• Member Since 4th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Yesterday

TheMyth


I am the Myth, both mysterious and unique....

T

It has been a thousand years since Celestia last saw her beloved sister after her banishment. Ever since then, she has counted the days to her sister's return. When the night finally befell upon Equestria, and Nightmare Moon liberated, it was suppose to be a joyous reunion. But fate has something else in mind...

Collab done with TailsFox88 (Chapters 1-17)
Chapter 18 (Solo)
Collab done with Foals Errand (Chapters 19 onwards)
Artwork done by pridark

Chapters (19)
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Comments ( 678 )

Nice start, and if this premise has been done here before I've never seen it. I shall watch this carefully. :twilightsmile:

JBL

Twilight looked to her mentor and to the navy alicorn with her eyes wide in shock. A part of her was shocked to hear from Celestia that she had a sister, who was Nightmare Moon no less. She shook her head correcting herself, Luna was her sister and not Nightmare Moon.

My memory is pretty bad, but in the first episode, wasn't Twilight the one who was narrating the scene about how Luna became Nightmare Moon, so wouldn't she know that she was Celestia's sister? Just wondering. Nevertheless, an good beginning, looking forward to see how this goes.

3125302
Even with her narrating in the first episode, she didn't know Luna was Celestia's sister. Which was revealed at the end of the light show by Celestia herself, so this is accurate.

A solid idea, similar to progression in a way, but with a much darker twist to it. This is going to be a long, drawn out struggle, anyone can tell. It has my interested through, setting up the stage extremely well and what's at stake. I wonder not just how things will play out, but what Celesita said to Twilight... and if we'll see more from Luna's prospective.

ooh this is good, i mean really good. lets see if you can continue. :yay:

I hope Luna gets better by the end of the story. :fluttercry:

If not; euthanasia may be the only cure. :pinkiehappy:

I need more I need more more more more NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage: MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MOREMORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MOREMORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MOREMORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW I DEMAND IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage: pease if you don't mined

I had an idea like this rattling around in my head for some time. I never got around to writing any of it, though.
I'm glad someone else had a similar idea. Now I don't have to feel bad about not working on it myself. :twilightsheepish:
Especially since I didn't have any ideas for a happy resolution. I'm not a fan of tragedies.

I will add this to my collection of stories with the Elements having consequences.

I have one where Luna suffered from Solitary confinement syndrome on her return.

Having her be non responsive is interesting. Incoming guilt trip predicted.

All that is left is for one where the Elements kill her during the cleansing process.

great so i still don't know what the pic is about?....

Deeply interesting so far, and I look forward to whatever crazy plan Celestia has cooked up for Twilight.
"I'm staying with my sister until she gets better. Here's the trick to raising the sun. Go run the country."

And I am so very game for this one.

Followed. Show us what you got!

~Skeeter The Lurker

3125302 Actually, Celestia was the one narrating.

Alright, this one looks like it'll be GOOD. Adding to my watch list.

The only thing I need to correct is that Luna wasn't ON the moon. She was actually IN it. That's why she was called "Mare IN the Moon".

Getting vibes of Hiatus mixed with a one of the darker stories about Luna's banishment.

GO on...

3126199
Well let's hope she doesn't go bat-shit crazy then, am I right? :rainbowlaugh:

Minor grammar errors here and there, but nothing major or overly distracting. A quick example:

Yet Celestia pleas continued to go unanswered.

Should be "Celestia's pleas".

The story itself is novel in that I've never read about Luna not being okay the very second she's freed from Nightmare Moon, and overall you did a good job with the execution. The pacing seems a little rushed, however - I just feel like there's more you could add, more details to set a better scene. The doctor, for instance; unicorn? Pegasus? Brown coat? Wearing a uniform? What about the hospital itself? The beeping of the machines connected to Luna? The sterility of the hallways? I myself thought of a medical tent as the setting for the majority of the scene as the 'hospital', simply because it is completely and totally up to the reader to create the hospital in the first place.

Anyway, just my suggestions. I'll be watching the story with interest regardless.
Thanks :twilightsmile:

Oh... I just hope Luna will be alright...

3127645
Thank you :twilightsmile:
We'll look into it

...
Very rarely does a story leave me with feelings of actual trepidation for the characters. Well done.

3125600 the best way to handle the mentally ill is obviously to enthuanize them. Because if you're mentally ill you forfeit your right to control over your life, obviously :facehoof:

3127958
I was just kidding, Luna is my favorite pony. I just hate to see her so messed up. But that's what gives this story such a driving narrative. :twilightsmile:

3127973 it was in poor taste. :unsuresweetie:

As to the narrative, I like it well enough. It's an interesting concept, to be sure. Celestia seems a bit OOC, but only in her word choice in her dialogue. Somehow it just didn't feel like how Celestia would react to seeing little Lulu, her sister she banished to the moon, not speaking or even reacting to her. She usually distances herself when she's hurt or upset.

Also, Momlestia outside a dedicated fic is a massive copout on the complexity of Twilight and Celestia's interactions and a massive pet peeve of mine, so that irritated me.

That said, the concept was good, the dedication to the source material is good and Fluttershy's reaction in particular looks like something you could do quite a lot with. You've got my attention. :twilightsmile:

Sounds interesting. I shall favorite, follow it, and thumbs up. :rainbowdetermined2:






~ Super-Brony12

Finally! I was beginning to fear I was the only one who had some concept of what a thousand years of isolation would do to a person. Frankly the fact that she even still recognizes things like the significance of vocal tones is a miracle. I will definitely be following this one. Off to an awesome start, Mr. Myth. :pinkiehappy:

3125488 I'm guessing she's getting the much debated wings stitched on a great deal earlier and a throne to match 'em.

3126997
Tell that all the authors who make the same "mistake."

By "mistake" I mean "something that's been done consistently for so long that it's not worth pointing out anymore."

Oh man, oh man. I've been looking for a stories like this since Lunacy. I'm hoping all the best for you both on making this. Despite all the ingredients for compelling drama with depression, suicide, mental ilness and the effects on those who care, it's apparently very difficult to write compelling story about it if judged by the lack of proper attempts at it. While I'm lulled to false sense of security by the tags and probably won't have to suffer Celestia stuffing the proverbial pillow on Luna I'm hoping for lots of punches to my emotional guts.

With first chapter setting up the stage well I hope you two stick with this for the long haul and explore it in depth. I'm sorry, I've just been so enamored with the concept for a long time. Do your own thing depsite what I hope for, I'm just excited.

JBL

3126982 Like I said, I couldn't remember well, thank you for the reminder.

“It has been a thousand years since I have seen you like this,” she began as she approached. “It is time to put…”
She paused. Something wasn’t quite right here.

FUCK, please don't go where I think you're going with this.

Luna did not react as she approached. Her eyes were open, but she wasn’t looking at anything.

No. nonoNONO! NOT THIS KIND OF FIC!

“...Luna?” Celestia asked, hesitation evident in her voice.

Please, just don't...

“Luna!” she cried out, leaning back. Grabbing the blue alicorn by the shoulders, she began to shake her. “Luna! Luna!” she continued to cry out. “This wasn’t supposed to happen! What’s the matter? Please get up.” Yet despite her pleas, Luna remained unmoving.
“Please say something!” Celestia continued to cry, tears forming on her already moistened eyes. “What’s wrong?! Please tell me sister!”

This is around the point that I started to cry.

More sad than MLD imo cause I can relate to this more.
Jesus christ, y dis so sad?!

I love you. We need more of these tear-jerkers.\

Like and follow. And have a Spike for good measure. :) :moustache:

Alright, it looks pretty good so far, but I have some issues with it. Mainly typos.

It looks just like your cutie mark,” she pointed towards the necklace on Rarity’s neck that had a diamond shaped gem in the middle.

Put a period after 'mark' and capitalize 'she' as 'she pointed' is not a speech term.

Applejack turned to the lavender mare,

This is something known as 'Lavender Unicorn Syndrome'. Earlier on when Luna didn't recognize Twilight, it worked because that was the only way that Luna could identify her. Here, Twilight has been identified, so it's almost cheapening her character and is irrelevant. Something like 'her friend' would fit the situation a little better, but the specifics are up to you.

a regal maternal voice.

I'd put a comma here. If you read it out loud, you notice that you pause a little between the two. Comma goes there.

nothing more,” she looked up

Same as above. Put a period after 'more' and capitalize 'she' as 'looked' isn't a speech term.

“Is… Is she…

Question mark after 'She..."

Please tell me sister!”

comma

The other six looked at each other in surprise. Sister?

This is a mistake that I have made, but rhetorical questions from the narrator don't work. Two characters in this scene say it, so you can put it in quotes.

Yet despite her pleas, Luna remained unmoving.

Yet Celestia's pleas continued to go unanswered.

Similar sentences close together.

you told me it was all an old pony tale,

period

doctor righ’ now!”

AJ says her 'T's.

She was quietly humming a simple lullaby, one that Applejack was not familiar with

comma splice here. I'd add a semi-colon or say something like "that Applejack was not familiar with."

Wha’ ya think is wrong with her?”

Ts. Also you're missing a word.

doctor explained pointing towards

comma

examining the alicorn to

Just like above with the LUS, 'alicorn' is unnecessary here as she has already been identified. If we didn't know who she was, this term would work.

mental disorder, one that is

Comma splice. if it can be made into two sentences, it's a comma splice. A semi-colon would do as the second sentence expands on the first.

like this,” the doctor inhaled

New sentence. 'the doctor inhaled' isn't a speech phrase.

reflex at all,” he looked back to

same as above.

She looked back at the princess and saw there was no motion coming from her at all.

redundant info. We already know she's not moving. That's the whole point.

the answer to that Miss Twilight Sparkle.

comma. Also I'd cut 'Twilight.' Not sure why he's using her full name.

several theories,” he titled his head

new sentence.

dark persona Nightmare Moon, it not

Start a new sentence and either put a comma before Nightmare Moon or cut it. I'd suggest cutting it because it is redundant info.

Luna herself…” he spoke on,

capitalize 'he'.

thousand years ago, with Nightmare Moon

no comma here.

The last theory, the most likely one would be

comma.

bed the alicorn was

LUS

Princess Celestia,” Twilight asked unsure.

question mark. Also, you're using a 'said tag.' We already know it's Twilight speaking, so you don't need to tell us again.

Tell me honestly,” she said sadly, “how bad is she, doctor?”.

Extra period. Also, adverbs such as 'sadly' are a 'tell' word. Show us that Celestia is sad by her body language.

Then tell me doctor, what can

me, doctor. What

I can’t-”

needs an em dash

“Celestia.” the doctor

Capitalize 'the'

more important… your duties

Put a colon there. Ellipsis means he's trailing off.

he asked her rhetorically, not giving her time to answer.

This is tell. Maybe have Celestia try to speak and he cuts her off? He's already being insubordinate

the most,” he placed a hoof

New sentence.

sister…” with that,

No ellipses. Also capitalize the 'W'

tears of sadness escaped Celestia’s eyes.

Redundant. We already know she's sad.

her eyes sharply to reveal

not sure if this is the right word.

Luna wasn’t in fact going to die

two commas or cut.

“I mean, this is-”

em dash

“Please Twilight,

comma

to do this,”

period

For Luna’s sake… I hope so too...

comma and period.

Celestia raised her head slowly, looking out at the window to see the sun high up in the air.

who is raising the sun? You didn't indicate that Celestia was.

resting alicorn, though more

LUS

Okay, I hope I didn't overstep my bounds here. It's a story with potential, and I don't want to see mechanical errors ruin it. Let me know if you didn't like what I did and I will stop.

JBL

3129049 You! What are you doing reading other people's stories?! Back to work on your own or do I have to chain you down in my basement?! :pinkiecrazy::rainbowlaugh:

3129280 Oh, I have quite a lot of time to update Wanderings today. Maybe even Interesting Date.

JBL

3129307 Do you have to go back to school/college soon (if you are in any of them)? I know around this time writers are throwing up announcements that they're going to have to slow down on their updates or go on hiatus for a while.

Not bad. Let's see where you plan to take this.

3125385
3126982
No, no, JBL is right. Towards the end of the narration, it morphs into Twilight's voice, shortly before it zooms out and shows Twilight reading the book, thereby showing us that she was also learning all this information just as we were.
That said, she was shocked in the show, too, so the fault there mostly lies with Studio B for making the first mistake. Of course, the story deviates from canon just prior to that, so the author doesn't quite get off scot free.

The only problem I'm having with this is the initial acceptance that all of the characters are having with Luna.

Doctors and Nurses only so happy to help, Twilight and her friends also inclined to "do their best" to "show their love" for a pony who tried to bring about nighttime eternal...

Well written and a great concept, so a like and fav for that, but a little to accepting. Only critique though.

3128182
yes so it can spark a "have you replaced me?" situation once luna has recovered enough to recognize it:pinkiecrazy:

interesting premise. always enjoy stories that explore tragedy and illness. keep it up :twilightsmile:

plus anything that has Luna gets my thumbs up so seems trite but still looking forward to more :pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by XXmancyXX deleted Aug 31st, 2013

:ajbemused: Every single time...

Every single time I check the featured box there's always that one story that grabs my attention, runs away with it, and forces me to give chase.

Needless to say, following:twilightsmile:

This is the third different story about pretty much the same start i've read today the last couple days.

Here was the first.

This was the second.

All three explore this in completely different ways, and each i like for it. Keeping an eye on this one, just as the other two. Thumbed, faved, tracked.

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