There's a crime wave gripping the sleepy town of Apple-Morepone, and nopony on the City Watch seems to care. Corporal "Rainbow" M. Dash naps through her patrols, her partner Dobby is an infamous kleptomaniac, Captain Rhymes is a drunkard, and the entire Watch is a group of burnt-out misfits.

They're about to meet a batpony (adopted) by the name of Carrot, visiting town to return an overdue library book.

And none of their lives will ever be the same.

A crossover/homage to the "City Watch" books of Terry Pratchett's Discworld, written to be readable without any familiarity with the series (though they're excellent, and if you do read them you'll catch my Pratchett in-jokes).

Winner of Aragon's "Comedy Is Serious Business" Contest! "I was quoting this offline for days, forgetting where I was remembering the lines from. … This story made me legitimately jealous, both of its cleverness and of its funniness." –Contest judge MrNumbers

Rated ★★★★★ by Louder Yay! "The best comedy I've read in a long time."

"Highly Recommended" by Super Trampoline! (Video review here @ 09:17) "It's 13,000 words long, but it doesn't feel long, because so much fun stuff is happening."

Reviewed by Ghost Mike! "It features meticulously laboured-over prose, rhyming with actual metre for Zecora, perfectly-timed jokes and reveals that are often outrageous, a sneakily clever plot and character investment that works its magic throughout ... This is a phenomenally executed piece of work."

Other reviews: Present Perfect | City of Doors

Thank you to Themaskedferret and Caliaponia for prereading, and GaPJaxie for motivation/inspiration!

"Every time these jokers get knocked out by a flailing unicorn or decide the best plan against a magic-sucking centaur is to fly towards his mouth, I'm the one who makes them look good anyway."

Publicity Stunt is the head of the Wonderbolts PR division. Her job isn't glamorous, or even easy, but it is one she is proud of. And once a week she gets to catch up Equestria's most famous flyers on rumors and news about them that show just how wild an imagination ponies can have.

An entry to Aragon's Comedy (Is Serious Business) Contest with the prompt "We Learned Something Newsworthy" and Manaphy's Wonderful Wonderbolts Contest.

Inspired by and the (unofficial) sequel to FanOfMostEverything's Team Cohesion.

Preread by GPizano and FOME himself.

Edit: Thanks to your efforts this story has now surpassed its rival. Huzzah!

This story is a sequel to Your Money or Your Life

The cunning Queen Chrysalis is back, seeking vengeance upon all of the ponies! To fulfill her desire, but avoid unnecessary exposure, she decides to infiltrate the Crystal Empire and acquire aid from one of its very residents, by seduction, persuasion, or coercion if necessary. That way, she can plot away in safety, utilizing the fool until he outlives his usefulness!

Surely a professional and ambitious upstart with a shady background, who has just been appointed the new Imperial Tax Collector, is the perfect target.

… maybe too perfect?

The Summer Solstice approaches and Equestria prepares for the welcome break, but in Canterlot Celestia plans in secret for the return of Nightmare Moon. Her duty is clear: take the five known Elements of Harmony and cast her own sister from the world forever. So what if her heart shatters into a million pieces? A fair price for the safety of all.

Yet as the hour approaches, Celestia’s resolve weakens as she is haunted by memories of happier times. She starts to entertain an insane, maybe treasonous, plan, but a plan that might just return her sister to her.

But no plan, however well thought out, ever survives execution and as matters spiral out of control strengths sequestered deep within others will surprise even the celestial princess herself. As you well know, this story has a happy ending but it is the journey that matters.

Many thanks to GhostOfHeraclitus and Bradel for prereading above and beyond the call of duty. Seriously it would not exist without their patience.

Vectors used in cover: 1 2

Rainbow Dash can outrun just about everything in Equestria--everything, it seems, except apathy. The mundanity of her job drives her further out of her mind each day. None of yesterday's comforts can soothe her. Even fighting off monsters feels routine.

When Rarity mentions plans for a tropical vacation, Dash sees green (and blue, and whatever sandy color the island is), and sparks a plan. What kind of friend wouldn't accompany Rarity to a remote tropical island for a long weekend of fun?

What kind of friend indeed.

Inspired by Antonio Carlos Jobim's "The Waters of March." Cover art by Paintrolleire.

A phoenix seeking out a good nesting place finds an unexpected connection with the ponies living nearby. Unexpected for her, at least—they've been looking for just this phoenix.

Expanded version of a minific that won 3rd place in the /fic/ write-off "All In."

Featured on Equestria Daily!

Thanks to Chris for letting me bounce a few ideas off him.

Reading by Neighrator Pony.

Stress levels were already high, with Twilight directing her first royal Hearth's Warming pageant and unexpected snowstorms escaping the Everfree. Then the changeling army arrived.

Now, with Queen Chrysalis holding Ponyville hostage and the clock ticking on suspiciously pointless negotiations, it's up to Rarity to match wits with the invaders and save the holiday. However, as she digs ever deeper into the queen's tangled plot, what she learns could force her to choose between her friendships and her conscience.

Off-season note: This is a Hearth's Warming story like Die Hard is a Christmas movie (but with espionage instead of explosions). Don't skip it just because the holiday's over.

Critical praise:

"A high-tension thriller where nothing is what it seems." — Titanium Dragon (rating: "Highly Recommended")

"An entertaining ride from start to finish … watching all the pieces fall into place is fantastic." — Present Perfect (rating: "Highly Recommended")

"Props to horizon for an intricate web of deception. Most writers have difficulty with crafting mysteries … this one, however, had me completely fooled from beginning to end." — PaulAsaran (rating: "Why Haven't You Read This Yet?")

"It’s a rare mystery and thriller that can keep things tense and make the mystery actually tough to guess as you go along, while still feeling like a natural conclusion. ... The end result of layers unveiled and red herrings contradicted makes it sing." — Ghost Mike (rating: "Really Good")

Second-place winner in the "Behind Closed Doors" December writeoff, now expanded and revised! Featured on EqD! Rated "Recommended" by MLPmatthewl419!

Big thanks to Titanium Dragon for post-Writeoff editing assistance.

Comments contain spoilers!

This story is a sequel to Sleeping Arrangements

It's one thing to have a bodyguard as beautiful as she is deadly. It's another thing entirely to be hopelessly in love with her.

Part of the Bodyguard!AU Series, based on Earthsong9405's AU where Twilight is the bodyguard to a "Princess/Queen Rarity". Prior knowledge of the AU is not necessary to read the story, but some knowledge helps.

When Rarity accidentally breaks a mirror, Pinkie decides there's only way to save her crush from seven years of bad luck.

Obviously, the solution is becoming Rarity's personal anti-bad luck bodyguard.

Cover art done by the awesomely talented PinkProposal !

A natural-sensuous beauty the likes of which this pegasus had never seen. Smoldering teal eyes and an inviting smile full of sharp, pearly white teeth and gleaming fangs, a picture quite fetching for any pony drawn to such feminine wiles. Too bad he's not sure if he should trust the accused, changeling or not.

Fortunately, she's more interested in winding him up each and every time he brings her lunch while she awaits trial.

Preread by Rossby Waves.
Written for SPark's Twilight SParkle's Secret Shipfic Folder contest.