Fillydelphia! City of a thousand glittering opportunities! Come to Fillydelphia! Get your mane cut! Divorce your spouse! Buy a chariot! Rent a condo! Fillydelphia! The city that glows like the gin blossoms on its mayor’s face!
Trixie and Gilda have been in Fillydelphia for some time, and it’s almost, but not quite, to their taste. There’s no good work — at least, no good work with monthly paychecks, annual performance reviews and a promotion track that doesn’t involve murder — for a travelling illusionist and an uncertified bouncer, so to cover the rent they’ve had to resort to bad work.
Well, not bad bad work. And certainly not that sort of bad work. The hours are good, the pay is more than adequate, and the people they meet are interesting.
They cater to a certain clientele, ponies who know it’s not just what you have in life that makes you happy, but what you don’t have. Like vengeful rivals. Or snitches. Or nosy detectives.
Or dead bodies.
When that is the particular problem, Gilda and Trixie get a call. For a reasonable price and a good reference, they’ll make your problem disappear...
Okay, this is awesome.
Somebody likes Philip K. Dick, I see.
Why do they call it a hacksaw? I don't get it.
Anyway, I like this. Especially Trixie's Photo Finish impression.
Opening lines made this instantly favable.
3139311 Awesome? Awesome!? Awesome doesn't even begin to describe it! My friend, What we have here is another lesson in how to write a gritty entertaining story.
3139311 Fucking* awesome.
Best shit I've read in a long time, Chuck.
I feel like this should be coming out of Pulp Fiction.
So good.
This is written in the wrong tense. It should be past-tense, like the rest of the story.
1. I've never understood why "hay" is considered some kind of replacement-swear for "hell" when "heck" does the job much better.
2. This last part here makes the entire sentence feel like a run-on. Almost like Gilda can't stop to take a breath. I'd have written it as:
I giggled a bit at this, if only because it comes right after a sentence or two about a heroin addict. Was that intentional?
Missing a pronoun.
Should be a question.
Needs a space.
Say, I'm noticing Gilda doesn't eat meat. I find that odd since Griffons happen to be half-eagle, half-lion, both of which are carnivores. It would have been cute/funny to see Gilda chowing down on a fish taco only to gross out Trixie.
"Ugh! I don't understand why you Griffons could stand eating the flesh of others..."
"Trix, it's a fish. It's nopony you know. Scout's honor."
The chapter ends too abruptly with not a whole lot happening. You should really only ever end a chapter when the tone of the story changes. For example:
Chapter 1: Gilda and Trixie set out to dispose of a body. They have some blah-blah scenes that help set up what they're doing, why they're doing it, etc. When they drop off the body, they turn around to return to their vehicle... only to find a young colt has witnessed them disposing the body!
Chapter 2: Trixie and Gilda chase the colt, despite neither of them really understanding what it is they wanna do when they catch him. (I mean, killing a kid...?) (etc, etc.)
All in all, it's good that you're writing more non-clop fanfics, Chuck. But the start-up to this story is too slow to be considered a crimefic, with much of these scenes feeling far too fluffy to stay interesting. The writing style -- especially the dialogue -- just feels sloppy compared to what I've seen you produce before. I have high hopes for this fic, if only because Trixie and Gilda working together to dispose of bodies is a great concept to work with, but the story itself will need some serious polish if it wants to reach out and grab my interest by the balls.
Watching this, because this is a true dark, entertaining story
A Chuckfinley story that isn't clop? It's been way too long since I've seen that.
Sorry but can't upvote. Well written, but the topic is... wrong.
*reads* ... Wow
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3139335 because the tool is called a hacksaw. It is pretty much a mini bow saw used for pipe and the like.
Btw, dear author. Two things. First, The Great and Powerful Trixie demands more chapters
Secondly, you have a coping saw for your story cover. Unless they want to delicately cut someone apart it, no workie. Thicker bones usually need (at minimum) a bow saw and a pair of bolt cutters or a reciprocating saw for the rib cage and spine. (I do a lot of big game hunting)
By the way, this isn't intended as criticism. I have no idea how dark you want to get with this story, but should you want help with the gory details, just send me a message.
This is going to be well and truly awesome. Both characters are recognizable, but have clearly been doing this for a while; they've both developed considerably from canon, and they have a great rapport going. I'm definitely looking forward to more, especially how they got into this messy business in the first place.
Also:
I found this funnier than I probably should.
I'm not sure why, but I'm a bit squeamish..
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Re: Hay/Hell/Heck- in that line's defense, "Hay" as the standard euphemism is canonical to the world of Equestria as presented in the show. As first reader I apologize for missing all the typos though I'll also stand in defense of Gilda's run-on there because I think she is supposed to be saying all of that in one breath.
Also Gilda does eat meat- she mentions "I could kill for some fish right now", which Trixie doesn't react to. And in defense of that characterization they're disposing of a dead body together, one measly fish isn't something a hardened pro is going to bat an eyelash at.
I also respectfully disagree on the start-up being "slow". For a pulse-pounding crimefic, yeah, maybe. I approved the cut-off for the chapter mostly because I read Wholesale as being a crimefic in subject and a dark comedy more than anything in genre.
Am I the only one who read varnish in the title the first time?
Great story! Liked, fav'd, and impatiently waiting for more.
The way things are going, it seems like the title should be "We'll Dismember It For You, Wholesale"...
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Comment deleted for frank discussion of suicide, not because there's anything wrong with it as such, but because there's no option to hide it from readers. Sorry.
3152339
Whoops, apology mine.
Didn't think that through, unfortunately
tags "dark" "comedy" "slice of life"
this is a type of story I almost never see and because this is chucks story I know he is going to deliver.
also getting to see more of the Gilda and Trixie bromance is a real treat.
Well the abscess part was incredibly gross, but Trixie tossing cookies was hilarious.
i.imgur.com/48s2O.jpg
Get it? Because body parts? Dunno if that works for ponies though...
I did laugh my ass off though! 'Specially around the absess part.
Also:
imageshack.us/a/img33/5764/likethischapter.jpg
Time for editing:
Given the apostrophe hinting at a shortening of the word for conveying a specific method of speech, it should probably be:
Dawwww.
I want a pet snapperdoodle...
...to give to my neighbor's little yappy poofter dog WHO RELIEVES HIMSELF ON MY LAWN AND BARKS AT 2 IN THE BLOODY MORNING!!
On an unrelated note, I really like your approach to Trixie and Glida's characters.
What's a Snapperdoodle?
Chuck. Seriously. I cannot even begin to describe the combined feeling of absolute disgust, macabre fascination and and uncleanliness I got from reading this chapter. A snapperdoodle sounds like some eyeless, slithering monstrosity that oozes slime and is born from just the most unspeakably vile fluids imaginable, and I could barely hold back my breakfast as I read. The thought of Trixie vomiting just added fuel to the revolting fire, and I hate you for even writing it.
Hurry up and get the next chapter out! It's getting good!
3188564
A smallish, carnivorous, pack-hunting reptile/bug thing.
In my mind they resemble the Paramites from Oddworld.
Bwahahaha! Trixie doesn't flinch from dismembering a pony, even to ripping its entrails out, but the smell from a simple dental abscess makes her toss her cookies? The air is rich in the sweet perfumes of Irony and Schadenfreude.
Great chapter!
The dialogue is hilarious!
Oh My Holy Lord. I wanna read more! D: That END can't be there! IS NOT ALLOWED!
Aww, it's over already? You cruel bastard.
This was great. I love them dropping the body on that asshole cop car. I hope she died :)
3278808
Aye, it was only a taster, before I get back to Banishment Decree proper.
3278920
Holy shit I forgot you write that too. Oh god I love you
Sweet, love the action/comedy/criminal stuff.
The police officer was probably the best part of this.
Holy fuck, this is funny. I actually laughed out loud, multiple times, while reading this.
imageshack.us/a/img33/5764/likethischapter.jpg
Wait. End?
END?!
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN 'END' -
Oh. Well. Carry on.
Holy crap, these two get into some deep trouble really easily.
Oh, and "Rock Slabchest?" Been watching the MST3K version of Space Mutiny?
I'm content that admitting this made me laugh probably indicates some sort of deeper issues, but as long as they let me be entertained by your work I'm okay with them.
3188564
Half snake, half spider, lives in Double Australia.
Fucking awesome.
*Snort* Sometimes it's the little things that push you over the edge, like a dental abscess.
Oh, this is brilliant!
3278920 Well, that is definitely good news, then. Short but sweet. So, officer got crushed? Please, oh please she got crushed?
This is the most disgusting thing I have ever read. I want more!
this will be the inspiration for the ponified movie of Total Recall
Snapperdoodle sounds very...Discworld-esque
That was disturbingly beautiful.
Just...I can't even...I missed these stories so much...it's been a while since the last time I was on FiMfiction, (mostly for reasons) but this is like rediscovering a treasure that sort of faded out of your life for a while but came back in a sudden blaze of glory. I think the tribalist guard has to be my favorite of all the antagonists so far. She's just so goddamn ruthless!
Brilliant