• Member Since 3rd Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen April 25th

The Elusive Badgerpony


Comments ( 88 )

Ew. I'll avoid downvoting it though.

Ah, I knew this story will come. Though I expect it to be a lot sooner. Well, whatever. May I be hated for reading this, and getting aroused.

F4D3 #4 · Jul 28th, 2013 · · ·

This makes me... I don't know how this makes me feel.

That ending though... That makes me want to see what happens next.

I'm pretty sure I saw a Hentai Manga that was almost the same as this.

This... was surprisingly tender anbd sweet.

You know, for drunken incest. Really, though, well done. :ajsmug:

Dammit T.I.B.! Awkward girlboner. :unsuresweetie:

That ending. :raritydespair:

This really has the tone of a young dumb teen trying to do what she thinks can help. I don't know if that was intentional or not, but it got the message across. Not a bad job at all - certainly gets a thumbs up from me.

Um... O.K.! Thumbs up.

This was incredibly well written ....I felt like I was really in her mind ....the sex didn't drive the story...like so many incest fics do! Bravo good sir! Have a thumbs up!

I was confused throughout the whole fic with the you and I descriptions

There have been a few stories involving Dash and her dad, all of which were rapecest stories though, this was laughably good. Bravo, good sir!

ALright Lets Get technical in this. For what it is, it is well written, follows its flow rather well and iterates what everything is in such a way that it seems more like a showing than a telling, the narrative is perfect, and I, for one, am actually rather impressed with this. I rate this to be RaginSemi worthy.
If you dont know who RagingSemi is please click these links for his or her works.
RagingSemi
The Explicit stuff.

2948661 That's a legitimate concern. I've never seen it done before, and most certainly I've never done it, so it's fair to think one would be confused. I hoped you picked up on it eventually, though. :ajsmug:

2948101 >mfw famous proofreader has typo

24.media.tumblr.com/8715a90322f198568c453ba72d79e4a6/tumblr_mf1c0fgARD1rl29sro1_250.gif

2948085 Wouldn't surprise me. Wasn't going with a unique story on this one.

2949077 AGH DON'T GIVE ME ALL THAT FAPPERY TO READ

I'LL BE GONE FOR WEEKS

WEEKS

I read this before you published it to Fimfiction, even if you did edit the ending. I kind of thought the ending was perfect before, but somehow I think this end is an improvement regardless.

Badgerpony... y u so awesome? :rainbowkiss:

And why the hell am I not following you?? :pinkiegasp:

Rectified.

Great read, sir. The right combination of romance and feels. (those feels...)

2949838 I felt the old ending was just too quick. It felt a bit rushed, and I figured I coulda done better. And so I did. :pinkiecrazy:

the 'I' and 'you' was VERY confusing

The "I" and the "you" was very confusing at the beginning, so you might want to edit that.

For anybody who hasn't read, or doesn't understand, the "I" is Rainbow Dash, the daughter of "You", Prism Bolt. Firefly was Prism Bolt's wife, and so he is trying to get over her. That was a bit confusing.

Besides that, this was very well written, and like somepony said before, the story was only driven on sex.

Also, please write a sequel. This was very good, and I would love to see another based off of this ending!


Good job ;)

Hey look, it's featured. Good job!

Okay, wow. I have a few things to say about this.

For one, your use of both first and second person. I've never seen it done before, but wow did you pull it off. How easily you could distinguish between two characters and give a such a full and broad spectrum of emotion simply with the usage of I and you; it's both simple and more effective than I could have imagined.

Number two: wow, you made incest hot. You didn't get overboard with the sex, you didn't hit any crazy kinks. It was all very believable and very romantic considering one was drunk, one was a first-timer, and bother were kin. It worked.

In all, this story was both hot, sad, touching, and all around just plain bloody amazing. I loved every bit of it.

You've got my like, and you've got my follow. Seriously, nice work.

When I read the description, the first thing that came to mind was "Fuck... we already have a lot of Twi and-" and I rambled in my head until I read the first few lengthy paragraphs. I became ensnared by the story. Soon, I was becoming Dash and understanding how she felt. I became Prism and understood just how bad he's become. I read until the very end and it made me feel bad at how horrible Dash felt for Prism after what happened. But I understood why it had to happen. And I loved it.

It's was beautiful in many aspects and I love when that happens to a story. I do hope you write more romance because this was an amazing story.

For a few lines in I was confused with the 'you' and 'I' thingy, but caught on soon. It looked like more of Dashie telling her dad what happened [In a letter or something] so that's why she kept saying 'you'. And that's probably what you were going for anyway.

I'll give you a thumb up

I'll say it to you now, and I'm probably going to be downvoted for it: That was more emotionally moving than My Little Dashie could ever be. And this story could never, ever be that dramatic or conflicting without your delivery.:heart::heart::heart:

[EDIT] Seems like I was wrong about the downvotes!

Well. I'm impressed.

Nicely done, man.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Is the mother dead or has she just left them?

2951190 I left it intentionally ambiguous. It's up to you to decide her state of animation. :coolphoto:

Also apparently this got featured so I'm famous now.

2951320 Well Done, Have a derpy :derpytongue2:

What I like most about this story is how your narration captures the confused emotions going through Rainbow Dash's head throughout the whole night. You have a great establishing scene with the fight between Prism and Dash that shows Dash's teenage impulsiveness (going for the low blow against her dad, then instantly regretting it), and from there, the emotions grow only more intense and more complex as the story progresses. The stream of consciousness style full of a series of contradictions really sets this story apart from its peers, and very few writers can pull off that style of narration as well as you.

There are a few parts that I was disappointed to see cut from the first draft, however. I liked the Electra complex that you had going for Dash in the first draft – her slight jealousy of her dad's love for her mother – because it's a nice twist on the insecurity we've seen Dash display in the show. Also the moment where Dash cries "Daddy" during sex was nice because it added a bit of fear of getting caught into the scene.

Anyway, these omissions do not at all break the story (I probably would have not made those suggestions had I not read the original draft), and overall, this is an excellent story. It has much more emotional and psychological depth than most clopfics, and it uses a unique narrative voice that's executed quite powerfully.

I love this.
I laughed so hard.

I don't even know how to react to this. Part of me wants to be put off by the incest, yet you wrote it so well that another part of me wants to memorize it word for word. All I do know is that you have certainly earned a like and a favorite on this story, nice job!

“Who’s... Your... Daddy?!”

Me: i.imgur.com/abFWkZD.gif

About time we got some Dashcest...

I DEMAND MORE DASHCEST!!! :scootangel:

It mades me cry, I love how you write the feelings along everything else! I love it :heart:
Now I want a sequel of this :pinkiecrazy: :facehoof: please, tell me I didn't write that...

2951345 Alright, who the hay voted down Apploosan Psychiatrist? Who? Who?

This. This right here. More of this right here!
i.imgur.com/tfZQS.jpg

Why did the bitch abandon her family?

2974332 Meant Firefly, not Rainbow.

I'm not even ashamed to be here. Is that weird? First you say? Well I have my doubts, but that's not important right now. I just had to say bravo good sir. Bravo!

First Dashcest fic on the site

Depends on how it is looked at.
ABagOf Vicodin wrote one where she "dreams" of doing her deceased mother, and it turns out that it was Twilight entering her dream pretending to be Dash's mother...
(or something like that)
But this one would be the first with a NON-dead parent lol

Awesome story, Very psychological. Upvoting and favoriting this

Well written and fun to read.

Good job.

You grunt, kissing around one of the nubs on my chest...

And then later

your response wordless, just licking down, past my belly, towards...

On a pony, the chest is smooth, the breasts are below the belly. The nubs are meant as nipples correct?

3018808 Not on my ponies! Crotchboobs are gross :pinkiesick:

3018840

Ok, Just as long as you are aware. I have gotten used to them now in clop and dont mind them at all.

i've been meaning to read this since it came out, so here's my mini-review. i admit i skimmed parts mostly during the sexy, though that's only because i'm not in a state to 'properly enjoy them' at the moment.

that said, this was a fantastic story and i'm a lot more impressed with it than i was with your other story.

here are my bullet points:

- the pov is super interesting. having the whole thing as first person Dash addressing her dad... i dunno how else to say that it's just totally unique and wonderful. second-person is just a lie told from first-person, and this dances over the boundary beautifully. can't applaud that enough.

- i noticed you changing tense throughout, which i'm sure would have been picked up with editing. it felt strongest in past, which it was most of the time, but simple consistency isn't hard to nail down.

- you use hyphens instead of em/en-dashes. cut that out. spaced en-dashes or unspaced em-dashes are the convention (Horizon will tell you otherwise)

- Dash's voice doesn't feel accurate in some places, mostly where your description gets overly florid. i'm not sure if you could fully adhere to her characterization throughout, given the subject matter, but it would have made the story much hotter if you could. as is, it's not egregious, just several sections where words need to be trimmed. ie. your internal narrative voice is not Dash's, and so needs to be reigned in at points.

- along the lines of the above, you tend to overdescribe a lot of stuff. not everything needs an adjective attached, not everything needs metaphor or emotion. just tell us things, and we'll figure out the rest.

- in regards to that, there are a fair few instances of overly 'telly' language. this is actually forgivable in this kind of format because you're saying things for the benefit of an imaginary reader as you're dictating them; stuff like '[emotion] and [emotion] rolling through me' is kind of okay - but a lot of other times, you could vastly reduce the telly-ness and have a far more impactful story. this is a hard one to get used to, but i'd be happy to whack you over the head with some specific examples if you need 'em. rule of thumb: no one ever [verb]s in [noun], and avoid describing internal emotion when you can show a character experiencing it. also, i think you said something like 'i apologized' followed by the actual apology. normally this is a huge no-no - but, for this story, it's kind of okay.

- the dialogue, especially the drunk bits, were really good, so well executed there

- like me, you seem to have a careful consideration for using paragraph separation to aid dramatic delivery. you do it mostly right-on, but there are a few instances where it's overblown. try not to lean on it too heavily.

You didn’t know, Dad. I don’t blame you.

god, this fucking line. bravo.

“Pr-Prissy, I... It’s been a while, okay? S-So go easy...”

this one too, but for different reasons

i feel like the sex pulled back from Dash's pov a bit too much, and again would like to see it grounded more in her voice - it seems pretty evident you didn't edit this, which i suspect is a habit of yours. that said, for pure novelty, this is a fantastic story and i'm really glad you wrote it the way you did, with some exceptions.

you won't be able to play with this kind of device in the future without retreading old ground, i think, but i'm curious to see how else it could be applied. you seem to like messing with POV in stuff as well - looking forward to seeing what ideas you come up with next.

also, for the record, let it be said

unf

Login or register to comment