• Published 23rd May 2012
  • 13,271 Views, 507 Comments

Doom: Hell in Equestria - The card holder



After destroying Hell, Doomguy tries to go back home, but ends up in Equestria.

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On the Shores of... Hell?

There seemed to be no way out. He had been running for what felt like forever, and he never got near an exit. The constant laughing from the archviles didn't help matters. His shotgun was still holding out on ammo, but with at least 6 shells needed for each demon, they'd run out soon enough. This maze was built solely for him to suffer, and he knew it. The sadistic laughter just wouldn't stop, and he feared that they'd pop out at any corner before roasting him alive. Finally, he reached a teleporter that took him to a completely different place. Before he can sigh in relief, however, a wall opened up, revealing dozens of chain gun-wielding zombies. To make things even worse, there was no cover in the room at all. He cursed loudly moments before the zombies took aim...


He awoke with a start, instinctively reaching for his pistol. Pleased to find it still in his holster, he started to assess his current situation. The first thing he noticed is that, instead of waking up on the floor, he was in a bed (that was a bit too small for him). He was also not wearing his helmet, finding it placed on a bedside table. He focused, trying to remember what happened.

'Let's see, I had stopped the invasion... Then I got sidetracked, had to fight through some more demons... That was pretty fun. Anyway, then I-'

Freezing up, he remembered the small blue horse he had found, as well as the injuries he had sustained. There were bandages on various injuries on his arms and face, but he still was hurting quite a bit. And that still left the mystery of that blue horse. Namely, just what exactly was it?

His questions were interrupted by the realization that he didn't have his QSU on his back. He almost flipped out before he saw it on the ground next to the bed. Sighing with relief, he started to reach for it-

"H-Hello? Are you- Eep!"

Startled, the man pulled out his pistol just as the door slammed shut. Cautiously, he got up, noting that he still hurt a lot and his nose was bleeding. Having no idea what to expect, he headed to the door-

"Are you awake?"

-nearly getting it slammed in his face. He brought his gun up to aim, but didn't shoot. The largest reason for this was because of pure confusion over the fact that it was a purple unicorn at the door. While he was confused, the unicorn jumped across the room out of fear. "What are you doing there? And why are you up? You're still hurt pretty badly!"

Holstering the pistol, he weighed his options. He could just kill this unicorn right now with his bare hands, or he could try to talk to it, since she (at least it sounds like a 'she') seems to speak in his language.

"Are you listening to me? Why don't you answer-"

"No." With that one word, the unicorn shrank back, shutting up. "First, you're gonna answer some questions of mine. Understand?" She nodded weakly. "Okay then. First up: Where. The fuck. Am I?"

"Y-you're in Fluttershy's cottage, just outside of P-Ponyville, in Equestri-"

"Who is this 'Fluttershy' person?"

"She's the one who t-treated you..." The unicorn was trembling quite badly by now. Not saying another word, he went to his QSU. As he went through it, the unicorn's eyes went wide. "What are you-"

"Relax." He finally found what he was looking for: a white-cased syringe with a medical red cross on the side. "I'm just helping myself." Removing the cap, he injected it into his arm, making the unicorn wince. As the needle was removed, he felt some of his wounds closing up, and he gained back some strength. He placed the syringe on the table, also grabbing his helmet and QSU. Once properly equipped, he turned to the creature. "Now," he started, "who exactly are you?"

Her fear from earlier almost completely disappeared. "Twilight Sparkle, prize student of Princess Celestia," she says with pride.

"Well then, Twilight, we should go see Fluttershy, shouldn't we?"

"B-But-"

"But what?"

Suddenly, there's a loud noise from across the room. Turning around while pulling out his shotgun, he faced a large white horse with both a unicorn horn and wings, as well as wearing a crown. The two of them stared at each other for a while, neither one of them making a move, Twilight nearly hyperventilating the whole time.

The horse is the first to speak. "I am Princess Celestia. Would you kindly put down that weapon?"

"I don't have a good reason to."

"That's a shame." Her horn starts glowing, and his shotgun is wrenched from his grasp, covered in the same glow. "Now, you are the creature that my student has written me about?"

He was pissed, but played along. "I guess I am."

"In that case, first thing's first." She placed the shotgun on the bed. "We are a peaceful community here in Equestria, and I would like to ask you to relinquish all of your weapons."

"And if I don't?"

"Trust me, you will either way. Rest assured that they will be locked away safely where nopony can get to them."

Against his inner judgement, he complied. He started by removing the pistol from its holster, setting it next to the shotgun. Then he took out his other, double-barreled shotgun. As he placed his chainsaw, chain gun, rocket launcher, and plasma gun, along with all his ammo for each, on the bed, Celestia was dumbfounded. There was just no way that anything could hold that much stuff!

Finally, only a single weapon remained. Reluctantly, he pulled it out, struggling with the weight. Both Twilight and Celestia stared at it, wide-eyed in shock. It didn't even fit on the bed with the other guns (and chainsaw), so he was forced to put it on the floor.

"Alright, that's it."

Celestia was silent for a few seconds before she regained her composure. "Right." Her horn glowed again, and all the weapons and ammo disappeared in a flash of light. "With that out of the way, it is with open hooves that I welcome you to Equestria. However," her voice lowered, "if you do anything to harm my subjects, just know that I will make your life a living hell."

"Oh really? Because I just got done blowing the shit out of Hell. There's not much you can do to me."

Celestia hesitates for a brief moment before continuing. "Don't be so sure." Just as quickly as before, her voice changed back to the regal tone she had before. "Twilight?"

"Yes, Princess Celestia?" She was still sweating from the stand-off the two had just moments before.

"Take this... unusual... guest and introduce him to your friends."

"What?!" Twilight was caught completely off guard. "But... What he did to those... he KILLED them!"

"Yes, but he hasn't killed us yet, has he?"

With his helmet now on, Twilight couldn't read the thing's expression. "I... No..."

"Then I trust he won't in the future." Celestia glared at him. "Right?"

"I don't think they could do anything to me, after all that I've fought and killed, but alright."

"Good." With that, Celestia teleported out of the room, leaving a flabbergasted Twilight and a slightly pissed marine.

"Now then," he spoke up, "about meeting this 'Fluttershy'?"

"Oh, right. She's out here." She starts out the door, but stops and whirls around to face him. "Say, what's your name, anyway?"

For a moment, he was silent, thinking it over. Nodding to himself as he made a choice, he looked back at Twilight. "John Grimm."