• Member Since 25th Mar, 2015
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

The Hat Man

Specialties include comedy, robots, and precision strikes to your feelings. Hobbies include hat and watch collecting. May contain alcohol.


This story is a sequel to The Iron Horse: Everything's Better With Robots!

Introducing your family to your girlfriend can be tough. Not telling your family that your girlfriend is a ROBOT is not going to make it any easier...

After over a year together, Maud Pie is finally introducing Turing Test, her robot girlfriend, to her parents. The real problem: her traditionalist parents have the final say on her partner, and now she and Turing only have until Hearth's Warming Day to win the Pie family's approval. If they fail, then the only Hearth's Warming gift they'll be receiving is heartbreak.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 61 )

Oh, Yes.
Totally reading now.

And now that I've finished, this was far too cute.
Or maybe just the right amount?

Thanks for writing.
And I hope there are still more stories to tell.

Simply wonderful. Why say anything more?

I was not expecting this, but I shall cherish it all the same.

It's difficult to picture Marble talking so much, or at all

Damn you!! Now the song is stuck in my head now 🤣

“Twilight Sparkle is not precisely—” she began before stopping herself. “Understood. You are joking with me, Maud Pie.”

I'd say technically yes twilight would be considered her mother

“It’s about the same, but instead of being about the founding of the country, it’s about celebrating the birthday of a human who told everyone to be nice and treat everyone like friends. And then he died but… became a zombie? A good zombie. I’m not sure, human traditions still confuse me. But at least we get time off from school, so that’s nice!”

I concur human traditions are definitely weird

“My thanks, Sunset Shimmer. Gadget - this world’s version, I should clarify - suggested that this would be an appropriate costume for a robot to wear. I am apparently a character from a ‘video game’ with the moniker ‘2B.’ I have received a large number of positive comments on my appearance despite a disturbingly large number of humans who have stated that it also ‘gave them depression.’ Should I be concerned?”

That's an absolute great costume for her to wear. Has Turing played videogames yet?

Pinkie reached up to her head and yanked on a hidden zipper. Pinkie’s visage split in two and revealed a familiar gray face beneath.

My god... that was actually creepy

The speaker burst forth wearing a lab coat, her eyes concealed behind goggles as she raised her hands, now clad in black rubber gloves, in triumph.

Dr horrible!!!!

“Actually,” Gadget said, pointing to the thin mustache painted on her upper lip, “I’m Young Frankenstein! Not that anyone has gotten the reference yet…” she added with a grumble.

Damn.. not the reference I was thinking at all. What is that referencing anyway?

“I see. Do you… prefer it to my pony form?”

I kinda do

“It was a pleasure to enjoy these moments with you for this holiday, Maud Pie,” Turing said. “I will miss you greatly when you return to your studies. I look forward to your next visit during the next holiday season after Hearth’s Warming.”


“Affirmative,” Turing said. “Initiating sulking sequence.” She made a show of crossing her arms and turning away as she had observed humans doing. “Sulking commenced. I am upset that you did not inform your family members of who I am, or even what I am.”

Awww that's cute

Cobbler smirked. “Then I shall get started on that modification this very instant, Turing Test,” he said, turning back to his work. “That new hoof will be ready in a few weeks, just in time for Hearth’s Warming. Do be sure that it won’t go to waste.”

What new hoof?

“My apologies,” Turing said, releasing her. “I have been meaning to install a new warming mechanism to my outer frame, but my duties have distracted me from completing such work.”

She can be like baymax

As they all left, Maud lingered in the foyer and subtly looked up at the ceiling, hearing Turing’s heavy hoofsteps on the second floor.

I'm surprised she hasn't fallen through the old floorboards

“Nothing of vital importance, Pinkie,” Turing replied. “But it seems that Maud has at least secured temporary assurance that your family will allow me the chance to prove that I am a satisfactory significant other for you sister. It is my hope that they will grow to appreciate me as she does.”

Don't you mean your sister?

I hated the art style of the new batman adventures. Batman TAS was far better

What song? I think I missed it.

Well, TT has lips now. They're just attached to another pony until she can get defrosted.

Aww, this was just sweet. Great job on another great story!

Ah, that was quite nice; thank you for it. :)

First chapter spends a decent amount of time in the human world. I figured it was worth it to be up front with any readers in case they really hate EQG.

You should probably discard the Eqg tag altogether. It is not relevant to the story and will only discourage those who dislike it from reading.

People will simply assume the entire story works around Eqg if it is in the tags.

“It seems to mine eyes that this ‘robot’ is, in a manner of speaking, merely another Boulder.”

Maud’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly.


The song stuck in my head is the "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" version from the 2018 Grinch film with the West Side Story carolers.

Well, since it's been brought up more than once, maybe that's a good point. I've removed it.


That's Discordian-worthy invocation there.

(And no, it does not mean glue!)

"I have been meaning to install a new warming mechanism to my outer frame, but my duties have distracted me from completing such work.”

Well, this chapter just made that mechanism a priority...

Definitely Ponyville-adjacent.

We got on blue ray this year and watched it, it was quite good.

Turing nodded. “I do have a younger brother, Limestone Pie,” she replied. “However… I do not think he is your type.”

Her younger brother, most likely not... Her older sister, on the other hand...

Their hatef:flutterrage:ks would be the stuff of legends.

Thank you for another extremely heartwarming special. This really does bring back good times...thank you.

Look at me, I am the first comment

Also, references aside, it doesn't really make sense that Equestrians would get that glue used to be made from horse hooves here on Earth. I mean, I doubt that Equestrians take the hooves of their dead relatives to make glue.

Yes, I am fun at parties.

“Ha… ha?” Igneous said, forcing a smile.

The only reason that smile was forced was because he was dying on the inside. That was such a perfect dad joke, he now realizes he is inferior and is destined to be replaced.

Damn you, Mr Hat Man! While some conjure rabbits, you summon onion-ninjas. Fowl, evil things.

I am so glad this went well, even if Maud did get A Christmas Story treatment at the end.

-_Ƣ ~ Stay classy.

“Soooo,” Pinkie said after a few moments of silence among the group. “Um… how’s the rock harvest this year?”

If vegetable farmers try to get rid of rocks in their fields, do rock farmers try to get rid of vegetables?

The problem is that they’re really traditional. And you aren’t a very traditional girlfriend

And of course the fact that it's a same-sex relationship doesn't actually matter. Because they're traditional, but with Equestrian traditions.

put him through the ringer

That's "the wringer", as in something that wrings. You can hopefully see from that definition how the phrase came about.

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