• Member Since 14th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Neon Czolgosz


"Violence for violence is the rule of beasts" - Barack Obama

T

This story is a sequel to Pipsqueak's Day Off


Lickety Split has a big day tomorrow, and all he wants is to relax and prepare.

His friends—Dinky Doo, Pipsqueak, Ruby Pinch and Tootsie Flute—have other plans. They feel he should be celebrating. With copious amounts of alcohol, clover, and loud music.

At least his boyfriend, Rumble, is here to help...

Prepare yourselves for the long-awaited sequel to Pipsqueak's Day Off, a terrifying tale of hubris, indulgence, and weird science!

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 39 )

This was a little bit hard to understand

Ooh, another story in this setting. Always a treat.

Poor, poor Lickety. Murphy's really working him over tonight. Here's hoping he comes out the other end with some sanity and dignity left to his name. Not terribly likely, I know, but one can always hope.

Also, Dinky is best mad scientist.

Looking forward to more.

Bluh. Someone bothers to upvote this garbage? :facehoof: Meh... might as well join the herd! :twilightsmile:

Fantastic, Finley, just fantastic. Can't wait for more.:rainbowwild:

I love this version of octavia

4856289

That is literally the exact thing I wanted to hear after I wrote her :pinkiehappy:

4855682

Jesus fucking Christ man, you haven't changed a bit. Still the same asshole as always, and here I thought your manners would eventually improve.

Yes, I know you meant both of those particular comments as jokes. They're still shitty.

4856292

Glad to know you like praise .:-P

Quick question; will we actually see vynil in the story?

4856301
4856306

Play nice, kids.

As for Vinyl, not in this story. I do have plans for her, however.

I really, REALLY hope that we don't need to read the clop stories from this universe in order to understand this one... Because, well, I'm kind of one of those people that avoids clop like the plague.

4856688

The non-cloppy Pipsqueak's Day Off will do just fine for background.

4856753 Ah. Well, I've already read that one, so it shouldn't be a problem.

Oh yay, this 'verse is updating again.

... This is the best subversion of Octavia I've seen yet.

Philanthropy etymologically means "love of humanity"

th05.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2012/252/f/b/lyra_heartstrings_by_moongazeponies-d5e6f6u.png

But seriously thanks for teaching me a new word.:twilightsmile:

So the little pony has a little horse problem.

heh.

What happened to the second chapter?

4862448

Posted incomplete version by accident. Full version will be up later today.

4856332

But mooooom!
But yeah, I'll play nice.
Although I have a third question: given that so far in the pipsexy verse real drugs have been substituted with fictional equivalents (clover for marijuana, salt crystals for...something,etc) why is heroin used as is?
Is it for purposes of narrative economy, because it works on horses too, or something else?

4855682

Did you seriously edit your comment to take out that reference to Robin Williams? :-\
I'm...confused

4863670 Yes. A friend whose opinion I value asked me to.

Chucky, joo maek leetle pones do 'horrible theengs...

Keep up da goot vork, ja?:pinkiehappy:

Damn, you just really love pushing the Teen rating, don't you?

Also:

>first chapter ends with Rumble not having arrived yet
>Second chapter begins with Rumble already there, not even showing the moment he arrived.

Sooo... was all that worrying for nothing, or does this just make it worse?

4871903

The worrying was for nothing.

4871959 But something tells me that he's not going to see this message until it's already long past the meeting time, because, y'know, Murphy's Law and all that.

... Glorious.

Well, that resolved itself nicely. Pipsqueak just saved Lickity's sanity. Of course, he did it accidentally, so he still owes the poor colt a mountain of favors. :ajsmug:

Poor Dinky. Seems she inherited some of her mother's luck. At least she's fortunate enough to have a caring boyfriend. They're such a cute nerd couple. It's almost disgusting, in the nicest possible way.

In all, another excellent addition to this world. Such a tumultuous life these ponies lead. Thank you for telling us more about it. :twilightsmile:

I love the characterization of everyone in this little universe of yours. It's brilliant.

what a great story. In any other scenario I would just wright a 500-word love letter about likable charterers, funny jokes, and clever descriptions.

Unfortunately this story is is a squeal, and so it must be coopered to Pipsqueas day of.
In Pipsqueas day of, there was an antagonist, character development, a moral, and most importantly: a beginning, middle and end,

this story doesn't rely end, it just stops, with out anyone learning any thing. and even know some characters have different plans, no one is working directly against Lickety split

and this last point might be a little wired: But why was this a mlp-fanfic?
you wouldn't have to change a lot of words, to make this in to a story about human teenagers with wired names. (all be it an excellent one)

4879654

Unfortunately this story is is a squeal, and so it must be coopered to Pipsqueas day of.
In Pipsqueas day of, there was an antagonist, character development, a moral, and most importantly: a beginning, middle and end,
this story doesn't rely end, it just stops, with out anyone learning any thing. and even know some characters have different plans, no one is working directly against Lickety split

I disagree here. Pipsqueak's Day Off was a standard comedy. Peripheral Tragedies is a different type of story. It's a tragedy, or more specifically, three tragedies, all of which involve Lickety Split but aren't centered around him, hence the title.

Tragedies revolve around a hero with a fatal flaw, and the fatal flaw leads to the hero's downfall. This happens with all three 'heroes' in Peripheral Tragedies:

Dinky is a genius who has the means and mind to revolutionise the smoking-things-in-a-bong industry, but her fatal flaws of impatience and single-mindedness lead to her picking a bad location at short notice, and not guarding her equipment properly. Her work is destroyed and she is left to start over.

Pipsqueak is charming and only wants fun for himself and everypony around him, but his fatal flaws of sensation-seeking and his attitude of 'beg forgiveness rather than ask permission' lead to him passing out half way through the night, his porn career halted, and his party gone.

Ruby Pinch and Tootsie Flute think they can control Octavia & Co for their own ends, and keep them appeased with a mere children's party. This is pure hubris, the classic fatal flaw. They can no more control the musicians than King Canute could stop the tides. As the party crumbles, they are left scrambling and in a worse position than before they brought the musicians down on Lickety's hospitality.

4880480
Of course as far as Tragedies go, this one is very muted because the viewpoint, and therefor a good portion of the focus, is on Lickety and his plight. Lickety's plight is more of a standard comedy: Main Character is forced to play host to his/her friend's antics because he can't work up the courage to tell them off from the beginning, chaos ensues. That's a plot I've seen many times in many forms, but I believe the first time I saw it was A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving back when I was a kid.

Maybe if we had gotten more time to see the three situations develop, then it would be easier to see Lickety's story as merely a framing device for the three tragedies. As it is, I found myself focusing on His plight, and not the other stories going on in the background. Maybe it's just me. Hell, I wouldn't have even noticed the tragedies if it weren't for the title. I can't imagine how hard it would be to spot them for those who don't know what a tragedy is.

4879654

The idea that this fanfic could have been an independent story instead of a fimfic could readily apply to over half the stories on this site. Many stories are "alternate universe/dystopian future with all original characters", and once you take out the characters and setting, what else is left but the fact that your characters aren't human? Well, the themes of friendship, tolerance, and overcoming personal imperfections with the help of others for one. But only a percentage of the aforementioned stories remember that, too. As it is, the universe Chuck has designed does retain those themes (or at least I think it does, feel free to debate my assertion), so I say it's as legitament Fimfiction as anything else.

You write the best teenage debauchery stories. Honestly.

i love the pipsqueks day off so i bet i will love this one to

i was right i did like this story as much as pipsqueaks day off

Oookay. So the plan I had for this one was to comment on every chapter and then move to the next one, probably taking one day to rest between chapters.

That was the plan, and I absolutely failed because after reading the first chapter I went through the other two without pausing for a single second. There are many reasons why this happened, and as I see this story really doesn’t have as many comments as it rightfully should, I’mma explain this shit in detail, goddammit.

I’m only going to quote the first chapter, however, because this comment is way too long for my own health. I actually wonder if you’ll read all the shit I’ve said in here. Wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t. But hey, it took me months to finally be able to read this, so I’m making it count.

I guess that a fine way to start a review would be saying if I liked the story or not. However, seeing how I immediately upvoted and favorite this thing after reading the first chapter, I’m pretty sure you can guess.

I fucking loved it, in case you’re still wondering.

Now, this is a sequel to Pipsqueak’s Day Off, which is probably my favorite story in the site, which meant it was bound to be harshly judged. Or, well, maybe not harshly judged, but it would be compared to its prequel every three seconds, so there’s that. Still manages to stand on its own pretty well, but damn this is so short, god dammit.

Lickety Split was perfectly happy until he read the good news.

Oh hey. That’s a very good opening sentence. Seeing how I usually struggle with those (they have to be either funny or interesting enough to grab the reader), this one pisses me off because I didn’t think about it myself. Fuckin’ dammit.

He brushed his blond mop of mane out from his eyes and giggled in sheer terror.

I wonder how that sounds, actually. A hysterical giggle. “Teeh heeh heAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH”.

The pony who had contributed more to culinary understanding in one decade than a hundred chefs in a lifetime.

I swear to god, because of the way you described this fic to me in that comment, I thought you were talking about Octavia here. I literally spent five minutes reading the words “The Question of Butter” over and over again trying to find some kind of pun or whatever, because I was seriously baffled about this.

Turns out it’s an OC. To which I said: well, fuck.

He was having friends over for drinks tonight, to celebrate his acceptance, full scholarship, and student grant (which had allowed him to pay the deposit for his new cottage) to study Accelerated Food Science at the Canterlot Academy of Arts.

“I’ve been officially recognized as a responsible student LET’S GET SO FUCKED UP WE CAN’T TELL A MARE FROM A TARANTULA AM I RIGHT.”

God. As a college student with his own house, this is so fucking relatable.

The entire cottage had to be immaculate. If his genius future professor and his wealthy supporter saw even a hint of slovenliness they’d know what an underprepared, mediocre clod he really was, and that would be it.

Serious talk here: I actually like how Lickety Split is such a neurotic, nervous wreckage of a pony. Gives him a hint of personality that I didn’t really feel in Pipsqueak’s Day Off—in that story he wasn’t that much a character as he was a set piece, but that’s mostly because he was in the background and didn’t really have a big role in the plot. If I remember correctly (I read that one like a year ago or so) he was just another obstacle to Pip, and his character arch was based on his homosexuality. However, one didn’t really feel like he had, well, a personality after that. He was shy-ish, I guess? Kind of insecure? And in love with Pip, too. That’s what I recall.

Here, however, he has this nice depth. He’s neurotic, nervous, gets hysterical easily, likes to cook, and I get the feeling you tried to make him as adorable as possible. What a cute little fella.

After reading about the huge jerk that was Pipsqueak, it’s kind of a nice change. Somebody more relatable, with more flaws.

the only friend his age who dabbled in culinary science

Cakes, lasagna, paella, hard drugs… Look, in the end, cookin’s cooking.

Dinky Doo dealt a mixture of legal, dubiously-legal and flagrantly illegal substances to half of Ponyville, and knew the financial state of every user in town before even they did.

So more or less she’s a cuter version of Vito Corleone. Then again, Vito never dealt with drugs. So, if anything, she’s the prettier, eviler version of Vito Corleone.

She has a very cute moment at the end of the fic, tho, so I won’t judge her.

“Lickety I need your kitchen for reasons.”

Again, as a college student with his own house, this is so fucking relatable.

The only other people in town are the Cakes, those fascists...”

There’s a huge story behind those words, I‘m sure of it. Probably full of explosions and Mrs Cake screaming that, goddamit, no, you can’t cook drugs at our oven, for fuck’s sake. Last time you did, Pinkie mistook your salts for sugar and she’s never been the same afterwards.

“I’m creating a clover plant with naturally-occurring salts crystals in the flowers.”

Okay, wait a second. In this universe, clover is more or less marijuana, right? Or so I thought, because afterwards they talk about opium.

So I guess opium/marijuana does not equal clover, thereby destroying every single headcanon I had about pony drugs in here. Salt is cocaine, or that softer thing you also sniff with a name I can never remember. I don’t know shit about drugs.

So, more or less: Dinky is trying to create a marijuana plant that grows cocaine too. Well, that’s a huge fucking deal, I guess.

Also, wait a second. There are salt bars in Equestria. One is shown in the Appeloosa episode. So I guess I got the drugs wrong? Fuck. I seriously need to know more about this kind of thing.

And talking about drugs—this might be just me looking too much into things, but I particularly like how the use of drugs is shown in this entire universe. While I really believe this is a very personal thing, I’ve seen that many authors use some substances with the same symbolic meaning—coffee tends to be romantic and melancholic, so a character drinking it will probably be contemplative ‘n stuff; tea is more elegant and is seen as a softer, safer beverage, so it’s shown in social circumstances and in moments when the characters need to feel safe.

And then there’s alcohol and drugs, which more often than not symbolize self-destruction for reasons that are pretty obvious.

Now, what I mean with “self-destruction” doesn’t mean shit like the characters wanting to destroy themselves and stuff. Well, it might, but not always. What I think those substances usually mean, even if the author doesn’t really notice (because this is a social thing, after all) is more or less carelessness. The character that does drugs and doesn’t suffer consequences later is a character that’s willing to sacrifice his future for the sake of the present.

Again: this is fucking obvious, but I like to ramble about this shit so blargh. While I don’t believe this is true in real life, whenever I see a character in fiction drinking alcohol at the level of getting seriously drunk, or doing drugs for the sake of a party or a good time, it’s always a character without forethought, that likes to live the moment. It’s this “better to live fully than to live longer” philosophy that’s so indicative of rock stars and the like.

And I actually believe it fits the story pretty well. Drugs can symbolize loss of control, a complete and absolute destruction of one’s life, or mere will to enjoy the moment and live life at its fullest, never caring about tomorrow. That last part describes Pip and the crew quite perfectly, in my opinion. Of course, in this universe there are consequences—and in fact every character in this story suffers from them. And even without that, the mere appearance of drugs and alcohol prophesies the latter existence of a hangover.

So yeah. It probably wasn’t intentional, but that’s what I take from the constant references to drugs in this fic. Food for the thought, I guess.

Pipsqueak was warm and close against him, close enough that he could smell the hint of aftershave he wore, and the soft scent of cinnamon and wood and sex was enough to make his head spin.

Seriously, Pip is so much of a sex god, he would be a Mary Sue if it wasn’t because that’s probably the only part of his personality that’s not a flaw. I love this character so much.

Rumble was a gorgeous pegasus, kind, daring, funny, impossibly supportive, and the best boyfriend a colt like Lickety could wish for.

Yeah, his parents knew from the moment he was born he would be an awesome boyfriend. It’s like Pound Cake. You hear their names and immediately go “yeah that one’s gonna break the fucking bed tonight.”

“Yeah. So here’s what’s gonna happen. First, we’ll give you the once-over, make sure you’re feeling completely ready for the meeting, and make sure you’re ready to sweep them off their hooves. Second, we’ll help clean your cottage top-to-bottom, to your specifications. I mean, this is already the tidiest house of any teenager I’ve ever seen, but if there’s anything else to sort out, we’ll do it for you. Third, you need a positive attitude, which means relaxing and having some fun.”

Okay, so maybe Pip is not just flaws when it comes to personality. That, or he has an insane amount of charisma, because he said exactly what he had to say in this situation.

However, he follows this up by fucking everything up so much everybody has to be drugged for the situation to solve itself, so… Yeah. Look, the thought is what matters here. You’ll get it right the next time, Pip. We believe in you. You fucking disgrace.

“You brought a crate of bourbon here! Pip, buddy, you have to get rid of it, the last time you brought a crate of bourbon to a party things got set on fire!”

PIP THERE ARE LIMITS AT HOW MUCH OF A FUCKUP ONE CAN BE GODDAMMIT.


Also, small pause here to ramble for a little bit—after finishing the story I thought Split wasn’t that much a protagonist as he was a part of an ensemble; it’s just that we see everything from his point of view. Then I saw that comment of yours that explains that the story is actually three tragedies, and so my suspicion is confirmed.

Still, what a waste. Split is a nice character, but Dinky, Pip, Ruby, and Tootsie are interesting as hell, too. Some expansion on this would have been amazing.

In fact, fuck, this story should be longer. The story’s pacing is okay, but you could have interwoven the scenes in here with scenes from the POV of Pip and the others, and the pacing wouldn’t have suffered at all.

True, that would have made this story way bigger than it is now, and I guess that wasn’t your intention, but damn there are so many stories to tell here. Featherweight barely appears, for example. And Chowder never gets to talk!

And I’m afraid the story suffers from it—it feels small, in the sense that there’s something missing. It’s like reading just the first three chapters of a book. This feels like part of a story, not a story per se.

The main problem I see here is that this is a long story told in the way of a short story. If the plot had been simpler, with less characters and less implied plots here and there, it would have felt more complete. This, however, can be easily expanded in a thousand parts and it feels natural. It has way too much potential to be wasted in a short three-parter. That’s actually a flaw, I believe, and probably the only one I’m going to point out because I’m a fucking fangirl and I’m having a hell of a time here. Wooo. Go me.

“yah a lot of ponies say they’re fans but none of them have any heroin”

Okay, this entire exchange—and everything Octavia-related in this story—made me laugh like a maniac. This also marked the moment when I stopped wondering just what the fuck did Octavia do in the kitchen to become a master chef, which was also a relief.

But yeah, this was comedy gold, in the darkest possible way. I think I’ve mentioned before just how tired I am of all those fics with the exact same fucking characterization for every background pony. Octavia is stiff, Vinyl is a party animal that likes dubstep, Lyra is quirky, Bon Bon is down-to-earth. Blargh. This is supposed to be a website for writers, the least you can offer is some fucking imagination.

So seeing this is refreshing as hell. A heroin-addicted Octavia, played for laughs. That’s definitely a new one, and it’s a characterization that makes sense—I’m not a party guy, but I am a musician. I studied classical music for six years, and I can safely say that the world of classical music is way wilder than most people imagine. Think a rock star, but change the electric guitar with an oboe, and you more or less get the picture.

So yeah, Octavia saying she was so high she didn’t even notice Pinkie dry-humping her in the middle of the gig makes a lot of sense. I’ve seen things like that, and you don’t even need to be high—playing a two-hours concert with a hangover is an experience I don’t recommend. The conductor was feeling so sick the baton flew away from his hand and hit a trumpet on the face in the middle of a song. Nobody even blinked. Not because we were prepared or cold-hearted, we just didn’t notice because half of us was suffering a hangover and the other half was high as a skyscraper.

And that was a professional orchestra in a music battle. Imagine if we hadn’t taken it seriously. In other words: kudos to this Octavia, goddammit. Made me remember the old times and crack a rib laughing.

Rumble was here and everything would be okay.

I gotta say, I loved the interactions between Rumble and Split. Rumble’s such a sweetheart, dear freaking hell. I know you have a story with them somewhere, and I know it’s clop, but after this I’m going to read it anyway because it’s a couple that I really like. Also because I want to see what Rumble sees in Split.

Don’t get me wrong—they feel like a couple, but between this entire story being told completely from Spit’s POV and how it’s so short, one doesn’t exactly know what Rumble gets from Split. He offers Split the safety he really needs, especially in this kind of situation, but for all I’ve seen, Split just offers a really cute face.

Which, hey, it’s more than most people can offer.

“Oh, you poor thing, not again. C’mere, gimme a hug.” The lanky, cream coated pegasus wrapped his wings over the unicorn, cuddling her gently.
“It always happens, and I just don’t know what went wrong...”
“It doesn’t always happen, you’ve had loads of successful experiments, you’ve just had a bad month is all, okay?”
“Mm’hmm,” she sniffled.
“Come on, come with me. You wanna get some waffles and ice-cream?”
She shook her head.
“You want me to read science-fiction to you?”
She shook her head.
“You wanna get some waffles and ice-cream while I read science-fiction to you?”
There was a pause, and then a slow, soft nod.
“Come on, then. Let’s get some waffles and ice-cream, then”
“A-and science-fiction.”
“And science-fiction. Come on, Dinks, you can ride me for once.”

OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS WAS THE MOST ADORABLE THING I’VE READ IN MY WHOLE FUCKING LIVE THOSE TWO ARE TOO PURE FOR THIS SINFUL EARTH.

Wait. Dinky’s a druglord.

Well doesn’t matter LOOK AT THEM GODDAMMIT WHY DIDN’T YOU GIVE THESE TWO MORE SCREENTIME AAAAAARGH.

Pipsqueak opened the door a crack. His hoodie was gone, and he reeked of sweat and hormones. “Hey, Lickey! I’m having sex with Diamond Tiara, and Silver Spoon is filming it. Wanna watch?”

And this one fucked me up. Wasn’t Pip Scoot’s boyfriend? I’m absolutely sure he was by the end of Day Off, and Scootaloo refers to him in that fashion at the end of the fic. Is Pip cheating here?

I mean, it doesn’t look like it, seeing how Split reacts, but I guess that means Scootaloo and Pip have an open relationship? Which hasn’t really been established. Seriously, I feel like I’m missing something here.



Aaaand yeah this went over 3000 words. That’s a new record. In case you didn’t notice, I really liked this one. The characters felt human, the pacing was fast, the story was easy to read and follow, the plot was enjoyable, and the jokes were incredibly funny. You really know how to get the rhythm of those things—everything involving Octavia was great, and the end of the second chapter is an amazing way to end a chapter on a high note.

However, it’s not a perfect story—I seriously believe it’s way too short. And I don’t mean it in a fangirl, oh-please-write-moar-lfmao sense. I mean it as a person who enjoys stories—it feels like you were planning a full-length story and decided to leave it like this afterwards. No idea if that was what happened, thought. But some very interesting character are introduced, and you barely stop to let them shine. As it is, the story is insanely fun and provides a great example of an anti-showlike comedy… but it could have been memorable, man. Memorable.

But yeah I just spent like two hours writing this comment. Pretty sure that means the positive outweighs the negative.

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You're definitely right about the pacing—I was trying for a Wodehouse-ish effect with several tangled plots all crashing into one another within a very short story, but it was A) too much in too small a space and B) not connected enough to work as a coherent whole. It feels like a stew that hasn't been left to simmer long enough: The components are there, but the color isn't quite right, the meat is still chewy, and the flavours haven't been bought out yet.

Your comment made my evening, by the way, and I've been re-reading it on and off for the last hour. Thank you very kindly!

Omg if I get a boyfriend that is ANYTHING like Rumble I am never letting go! :heart::rainbowwild:

I don't think this stood up to its prequel, but a big part of that is the smaller word count. There was so much going on that I didn't want to rush through it. 7k words as a sequel to 47k... it felt rushed. Now, that's thematic as well: it adds to the chaotic feel of the party that the reader can no more slow down and see individual aspects play out than Lickety can slow it down enough to control any of it. Still, in terms of enjoying the story, this time I don't think less was more.

But when the worst you can say about a story is that it coulda been longer...

Have another upvote.

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