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After long consideration, Sunset Shimmer decides to return to Equestria to make amends. Everypony is very skeptical about this but Celestia decides on a test of sorts to see if she truly is sorry. She has to live with Twilight and Spike for 1 year, at the end of that year her fate will be decided by Twilight and Spike.
A HUGE shoutout to Love at Sundown by trahzo. That fic gave me the idea of writing a Spike x Sunset fic.
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i think it is good
3120770 Thank you, i very much appreciate the feedback
3120780 Your welcome and i can't wait to see more chapters for this story when they come out
3120785 I hope to do at least one a day, That may change once school starts but i shall try for at least a chapter a day
3120789 ok
need more of the rest of the story
3120789. I started school last week.
A tie?
3120945 yeah, like say Twilight said that she thought Sunset Shimmer hadn't changed but Spike says she has, does that clear it up?
I like it!
Good, but seems a little rushed. I also noticed a few spots that were either missing a single letter from the word, or entire words from points that needed them. Grammar in some spots too, and Sunset seemed a little more level headed then I would have imagined her to be. She was headed to a place that could have her arrested, tried for treason, and possibly put to death. I would assume that she would at least be on the verge of extreme nervousness if not in full blown hysterics.
3120950 I mean you wrote down 'tie' where it should said 'lie.'
3121479 i would agree on the rushed part but as for Sunset's attitude for this whole thing, that is just how i thought it would happen, she had a long time to think about what might happen. but thank for your opinion, it means a lot!
3121613 i am, unsure why that is, i'm not saying your wrong but could you explain why it would be like that?
This looks great, the only issues were a couple of minor spelling errors and I think the pace was a little fast. But other than that I see this to be a great fic and I hope you update soon.
3121687 thank very much for the feedback it really means a lot as i want to improve. I also agree that it is a bit rushed but I have a hard time with starting something so i have a tendency to get that out of the way as possible, also i really couldn't think of a way to slow down. But really thank you and I hope you like the next chapter when it's done!
3121261 Thanks man it's great to know people like this.Thank you very much for the feedback!
The only thing I have to say about this is: I can't wait to see more!
3121842 Thanks a ton man, you have no clue how wonderful that makes me feel!
3121844 Your welcome, I really enjoy this story.
I can't and won't give you a proper comment until I have read more. I have high hopes for this story so please don't give me a reason to regret my choice.
I am sorry but this story has a lot of grammar and spelling issues. First paragraph: "sense" should be "since". "I" is always capitalized (I saw "i" quite a few times). And review the "show don't tell" section in the writers guide on FimFiction. In fact, if you read that over again in it's entirety it would help you immensely. I could only get about half-way through before quitting because of the issues with the grammar and the prose. You should definitely consider getting a good proofreader (I recommend going to the Proofreader Group and asking one of them for help).
Otherwise, your story concept isn't bad. Just the execution is... lacking...
My God... it finally happened... Spike and Sunset. Is there no one this drake can be paired with??? That being said I liked it
Well besides the spelling errors, missing punctuation and oddly worded lines you have a very interesting story line. I would suggest doing spell checks in whatever writing program you use or find a proof reader
You need an editor or a pre-reader, I was actually looking forward to reading this story until I started seeing mistake after mistake. Please, I want to enjoy this story, but in its current state I simply can't.
3122463 thank you very much for your feedback, and i shall try not to disappoint
3123057 Yeah i agree i do think i am in need of a proofreader or such and i shall try to go about getting one. thank you very much for your feedback
3122567 Thank you for recommending me to read "show versus tell" i really do think that can help me later on. I will do my best to try and make this story more enjoyable. Thank you for the feedback!
3122716 Nope, this little dragon is just got all the mares
fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/168/3/f/it__s__the__pose__by_sweetiebelle_fim-d3j4lyf.png
I think not son
3123696 *sun
3123696 That right there made my day
3123709 Son*
3123711 Of course it did
3123723 *sun
3123729 really guys, how about a compromise of son/sun ?
3123735 that's a terrible idea
3123729 Son*
3123754 *sun
I like this story, but I will admit that it needs some clean-up. There is great lack of commas, periods and capitalized "I"s. There are some other parts where I can be more specific. Such as:
There shouldn't be between the words, "Twilight Sparkle" and the comma to follow. Also, the word you're looking for is "allowed", not "aloud".
That word should be "dining" instead of "dinning", and I'm pretty sure the word should be "their" and not "there".
I think a better way to have this sentence would be:"Hey, what are you doing!? Let me at her!" Rainbow yelled.
There should be a space between "at" and "all".
The word "though" shouldn't be capitalized, but the "I" should. Lastly, its somewhat unclear who is speaking this sentence, though it is most likely Celestia. I do like this story idea. I hope to see more and I hope to see you improve.
3123956 Thank you very much for catching my silly mistakes i will go fix it at once, but as for applejack saying atall it was an attempt at the accent.
3123961 Okay. Thank you.
3123963 if you happen to catch any more mistakes in the up coming chapters I would be more than happy to fix them
3123969 Can do.
3123809 It is son you American fuck
3124036 I think he meant sun as a joke because it was Celestia, could be wrong
3124115 My knowledge of all has already told me that
This chapter is out together much better than the previous one, but there are still some minor things.
"Consequences" shouldn't be capitalized.
Sunset's name should be capitalized and there probably should be a comma between "cared" and "but".
I'd put a comma between "Twilight" and "can".
I'd add a comma after "Okay".
And the first H in Twilight laugh should be capitalized. You're writing really improved in this chapter and I hope to see more.