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Wet. It’s the first thing I can remember. The water of the Mirror Pool dripped off of me as I stepped out and took my first breath. After that, it was just sort of a blur for a while.
What if instead of the real Pinkie Pie, one of the duplicates passed the test? They'd do anything to survive unexposed. And Pinkie's friends would do anything to get her back.
Now in Twilight's Library and Twenty Great Stories.
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I started to cry when I read the part were Derpy was injured. How is hurting her "fun"? Screw the ponies who think it is.
I hope they find out how to get the real Pinkie back. I bet her being gone is making the whole town depressed, like in season 3, episode 13.
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I have some ideas about how that might happen... no promises though! :)
I'm enjoying it. It's well written and this is the first "The real pinkie got sent back" story I've read although there are many out there so I can't really say how well this will do with the public.
As for the story my only real complaint is that is seems like you're telling it a bit too fast. In 2 chapters we had fake pinkie go through the entire ordeal and have a 2-3 week time skip. I feel you could have expanded the story greatly there. Going into deeper details about how she lived in those weeks, the awkward mistakes she would make that would eventually lead up to her decision to leave, along with the realization her cutie mark was fading. To me it seems like a lot of lost potential.
Also, unless I'm reading this in a weird way the story or parts of it anyway seem to be written in a diary like style. It seems weird to have such a big skip there with no details seeing as she wants Derpy to try and understand her should she ever wake. Unless when she ripped out the page, she ripped out the entirety of it or something like that. I guess I'm just a little confused. This was my only real complaint and it was more a personal one then an actual mistake so good on you there,
All in all, I like it and look forward to more. Happy writing and all that.
“Then where’s Pinkie Pie?”
She's in the pond. Duh.
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I'm planning on having the duplicate skip back and talk more about what happened in Ponyville.
But yeah, that entire section was the duplicate's attempt to write another bit of her letter to Derpy, and it didn't go very well.
Thanks for your input, it's always appreciated!
"Then where's Pinkie Pie?"
What do you think? Yeah, she's just going fishing, hey? Idiots...
No comments? Y'all are gonna make me cry.
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This comment makes the next comment weird!
Sorry, tired, wont happen again. I hope
I am curious where exactly you are taking this. What direction it goes - I mean. Still enjoying it, can't wait for more.
Happy writing and all that.
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Uh... considering you did the prereading for that chapter, I think it's all good.
Is it me, or is the text of this chapter glitched in at least three places?
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Um... Yes, it is. I'll fix it.
Oooh... right in the feels... or in Derpys case, the everything. good job, keep it up!
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I promise you, there will be more feels. Many more feels. Probably not in the next chapter, but they're coming.
I really like where this going, and I demand more of it.
That is all.
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The next chapter will be out within the week.
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Good. Gooood.
If Diana bites it, I may never forgive you. I really care about her.
Blasted cliffhangers.
Okay but for real: good chapter, but I was little surprised how fatalistic 'Diane' was after getting caught, or at least how quickly she seemed to lose all her fear of dying (maybe its hiding?)
Also, I think you may have missed an opportunity but not showing her interacting with Spike, I think it's interesting that she's nice to him but acidic to Twilight (and would love to see how Spike feels about the contradiction.)
That being said, I love her bitchiness with Twilight, and seeing Twilight from another POV. Twilight can be really scary, especially when you consider how powerful she is.
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I don't think that she's not afraid, it's just that she's resigned to not being able to do anything about it. Also, she likes screwing around with Twilight.
I wasn't actually planning on writing in a scene with Spike, but I'm considering it now. I've had the idea for a scene for a while where Spike would serve as a good interlocutor. Thanks for the idea.
Well... No clue what to think about that, since you said her cutiemark was fading...
Re: Diane/Spike
Aww, an imaginary tip of the hat. Cute!
Re: The Dash/Diane fight
borderofinsanity.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/meme-well-that-escalated-quickly.jpg
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Yeah I hope that gets explained
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Did I leave out that explanation? My bad.
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"Escalated quickly"?
Not really. Rainbow Dash came into the room at least planning to hurt Diane in some way, and Diane didn't really give her a lot of reasons not to.
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I guess more it got dark and violent quickly. I bought it, but it was like WHOA shit just got real.
Ain't no rest for the wicked
Money don't grow on trees
I got bills to pay and mouths to feed
Ain't nothin' in this world for free
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Reference successfully identified. Props allocated.
I don't get it. Diane's spent 4 months as herself, but both she and Twilight seem to think that she'll become a completely different pony just because she regains her memories.
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4 months of memories versus an entire lifetime? Pinkie might be different, but she won't be Diane. I'll go into more detail in the next chapter.
Also, none of this is how amnesia works, but considering it's a story about cartoon ponies I think I get to make at least some stuff up.
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It was 8 seconds versus 5-8 years during the rainboom.
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Look, I'm sorry if the way the plot has gone is stretching your credibility. I'm not 100% happy with it either, but it's setting up the events of the last chapter, which I do like.
I love it when a plan (story) comes together. (Smokes cigar).
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Speaking of which, toss me a link to the next chapter of your Trixie story when you're ready? I'd love to edit for you.
I would love to see a sequal to this.
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I think it's been pretty well resolved.
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, but the good kind of sad so thanks for writing it.
Yup, no loose ends left to tie up.
This story made sad
3036328 except for derpy. You didn't do her reaction to the notebook.
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Use your imagination.
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I'm glad you liked it.
Not bad; it was refreshing, being the first "the Wrong Pinkie" story I've read.
I agree with mlpreader946, though, with regards to the pacing. You've laid down the crux, but you've left the padding. There's no real sense of development, and in the forty odd minutes it took to read, not once did I stop to marvel at the situation amnesiac Pinkie found herself in; things just whipped by, too fast.
Nevertheless: +1
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Development in what sense? I agree with the pacing concerns, but I'm just curious.
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That was paraphrasing on my part; when the pacing is too fast, I find that, at the end of the story, there's nothing to stop, look back, and gawk at.
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Fair 'nuff.
Congrats on actually finishing a story, bro. Maybe I'll get back into writing.... someday...
I enjoyed reading it as much as helping you. Thanks for all the nice comments Spacie.
~Reader Away~
This story makes me happy.
But it pains me that it's so under-read
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Thanks!
i like this, nice change of pace, and you really hooked me, i had intended to read only one or two chapters but ended up reading all 8 in one go.
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Great. I'm glad you enjoyed it,
I don't know about anybody else, but i want more information.