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Quoth the raven: "CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW CAW" (Patreon)

Great Scott! 16 stories
Found 14 stories in 54ms

Total Words: 752,372
Estimated Reading: 2 days



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Rock farms are boring places. Igneous Rock Pie and his best friend Cloudy Quartz want out. Unfortunately for them, destiny has other plans.

Written for FanOfMostEverything's Ancestral Tribute contest. Chest out the other stories here!

Chapters (4)

You find love where you find it, and Sunset Shimmer found it somewhere she never thought to even look. But happy as she is, she just can't bring herself to tell her friends about it.

A tale about stolen moments and beef jerky kisses. A down and dirty, good old fashioned love story.

An entry for Oro's Sunset Shimmer Shipping Contest ("Journeys" Edition)

Chapters (1)

There's a crime wave gripping the sleepy town of Apple-Morepone, and nopony on the City Watch seems to care. Corporal "Rainbow" M. Dash naps through her patrols, her partner Dobby is an infamous kleptomaniac, Captain Rhymes is a drunkard, and the entire Watch is a group of burnt-out misfits.

They're about to meet a batpony (adopted) by the name of Carrot, visiting town to return an overdue library book.

And none of their lives will ever be the same.

A crossover/homage to the "City Watch" books of Terry Pratchett's Discworld, written to be readable without any familiarity with the series (though they're excellent, and if you do read them you'll catch my Pratchett in-jokes).

Winner of Aragon's "Comedy Is Serious Business" Contest! "I was quoting this offline for days, forgetting where I was remembering the lines from. … This story made me legitimately jealous, both of its cleverness and of its funniness." –Contest judge MrNumbers

Rated ★★★★★ by Louder Yay! "The best comedy I've read in a long time."

"Highly Recommended" by Super Trampoline! (Video review here @ 09:17) "It's 13,000 words long, but it doesn't feel long, because so much fun stuff is happening."

Reviewed by Ghost Mike! "It features meticulously laboured-over prose, rhyming with actual metre for Zecora, perfectly-timed jokes and reveals that are often outrageous, a sneakily clever plot and character investment that works its magic throughout ... This is a phenomenally executed piece of work."

Other reviews: Present Perfect | City of Doors

Thank you to Themaskedferret and Caliaponia for prereading, and GaPJaxie for motivation/inspiration!

Chapters (5)

Princess Celestia has been planning for this day for years: the return of Nightmare Moon, the restoration of the Elements of Harmony, and the ushering of Equestria into a new age of friendship and love. Now that it's finally arrived, all she has to do is wait for Twilight to get to Ponyville, make some friends, hunt down the Elements, and save the...

Wait, what'd that letter say?

She didn't get on the chariot?

She went to whose party instead?

Oh. Oh, this could be bad. And more importantly, it's gonna need some hooves-on interference from Celestia to get her master plan back on track. But it'll probably all work out in the end. After all, how big a deal could one party be?

Third-place finalist in Aragon's "Comedy (Is Serious Business)" contest

Chapters (2)

Fillydelphia! City of a thousand glittering opportunities! Come to Fillydelphia! Get your mane cut! Divorce your spouse! Buy a chariot! Rent a condo! Fillydelphia! The city that glows like the gin blossoms on its mayor’s face!

Trixie and Gilda have been in Fillydelphia for some time, and it’s almost, but not quite, to their taste. There’s no good work — at least, no good work with monthly paychecks, annual performance reviews and a promotion track that doesn’t involve murder — for a travelling illusionist and an uncertified bouncer, so to cover the rent they’ve had to resort to bad work.

Well, not bad bad work. And certainly not that sort of bad work. The hours are good, the pay is more than adequate, and the people they meet are interesting.

They cater to a certain clientele, ponies who know it’s not just what you have in life that makes you happy, but what you don’t have. Like vengeful rivals. Or snitches. Or nosy detectives.

Or dead bodies.

When that is the particular problem, Gilda and Trixie get a call. For a reasonable price and a good reference, they’ll make your problem disappear...

Chapters (3)

Space Princess Luna returns to New Canterlot to charm her love and root out a dangerous spy known only as The Broker. A tale of space, spears, and thrilling intrigue!

This is a planetary romance and a love-letter to the works of Jack Vance, Robert E Howard, and Ray Bradbury. Expect high camp, purple prose, and space duels.

Chapters (1)

Early one morning, Twilight Sparkle gets up to make some tea.

Sometimes, a cup of tea is just a cup of tea. This is not one of those times.

Chapters (1)

This story is a sequel to Pipsqueak's Day Off

Lickety Split has a big day tomorrow, and all he wants is to relax and prepare.

His friends—Dinky Doo, Pipsqueak, Ruby Pinch and Tootsie Flute—have other plans. They feel he should be celebrating. With copious amounts of alcohol, clover, and loud music.

At least his boyfriend, Rumble, is here to help...

Prepare yourselves for the long-awaited sequel to Pipsqueak's Day Off, a terrifying tale of hubris, indulgence, and weird science!

Chapters (3)

UPDATE: COMPLETE! You may have heard of Pipsqueak. He's a pinto colt, originally from Trottingham, saved Nightmare Night from being abolished seven odd years ago. Know the one I'm talking about? Yes? Good. Since then he's grown into a charming, cultured hedonist who wants to bed near every mare in Ponyville and a good few of the stallions. He has a slender build and some ponies say he has mares' hips, though he feels that those ponies should shut their bloody mouths. His best mate is the gregarious and multi-talented Featherweight, and his other best mate is the stoic trencherpony and excellent cook Chowder.

This is the story of a Friday, and the wee hours of a Saturday. It's a teacher training day, and Pipsqueak and his friends have no school.

In twenty-four hours, a sinister plot to take down a local business is launched, Snips and Snails dabble in the dark magic of Peyuase, a great deal of debauchery occurs, a cocktail of unrivaled destructive power is created and a small fleet of ships are launched! All of this and more, in Pipsqueak's Day Off!

Massive thanks to LittleSallyDigby for help, editing and advice.

Chapters (7)

Octavia has a musical history and a side to herself she'd rather not have to explain outside of Ponyville. Inside Ponyville... well, everything was fine until she spotted Vinyl Scratch. What was she doing here?

Don't panic, Octavia! Don't freak out, don't lose your mind, don't....
Oh well.
(And check out Goombasa's excellent dramatic reading!)
Cover by Page Turner.

Chapters (1)