have been in Kotor. This is so far, your best chapter. However, there are complaints. Your dialogue is improving, but tend to over clarify things (see my first complaint up top). For example:

"COME ON GARRET, YOU’RE THE PONY!" Scootaloo shouted for Garret.

We already know she's cheering for Garret. No need to tell us again.

You sir have restored my faith in this fic, but not enough to fave and thumb up. You are close however. Will be waiting for the next chapter. :twilightsmile:

Yes Commander

Comma after 'yes'.

AYE COMMANDER

Comma after 'aye'.

He strategies

*His

admiral

*Capitalize the 'a' since it's a title of position.

As you command master

Comma after 'command'.

Are you sure this is wise master

Comma after 'wise'.

If that is what you want to do master

Comma after 'do'.

He didn't had any pants unlike the other troopers

*have

It's more then likely

*than

"TTTIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"

Replace the quotations with stars.

Commander

Period at the end.

siad,

*said

This is a much better introduction to the fic than previously. I can now give this a thumbs up and a favorite. Looking forward to seeing new chapters and the rewrites. :twilightsmile:

P.S. Why is Twilight's outfit different from the cover art?

3866966 Thank you. I'm glad that you like the rewrite of this chapter.:twilightsmile: And the reason why Twilight has that outfit on is because it's going to change later on. I just wanted to make the story feel close to kotor, but yet at the same time not. The story is going to be different than the game, but it will still have that kotor experience in it. (Unless Pinkie does something while I'm away from the computer.:pinkiecrazy:)

Another great chapter. Will HK-47 be in this? That droid is my favorite character.

Their usually on star ships

*They're

"I'm not just a any Republic officer

Remove 'a'.

Wait if your here

*you're

Also, you have a very terrible outfit

Period at the end.

Applejack did you know anything about this?" Garret asked Applejack.

Comma after Applejack. Don't need to tell us twice who Garret is asking. You can leave it as "Garret asked."

chaseed by a fox,

*chased

There's a rabbit being chased by a fox!

*?!

they blow up

*blew

Hey Snail,

*Snails

Yes my mistress

Comma after 'yes'.

"Y-Yes my mistress

Same as above.

Oh your going to tell me

*you're.

Yes my mistress

Comma after 'yes'.

Tell me about it?

Change the question mark to a period.

Yeah Applejack and the others told me

Comma after 'yeah'.

Chapter was decent. I might be the only one but I felt the chapter was a lot shorter than the rest (even though the average amount is around five thousand). The ending could have been handle better, including Pinkie breaking the fourth wall. But in the end it was decent. Looking forward to the next chapter.

P.S. Seriously man, learn the forms of 'your' and 'there'.

3937421 Maaaaaaaaybe:duck:

img.gawkerassets.com/img/18hgicw160mfdjpg/ku-medium.jpg

"Statement: Indeed, I am most eager to engage in some unadulterated violence. At your command of course, Master."

HA HA HA!! Pinkie Pie just broke the fourth wall.:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Hi there, this is an awesome story. If you'd like to, you could add it to my group, Equestrian Star Wars!

You also get a follow :pinkiehappy:

4008080 Thank you:twilightsmile: and thanks for mentioning the group, I didn't know this group existed.

with some much going

Should be "so much."

Also, when you have "ma'm," it should be spelled as "ma'am," as the word itself is shortened from "madam."

Other than that, I love the rewrite of the chapter. Keep it up!

4008481 Thanks for pointing that out and glad that you liked it.:twilightsmile:

3724967

I didnt get a reply notification.

Ah, yup, that makes sense. Anyway, good story, but school has been keeping me occupied.

4179336 Glad you liked the story:twilightsmile:

But what do you mean when you said you didn't get a reply notification?:rainbowhuh:

4182879

My account didn't get a notification saying you replied to my comment.

Ponify my favorite video game...me like:pinkiehappy:

Good chapter. Short, but that was expected. Noticed a punctuation error at the beginning but everything else looks fine.

I approve of this whole Story so far. I want more !!!!:twilightangry2:

4233656 Then you shall have MORE!:flutterrage:
.......When the next chapter is ready:trollestia:

3459748 ? what pony plays as revan

Comment posted by Grey Dawn deleted May 28th, 2014

Finally caught up! So far, this story's a VERY good mesh of KOTOR and MLP! This chapter in particular was well done, can't wait to read more!

4310004 Thanks for letting me know about that:twilightsmile:. Sorry that I took to long to respond to message. Been busy with work and life at the time.

Edit: What about these, does the comma come off of them too?

Never mind, I figured it out.

"When you start playing this music, skip to 1:32, otherwise it wouldn't make any sense, "

Oh, Pinkie. Always breaking the fourth wall. :rainbowlaugh:

4420013 She doesn't break it, she owns it :pinkiecrazy:MUHAHAHA!

4420182 ........:twilightoops:ops. My bad, I didn't notice that I added another t there.

I have a question, Do each of them represent someone from the actuall?
Is Garret, Hansolo?
Is Moonlight, Darth Sidius?
Is Sunset Shimmer, Darth Vader?
Was there somepony who played Darth Maul?
Is Twilight, Luke Skywalker?
Who is Fluttershy and Applejack represent?

I have a question, Do each of them represent someone from the actuall?
Is Garret, Hansolo?
Is Moonlight, Darth Sidius?
Is Sunset Shimmer, Darth Vader?
Was there somepony who played Darth Maul?
Is Twilight, Luke Skywalker?
Who is Fluttershy and Applejack represent?

4444427 Actually they're based off of the characters from the RPG game, Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic.

Garret = Main Character you create in the game
Moonlight = Darth Malak
Eclipse = Darth Revan
Sunset Shimmer = Darth Bandon (Malak's apprentice)
Twilight = Bastilta
Applejack = Carth
Fluttershy & Pinkie Pie = They both count as extra characters, so I can fit them into the story

I think Carth's voice fits Garret pretty well. I can't really give a reason why, it just fits.

4633121 Huh, now that you mention it, Carth's voice would be perfect for him.

THIS EXISTS?! OH FUCK YEAH, WILL READ SOON!

4813350 Awesome! Glad to see another Kotor fan around here:pinkiehappy:

is this from the original knights of the old republic because I am willing to read it :ajsmug:

wait who will be the main character its like a player's gotta make him/her :rainbowlaugh: :twilightsheepish:

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