• Member Since 28th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen Tuesday

Dark Shade 75


I have no idea what I'm doing. But I'm glad that you've taken the time out of your day to watch me flail around like a fish out of water. Here's hoping we're all entertained by the end...

T
Source

A failed experiment.

Not exactly new for Twilight. But when the outcome brings forth its own science, the likes of which her nation hadn't even yet dared to hope for, the ponies of Equestria slowly realize that they're in for the adventure of a lifetime.

The problem is, they might just not be ready for the revolutions that technological advancement always brings.

And they're about to get hundreds of years of human science and advancements all at once.


_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

As a forewarning, updates will likely be erratic. I have every intention of finishing this story, it's just that my life has been rather crazy lately as I'm sure many of you can imagine.

Also, if you are going to leave a thumbs down, please leave a comment detailing why. Thumbs downs don't tell me much, and I can't make the story better until people tell me what's wrong with it.
Thank you for your time.

WARNING: There may be spoilers in the comments. Read at your own peril.


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Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 587 )

Of course he falls unconscious. It's a staple of HiE stories.

Still invested here, so please do continue.

"What?" I said innocently. "All I did was talk." Yeah I don't see how he was being mean heh.

3355107
I think you'll find that the reasoning this time is a bit different.
;)
Stay tuned.

Alternatively he could make like a horned lizard and defend himself by squirting blood out of his eyes. That'd freak them ponies out. I've heard that high level theoretical physicists do that some times. You know, as a defense mechanism.

Well, you still have MY interest. I like the detail that Twilight and Daybreak know each other and have a prior history. I'm guessing that makes Daybreak a little older than Shining Armor, since she's clearly been a guard since Twilight came to the palace as a filly?

3355304
I had thought about having him do that, but I wasn't aware anyone else knew about that, and I didn't want to seem silly to the people who didn't.
Yep. :pinkiecrazy:

3355304

I've heard that high level theoretical physicists do that some times. You know, as a defense mechanism.

Ow. Lungs.

why did he black out is he sensitive to bright lights or loud noises or something

3355926
What if you walked out the nearest door to you right now, and there was a surprise party there?
I, myself, would probably punch the nearest thing to me, living or not.

3355107
...I think I've been reading the wrong HiEs.
This is the first one I've read where that happens.
EDIT: Wait, do you mean at Pinkie's party, or just in general? Because I think fainting, in itself, can't really be considered a trope of the genre.

The story is...mediocre right now. Nothing really grabbing for interest nor any different setup than the other 1001 Hie stories. Hoping it perks up later.

Looks Mighty interesting so far.

a theoretical physicist + :pinkiehappy:

i cant wait to see the result of that

Daybreak seems interesting, is there an explanation for why she looks like the rest of the guard, being female and all, it's sorta of weird. Unless your going with the enchanted armor deal.

3358060
I probably won't really go into that too much, so I'll just answer it here.
Yeah, I'm going with the enchanted armor deal.
It makes sense, and unless Celestia has a clone vat somewhere, it's the only really plausible option. I just figured since you never see female guards, it just makes them ALL look the same.

Might be only me who does this but I typically use the favorites function to track the stories I think are interesting, the like comes a little bit later when I find myself enjoying the read.

A/N
I'm not entirely sure. One would think that if you were to favorite a story you would like it aswell. O well nice chapter, keep up the good work. :moustache:

I like this guy

Saner then Sheldon

ALMOST as silly as bill nye

Yes it's very common, actually it's all but guaranteed. Some people hold off on their upvotes until a story is finished even though they favorited the story. Like I have a story with over 1900 favorites on it, but it has 1370 upvotes.

i wounder if he will ever tell them about our tendency to war in grater detail :pinkiesick:

I too withhold the thumb up until the point where I know this story has me, or when it does something and I'm hooked. The calming spell was a good start at that; explaining why he fainted and had not freaked out or been angry at his predicament.

3390854
Me too. There should be a poll on this. Depending on the votes, the mods would make a separate tracking feature.
Come to think of it, there should be more polls on potential site features.
Come to think of it, this comment has nothing to do with the story.
:twilightblush:

3391451
I think that is what the "Read Later" function is for.

3391480
Read Later doesn't notify you when a story updates. Favoriting does.

3391485
Ah, ignore my previous comment then.

Coolness Vacum, heh, that was awsome. :rainbowlaugh:

Is it typical for a story to get more favorites than thumbs-ups?

Yup, if it's popular. People fave to follow a story (though they changed the name from Follow to Favorite because why 'follow' a Complete story?) and that can be removed. Upvotes can't be taken back except with a down. 2416 upvotes vs. 3197 'faves' on my most popular. Some people hate that but, eh, I can see why they do it. I'm all about a 'Meh thumb' rating myself but I doubt it's big on Knighty's list of things to add.

EDIT: Whoops, forgot to say - I like the story but man these feel like short chapters. Not that I'm complaining (much) because I've done that myself.

This story seems pretty good. Not exactly amazing, jaw-dropping literature, but it's readable and entertaining enough.

But there is one thing that just drives me nuts about this story: the main character's voice is all over the place. And it makes him seem even more obnoxious than he's intended to be.

A good portion of the time, he seems mature and rational, even a little bit snooty, the way you'd expect an experienced fictional scientist to be. The word choice and dialog flow is slightly more sophisticated and professional than usual.

“Then you are not at fault. Nor should you feel as such.” Smile’s back again.

“And this… teleported me to god knows where, while I was in the middle of important work?”

Old-style train tracks. How quaint.
It really was, though. Very rustic, and it reminded me of home. My actual home, not just my world.

Then sometimes, out of nowhere, you get lines like this

“Dude, back off. Your breath is horrendous.”

And that mane, it fucking flowed.

She also had a small crown, just behind the horn. Which was huge. And pointy.

All that maturity and intelligence slips away, and now he's an obnoxious teenager. It just doesn't fit, and it's very, very obvious. It's worth noting that there are almost no stories featuring intelligent, mature professionals, but there are literally hundreds featuring sarcastic, immature, casually-swearing young adult males.
Just sayin'.

Otherwise, like I said, pretty good, and I'm interested to see what happens next. So ... keep it up, I guess?

3392836
I may actually have to go back and change that. I was going for the intelligent and mature character, but I guess somehow those comments made it through my filter. And really, looking back, they were fairly obvious, you're right. :twilightblush:

Thanks for pointing that out.

\EDIT\ And when I say mature, I mean not childish. The character I'm going for is still fairly young, say 27 or so? He's still going to be a bit 'snooty' as you said it, and a high-brow version of sarcastic at times.

3392836
Okay, I believe I've fixed it well enough. I hope this is better.

Ok, just read through the first three chapters and here's my review:

So far I like it. The human character does seem a bit unemotional and apathetic though, maybe you can work on that a bit? I'm glad that you didn't go through a "ITS A MONSTER!" faze, those get old really quick. Just be careful with the character knowing alot, it's fine if he's analytical, but be careful or he'll end up a gary stu. The best way I've found is to make him wrong every once in a while. Not all the time, but make him wrong maybe on a 30-70 split.

I look forward to your next chapter :)

Oh, and yes, it's common to have more favs than likes. Favs track the story and likes (to me) indicate the person liked it. I tend to wait for the story to have a decent headway before hitting the like button myself.

3449427
Actually, that's a problem I've been trying to deal with during my planing sessions for this story. I know characters are only interesting if they're 'defeated' or wrong every once in a while, because a perfect character is never all that interesting. (And yet Superman is still liked, I'll never understand that)

The major problem I'm having, is that Alastair is supposed to be a prodigy of sorts, from the near future. And he's been introduced to a comparatively primitive society. Coming up with situations where he can be proved wrong will be a challenge. (Or at least important situations) Which is also, ironically enough, why I decided to do it. Challenges are fun, and beating them makes it even more satisfying.

3449720

Well, that's fine, but he's being introduced to a whole new world right? So he can't really know everything. Pick one thing and make him exceedingly bad at it. It's good to pick something comical too! I made a character once who was deathly afraid of water, in any form! So obviously, this allowed me to create some comical situations and dispell the over-poweredness vibe that he would give off. :rainbowlaugh:

Food for thought. :raritywink:

3449720
WATAA
SO MORE
GOOD WANT
AAH STAPH :yay:
more?

3550785
Apologies, my life has been rather busy as of late.
I am working on it in my spare time, though, and you can probably expect it sometime later this week.

Again, I apologize for the wait.

reasonable reaction:moustache:

A lot calmer than my reaction would have been. The whole excusing my self thing would happen but, (after getting to the tree and checking for anyone nearby) the screaming and gnashing of teeth, followed by fevered rationalizations would eventually draw a crowd.

That! That right there. How has he come to the conclusion that Equestria is a very peaceful nonviolent nation when he's being led around by a guard contingent?

3574997
I'll show you a group of small, techni-color ponies, and we'll see if you think they're war-like.

i would be like

whatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhatwhat

The sky is the outer limit of their universe? What happens if they ever managed to go beyond that point? Is their planet the only thing in existence in their entire universe?

3575423
Yep, that was playing in my head when I wrote this chapter.
Kind of interesting, considering I was already listening to music. Blue Stahli and Weird Al is a strange mix, let me tell you.

Ahem,HOW FUCKING STUPID ARE YOU FUCKING EQUINES?!?!?!

See, hes not in a different universe from my understanding, ponies are just retarded. :twilightsmile:

Wow, having all that info slapped in your face would break pretty much anybody.

"Twilight, in my universe light takes time to travel. Usually, it's so fast as to be nearly instantaneous but the time is still there. If our sun was the size of this globe on your desk, our planet would be a grain of sand and it would be three miles away. It takes five minutes for the light from this sun to reach our world. Our nearest neighbor is four and a half light years away - that's the distance light travels in a year. One hundred and eighty six thousand miles a second for a year. If this globe is our sun, our neighbor is outside the boundaries of your universe. Our sun is one of one hundred billion suns swirling around a super massive tear in our space-time continuum and the group of us all stretch one hundred thousand light years across."

:twilightoops:

"And we estimate there are one hundred and seventy billion star clusters like ours that we know about. So yes - I'm feeling a tad bit claustrophobic at the moment thank you."

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