• Published 23rd May 2012
  • 13,263 Views, 507 Comments

Doom: Hell in Equestria - The card holder



After destroying Hell, Doomguy tries to go back home, but ends up in Equestria.

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Knee Deep in the Friends--Part 2

"...only used the Elements of Harmony twice, and both times they were used to defeat formidable opponents..."

Twilight had been going on for about 5 minutes now, and Grimm had all but tuned out. Thankfully, years of being in the military trained him to look like he's actually listening while he really wasn't.

"...wanted to lock Equestria into an eternal night, but we managed to stop..."

He was all for learning the local customs and such, but he didn't expect to be bombarded with a full-blown history lesson. It was like high school all over again, only without the benefit of going out with the cheerleader.

"...and then Discord began creating chaos, generally by doing things like making the cotton candy clouds that were filled with chocolate rain..."

'Wait, chocolate rain? Wasn't there some really old song about that?'

"And that's what the Elements of Harmony are used for."

Hearing the end of the speech, Grimm snapped back to reality. "That was... interesting, to say the least."

Twilight's expression became a bit annoyed. "You don't sound very enthusiastic."

"Well, truth be told, I didn't solve my problems with 'The Power of Friendship' or anything like that. I had to rely on good old-fashioned firepower, or, sometimes, even these." He held up his gloved hands, giving a small flex of his arms. "You would not believe just how many things I ripped apart with these hands..." While the unicorn looked horrified, the marine looked as if he was fondly remembering a fun memory.

"Right... That reminds me, you said you... umm... 'Blew up Hell.' What do you mean by that, exactly?"

"Exactly what I said: I went to Hell, fucked some shit up, then left, and I wound up here. That's the short version of that."

"So... there's more?"

"Yeah, but given how you reacted to my comment of ripping things apart, I probably shouldn't tell you the details."

"Well... you see, I'm like a scientist, so I like to record any kind of history or facts I can find, and you seem to have some... history."

"I've dealt with scientists before, I understand what you mean."

"So... that's a yes?"

"Seems like it." During the conversation, the two had arrived into a small town. Grimm noted that looked almost primitive.

'This must be Ponyville.' He noticed that the streets had other ponies milling about, and they all stopped and stared as he walked by, some of them even running away. He didn't blame them; he was essentially an alien to them.

Twilight led the way to a round building with a silhouette of a pony mannequin on a sign over the doorway. Twilight walked in the door and Grimm followed, having to duck under the door frame. Inside, there was a white unicorn with blue hair bustling around, carrying various sewing tools and materials with her magic.

The unicorn turned around while speaking. "Welcome to the Carousel Boutique, where every garment is chic, unique, and mag...nif..." Predictably, she stopped and stared when she saw Grimm. She then let's out a small scream, but instead of running away as he expected, she runs straight towards him, dropping everything she had. "Oh, that outfit is hideous!" She began running around Grimm, inspecting his armor. "It has no fashion at all! It looks like it's falling apart, and worst of all, it's such a sickly shade of green!" She looked up at him. "Do you really consider this fashionable?"

"Not-"

"Never mind that! I must fix this problem!" The unicorn ran off, grabbing more fabric and tools before going into a work room, shutting the door behind her. Twilight sighed and looked at the ground.

"Typical Rarity," she whispered, before turning to Grimm. "Will you excuse me for a sec?" She went into the room Rarity went into, also closing the door behind her. Without even moving, he could hear them from the other side of the door.

"Twilight, don't interrupt me when I'm correcting a crime of fashion!"

"That's not important! There is somepony new out there, and you're completely ignoring them!"

"Twilight, darling, have you seen his ensemble? It's positively a crime, nay, a declaration of war against fashion!"

"Rarity, you can worry about this later! Right now, come welcome him!"

The two unicorns seem to get in a small fight, followed by Twilight leaving the room, dragging Rarity behind her by her tail. When she was in front of Grimm, Twilight lets her go, and Rarity turned to face him, looking disgusted at him (or more accurately, his armor). "Right. I've been told that you are somepony new here. I am Rarity, and I run this boutique. Despite your... interesting... attire, I feel that I should welcome you to Ponyville." She extended a hoof, and he shook it. "And you are?"

"Grimm. John Grimm."

"Well then, John, the first thing we should do is fix that... problem... with your outfit."

"This 'problem' has saved my life more times than I can count. It doesn't need fixing."

"Actually," Twilight says, "you should probably get some normal clothes if you're going to stay here, since everypony might get freaked out when you're wearing that armor."

"Yeah, it's not the six-foot beast walking around that scares them, it's the armor."

"Just a suggestion."

"Well..." He turned back to Rarity. "I guess it won't hurt-"

"Wonderful!" She turned to run into the work room again, but he caught her by the tail.

"Wait. First, some basic guide lines: I want something simple. Nothing gaudy, just plain clothes, in any color you want."

Her expression dropped. "What? Something plain? Do you know who I am?"

"No, really, and I don't care what you usually do. Something plain, or nothing at all."

She pouted. "Fine. I'll accept this as a sort of challenge." She picked up a tape measurer and started measuring Grimm for his clothes before running off into the work room. Twilight sighed again.

"That's Rarity for you... Now, on to the next friend."

"I'm brimming with excitement," Grimm dead panned.

Back outside, the two headed off in a different direction, soon coming across a building that looked like it was made from gingerbread. Before they enter, however, there was a large gasp from beside them. Turning, they saw a pink earth pony with a pink mane hanging in the air while doing the exaggerated gasp. Landing, she started hopping up and down.

"Ohmygoshohmygosh! I just knew there was somepony new here, because my Pinkie sense told me so, andIjustwantedtoseeifitwastrueanditwas! We're gonna have a party, and there'll be cake and cupcakes and muffinsandprobablysomemorecakeandchimicherrychangas-"

"Stop." The pink pony stopped immediately. 'It's like she's wired on cocaine, sugar, and Red Bull all at once.' "Okay, I take it you're another of Twilight's friends?"

"Yep! I'm Pinkie Pie, party expert extraordinaire! What's your name?"

"John Grimm."

"Grimm? That's a funny name, but a lot of names sound weird when you think about it, really."

"...Right."

"Anyway, Pinkie," Twilight said, "you wouldn't happen to have this party planned for tomorrow, would you?"

"I sure do!"

"Well... Do you think you can... delay the party?"

Somehow, Pinkie's hair actually deflated. "Delay the party?"

"It's just that... Mr. Grimm here is kinda new to Equestria, so we should probably hold off a party until he's more used to it here, okay?"

Pinkie's hair inflated back to its former bounciness. "Okie dokie lokie!" She hopped into the gingerbread building, and Grimm and Twilight headed off.

"Well, the only one left to meet is Rainbow Dash, but nopony's seen her since... we found you." She gagged slightly at the memory, but holds her composure. "I guess you'll have to meet her later."

"Fine by me."

"Now, about the scientific research..."

"Research?"

"Well, you are kind of a new creature, so it's in the best interest of science that I see what I can learn about you."

"...alright, I guess." Following her to a library in a tree (He didn't even bother being surprised anymore), he entered behind the unicorn, ready for what would pretty much be an interview.