• Member Since 14th Nov, 2016
  • offline last seen Last Friday

Botched Lobotomy


Imprisoned (without charges) by the Paw Patrol

T
Lo,

Rock farms are boring places. Igneous Rock Pie and his best friend Cloudy Quartz want out. Unfortunately for them, destiny has other plans.


Written for FanOfMostEverything's Ancestral Tribute contest. Chest out the other stories here!

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 13 )

They let me leave. I never understood my parents.

Well that certainly raises them in my estimation, they didn't make a fight of it nor did they consider their plans more important than him. In truth, it seems he never gave them any particular indication that he wasn't pleased with this path laid out for him. Rock ponies being of such stoic mien, dissatisfaction is separated from enthusiasm by barely more than a raised or lowered eyebrow.

He is a passionate one no? Much sound and fury.

It was a tiny building, pebble-hard, full of pebble children worn hard in its own image.

I'm digging this vivid imagery in quite a major way.

They were telling me about the Choosing yet again, the steps and the specific rituals, the individual pieces that made up the gallows I would swing on

In particular this portion here. It holds so much... gravity? If only I could speak like Igneous rock, so blunt with his word-choice, yet so emotional.

I'm already in love with this!

Aragon #4 · Oct 17th, 2022 · · · So ·

This was really good!!

Holy shit, I don't know what I was expecting, but this definitely surpassed expectations. The prose is super good; Igneous' voice comes through super clearly, and the gravitas of it gives it so much flavor.

Because that's the word, right? This is super flavorful. The way the narration goes is so tasty, so stylistic; the way Igneous constantly diverges and goes back to the topic and hand, the imagery, the quiet tragedy of their lives running away. Christ, I enjoyed this prose so much I'm struggling to put it into words.

The structure, too; the scenes flow into each other so cleanly. The chapter that ends with the letter is an obvious reference point; the way the next chapter starts with a cold "six seconds was the current estimate, three for my mother". The unsppken sadness of it! I love how Igneous' mood is never fully shown, only implied, and it works so well because of it.

The ending, too; the unexpected miracle of Pinkie and all that implies. There so much melancholy in how Igneous' dream is only fulfilled through his daughters. Good melancholy, but still.

Spectacular job, overall. That this isn't gathering more attention is a genuine crime. I'm going to bully my friends into reading it. Massive congratulations on the inevitable prize; you've earned it twofold. Fucking 'ell.

Exquisite work, especially that bit at the end and just what Pinkie symbolizes to this Igneous. (Also, "Tuff Schist Granite Stone" may be the most hilariously over-the-top name I've seen in quite some time.) I especially love Berry's comment on Igneous's alien nature; it says volumes about how little of this turmoil shows on the surface. Thank you for an incredible glimpse at a life of raging against the machinery of fate. Best of luck in the judging.

11396330
Thanks! His voice was uh
Quite hard to nail down, but I'm glad it's working for you!

11396575
:raritystarry: :raritystarry: :raritystarry:

Thank youuuu I'm glad you enjoyed, tasty crunchy prose is what I aim for! Comments like this that make the going to bed at 8am all worth it.

Also

Massive congratulations on the inevitable prize

Idk, I saw some big names enter this one. Some Aragon fella or something, I'm not sure. Seemed intimidating.

11396870
I'm glad you liked Berry's little segment! I was agonising over whether to keep it in there, so it's good to hear it works. Thanks for running the contest!

I have been bullied by someone who will go unnamed to read this.

This is tremendous. I wish there was more of this on fimfiction -- deeply personal fiction as a lesser known character's fascinating life is explained in understated detail in their own voice. It's filled to the brim with character, but it doesn't burst with it -- the restraint on ye olde folk talke was much appreciated. I'm sure I'll always think of this story whenever I see Igneous's name.

My only gripe was that there was not more of their childhood lives, more details of what Cloudy and Igneous got up to and more about their foalhood friends, but when the reader is wanting more, is that really a criticism?

Great work! Hope you do well when the contest shakes out.

11407488
Thanks so much!

Yeah, the ye olde folk talke was a tricky thing to try to balance -- I'm glad Igneous's voice comes through in it, even if it doesn't quite match the level of the show's thys and thees.

Re your gripe: I don't normally like to plug my own stuff, but if you're looking for something similar with a bigger chunk of childhood, A Life Lived in Hundreds follows Granny Smith and fits the description pretty perfectly. :raritywink:

Wait it's his father who died right? Not his mother? Because Pinkie grew up with Granny Pie. Unless that was Pinkie's great grandmother.

This is amazing. Love it so much

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