To anyone else the day would have seemed just like any other day. It was mid-summer and everything was beautiful this time of year. The birds were chirping and the flowers were in bloom. Today was a model of beauty. But today was not like all days to one person, Sunset Shimmer. Today was the day she decided to go back to her real home, Equestria and make amends with those who she wronged. She had been contemplating doing this ever sense Twilight Sparkle had left after her reforming at the Fall Formal. She had thought of returning to her real home and apologizing to Her former mentor Celestia. She hoped to apologize to Twilight Sparkle, for she had stolen her crown and forced her on a journey like no other. She truly felt horrible for everything and wanted nothing more than to apologize and be allowed to stay in Equestria. So there she stood, in front of the portal disguised as a statue. Today was the first day it would be open.
"Alright the time has finally come, i will return and ask for forgiveness, I hope i am accepted back." Sunset thought to herself.
She took one step forward towards the portal. She looked around to see if there was anyone else around by any chance, though since it was summer she doubted it. She in fact saw no one around. This made everything easier, she didn't need anyone else knowing about the portal, that could cause chaos. She took one last glace at the scenery, it really was a beautiful day. She took in a big breath and walked into the portal.
It was just that moment she also walked through the other side as a unicorn. She was thankful everything seemed to work like it should. She walked forward and looked around in the room she was in, that is if she could see. She started to panic thinking that somehow she had become blind after using the portal, but then she realized that maybe there just weren't any lights on. She channeled her magic into making a light which she did with ease. After figuring out that in fact the lights where just off she face hoofed for jumping to a conclusion. But at the same time she was happy she still knew how to use magic. She looked around in the room to see it just as it was when she left it. She took a moment to remissness, but quickly got back to her objective. She knew the portal had been moved to the Crystal Empire from Canterlot so she knew the ponies she was searching for were not on the other side of the door but in fact were many miles away. She decided to sit down to contemplate her options of reaching Canterlot where at least Celestia would be and possibly Twilight given she is a Princess now. She thought of just walking out and buying a ticket to Canterlot but she realized some problems with that plan. For one she could get caught and she would have no plausible excuse for wandering around in the crystal castle, and she did not need to be arrested. The second problem was she had no bits on her so the train was out even if she managed to get there. She thought for a while longer and mentally face hoofed. She could just teleport to Canterlot! Why hadn't she thought about it, long distance teleportation was one of the first things she learned from Celestia! She decided this was the way to go, she would teleport right to Celestia. She decided to teleport into the dining hall as it was evening when she left the human world and their times were the same so she expected her to be there. She concentrated on her destination and in a moment was gone.
"I am so glad you and your friends could join us for lunch today Twilight" Celestia said with genuine joy.
"No problem at all Princess, I am honored you would ask us to have lunch with you" Twilight replied
"You know you don't have to call me Princess, we are equals now" Celestia said and then let out a small chuckle
At this Twilight blushed but just smiled and nodded as a response
"Well ah am as hungry as a hog, ah say we dig in!" Applejack declared
"Applejack use your manners when in the company of royalty!" Rarity stated
"Manners shanners, dig in!" Rainbow replied and immediatly began to eat
Twilight just sighed and began to eat. Celestia chuckled and too began to eat. Just as everypony had begun to eat their food a bright flash encompassed the room. Everpony covered there eyes to avoid going blind. When they all opened their eyes they saw a light orange unicorn. Twilight, Spike, and Celestia all gasped, the others just stared slack jawed at the sudden arrival.
"Sunset Shimmer?" Celestia, Spike and Twilight all said in unison.
"Yes it is I, I have come back to apologize and ask for forgiveness" Sunset Shimmer replied.
"You want forgiveness?" Asked Spike
"Yes I do, I want to apologize to you all and ask for forgiveness." Sunset replied.
Everpony else was just beginning to regain composure. Rainbow Dash just remembered that this was the unicorn that stole Twilight's crown, so without further thought she tackled the unicorn
"And what makes you think you deserve to be forgiven, thief!?" Rainbow yelled at Sunset.
"Rainbow!" Twilight yelled
"Nothing, i don't deserve to be forgiven" Sunset shimmer deadpanned
"Then why are you here!?" Rainbow replied
"To at least let everyone know i am sorry and hope for forgiveness" Sunset said in a slightly depressed tone
Twilight had seen enough and levitated Rainbow Dash off of Sunset Shimmer
"Hey what are you doing!? let me at her!" Rainbow yelled
"No Rainbow we do not use violence! and I for one does think she deserves forgiveness" Twilight retorted.
"WHAT!?" Everpony replied but Spike, Celestia and Luna.
After the brightly colored pegasus was removed from her Sunset got back on her hooves. After hearing Twilight's comment she just looked at her with a happy and relieved expression on her face.
"But dear she stole your crown and almost trapped you in that other world, how can you forgive her?" Asked Rarity.
"Fer once ah agree with Rarity, she can't be trusted, not atall" Applejack added.
"Yeah she's just a big meanie face!" Pinkie added.
Rainbow just nodded at each statement and Fluttershy opted to remain quiet. After hearing Twilight's friends rejections to her apology Sunset's smile faded and was replaced with a frown.
"Well I for one think she also deserves to be forgiven, I was there too you know, I know what happened. She seemed very sorry back then and seems like it now as well" Spike responded to the three mares.
After hearing what Spike had to say Sunset's Smile returned. "Out of all of them I didn't expect him to be so forgiving, after all for a dragon he is still a baby, and i did just as much bad to him if not more than Twilight." Sunset thought, but was happy non the less.
"I agree with Spike, though I also agree with Applejack, we can not be so quick to trust her, but i do believe she deserves a chance to show us she means no harm."
"What did you have in mind sister?" Luna asked her older sister
"I was thinking, since both Twilight and Spike are willing to forgive her, she could live with them for a year at the library. At the end of that year Twilight and Spike will determine if she has truly changed." Celestia suggested
"But what if there is a tie?" Luna responded
"Then I shall have them both explain there reasons and I will decide." Celestia responded
Sunset was just standing there, waiting for her judgement. When she heard the idea she thought it was in fact a good one, much more than she expected, in fact she had expected to not be forgiven and locked up for treason.
"Twilight, Spike do you agree with this course of action?" Celestia asked.
"Yes Princess" They responded in unison.
"And Sunset Shimmer, do you agree with this course of action?" Celestia asked again
"I do your highness" Sunset replied.
"Then it is settled, I wish you the best of luck" Celestia turned her gaze to Twilight's friends and added "I do hope you will give her a chance."
"We will, but we won't like it" Rainbow replied for the group, the rest just nodded.
"Then I suggest you all return home, you have a big day tomorrow." Celestia said and then took her leave with Luna.
Sunset couldn't suppress the biggest smile she could muster, this had gone so much better than planned, she might even make a few friends. She saw Twilight and Spike walking up to her, so she looked to them.
"Well Sunset, it looks like you'll be staying with us for a while." Spike said with a hint of joy.
i think it is good
3120770 Thank you, i very much appreciate the feedback
3120780 Your welcome and i can't wait to see more chapters for this story when they come out
3120785 I hope to do at least one a day, That may change once school starts but i shall try for at least a chapter a day
3120789 ok
need more of the rest of the story
3120789. I started school last week.
A tie?
3120945 yeah, like say Twilight said that she thought Sunset Shimmer hadn't changed but Spike says she has, does that clear it up?
I like it!
Good, but seems a little rushed. I also noticed a few spots that were either missing a single letter from the word, or entire words from points that needed them. Grammar in some spots too, and Sunset seemed a little more level headed then I would have imagined her to be. She was headed to a place that could have her arrested, tried for treason, and possibly put to death. I would assume that she would at least be on the verge of extreme nervousness if not in full blown hysterics.
3120950 I mean you wrote down 'tie' where it should said 'lie.'
3121479 i would agree on the rushed part but as for Sunset's attitude for this whole thing, that is just how i thought it would happen, she had a long time to think about what might happen. but thank for your opinion, it means a lot!
3121613 i am, unsure why that is, i'm not saying your wrong but could you explain why it would be like that?
This looks great, the only issues were a couple of minor spelling errors and I think the pace was a little fast. But other than that I see this to be a great fic and I hope you update soon.
3121687 thank very much for the feedback it really means a lot as i want to improve. I also agree that it is a bit rushed but I have a hard time with starting something so i have a tendency to get that out of the way as possible, also i really couldn't think of a way to slow down. But really thank you and I hope you like the next chapter when it's done!
3121261 Thanks man it's great to know people like this.Thank you very much for the feedback!
The only thing I have to say about this is: I can't wait to see more!
3121842 Thanks a ton man, you have no clue how wonderful that makes me feel!
3121844 Your welcome, I really enjoy this story.
I can't and won't give you a proper comment until I have read more. I have high hopes for this story so please don't give me a reason to regret my choice.
I am sorry but this story has a lot of grammar and spelling issues. First paragraph: "sense" should be "since". "I" is always capitalized (I saw "i" quite a few times). And review the "show don't tell" section in the writers guide on FimFiction. In fact, if you read that over again in it's entirety it would help you immensely. I could only get about half-way through before quitting because of the issues with the grammar and the prose. You should definitely consider getting a good proofreader (I recommend going to the Proofreader Group and asking one of them for help).
Otherwise, your story concept isn't bad. Just the execution is... lacking...
My God... it finally happened... Spike and Sunset. Is there no one this drake can be paired with??? That being said I liked it
Well besides the spelling errors, missing punctuation and oddly worded lines you have a very interesting story line. I would suggest doing spell checks in whatever writing program you use or find a proof reader
You need an editor or a pre-reader, I was actually looking forward to reading this story until I started seeing mistake after mistake. Please, I want to enjoy this story, but in its current state I simply can't.
3122463 thank you very much for your feedback, and i shall try not to disappoint
3123057 Yeah i agree i do think i am in need of a proofreader or such and i shall try to go about getting one. thank you very much for your feedback
3122567 Thank you for recommending me to read "show versus tell" i really do think that can help me later on. I will do my best to try and make this story more enjoyable. Thank you for the feedback!
3122716 Nope, this little dragon is just got all the mares
fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/168/3/f/it__s__the__pose__by_sweetiebelle_fim-d3j4lyf.png
I think not son
3123696 *sun
3123696 That right there made my day
3123709 Son*
3123711 Of course it did
3123723 *sun
3123729 really guys, how about a compromise of son/sun ?
3123735 that's a terrible idea
3123729 Son*
3123754 *sun
I like this story, but I will admit that it needs some clean-up. There is great lack of commas, periods and capitalized "I"s. There are some other parts where I can be more specific. Such as:
There shouldn't be between the words, "Twilight Sparkle" and the comma to follow. Also, the word you're looking for is "allowed", not "aloud".
That word should be "dining" instead of "dinning", and I'm pretty sure the word should be "their" and not "there".
I think a better way to have this sentence would be:"Hey, what are you doing!? Let me at her!" Rainbow yelled.
There should be a space between "at" and "all".
The word "though" shouldn't be capitalized, but the "I" should. Lastly, its somewhat unclear who is speaking this sentence, though it is most likely Celestia. I do like this story idea. I hope to see more and I hope to see you improve.
3123956 Thank you very much for catching my silly mistakes i will go fix it at once, but as for applejack saying atall it was an attempt at the accent.
3123961 Okay. Thank you.
3123963 if you happen to catch any more mistakes in the up coming chapters I would be more than happy to fix them
3123969 Can do.
3123809 It is son you American fuck
3124036 I think he meant sun as a joke because it was Celestia, could be wrong
3124115 My knowledge of all has already told me that
3124115 I decided to start my own youtube channel where I do gameplays, mod reviews, and readings and I was wondering if for one of my first readings I could use this story? It would be up within the next 3 - 5 days because of my current schedule.
P.S This story is great so far! Keep up the great work!