"The stars have faded. The moon has grown distant from me. Sister, what has happened during the thousand years of my absence? What has happened to my night?"
Featured on October 19, 2013
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 5th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen Oct 19th, 2023
Protocol
I'll always look back fondly on the memories I made on this site.
Protocol
Joined 5th Mar, 2012 ·
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Can't wait for the next chapter.
3365411 Glad you enjoyed it! The next chapter will be out real soon. (Like, within the day.)
Interesting... continue
fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffFFFFFFFFFFFFF-
i.imgur.com/Fuk9dUM.gif?1
This is amazing so far.
nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope
Target: Nope. This is a confirmed nope. Drop the payload and get out of there.
Pew pew pew pew pew! BOOOOOM!
*jets away*
Dang.
Interesting. I enjoy what you've written, although your portrayl of Celestia concerns me. You give too much life and frailty to her emotions. Let her eyes say what her mouth does not.
Wow, wasn't expecting Discord's emotional connection with Luna there. Still, I think it adds a lot to the story you're telling here, so that's good. Also, isn't Twilight a princess, now? So shouldn't she be helping Celestia out with some of the gov't stuff? Or at least preparing to.
3365430 3366004 Glad you enjoyed it!
3365596 You're one of those people who have a reaction gif to literally everything, aren't you? This one was pretty good by the way.
3365656 3365706 3366316 Is this because I killed off Luna? Because if it is, then I'm
notsorryat all.3366048 Thanks for the feedback, but I believe that this portrayal is what I wanted to go for here. Celestia's going through an extremely painful moment; I want that level of frailty and insecurity in her. As for the whole "show, don't tell" aspect of whole things, I suppose I'm still working on finding a good balance between the two.
3366341 Discord is probably my favourite FiM villain. I try to incorporate him in every story that I write, even if I put him in extremely minor roles. Also, I pictured this story to happen not too long after Twilight became a princess, so she's still learning the ropes before helping with the legal issues for the moment.
3366413 I see!
Simply put:
This is beautiful.
3366364 being honest, Luna is my least favorite princess because everyone and their great great grandma seems to love her and hate celestia (and yes, it's possible that I'm one of those kinds of people). but I hate how well you've written her death, especially because you wrote it so that the reader feels what Celestia feels. you made me feel her uncertainty and denial, I almost started crying her tears and screaming for Luna to stay. and it's even more heart rending when shown against Luna's acceptance of her death, though I think it might be more accurate to say that she faded. you broke her down and made me, as a reader, feel every crack as it was made. you wrote that scene just so well, and I want to hunt you down, cut off your head, and place it on a pike because of it (anger and violence seem to be what i reach for most as I express myself, it's something I need to work on)
3366364
stream1.gifsoup.com/view1/1151990/brandon-s-shrug-o.gif
Eh, not all the time.
3366443 I will take that as a compliment.
But don't binary star systems orbit their common center of mass? Bleh, it doesn't matter-- Luna is dead. Luna remains dead. And we have killed her. Yet her night still remains. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? Our own ignorance has ended the soul of something as endless as the great expanse of the universe-- we are undone...
A story dealing with the aftermath of Luna's death... interesting. This is going to be a very trying story to read, but all the more rewarding if it's done correctly...
Well, Author, congratulations on being featured.
assets0.ordienetworks.com/images/GifGuide/clapping/busey_clapping.gif
3366597 No. Way. That is awesome!
3366559 All I'm going to promise is that I've tried my best writing this.
3366524 I've always been under the assumption that Equestria had slightly different physics to our universe, which is the most sensible way to explain how Celestia and Luna "raise" the sun and the moon, and maybe even magic itself. (it also makes for great loopholes in case you make scientific errors due to lack of knowledge.)
When I read your first chapter, I had my reservations. They have since been dismissed. I see that you're serious with this story; you shall not be wallowing in sorrow for sake of wallowing in sorrow.
A technical question: You originally planned to give this story four chapters. What changed those plans?
Poorly explained, purple prose, way too much imagery and focus on irrelevant backgrounds.
Nope nope nope.
3366627
I always though of it as Celestia and Luna using dark energy (I'm stretching dark energy's hypothetical properties a bit) to counteract the pulling force of super massive objects and then subjugate the objects to their will, but that's just theory
For all we know, they're just deities who love to mess around a lot...
Haha, reminds me of a mistake I once made in applying classical mechanics to particles moving at a large fraction of the speed of light. Spoiler alert: that's scientifically incorrect because good 'ole Einstein's relativity-based mathematics begin showing up. Let's just say the relativistic-equation-lovers practically crucified me for my shameful mistake, and I vowed never to do something like that again... good times, good times....
3366673 Thank you for your kind words. However, I don 't think that I ever planned to make this into a four chapter story. It started off as a oneshot with a slightly tweaked chapter 1 only, but upon further consideration from myself and fellow users, I decided to extend it into a three-part short story.
Needless to say, science isn't my strong point.
3366758 I guess I can't please everyone, but thanks for telling me what you didn't like about my writing. I will strive to improve these aspects in my future works.
3366760 I'm... sorry. You lost me somewhere at the start of the second paragraph.
I thought she was going to say she was too weakened by whatever is going on to change things significantly or permanently. To say that she did and no one noticed ... well I don't think I'm on board with that, but I guess I can think of this as AU or whatever.
I liked this better than part 1. I guess that bodes well for part 3!
3366897
Haha, I used to be in that boat back when I was in Elementary School. Come High School, I had a gift for all the sciences and the maths, and now it's what I do best.
Also, if you ever want to make interesting sci-fi scenarios, find some highly theoretical fields like quantum theory and/or the universe as a whole and make your own crazy theory about it-- even if it's complete illogical, there's always that chance it might be true, and it also serves as food for thought (seriously, giant spaghetti monster at the center of the universe is totally legitimate >:3). Also, going through Scientific American or scientific journals can give you a decent insight on scientific terminology and the newest idea of what builds up what in the atomic world.
What if Schrodinger had a cat that was alive AND dead? That'd be a great horror story right there, huehuehue....
Why so many 'nope' comments?
I thought it was pretty well done.
My only niggle was with Celestia freaking out far too quick.
~Skeeter The Lurker
3366897
Also, videos like this one are really cool:
And if you need really abstract ideas, Cyriak's videos are great for that
(spoiler alert: they're very weird)
I worried at the start, i started to tear up,i kept reading, I cried, i kept reading, i cried more,kept reading, i blew my nose, i moved more to read, i cried again and sniffing at the climax, i stopped reading and just said "Oh my god i....*sniff* just no....life...shit *sniff* fuck i'm done...." and was able to finish it without crying a bucket load of tears. I wish i could just see the end already....
Not bad so far...
Discord seems off as well, but I can kinda see it.
Also, saying Luna was the book smart one is something I can EASILY see, too.
I'll follow along for this. See what you do with it.
~Skeeter The Lurker
I come back to cry again........i...this is so hard not to reagain for me......omg....i'm crying once again....
3367088 Guy, guy, guy, hold on I have to say one word and one word only... Fiction. You know what make it two words Fan Fiction.
3366897
Oh? I thought I originally saw a 1/4 above your first chapter. Mayhaps I'm thinking of a different story. I've read several short ones this day.
[Crying Intensifies]
I believe that one of the hardest things that any one human can come to terms with is the undeniable fact that they will die.
Not the, "Oh, eventually." but the full on understanding that there will be no superpower, no Doctor in a Tardis, no becoming an alicorn or one with the force. The brutally honest truth that there will be a day when you cease to exist, and that, in time, you will be forgotten.
3367482 Well aren't you just crapping out sunshine and daisies to rest of us.
Oh my god this is soooooooooooooo good.
at first I thought discord was playing a joke on celestia but then I read further and I was like never mind i cried when Luna died
this story is so good cant wait until chapter 3 comes out 
!!!
3366975 There is actually a story about Schrödinger's cat. Apparently when the characters or anything remotely sentient are not looking at it it will switch randomly between alive and dead. Kind of creepy, actually.
interesting story, i really like the discord conversation in it.
nice work this is a good story.
I'm going to be thoroughly butthurt if this makes me cry.
3366627
I'm not going to read this story, because I legitimately cannot handle the extreme unfairness of genuine tragedy. But I was reading through the comments to see if I could find any hints that this isn't actually a tragedy (some people don't seem to understand that it's not really tragedy if the tragic events are miraculously undone somehow), and I saw this comment about physics and space-stuff and just wanted to chime in with my 2 cents.
Most people seem to take the stance that Equestria's cosmology is similar to real-life's, with some exceptions, and that Luna and especially Celestia must be unimaginably powerful to be able to control the motions of the moon, stars, and sun. I much prefer something closer to the Greek-based concept of the celestial spheres (wikipedia link) for Equestria. It makes a lot more sense in the context of the rest of the fiction, especially considering that a lot of FiM is already inspired by Greek mythology, architecture, etc., and the potential explanations for things in FiM using the celestial spheres are much more interesting in my mind. Like the Star Beasts e.g. Ursa Minor and Major. Perhaps they originally lived one of Luna's two spheres, the star sphere, but ended up falling to Equestria through a great hole pierced in the sphere by Nightmare Moon during the war a thousand years ago? Stuff like that just isn't as interesting if you try to have the stars floating in conventional space.
I absolutely love the clock analogy. It's so perfect for Discord! And I don't know if it's intentional or not, but the clash between the rewiring (electronic) and gears (clockwork) is so brilliantly 'chaotic' I had to stop reading for a minute to calm down. Have a fe moustaches
