• Published 29th Aug 2013
  • 50,299 Views, 679 Comments

Softening the Stone - TheMyth



After a thousand years of banishment, Luna has finally returned to Equestria. However, not everything is quite as Celestia had hoped for.

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The Birth of Pandamonium

Twilight’s ear flicked as she heard the door open. “Welcome to Golden Oaks if I’m able to assist you in any way just ask.” She turned the page before looking up and blushing as she saw Rarity standing in front of her with a eyebrow raised.

“Oh! I’m sorry Rarity I was just really involved in this book anyway what’s up?” Twilight smiled setting the book down her full attention on Rarity who was acting a bit odd.

Rarity glanced left then right her eyes scanning the library. “Well I was out shopping this morning when I happened to overhear a bit of information. It seems that Starry has been out and about at night.”

Twilight blinked before slowly shutting her book “I don’t think so Rarity, Blossom has been very er proactive when it comes to Starry including a very early bed time.” Twilight sighed before shaking her head “So early in fact that Spike is still doing his homework when Starry heads to bed. Personally I think it is a bit… well I think Blossom is trying to hard to protect Starry.”

“Twilight I am certain that Starry has been in the clubs, I...may not have overheard this information. You know that I am… getting a touch desperate to find my prince charming and well, those clubs have an overabundance of...eligible bachelors.” Rarity turned to stare at the floor her cheeks tinged red

Twilight gaped silently for a few moments before grabbing Rarity’s shoulders “You mean to tell me that you have seen Starry at these clubs with your own eyes? You are one hundred percent certain it was her?”

Rarity simply nodded her head as Twilight’s ears pinned back “Oh this is bad! This is bad, bad,bad! Blossom cannot find out about this she...she I don’t know what she’d do but it would be bad!” Twilight’s eye began to twitch as her mane stuck up.


Celestia hummed as she spread peanut butter onto her bread. A nice sandwich would help her nerves a bit. Celestia sighed as her eyes moistened... Luna seems to be pulling away from me… I just don’t know what to do... I just want to help her.

“You mean you’ve seen Starry at these clubs with your own eyes? You are one hundred percent certain it was her?”

Celestia frowned and crept to the doorway to see Rarity nod silently. Celestia bit her lip feeling her fur stand up on end.

“Oh this is bad! This is bad, bad,bad! Blossom cannot find out about this she... I don’t know what she’d do but it would be bad!” Twilight stared at Rarity in panic as Celestia’s eyes narrowed and backed up back into the kitchen. And returned to her sandwich gently placing the second piece of bread on top making the sandwich complete before taking a butter knife in her magic to cut off the crusts.

“Luna going out at night after I tuck her in? Why would she do that... how could she do that? I keep a very close eye on her. She needs more time... she’s going too fast. She was infected one thousand years she needs to heal. It’s that friend of hers that mare all she is doing is causing Luna trouble and it's just going to get worse! Soon she’ll have Luna drinking! drinking then what’ll happen!” Celestia looked down to see her sandwich cut into dozens of tiny pieces and paused taking a breath

“Relax Celestia... just talk with Luna later tonight explain why you are so worried then forbid her from seeing that mare again! And if that mare dares come near my baby sister, I will have her see Tartarus!” Celestia nodded before popping a bite of sandwich into her mouth and walking out of the kitchen not noticing that the butter knife was stabbed into the counter.


“Are you sure she’s going to be home now?” Luna, in the guise of Starry, whispered to Rose who stood next to her in a room engulfed in darkness.

Rose nodded her head, though the others could not see it. “Definitely! We made sure of that.”

“Quiet!” Pinkie scolded the two as she felt her tail twitching. “She’s coming in three…” all ponies remained silent as the pink mare started a countdown. “Two... “ they braced themselves as the final number was approaching. “One…”

The door crept open with a single pony popping inside and shutting behind her. “Oh darn it! Where’s the lights?” Derpy thought out loud as she tried to find a switch, but upon her last word, the room became a lit and she found herself surrounded by ponies.

“Surprise!” all the ponies excluding Derpy shouted out, with Pinkie blowing on a party blower before she removed it from her mouth. “Happy Birthday!” she called out to the stunned pegasus, who looked up to see a banner with the words “Happy Birthday” written upon it in glittering letters. “Do you like it?!” the pink mare asked her.

“This is the best!” Derpy began to tear up, but quickly wiped her eyes and she was soon dragged to another corner of the room by Rose and Carrot Top, with Starry following suite.

Rose giggled as she let go of her friend. “You think that’s the best? Check out all these presents,” the cream earth pony grinned as she pointed to a stack of gifts, all mounted against the side of wall that nearly reached the roof. “But before that, I think somepony on your right wants to give you something.”

Derpy blinked when she turned to her right and saw dark grey pegasus stallion approaching her, with a tiny box held gently with his teeth. The mare cocked her brow until Thunderlane took flight and took the little box out of his mouth with his front hooves. He opened it slowly to reveal a stunning diamond bracelet. The grey mare gasped as she placed a hoof on her mouth, with her eyes becoming moist.

“Derpy…” Thunderlane began to speak as he grinned at the mare of his life. “I’d like to ask you, will you marry m—” His words were cut off when the grey mare charged towards him, pressing her lips against his. The stallion in turned returned the kiss, with the audience looking at the couple in admiration. “Is that yes?”

“Yes!” Derpy responded as she cried as she smiled demurely at her love, proceeding to nuzzle into his neck. Once she removed herself from him, her stallion placed the necklace over her neck and she looked down to admire the gem that suspended from it. “It’s so beautiful…”

“You’re beautiful, Derpy,” Thunderlane replied as he gave a gentle peck on his fiance’s cheek, resulting in the other ponies voicing their admiration to them.

Vinyl whistled loudly to the crowd of ponies. “Enough lovey dovey! It’s party time!” she shouted out the ponies as she rushed to her DJ set, flicking the switches on it and immediately starting the music. A few ponies opted out of dancing, instead of staying the sidelines and coercing with each other.

Luna, in the guise of Starry, walked over to her two pegasi friends who were joined with their respectable foals. “Happy Birthday, Derpy… and congratulations, both of you!” she said to Derpy and Thunderlane, who had their tails interlocked as they beamed at their friend.

“Thank you,” Derpy was the first to say as she hugged the navy unicorn mare.

“So glad you could have made it to the party,” Thunderlane said to Starry as when Derpy released the latter. “For a moment I thought you weren’t going to make it.”

“I wouldn’t miss this for Equestria,” Starry replied as she grinned at her two friends, soon joined by Roseluck and Carrot Top.

Carrot Top cocked her brow as the looked at Derpy and Thunderlane. “Why aren’t you out dancing? Come on, it’s your birthday!” she exclaimed as she dragged the couple to the dance floor, where the majority of ponies were. Only Dinky and Rumble remained behind, too engrossed by their own conversation.

My word...Luna giggled as she saw her friends out dancing on the floor, with Vinyl and Octavia working on the music together. She furrowed her brow when she did not see Roseluck dancing though. Where could she be? Luna looked around and finally saw her friend outside sitting on the bench alone. The alicorn in disguise walked towards her friend. “Hey, Rose…”

Roseluck turned to the voice of Starry and emitted a smile. “Oh hey,” she replied as she looked upon the navy unicorn. “Out to take a break from the dancing?”

“Nah, I haven’t even danced yet.”

“Aww… well,” Roseluck waved to Starry to come sit next to her. “I do know that a certain big red stallion would love to have the honour of dancing with you,” she giggled as he turned to look at Big Macintosh, who was also outside with a few other stallions. The red earth pony looked away when Starry’s eyes lingered to him.

He certain is quite— Starry blushed profoundly as she shook her head. “Well, I… um…”

Roseluck tittered as she reclined on the bench and looked up at the star skies. “The night sure looks beautiful tonight,” she said as she continued to stare at the stars and the moon above her.

“It is.”

“Much better than in Manehatten,” Roseluck blurted out, before she gasped and covered her mouth. “Nevermind!” she quickly added to Starry, who looked at her with cocked eyebrows.

Come to think of it… She never mentioned any of her family to me before…”Rose, are you from Manehatten?” Starry asked her friend, who only gave a curt nod. “You’re quite a long way from home,” the unicorn told her friend.

“It’s not my home… this is my home,” Roseluck replied dryly, beginning to shuffle in her seat as she started to look away from Starry’s gaze. Why did we even start talking about that awful place? she asked her herself.

“But what about your family?” Starry asked, her ears perking when she heard Roseluck give off a short but humourless laugh. “Rose?”

The cream earth pony sighed as she shook her head and look at Starry. “Look, what I’m about to tell you Starry… I don’t usually share with other ponies,” she paused for a moment as she drew a breath, preparing herself. “Roseluck isn’t my birthname.”

Starry blinked a few times before cocking her head. “Not your birthname?”

“Mmhmm,” Roseluck replied as she looked downwards. “Nah, my actual name is Lily Rose the 3rd, or 4th… can’t remember really, don’t really care,” she snorted and raised her hoof as Starry was about to open her mouth. “You must be wondering why I don’t go by that name and I’m all the way here?” she asked rhetorically, to receive a nod from the navy unicorn. “Let’s just say that got tired of having no right of choice.”

No right of choice… Starry furrowed her brow a little until something popped in her head. “Wait… you ran away?” she asked her friend, who nodded in response. “But what about your family? Don’t you think they are worrying about you?”

“If that were the case, but as soon as I got out, I was replaced by some other filly… another heir to their aristocratic ways…” Roseluck replied. “Look, Starry… just because I started with a different name and came from a different background, does not mean I have to be that way forever… even if others tell me I must.”

Starry fidgeted her hooves until she spoke again. “Is that why you don’t like my sister that much?” she asked Roseluck.

“I have nothing against Sunny personally, but anypony who tries to control others around me, especially my friends, will have a word with me,” Roseluck said before she got up from her seat. “We better go inside, I’m sure the others are wondering where we are now.”

“Very well,” Starry got up from her seat too and looked up at the night sky again. Just because you began with a different name and place… doesn’t mean you have to be that way forever… “The night is doing well without me…” Starry muttered to herself before she felt a tap on her shoulder, causing her to gasp and turn to the source.

Roseluck grinned as she motioned her head at Big Macintosh, who was also on his way inside. “Hey! Biggie!” she called out to the red stallion, who turned around just as he was about to head enter the house. “Can you come here for a moment?”

“What are you doing?” Starry asked Roseluck, who only winked at her friend.

“Biggie, this is my friend Starry,” she introduced her friend to Big Macintosh, who gave off small smile at a curt nod at the mare. Roseluck leaned towards the red stallion’s ear. “My friend is kind of shy, but she thinks you’re stunning,” Big Macintosh’s cheeks burned, which were not picked up by Starry’s gaze.

Starry felt a blush coming to her face as Big Macintosh kept staring at her. “Um, hi there…” she waved at the behemoth. She was caught off guard when she was pushed towards the red stallion by Roseluck.

“Let’s go inside! It’s freezing out here,” Roseluck giggled as she rushed inside, taking a look behind to see Big Macintosh and Starry staring at each other with a small smile on each of their faces, soon accompanying each other as they entered the house and closed the door from behind.


Celestia put a hoof to her head with a groan as she opened her eyes to see the room she had awoken in was a blinding white infact at first glance it appeared entirely devoid of anything except herself.

“Ugh, my head where am I? Can anypony hear me?” Celestia felt her ears pin back as only silence answered her. Slowly she blinked her eyes trying to grow used to the blinding light after a few moments of this she took another look around. She was in some type of room though there were no windows or a door. Finally she saw there was something else in the room. In the middle of the floor there was a small table very similar to the one she kept in her study.

“What is this?” She took a step closer and peered down to see a chessboard. Celestia cocked her head and took a closer look the black pieces, seemed to be shaped as normal chess ponies were yet by sight she guessed they were made from obsidian.

The white pieces however made her stop cold, rather than the generic designs she was used to they appeared specially made to look like her family. Slowly she picked up each piece to study them. The queen was obviously her dear student with Spike beside her, Her beloved sister Luna was a rook though the piece appeared to look different if she gazed at it from another direction appearing as her disguise Starry. Cadance was the bishop and Shining Armor her lieutenant and Cadance’s coltfriend was of course a knight. And at the very front one of the pawns… her son Blueblood.

Celestia carefully put the pieces back and blinks “What is all this? Where am I?”

”This...this is the world you desire Celestia, A world where everything is as you wish. A simple chess game. And you, you are the chess master. Careful though.”

A black piece moved forward smashing one of her white pawns, her son, into pieces. Celestia gasped when she saw this, and saw her son’s head rolling off the board crying for help. But it never came.

In this game you play for keeps.”


Celestia woke up suddenly eyes wide sweat covering her coat and a scream stuck in her throat. She closed her eyes, panting as she tried to calm her racing heart.

“Celestia? Princess? Are you alright?”

Celestia glanced up to see her door partly opened the head of Twilight poking in. “I was studying downstairs when I heard you scream, I just wanted to make sure you were alright?”

“I… fine I’m fine Twilight, is I must not have been to loud for it appears Luna slept through my ah night terror.” Celestia closed her eyes levitating the glass of ice water sitting beside her to her lips. She paused. “Did I say anything when I screamed?”

Twilight attempted to look anywhere other than her teacher’s eyes. “Yes.”

“Well?” Celestia set the glass back down her entire attention on Twilight who squirmed a bit.

“You said… you said “I don’t want this.” And then you just… screamed.” Celestia felt a shiver creep down her back before shaking her head and pulling her covers back.

“I hate to disturb Luna but I really need her insight on the dream I just had.”

Twilight frowned “Luna’s insight? I er not to insult Princess Luna but I have some excellent books downstairs on dream interpretation I could bring one up here for you?”

Celestia shook her head “Twilight, before the Nightmare took Luna she wasn’t only the Princess of the night. She was mistress of dreams. She has the ability to dream walk and help ponies with their night-terrors.”

“Wow, that’s amazing! I wonder why she hasn’t gone back to doing that?” Twilight looked around the room as Celestia shrugged.

“I don’t know, I have guesses but i’d need to ask her directly. Twilight, I do enjoy our conversations even this late at night, but I really must speak with Luna. So if you would excuse me?” Celestia wrapped her neck around Twilight briefly before pulling back with a motherly smile.

“Oh yes of course I should get back to my studies anyway!” Twilight stepped back and went back downstairs.

Celestia sighed and went across the hall she lifted her hoof and knocked softly. “Luna? Sorry to disturb you may I come in?” When she heard nothing she opened the door and walked over to Luna’s bed “...I had a horrible night terror Luna. I was in a room with a chess board but all my pieces were the ponies I love. You and Cadance and Twilight and Blueblood… I...I don’t know what it means. Please you have to help me! Does it mean I’m too controlling? Do I need to take a step back?” Celestia paused “Luna?” She softly nudged Luna with her muzzle before frowning Something didn’t feel right. Her horn glowed gold as she yanked the covers off of her sister to reveal… “A dummy? W-why Luna? Why are you trying to go against me! I’m only trying to help you!” Her eyes turned white as she used her bond with the moon to scan Ponyville searching. She blinked her eyes returning to normal. “There you are.”

Celestia frowned disguising herself as Sunny before transporting to home of Derpy the mailmare, knocking on the door and waiting for it to open. A smile forced onto her lips as a pink mare answered it.

“Welcome to the party! You’re just in time for the ca—” Pinkie Pie’s words died down when she saw Sunny standing in front of her with a forced smile on her face. The pinkie smiled broadly as a bead of sweat started to roll down from her forehead.


“Hello Pinkie... is my sister Starry here?”


How does Auntie Tia do this everyday without help?

Cadance sighed as she looked over the forms of all the proposals she received during the week’s audiences as she sat on Celestia’s throne in the castle’s throne room. Only a few needed her utmost attention, ranging from a drought happening in Applepaloosa or an evacuation of ponies from Las Pegasus due to a surprise flooding. The other forms were primarily made from the nobles who were demanding money to finance their extravagant mansions or other needless merchandise.

Yet nothing from Blueblood? Cadance blinked as she finished skimming through the forms, both surprised, relieved and concerned that she hadn’t received any demands from her cousin. When she thought of the stallion, she couldn’t help but frown and moisten her eyes.

“Something wrong, Cadie?” Shining Armor asked his princess as he was the only guard present with her.

“It’s nothing really, just something on my mind…” Cadance trailed off as s he tried her best to smile at her lieutenant, yet failed miserably when he kept staring at her. “I’m sorry, it’s just Blueblood,” her ears perked when she heard Shining groan at the name of her cousin. “It’s just… I haven’t heard from him or even seen him in a while.”

Shining huffed as he rolled his eyes. “That’s a relief,” he said plainly, but gasped when he saw Cadance furrow her brow at him. “I-it’s just, wouldn’t you be more pleased if you didn’t get petitions or demands from him?” he asked the pink alicorn.

Cadance opened her mouth to speak, but her words were cut off when she and Shining heard the doors of the throne room opening, the reveal a lone pegasus guard walking in and bow to the princess of his princess. “Princess Cadance, your last audience for today is here.”

“Send them in, please,” Cadance told her guard, who saluted to her and Shining just before he walked outside to inform the pony or ponies on the other side. After a few seconds, a lone white unicorn stallion walked with his head barely able to be held up high and his eyes gazing into the distance as though they were not focusing on anything. Blueblood finally stopped right before the two ponies, with a plain look on his face.

I knew it was too good to be true! Shining moaned inwardly as he saw the white stallion before him. The lieutenant cocked his brow when he noticed the thousand yard stare Blueblood was emitting. What the hay happened to him? Did some mare finally stand up to him?

Cadance, on the other hand, was concerned when she saw her cousin. “Blue… is something wrong?” she asked him, only for him to actually bow at her when he stood just before her. When he rose from his bow, the pink alicorn noted the redness of his eyes and the stains underneath his eyelids. Has he been crying?

“Cadie…” Blueblood began to speak, with his voice raspy. “There’s something I need to ask you…” he paused for a moment as he drew in a breath. “What gives us the right to say how a pony should live?”

“W-what do you mean, Blue?” Cadance stuttered a little, taken aback by the stallion’s question. “We don’t decide how a pony must live. We guide them, just as Princess Celestia had taught us,” she replied, noting Blueblood’s eyes narrowing ever so slightly when she brought up the name of her aunt.

Again with what ‘she taught us’... “By using sweet words and promises to the ponies, you’re removing choice from them. Telling them that they are born into their roles in life and using the guise of ‘destiny’ to make excuses to the ponies who question the ruling of Equestria. That’s not guidance… that’s manipulation.”

Cadance remained silent as she stared at her cousin whose eyes were piercing hers. What’s going on with Blue? Why would he even think such things… “Blue, is there something wrong?”

“There is something terribly wrong with this country, if everypony must put their faith into those they call ‘Princess’ or ‘Prince’ whilst forsaking all form of freedom to appease those ‘more equal to them’... and I don’t want to be apart of this tyranny anymore!” Blueblood barked out the last word, causing the other ponies to flinch as he started to pace around the throne room. “Every foal born into this kingdom is bound by the strings we attach to them… like me, and you… this can’t go on anymore… no more… we have sinned…”

What is going on here? Cadance tried to figure out what was happening to Blueblood. “Blue… do you mind if we—”

“Okay, this has gone on long enough,” Shining chipped in as he walked towards Blueblood. “Why don’t you just leave now so that Princess Cadance may continue on with more important matters?” the lieutenant suggested to the white stallion before him, who did not even bat an blink to his words.

“Didn’t your mother ever tell it’s rude to interrupt ponies when they are engaged in a conversation?” Blueblood asked Shining Armor, not bothering to look at the guard who stood on his side.

Shining Armour merely rolled his eyes as he huffed and smirked a little. “Look, the Princess has more pressing matters to deal with, so can you just please leave her be?” he asked Blueblood placing his hoof on the unicorn’s shoulder. This time, the white stallion sharply turned his head to the guard, nearly exposing his teeth as he glared daggers at him.

“Please, remove your hoof from me.”

“Look, Prince Blueblood, our Princess here—” Shining could not finish his statement when he felt excruciating pain courses through him. The guard nearly screamed out like a little filly, but suppressed it as he saw his hoof was twisted and nearly snapped off thanks to the other unicorn’s magic. The aura that surrounded his hoof soon took a firm grip on him and he was slammed to the ground with superior force.

Blueblood used his magic to grasp Shining’s neck and lifting him up from the ground. “Don’t ever call me that!” he sneered at the bruised guard who tried to wriggle his way out of the vice. “You thought me weak because I would not dirty my hooves when I was still deluded? Let me ask you something, who was that mare’s student before Cadie and before your sister? Me.”

“Prince Blueblood!” Cadance flared her wings as she flew towards the two stallions. “Stop this at once! We can still—”

“I am no longer a prince!” Blueblood retorted as he throw something towards Cadance, that collided with her flashing horn, causing her to fall to the ground as she felt her magic being drained from her.

A magic restrainer?! Where the heck did he get this? Cadance tried to pry the ring off of her as best she could, but to no avail. Since their invention, Celestia had decreed that they would only be used on prisoners who were deemed too dangerous to be ever freed again. The effects of a restrainer was strong enough to incapacitate an alicorn just like her.

Just as she tried yet again to remove the restrainer with her hooves, she heard the doors opening and saw a platoon of guards entering the throne room. A smile crept onto Cadance’s face when she saw the guards, lead by Shining Armor’s sergeant Flash Sentry. “Guards! Stop Blueblood! But please don’t hurt him!” she commanded her guards as she weakly pointed to her cousin, who was still holding a bloodied Shining with a magical vice around his neck. She heard no sound from the guards behind her, causing her to look back at them, as they haven’t moved a muscle. “Sergeant?”

“Shining Armor,” Blueblood began to speak as he brought the beaten lieutenant towards him. “As my last act as…” the white unicorn mouth began to contort as though he was about to regurgitate. “... prince of Equestria; you are relieved of duty,” he flung the stallion across to where the guards stood, landing with a thud as more pain coursed through him. “Guards, take Shining to a holding cell, and take Cadance to her bedroom,”

Flash cocked his brow when he heard the request. “Are you sure we should put her in her room? She could escape my liege.”

“I’ve already made arrangements to make sure she doesn’t… and don’t call me that again,” Blueblood’s last words dripped with venom as he glared at the orange pegasus.

“Y-yes Sir!” Flash saluted at Blueblood before he signaled the guards to carry Shining and Cadance away.

‘Why Flash!?” Cadance begged an answer from the sergeant as she tried to comprehend what just happened. “Why betray us like this!?” she barked out at the orange pegasus, who only sighed and looked back with moist eyes of his own.

Flash shrugged weakly as he looked at Cadance. “We all got mouths to feed her, some more than others… and I need to make sure my family’s safe.”

“But—”

“Shut up!” One of the earth pony guards grunted at her, followed by elbowing her head. “Just be quiet and you won’t be hurt any—” the guard’s words were cut off when he felt himself before dragged back to where Blueblood was standing. “What the?” was the only words he could speak before he was thrown towards stained glass window bearing Celestia’s image, with him crashing through it and falling to the earth below.

Blueblood turned back at the guards, who were all shivering in fear of what they just saw. “If any of you hurt Cadie… you will follow him… is that clear?” he spoke in an eerily calm voice as he looked around each of the guards who nodded their heads furiously to his words. “Now… go.”

The guards scurried out of the throne room, leaving Blueblood alone to his own devices. The stallion took a seat on the throne seat and buried his head against his hooves as his eyes streamed with tears. So this is how the throne feels like? He rocketed his head upwards as his mouth became agape, followed by him jumping out of the seat and using his magic to rip it from the ground. “Nopony deserves this kind of authority… not even me!” he threw the seat to another window, bearing the image of Celestia and an unknown alicorn, casting it from the throne room.

This… abomination… Blueblood looked around the room as he continued to cry and glare at everything. This cannot remain! I can’t do this anymore! She can’t get away with this anymore! Equestria deserves better! She needs to go! I need to go! I must atone! I must… I must… the stallion fell onto his haunches as he sobbed into his hooves with his teeth still baring in rage.

Change must happen now!

Comments ( 48 )

YES!! FINALY!!! :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Better later then never I always say...

6835577
We'll try to get the chapters out faster:twilightsheepish:

This...

This was a terrible chapter. I am sorry, but you really took a massive step backwards in your ability to write a good, compelling story.

Beyond the common mistakes I saw, you forgot to capitalize your Is when you wrote I'm multiple times, you had Celestia go from an over protective sister beforehand with some reasonable logic behind it to simply a hollowed out version of the situation that anyone could write. Luna, you had written her before slowly coming back into herself to fully adapted to modern times and almost at ease with herself. And I am not going to even touch on the Blueblood scene as I couldn't read it as it was just so subpar and basic!

I enjoyed the first eighteen chapters and if this is how the rest of the story is going to go, that's all I will think of it as.

Is the cover image broken for anyone else

6835639
How do you mean?

6835587

If you're going to write some CC can you double check your own writing before posting? You could also trim some of the emotion out of that review. It looks you're bashing the author instead giving quality feedback. (It's also a tad ironic you're bashing the author for grammar when you're making plenty of grammar mistakes yourself)

If you're going to talk about quality you can at least take the time to set an example.

6835664 It's glitches out, half of it having a copy of the bottom peice twice.

It's been happening with a lot of cover arts. I'm unsure if they're actually a site problem though.

6835673 Fair enough about my own mistakes. I was rewriting as I typed it up, so errors are bound to happen. I will be fixing what I can shortly.

But my point still stands that was this was a detract from what was written before and to the author, do not take what I have said as an attack against you. It is just how I feel about your work.

6835664 6835699 Exactly. It's happened to a few of my cover arts as well, though I only noticed when someone pointed it out.

6835708
6835699
That is strange...
6835696
6835673
And please, no fighting in the comments... and I'm not just the only writer for this story

I ended up looking back in the fic, Evilhumors comments having a bit to do with it.

I'm not sure I really understand Blueblood. First impressions in the story compare him to a spoiled noble who views Ponyville as a cesspool. For much of the story his sights seemed to be set upon hurting Princess Celestia in the worst way possible, as she had hurt him.

I can't really place Blueblood's motives in this chapter. It almost seems like he's trying to make himself a martyr against the princesses, yet he despises the common pony.

6835750
Let's just say... he doesn't hate the common pony, he was just 'guided' that way... and as for the princesses, they are family he still loves, and hates... he detests the nobles, and feels that he must do something about this... but there are other motives too... a son who was hurt by his mother can be a very frighting entity, coupled with madness brewing in him for years...

6835783 I'm sorry, but I find that... really at odds of what was written before. It is like there different people writing this story and they are not in unison in how the characters are supposed to be.

After reading your comment that are other people writing this story, it shows clearly that this chapter was written by someone other than you.

6835721 yeah, i see it like that too.
anywho... YAY! it's finally back! it's been so long!!!. this was actually the very first story i started to read on this site as a member!

6835914
It was, it was written by both The Myth and myself. Yes, it's not fantastic but I'm having to take the place of the other guy and find rhyme and reason for what he did and why he did it and after months of discussion this is what The Myth and I came up with. I'm sorry you don't enjoy it anymore but i'm doing my best to explain why Celestia has been acting the way she has been. This is not an easy story to write and it is difficult for me to write this Celestia so give me the chance to get into some sort of groove.

6835962 As it is you Foals, I will give you the benefit of the doubt, or however the phrase goes.

6836013
Thank you my friend, i'll do my best not to disappoint.

Most of the issue I had with this chapter was the lack of commas... Every bit of dialogue felt like a run-on.

Anyone else notice that?

6836475
Mind showing me where the lack of commas were?

I for one felt something of that nature was heading to that direction in the overall plot of the story. Early on of the story, there are some inference that Celestia is somewhat a controlling mare. The way she's trying to protect Luna, especially from Luna's new found friends.

Now I have the impression from the earlier chapters of the story that the Nightmare creature is out there loose. The zebras are aware of this entity that it gives dragon eyes to the victims it possess. Hence the possibility who it will infect next? Obviously the dream Celestia had was a portent of sorts to the unfolding events, symbolized by what happened to her "son" when he was broken up in that chess board.

I look forward for the next chapter.

6835639
It happens now & then, seen that problem crop up in other cover images. It'll probably go away as it came.

Glad to see an update!

I'm surprised no one is commenting on Blueblood in this chapter

6836967
1. You've (all but?) said Blueblood is the Nightmare's current host, meaning it will use any minor excuse to make him act like he is now. That stopped him from being a compelling antagonist some time ago as Blueblood's actions are actually the Nightmare's, not his.
2. Sorry to say it but the long time between chapters made me not care about this fic as much as when I first read it.
3. I'm half asleep so my reactions to fanfic are even more muted than normal.

Yeah... I have to fully agree with Evil here. Maybe I'm just used to better chapters... but events here just doesn't make sense in the slightest. Maybe an accelerated timeskip, but that doesn't explain everything honestly.

Like seriously, Celestia was being protective over Luna before, but they was reasons behind it. Now through, with determined to split Luna away from her 'friend', when Celestia should know just how important friends are to ponies. Just, doesn't make sense! Learning that Luna has been sneaking out of the house in order to go and enjoy time with her friends should be a powerful realization to Celestia! That if Luna is going so far as to hide and run away from here, then she was going to far with her activities! Especially if she found Luna had snuck out again as a dummy, doubly so after that dream! Celestia is a wise mare with years of experience. She would understand that she would need to step back and re-evaluate what she had been doing! And then when Luna returns, not just confront her about it. But apologizing for being unreasonable, and have a calm discussion with her sister. Give her a lot more leeway, but still deny her some things until she is more recovered. With the leeway allowing for a greater rate of recovery.

But no. She storms off in order to confront her sister. Because of COURSE they need to have a public fight, likely revealing that Sunny and her sister is actually Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, because of COURSE Princess Celestia, who is spending so much time and effort trying to help her sister, having gone through several traumatic experiences on after the other, first realizing the exile left Luna pretty much catatonic, then afraid of her own moon, and finally realizing that Luna hadn't actually turned evil herself and had just been possessed by a maelovent creature, is the bad guy in this situation. And needs even MORE trauma piled on top of her

Not only that, but it seems we're setting up for the revelation that this is being Celestia's problem for years. She isn't just overprotective and controlling off her sister who has been traumatized due to being trapped in the moon for a thousand years. But it seems she's supposedly meant to have a issue with controlling the lives of pretty much everyone in Equestira! And that is why Blueblood is rebelling. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if that's even WHY Luna turned Nightmare Moon in the first place, due to Celestia being over-controlling. Hell, the story as a whole is coming across as significantly anti-monarchy now.

Then of course is the fact that Blueblood managed to defeat a high-trained solider, simply by grabbing and twisting his horn via teleknises. If it was that bloody easy to defeat a guard. Then I'm pretty fucking sure the guard would of come up with a way to counter it already! Now, if Blueblood had researcher ON these counter techniques, and learned how to counter them., That would be significantly more reasonable. But Shinning Armour being stopped so quickly is just a gross insult to his character.

Oh and Flash Sentry is a bad guy. Because of COURSE he is.

Yeah. I have a LOT of complaints about this chapter.

6838795

The best I can see done for this chapter is for it to be rewritten and re-examined from how it was before and keep it in line.

You hit the nail on the head with how Celestia suddenly became in this chapter, to me. It was an interesting take beforehand, with a nice balance seldom seen. Then it went to the common, overblown, overprotective, control freak Celestia that is so prevalent in so many subpar stories.

The Blueblood defeating Shining Armor part was particularly atrocious- I guess there is no such thing as loyalty within ranks if it takes that little to betray your commanding officer and not just GO to said officer and report what was said to you.

Like I said before, this is not an attack against the writers. I am a fan of this story, seeing it to be a very good story before and I simply wish to see it remain as such.

6838795
6839124

Let me start with Blueblood:
-- Reason why he was able to suddenly beat Shining Armor like that is because he was a student of Celestia herself too (before Cadance and Twilight)... he just hadn't acted on it until now when he stopped caring about his 'image' as a Prince...
-- With Blueblood's past, his relationship with Celestia is even more complicated... and more heartbreaking

Celestia's attitude in this chapter:
-- If you have noticed how over-controlling (or as I would like to call it 'over-mothering') she has been since finding out about Luna's suffering, it is simply a coping mechanism for her guilt of failure

I'm sorry we didn't deliver the expectations you wanted in this chapter, but if you both want to discuss this with me further, please PM me and Foals Errand about the changes you think should happen...

6836613 Particularly struck me at the initial conversation with Rarity and Twilight. They're all straight sentences, no pauses indicated by commas.

6839356
Why PM you? I've already expressed directly what I found issue with the chapter, and nothing your saying is improving my opinion on it at all. Like, fine. Celestia's over-protectiveness is due to her guilt, but even through she is not used to this guilt. She's still a mare of 1000 years of experience and wisdom. Not to mention someone who quite FIRMLY knows the importance of friendship and relationships with others!

And Blueblood? The fact he was a student of Celestia doesn't mean anything! If you don't keep practicing magic to the highest decree, its unlikely you can just be that strong again when you want to, and we haven't had any signs of him practicing. And EVEN THEN. Celestia's students are simply trained in the use of magic. GUARDS are trained in the use of magic for COMBAT. Shining Armour simply should NOT be defeated so easily by Blueblood!

She needs more time... she’s going too fast. She was infected one thousand years she needs to heal. It’s that friend of hers that mare all she is doing is causing Luna trouble and it's just going to get worse! Soon she’ll have Luna drinking! drinking then what’ll happen!” Celestia looked down to see her sandwich cut into dozens of tiny pieces and paused taking a breath

was infested for

hers, that

Drinking
___________________

Twilight, before the Nightmare took Luna she wasn’t only the Princess of the night. She was mistress of dreams. She has the ability to dream walk and help ponies with their night-terrors.”

“I don’t know, I have guesses but i’d need to ask her directly.

Cap.
___________________


...

Evil humor and Fury of the Tempest have mostly stated my views on the matter. But I'll throw in my two cents.

1) I get that you don't like writing F/F ships. That's alright. But you need to build up a ship. Big Mac and Luna feels rather rushed and unrealistic. And bad / unrealistic ships are the worst. Honestly I thought originally Tavi and Vinyl were a ship in this, and Rose and Luna were going to get close until I learned that you don't write that way. But even then, the worst thing you can do with a ship is just throw ponies together without building up emotional investment in them being together.

As is. If feels as horrible as the EQG's FlashLight attempt at shipping.

2) We see in Cannon that it took Luna quite a while to grasp modern vernacular. Now she's not only speaking it well, but using "nah" of all words. Soemthing we don't see all that much with the other Mane 6 in this fic.

3) Before now. We see Celestia being overprotective, and slightly too clingy. But being a previous element bearer, and seeing how important friendship is [especially in a world where "Friendship is Magic" is an actual phrase / common knowledge]. Her doing the whole, "I'm going to prevent Luna from having friends, I'm the only friend she needs" thing. Is going into stalker / OOC levels of writing.

and

4) Blueblood. I know he's going to be the next NMM host. And I know that the Nightmare boosts the power of it's recipient. That being said what Evil and Tempest said is right on the nose. Even with that power boost, and even if he was trained years and years ago. He lacks the training to be as good as he once was [since magic is like a muscle. It takes training, and practice to get good and powerful with it. Something Blue hasn't done in a while]. And even if he was powerful enough to do that, he wouldn't have the control to not do something much worse.

Still even though I have no problem that he beat Shining, the fact that it was a sound thrashing against a militant pony, and the fact that all the other guards basically said, "Yep! we're all going to betray the Princess of Love and anyone like Tia [whom we've revered since forever]." Without a second thought. Just felt off.


_____________________
Don't get me wrong, I liked the story up to this chapter, and other than Tia wanting to break up Luna's friendship that's helped her psychologically; Blue Blood and the Guards [which I know him going evil is important. That's not the problem, it's how Gary Sue he was doing it]; and the LunaMac ship start. This wasn't too bad. It had some good moments.

But yeah the previous 18 chapters were awesome. This one ... just needs to gt polished so that it's up to the previous chapter's level of greatness.

6835962 Foals, I hope you are checking out the comments on this story.

NEED MOAR! MUST RESOLVE!

I just read through the story today, from beginning to this chapter. I think it's a good story so far, I don't really see such a drastic shift in tone that would set so many people off. It's been hinted at heavily for at least two chapters prior that Celestia has been getting overprotective, with smaller hints given many chapters before that. *shrugs*

I love that Luna is actually recovering on her own unbeknownst to Celestia, gaining close friends and starting to be able to cope with her greatest fear, it's great!

One thing that I've noticed with this chapter is that Celestia is called 'Sunny', whereas in every chapter prior, her fake name is Cherry Blossom.

I'll be tracking this, looking forward to seeing what else this story has to offer. :twilightsmile: Don't be discouraged writers, I daresay this is probably one of the best chapters of this story yet!

I'd say that I lean more towards the side of this chapter not being as bad as it is being made out to be. However, I do agree on the fact that this chapter was not as good as previous chapters.

Thinking back to what I read, and comparing it to what other have been saying, I do find it odd that Blueblood was able to defeat Shinning Armor so easily. Blueblood, a former student of Celestia, yet has not practiced heavily in that type of magical practice for some time until now; and Shinning Armor, a high ranking officer of the Equestrian Royal Guard, who not only is trained in combat magic as well as basic magic skills, but probably also practices said techniques quite a bit to be able to keep his position in the guard.

Now I understand that Blueblood probably got quite a power boost from the Nightmare entity when it possessed him, but still. It seems rather out of place to have somepony who is out of practice, defeat a high ranking officer of the military so easily. The only possible reason I can think off as to how Blueblood was able to pull this off, would be Blueblood's actions being so sudden and unexpected, that it took Shinning Armor by complete surprise. Essentially, since Shinning wasn't prepared to deal with Blueblood's assault, he couldn't properly counter act said assault. It still seems weird though.

I'm also really hoping that Celestia and Luna get some things squared away here. I'm really happy that Luna is recovering quite nicely from her banishment on the moon, but Celestia has gone from being a little concerned and 'mothering' Luna, to being EXTREMELY over the top, protective. As previously stated by others, I too, find it strange that somepony who has been around for a long, long time would not have a bit more sense here. Sure, when dealing with self guilt and suffering, individuals tend to not think rationally. However, being alive and a ruler of a country for over 1,000 years should amount to something? Especially considering that Celestia is always preaching to Twilight about the importance of strong, bonds of friendship as being a key corner stone to what Equestria is all about. Maybe she should heed her own teachings and stop trying to cut off Luna's attempts at making friends.

Please note, that I in no way hate this chapter. I just feel that this chapter could have been better. With what you guys have set up, I feel that it is a good thing that has developed. It's just that the way the scenes played out could have been better.

If you would like, I can send you guys a PM that explains a little more in depth on how I think this could be improved upon. If not, then that is perfectly understandable. You two are the authors of this story after all. In the very least, consider the reviews that have been left that offer good constructive criticism. I still will be keeping up with this story and I would really like to see how the next chapter will play out.



~ Super-Brony12

more plz I need to know what going to happen next

Here you go! Your 700th like on this amazing story! I can't wait to see more! :twilightsmile:

This was a very well done story.

The Monk
"Knowledge is power and power corrupts, so study and be evil." - Reykan

You know, I was thinking about this story all day, and I realized that I could not, in good continuos, leave my previous review stand. It simply is not enough. Very, very few stories deal with the question of what 1000 years of solitary confinement on the moon would do to a person. Very, very few. This one deals with the mental scars in a way that really impresses me. I personally love Luna and as goofy as it sounds, she is my wifu. While I would never want her to ever go through this, I have to say that this story has joined the top three stories, covering her confinement.

Very, very well done.

To the Author, you owe it to the story to end it. When A TV show gets canceled, the writers typically take two episodes to bring the series to its conclusion. Would it kill you to take two chapters to bring your book to an actual close? You not only owe it to your readers, but you owe it to your characters and to the tale its self to bring it to a conclusion.

The Monk
“To say that Twilight Sparkle went bugfuck would be like saying the Incredible Hulk had some mild anger management issues.” -DustTraveller

okay I've just finished reading the chapter of the "masquerade" and I must say, what @rikithemonk mentioned is soo true. Celestia is first and foremost a big sister. the way you make them interact is astonishing. the gap of 1000 years is clearly visible, yet also the overprotectiveness that shows through celestial for luna is quite real. Legit the best, and I mean the best, fanfic story I've read about them as siblings and bonding as a little sister with the older one.
cant wait to continue reading this, I just needed to comment on this gorgeously written story. now I shall continue, god I love this story too much argh-

Comment posted by Bloosume deleted May 2nd, 2019

Okay, I've done it. I've read it all and I must say, it got even better. I love how you write Celestia. It is so her yet I can feel that she's protective of luna. Finally a writer who isn't shy of writing something like that. best part was when she put luna to bed, that was next level. Also I cant wait to find out what happened to Luna 'starry' once tia found out and literally visited the party. Aaa- you made me fall in love with this even more. also that line about name and from where someone is coming from. true.
no but for real, cant wait seeing what tia will do. I love everything about this. thank you so much for writing this!
FYI its currently 2 am. you made me make an all nighter, at a work day. this story was too good not too. Worth ittt!! every second. and blue blood- you truly are a very amazing writer!

Blueblood is a jealous and ignorant brat
Luna has no spine from her fear
Celestia is overbearing
And nobody talks to eachother

Love the concept and the execution is aight but I can't stand reading this anymore

Please, please, please post more chapters of this story. It’s sooo good!!! I really like it a lot. Keep up the great work!

And, of course, just like so many greats, the story abruptly ends and leaves you high and dry.

Great story,hope you write it more some day

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