Epilogue
Derpy Hooves blearily opened her eyes. There was something different about this morning. She couldn’t quite place it. Maybe it was the smell of muffins, despite the fact that she hadn’t baked her breakfast batch yet. Yes, that was definitely unusual. It was also a bit odd that she was laying in a hospital bed in what appeared to be, logically enough, a hospital room, but Derpy liked to take these little things in stride.
A nurse walking by did a double take. “Ditzy?”
“Muffins?” the subject of her inquiry responded.
“Ditzy, don’t try to get up,” the nurse said. “I need to—” She galloped off, not bothering to complete her sentence.
A voice pierced the quiet of the hospital and brought a wide smile to Derpy’s face.
“Mommy?”
Dinky Doo rushed into the room and leaped onto her mother’s bed. “Mom! I’m so glad that you’re-”
“Muffin, what’s wrong?” Derpy asked, confused.
“Nothing anymore,” her daughter responded, contentedly resting her head on Derpy’s shoulder.
A long moment passed before either of them said anything. “Oh, before I forget,” Dinky said. “Miss Pie came by earlier and left this. She said she really wanted you to read it.”
Derpy turned her head to see a little notebook placed neatly on her bedstand. “Anything for a friend. But... breakfast first?”
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I love it when a plan (story) comes together. (Smokes cigar).
3035268
Speaking of which, toss me a link to the next chapter of your Trixie story when you're ready? I'd love to edit for you.
I would love to see a sequal to this.
3035809
I think it's been pretty well resolved.
3036328
, but the good kind of sad so thanks for writing it.
Yup, no loose ends left to tie up.
This story made sad
3036328 except for derpy. You didn't do her reaction to the notebook.
3038888
Use your imagination.
3038015
I'm glad you liked it.
Not bad; it was refreshing, being the first "the Wrong Pinkie" story I've read.
I agree with mlpreader946, though, with regards to the pacing. You've laid down the crux, but you've left the padding. There's no real sense of development, and in the forty odd minutes it took to read, not once did I stop to marvel at the situation amnesiac Pinkie found herself in; things just whipped by, too fast.
Nevertheless: +1
3092810
Development in what sense? I agree with the pacing concerns, but I'm just curious.
3101019
That was paraphrasing on my part; when the pacing is too fast, I find that, at the end of the story, there's nothing to stop, look back, and gawk at.
3104558
Fair 'nuff.
Congrats on actually finishing a story, bro. Maybe I'll get back into writing.... someday...
I enjoyed reading it as much as helping you. Thanks for all the nice comments Spacie.
~Reader Away~
3204092
Thanks!
i like this, nice change of pace, and you really hooked me, i had intended to read only one or two chapters but ended up reading all 8 in one go.
3290235
Great. I'm glad you enjoyed it,
I don't know about anybody else, but i want more information.
3445696
You're not the only one.
Plot- Defined and solid
Grammar- Good (some odd turns of phrase, but I'm always up for expanding my vocabulary)
Ending twist- Workable (kept me guessing)
Language- Eh, I'm not too keen on some of the swearing, as it felt a bit unnecessary and was devoid of the traditional FIM colour (suddenly Pie's busting out words like "shit", "crap" and "hell" when common analogues- "ponyfeathers", "horseapples", and "tartaurus" exist rather readily). Makes it seem like some alien is IN Pinkie's body (which I guess in a way IS what you're trying convey) and it just bugs me I guess... but I digress!
A decent work, but I can't help but feel that the story was lacking. I've been looking over some of the other comments and I think 3092810 describes it best. The plot is more than skeletal (I can definitely see some muscles in it), but it doesn't quite feel fully alive. Maybe it's because it's mostly epistillary and Pie wouldn't want to include every single detail in her letter (in which case it breaks the medium a bit every time you cut to a different character real-time), but this could have really used more character interaction to highlight the life that she would leave behind. As it is, there isn't much in the sense of subplots- there's a miniature on between Pie and Dash which was done well, but there were no interaction scenes between Dash helping her in Ch 1 and trying to kill her in Ch 6.
Pie's motivation was good n' honourable and all, but I didn't really feel that much of a sense of loss in the end. In general, this could have used a few more scenes with Pie masquerading as Pinkie (and subsequently trying to avoid suspicion) as well as an occasion or two where Pie's state brought something positive to the table (interacting with, like, ANY ponies in Manehatten, for example) to make the final sacrifice more poignant and fulfilling.
Overall it's good, but I feel if you rework it a bit you could make it a lot better than what it is.
3523044
I agree completely, and this will probably get rewritten at some point. Like if I hit a wall with Darkly.
It's on the table, is my point.
i14.photobucket.com/albums/a331/brittmcgee/MLP%20Minecraft/TLSOA_zps2aa17c49.png
I thought it was an interesting story with a thought-provoking plot.
The only things I would change is to remove the swearing. I think it's just as powerful of a story without it, and it kind of shook me out of the immersion whenever somepony like Rainbow Dash said "bitch."
Also, I would have made Pinkie's decision take a LOT longer to make when she has to decide whether or not to have Twilight restore her memories. She made the decision in a relatively short period of time, and I think she should've spent more time mulling it over.
3576807
I've been getting that a lot. Fine.
Oh, and thanks.
Oh my god! I saw this story when it first came out, but I forgot to click "read later". I also forgot the title, and who wrote it.
I had resigned myself to never seeing the rest of it, when suddenly, I stumbled across your userpage! Yay! I found it!
My thoughts on the story? Yeah, same as everyone else. You've heard it enough, I'll give you a break. Gotta love the twenty minute read time, though!
3669673
Uh, thanks, I guess.
3671069
Good. Guess.
3674913
I'm vaguely discouraged by dropping the ball so badly with the language.
Your story is magic. Thank you.
-The Dreamers
3682439
This comment? Best Christmas present.
3962518
Why, thank you!
That feeling when you have an idea and then someone does it ONE MILLION times better. This is amazing Commie, brilliant piece of work, and I am going to have to read the sequel RIGHT NOW!
3963400
Diane lives.
One of the greatest stories I've read yet
Well. That was an interesting twist on the whole 'wrong mirror pool duplicate survives' idea...
Maybe it was a clone that stayed, why else would Pinkie be so grossly out of character lately?
3971506
Did you read the story?
3971601 Not yet.
But I still stand on what I said.
3971660
Fair enough.
This, this thing you have put before me. MY FEELS ARE SO CONFUSED!
3972768
This story tugged HARD at my heartstrings. I am in love with Pinkie Pie's character. She's so happy and giving all the time, and she always cheers ponies up when they need it. This masterpiece made me cry for a good while reading the last two chapters, knowing what would happen. I'd like to meet you one day so I can personally thank you. For now, though, thank you for writing this, and please keep weaving spells using the written word as your channel. You're extraordinarily talented at it.
4046262
A very worth while twist on the end. A shocking way to turn things upside down on Rainbow Dash.
I've read Pinkamena as parallel universe Pinkie Pie. There have been split/alternate personality Pinkamena-Pinkie Pie. They can be conscious of each other, to totally oblivious of one another's existence.
This is the first time I've read of a Pinkamena 'Diane' Pie who fears her Element of Laughter counterpart. And I believed it. Nice, SC.
4542744
Thanks.
5113076
Honestly, I find speculating on the motivation of anonymous denizens of the internet to be a futile course of action. The results tend to only have a negative impact on my faith in humanity.
In any case, this story was very sad. It wrenched at the heartstrings, and that's how I can tell that it was done well. Thanks for writing.
I have not even read it and I love it.
5233344 Read it now. Still love it.