It's time for Lil Cheese to learn about the birds and the bees.
And everypony wants to help.
Surely nothing can go wrong.

Written for the Dialogue Only contest.

"Your entry was one of the first fics to make me laugh out loud in a long time. Well done!" - Perfectly Insane

"This was one of, if not THE funniest fics that you have ever made!" - Mc Duck Fan 10

"This fic was so good that it has convinced me to join this contest, just for the opportunity to be judged against it." - AndwhatIseeisme

2347837

Twilight attempts to get herself fired from a retail job. It's harder than it looks.

Especially since she's a princess.

Featured on 11/30/17! Oh my stars, thank you all so much!

It's an ordinary day in Ponyville, until Applejack says Twilight is purple. She should have known better.

Prereader: CoffeeBean

Para español: Aquí

Please see title. Or, alternatively: everypony in Equestria wakes up gay and must deal with the devastating consequences. There, I hope that explained a bit more.

Seriously, that's it. Succinct is my middle name! (Actually, I kinda wish it was. That would be so cool.)

So it turns out ponies like to race cars around sometimes.

Except none of them know about drifting.

This will not stand.

Twilight Sparkle and her friends have weathered many challenges. And now Sunset Shimmer and her friends have faced their fair share. But events are happening worlds away with effects that will ripple across the multiverse. The only ones that will survive are the ones that stick together.

...Yeah, we're in good hands hooves.

A massive multiplayer crossover. We're starting with Sonic, Doctor Who, and both prime and high-school-alternate-universe ponies, but others can and will show up. Many others.

This fic will not be completed, at least not as written. I just don't have the energy to devote to Pony Fic, at least not one of this magnitude. (Didn't help that the chapters are all listed at date of upload instead of publish and therefore didn't update the "updated fics" box on the front page, but I'll own that.) A synopsis of the remaining story is here.

I do feel like what's here is a complete story arc, at least as far as Pinkie Pie is concerned..

Cover photo by Israel Piña via Unsplash.

He had done it. The giant demon that had masterminded the invasion of Earth was dead, and Hell was in shambles. All that was left was to backtrack through Hell and go home to help rebuild the ruined planet...
But of course, it's never that easy. Just one wrong turn, and he arrives from Hell itself into a land filled with pastel-colored ponies. How will the man who had just destroyed Hell adjust to the sudden peacefulness after all he had been through? And is Hell really destroyed for good?

One Doctor has just had himself removed from his universe in order to save it. The other is traveling alone after a disagreement with his wall-eyed companion. They are in for just a bit of a surprise when their TARDISes collide in transit.

Geronimo.

Pinkie knows that being a baker means taking a lot of responsibility for your product. The bread has to rise with Celestia. Nopony needs to go through Round Two on the Baked Bads. And if at all possible, you should absolutely avoid serving the kind of 'donuts' which summon an eldritch horror from beyond space and time to destroy the world.

The Cakes keep slipping up on that last part. Not deliberately, at least in that they don't know they're doing it -- but somepony still has to clean up the tentacled mess, and do it by the time Sun is raised. Which is going to be Pinkie. Again.

Break out the caffeine. It's going to be a long night.

(Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.)

Rated C for Cthulhu Crackfic.

Long ago, the Seraphim granted power to the Doom Slayer that he might conquer the forces of Hell. The Doom Slayer has won, Hell lies defeated, and now he returns to the Seraphim's holy realm. His mission is not over though, he has promises to fulfill, rewards to collect, and as always, evil to defeat. Let those who would harm this sacred land tremble, for the Guardian of Equestria, has returned!

(This story now has two sequels: Legion and the novella Doom Slayer.)