Twilight watched Derran as he served their breakfast, unsure how to approach the situation. She had barely slept a wink thinking about what had happened, or more accurately; almost happened, in the hallway outside her room. Twilight had expected to feel happy, after all she now had definitive proof that Derran was in fact, romantically attracted to her. However, since waking up that morning all she had felt was confused, and a little hurt.
Derran had barely said two words to her, and whenever he did address her directly, his tone seemed almost mechanical. Refusing to meet her gaze, Derran responded to questions with curt, yes or no answers, and all attempts at conversation with him died after only a sentence or two. In addition, Derran's whole personality seemed dramatically different, his usual aura of confidence was almost entirely absent, and his expression was like stone, save for occasional looks of worry whenever his gaze happened to fall on Twilight. Even the food he served them seemed to have suffered, as it was a relatively lackluster meal of scrambled eggs and toast with coffee. He also, oddly enough, had not changed out of his clothes from the night before, and was still in the same T-shirt and pants.
"So, Twily. . ." Shining Armor began, trying to ignore the pall Derran's strange mood had cast over breakfast. "you're having a meeting with the Friendship Council today right?" He asked, referring to the monthly meetings Twilight held with her friends to discuss new ideas for how to bring ponies together. Twilight nodded, her brother's question momentarily distracting her from her worries.
"Oh. . . yes, I actually was hoping you and Cadence would be willing to sit in, I wanted to present a proposal from Ember." She replied.
"The Dragon Lord?" Cadence asked curiously. "What did she want?"
"She had an idea for how to improve relations between Equestria and the Dragon Nation." Twilight explained, feeling herself perk up a bit as she recalled the festival Ember had proposed.
"Considering a band of her subjects torched Ponyville, and tried to murder you, I'm not sure how much I want to hear it." Shining grumbled. Twilight's gaze flicked to Derran, half expecting him to chime in at her brother's remark, but Derran seemed completely focused on his breakfast.
"That wasn't Ember's fault." Twilight admonished.
"Maybe." Shining replied, before looking across the table at Derran. "But even so, if it hadn't been for Derran here you would have been fried. Ember should have thrown Garble in prison, instead, she let him go."
"She was trying to be compassionate, I don't think there's anything wrong with that." Cadence offered, placing her hoof atop her husband's reassuringly.
"Misplaced compassion has sent more than one good man to an early grave." Everypony turned to look at Derran in surprise. His statement had been uttered in a tone that sounded very unlike him, it was cold, almost to the point of spite.
"That's a rather bleak outlook." Cadence remarked. Derran shook his head as if trying to banish his dark mood. Turning to face Cadence he attempted to smile, but in the end his expression looked more like a grimace.
"Forgive me Lady Cadence, I. . . did not mean to voice that thought aloud, I. . . I seem to be suffering an imbalance of humors, please forgive my outburst." He replied before standing up, his meal largely unfinished. "Now, if you will all excuse me, I need to prepare for work." Derran stated, clearing his plate before heading upstairs. Shining Armour turned to look at Twilight with an expression of concern.
"Did. . . did something happen last night between you two?" He asked, trying to keep the suspicious edge out of his voice. Shining didn't want to believe Derran would ever do anything to hurt Twilight, but this radical shift in behavior was impossible to put down to just Derran having an off day. Twilight blushed, staring fixedly at her plate, her mind racing as she tried to think up a reply.
"Uh. . . well, I. . . we sorta. . ." Twilight shifted nervously in her seat, as her brother's suspicious gaze intensified.
"Hey. . . didn't I see you and Derran in the hall outside your room last night?" Spike asked uncertainly, scratching his head as he tried to recall the hazy memory from the night prior. Twilight's head snapped up from her meal, her eyes wide and her face blazing. Shining's expression became one of ashen horror an instant before turning to one of barely restrained rage.
"Tell me what happened." Shining demanded through gritted teeth, his eyes flashing and his words slow and deliberate, as he tried to ignore all the horrible suspicions his imagination was providing him with. "Derran, if you and my baby sister did. . . THAT, then war god or not I WILL BUCKING MURDER YOU!" Suddenly Twilight gave her brother an icy glare that drove the anger right out of him.
"We didn't have sex Shining." Twilight stated coldly, causing Spike and Starlight to blush and take a sudden, and intense interest in their eggs. Shining's eyes bugged out as he opened and shut his mouth a few times, making him look remarkably like a fish out of water. "And even if we had, I don't see how it's any of your business!" Twilight finished sharply.
"You're my sister!" Shining shot back his anger instantly rekindled. "I'm supposed to worry about stuff like that!" Here he suddenly looked embarrassed, his cheeks coloring. "And besides you're too young for . . . that." He stated quietly.
"EXCUSE ME!?" Twilight snarled, feeling a flare of righteous indignation. "I'm a consenting adult! Not to mention a pony with her own free will, and oh yeah: The Princess of Bucking Friendship! If I wanted to have a different stallion every night, that is my prerogative, and my business, not yours!" Shining seemed taken aback for a moment before slamming his front hooves down on the table, anger writ large upon his face.
"I'm just trying to look out for you! I will not sit back and let you go. . . FORNICATING, with just any stallion that catches your eye!" He fired back, ignoring the extremely uncomfortable expressions on the faces of Spike and Starlight, while his wife rolled her eyes with an odd little smile on her face, as she placed a bubble of silence around her daughter who, fortunately, was to busy eating to notice her aunt and father's behavior.
"Fornicating huh? That's an awful big word bro, what? The word rutting to dirty for the big tough Prince's delicate sensibilities?" Twilight mocked. Shining's face reddened in anger, as he debated hurling a hooffull of scrambled eggs into his sister's smirking face. However, before Shining could decide, they were interrupted by the sound of Cadence being overcome with laughter.
"WAHAHAHAHAH-oh Celestia you two-HAHAHAHAH!" Twilight and Shining stared at Cadence with flummoxed expressions as she continued to laugh, almost falling out of her seat. "No matter how old they may get, siblings are still siblings." Cadence stated, wiping tears of mirth from her eyes. "Shining sweetie, you aren't exactly in a position to talk about 'to young for sex', or have you forgotten our first time? You remember? That night you came over to my house and my parents were away?" Shining's cheeks blazed as his wife continued to reminisce. "You were so cute when you asked me if I felt ready, and even cuter when I jumped you right after. . ." Shining's face was so red those assembled half expected it to catch fire, while his expression implied he would like nothing more at that moment than for the earth to crack open beneath his hooves and swallow him up. "Mmmmm." Cadence hummed with a contented smile, closing her eyes and shivering with delight as she allowed the memory to replay fully in her mind. "Do you remember how old we were back then?" She asked with a devilish smirk, Shining mumbled something under his breath that nopony at the table heard. "A little louder Shiny." Cadence requested with a loving smile, as her husband hung his head like a condemned prisoner.
"Sixteen." He mumbled, just loud enough to be heard. Twilight's expression went from mild shock, to a smile that looked almost evil.
"Is that right?" Twilight asked, smug practically dripping from her expression and words. However, before she was able to say anything more, Derran returned. Stepping into the room with his armor donned, and his helmet clipped to his belt, he glanced around the room, though he was still careful not to make eye contact with Twilight.
"Is everything alright? I thought I heard shouting?" He asked, his tone uncertain. Shining opened his mouth to say something, but Cadence cut him off.
"Oh, it's fine, just a little argument between brother and sister." She explained with a smile, as she surreptitiously deactivated the silence spell around Flurry. For an instant Derran's gaze flicked to the young alicorn, still happily stuffing her face, but if he noticed the spell, he did not comment on it.
"I see." He remarked, before turning his gaze to Twilight and taking a deep breath. "Lady Twilight, might I speak with you alone for a few minutes?" He asked, his tone formal as always, but heavy with unspoken worry. In a flash, all Twilight's plans for teasing her sibling vanished, to be replaced by a sudden intense anxiety. She had a feeling she knew what this was about. . .
Derran closed and locked the large crystal doors to the living room behind him, trying to ignore his ever increasing worry as he turned to face Twilight. She was clearly uneasy, and for once, he could think of no way to offer comfort. Perhaps he shouldn't have worn the armor, its intimidating appearance was hardly the kind of thing that offered reassurance, but he wore it anyway. Derran needed the armor, he needed to feel its weight on his shoulders, to remind him of the power he wielded, he needed. . . to feel strong. However, at this moment, looking down at the worried face of the mare before him, Derran felt anything but strong.
Opening his mouth he hesitated. How was he supposed to begin? Should he apologize? Should he beg forgiveness? Should he be blunt and just tell her directly, or should he give her a more nuanced explanation? Or dared he start with the admission of how he felt. . . Closing his mouth again Derran swallowed loudly, before trying once more.
"Twilight," He began, deciding to leave honorifics and titles out of this, this was not a time for formality. "about. . . about last night. . ."
"It was a mistake. . ." Twilight stated miserably, looking away to hide the tears forming in her eyes, as her ears flattened themselves against her head. Derran answered before he could even think about it.
"No." He stated firmly, the anxiety within him vanishing for an instant as he clarified his position. "What happened last night was. . . unexpected, but it was no mistake." He declared, before the anxiety returned, and he hesitated once again. He still had no idea where to begin. "Not that it matters, when you tell her you'll be lucky if she ever deigns to speak to you again." That thought brought with it a sudden clenched feeling in Derran's chest. As if something with icy cold claws was crushing his heart. He saw visions of Twilight's tear stained face, twisted with pain, as she looked upon him with an expression of abject loathing and betrayal. "She will hate me." Derran glanced down at Twilight, and suddenly became aware that he was breathing more heavily, and that a trickle of sweat was running down his back. Taking a breath to steady himself, Derran tried for the third time to begin.
"Twilight. . . I. . ." He managed to force out, even as his hand unconsciously went to his throat in response to a feeling akin to being choked. Forcing himself to calm down, Derran attempted to wall away his anxiety, however this time, it refused to be contained. "She deserves to know. She will hate me forever. She has a right to know. I could not bear to lose her. I almost kissed her, I must take responsibility! The truth will only cause her pain! Lies will make it worse! I HAVE TO KEEP HER SAFE FROM THAT PAIN!! A PAIN THAT YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR CREATING!!" Derran's head ached as the argument with himself intensified. He closed his eyes struggling to regain focus. As he did so, Derran was momentarily surprised, when he felt something take hold of his hand. Even before he opened his eyes, he knew what he would see. Glancing down he saw Twilight looking at him with an expression filled with concern, as she held his hand in her hoof.
"Derran, please, whatever it is you need to say, I promise I won't judge you." Slowly, Derran nodded. "I must tell her the truth. Even if it means she will despise me." Derran once more took a deep breath, fortifying himself for what was about to happen.
"Twilight, I. . ." Derran struggled to continue as images of Twilight in pain assailed him. "I need to speak to you. . ." Derran felt his lungs constrict with every word, sweat beading on his brow, and a churning in his gut as he struggled to force out the words. "later tonight." He finally said, his heart clenching again, and his resolve giving out, as he realized that he simply could not go through with it. He needed time. . . time to think about what he should say, time to consider how he could make reparations for his mistake. . . he just needed time.
"Oh. . . ok." Twilight's replied after hesitating briefly, she seemed cheerful enough, but her response sounded ever so slightly forced, and in her eyes, Derran was almost certain he saw something like disappointment. However, he was unable to properly read it. Derran shook his head, hoping he had imagined it, as he turned and opened the door, unlocking it with a flick of his armored fingers. As soon as they entered the hall, Derran headed toward the castle entrance, but just before leaving, paused to look over his shoulder at Twilight. Putting on the best smile he could, Derran attempted to ignore the feeling of being sick to his stomach.
"I promise we shall speak when I return this evening, Lady Twilight." Derran stated, turning to give a hasty bow, before swiftly exiting and shutting the door behind him. Once outside, Derran leaned heavily against the door as a feeling of supreme shame overtook him. "I just need to gather my thoughts. . . I swear on my oath that I will tell her tonight." Derran promised himself mentally.
+Coward.+
Derran whirled around, glancing in all directions trying to locate the source of the voice, and praying to the Light that this time he would find something. He didn't, but neither did the voice say any more. Derran took a breath, trying to ignore the chill that went to his very core.
"He is gone." Derran stated firmly. "He is gone, and he cannot return." So saying, Derran started running toward Sweet Apple Acres. Trying to ignore the thought in the back of his mind, that he had just made a horrible mistake. . .
Twilight sat down in her customary seat at the map table, her friends taking their own places in the high backed crystal chairs bearing their individual cutie-marks. Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie had all arrived together just a few minutes after Derran left, and as always, their presence did wonders to lift Twilight's spirits. Rainbow Dash grumbled about it being way to early, while Pinky and Applejack passed out snacks. Rarity had brought a new flavor of tea that apparently was all the rage in Manehattan. Fluttershy helped Rarity brew the tea, while Twilight went over the agenda for the meeting. However before Twilight could even call the meeting to order, Rainbow Dash spoke up.
"So. . . what did you and Derran do after you left the party last night?" She asked with a smirk, and suddenly Twilight was overcome with the premonition that this meeting was about to get a lot longer.
"Ooh yes darling, and do give us all the juicy details." Rarity chimed in, looking positively giddy.
"I'd very much like to know myself." Added Shining Armour a note of suspicion in his voice. As, with what to Twilight's mind was the worst timing in history, he and Cadence walked through the door. Twilight looked around the room hoping to find support for getting on with the meeting, but found only inquisitive stares and eager grins.
"There's nothing to tell, we walked home, he escorted me to my room, we said goodnight. End of story." Twilight stated curtly, a hint of annoyance entering into her voice. Most of her friends faces wore looks of disappointment, all save three.
"Oh no you don't darling, I can tell your leaving something out, and I won't be satisfied till you tell us the whole story." Rarity declared with a slightly devious smirk.
"Rare's right, your hiding something, now spill." Rainbow agreed, her expression mirroring Rarity's.
"Now, now, Twilight, I was nice enough to side with you over my own husband at breakfast, the least you could do is share the full story." Cadence chimed in, her smile letting Twilight know she wasn't going to get a free pass on this.
"W-what makes you think I'm hiding anything?" Twilight asked nervously, suddenly regretting that she was surrounded by the ponies who knew her better than anypony. Rarity smiled as she poured herself some tea before answering.
"You have a 'Tell' darling." Rarity explained, taking a sip from her cup. "Whenever you're hiding something, your right eye twitches ever so slightly."
"Yep." Rainbow Dash agreed.
"Mhmm." Cadence said with a nod.
"Hey yeah, I forgot about that!" Shining declared aloud, suddenly trying to recall the details of Twilight's face from earlier. Twilight momentarily considered teleporting away until this all blew over, but based on her friends expressions, she was all but certain they'd just get Starlight or Cadence to track her with magic. However, just as Twilight was about to give in to their demands she was unexpectedly interrupted as the castle suddenly shook. Windows rattled, and the empty teacups on the snack table vibrated with a slight clatter, as all those present glanced around nervously.
"Uh, what was that?" Rainbow asked, slightly bewildered.
"Do you think it was an e-earthquake?" Fluttershy asked with an expression of worry.
"Felt a mite to small for that." Applejack remarked." But did any of ya'll hear somepony shout'n just now? Coulda' sworn ah herd somepony yellin sumthin a second ago. Applejack asked, a puzzled expression on her face.
"Ooh! Ooh! I did!" Pinkie called, out waving one hoof in the air frantically like she was still in kindergarten, before elaborating in a tone devoid of any particular concern. "Funny, it sounded an awful lot like Celestia, maybe she ate some bad birthday cake?" Before anypony could respond to that however, there was a faint commotion from down the hall. A few moments later Starlight burst into the room. She was out of breath, and looked more than a little scared.
"Uh, everypony, Celestia and Luna are both here and-" Starlight was cut off by a magically amplified shout that was almost as frantic as it was loud.
"DERRAN!? DERRAN ARE YOU HERE!? PLEASE, SHOW YOURSELF IF YOU ARE!!" To everypony's surprise, it was Celestia. Never had any of them heard the solar Princess use the Royal Canterlot Voice, nor had any of them ever heard her sound so. . . desperate. Twilight, processing the sound of her mentor in distress, instantly leapt from her chair and headed for the door.
"Come on everypony, let's see what this is all about." Cadence declared firmly, following in her sister in law's wake.
The group arrived in the front entrance just in time to see Luna literally buck open the door to the dining room like she was a cop in the middle of a bust. Glancing around, she spotted Spike cleaning up the last of the dishes from breakfast, and pinned him to the spot with a glare that commanded instant obedience.
"Where is he?!" She growled, causing Spike to back away a step, too terrified to respond. "SPEAK!!" Luna roared, giving Spike the full benefit of her own mystically enhanced voice, and sending him tumbling onto his rear, the stack of plates in his claws flying across the floor. Before Spike could rally the courage to reply, Luna cast her gaze at the scattered plates and remains of the scrambled eggs now dotting the floor. Without an ounce of hesitation she levitated a piece of egg into her mouth and chewed for a moment. Suddenly her eyes widened, and she spat the partially masticated egg out to one side.
"A dash of garlic salt, and just a hint of Cayenne pepper for spice." She intoned as if she was in another world, before yelling over her shoulder. "SISTER HE WAS HERE!" Before anypony could ask a question, Celestia appeared in a flash of light, as she teleported away from ransacking the room across the hall.
"You're sure?!" Celestia asked, her voice still sounding desperate, as if afraid to believe what she was hearing.
"Scrambled eggs with garlic salt and Cayenne pepper in exactly the correct portions, I'd know his cooking anywhere!" Luna proclaimed triumphantly.
"You're looking for Derran, right?" Asked a familiar voice. An instant later, Spike the Dragon found himself considering all the benefits of swearing a vow of silence, as the two most powerful beings in the world glared down at him with expressions that made them look slightly unhinged.
"Then. . . you've seen him?" Celestia asked tentatively, her eyes wide, and her voice almost a whisper. Spike nodded, as the princesses gazes bored into him.
"Y-you j-just missed him, h-he's on his way to w-work at Sweet A-apple Acres." Spike stuttered, relieved when the two alicorns turned to look at each other, and doubly relieved, when Twilight and the others appeared in the door looking as worried as he felt.
"Celestia, Luna, what are you-" Twilight began but was cut off by the solar monarch.
"We'll get him to come to us then." Celestia declared to Luna as if she had not heard Twilight's words.
"Indeed my sister let us-" Luna found herself interrupted as Twilight finally lost her patience.
"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!" Twilight had not used the voice amplification spell since Garble's attack, and where she got the courage to use it to shout at Celestia and Luna she would never know, but it seemed to work, as the princesses finally turned to look at her. The slightly crazed look in their eyes faded, and as they noticed the gaggle of stunned ponies in the doorway staring at them, they blushed with embarrassment. However, Celestia swiftly rallied to speak with her former student.
"Forgive us everypony, I know we just barged in here without explanation, and I'm certain you all have a great deal of questions, but please, as a favor to us, just let us see Derran Grandel first, and I promise we will both tell you everything you want to know . . . please?" Twilight was stunned, she had never heard her former teacher sound like this. She was practically begging.
"Sure, I guess. . . we can all head over to Sweet Apple Acres together." Twilight agreed, but Celestia shook her head.
"Thank you Twilight, but that won't be necessary." Celestia stated with a smile as her horn began to glow with the golden radiance that was her magical aura. Taking a deep breath she spoke in a clear, solemn voice. "Guardian, aid me in my hour of need." The glow around her horn flared briefly, and then disappeared. "There, he should be here as soon as he can." Celestia declared, looking at the door with an eager expression that mirrored the one on her sister's face. As everypony present resisted asking the question of just what it was Celestia had done.
Derran arrived at Sweet Apple Acres feeling like he had just been diagnosed with a terminal illness. The world around him felt as if it had devolved to a lifeless grey blur, all color and meaning drained by a sense of inescapable crushing guilt. With steps that were barely above a stumble, he was so lost in this miserable fugue state that he barely noticed the faint tremble in the earth. His head breaking the surface of his inner thoughts just long enough to dismiss it as the vibrations of a rockslide from the small cluster of mountains a few miles distant from Ponyville, before returning to his borderline delirium. Derran was oddly reminded of another dark moment in his long life, the day he had killed another human being for the first time.
It had happened over a millenia ago, yet Derran recalled the memory as if it had happened yesterday. He and his unit had been out on patrol when they came across a farmstead under attack by bandits. Derran had only just gotten out of boot camp, and it was his first real engagement, he still recalled his naive excitement as his CO had outlined their strategy. Sergeant Cullain ordered them to advance using a nearby treeline as cover to avoid being seen. The farmhouse being attacked was, fortunately enough, only a few yards distant from the edge of the forest, and they managed to get into position without being noticed. The bandits never expected them, being to busy looting the house and trying to break down the door to the room where the farm owner's wife and daughter had barricaded themselves. Tragically the husband/father himself was beyond help, his body having been seen laying near the front entrance riddled with bullet wounds.
Derran and the rest of the unit had taken position at the two doors on either side of the house, and each of the windows, crawling on their bellies at times to make sure they were unobserved. Then, on Cullain's signal they had rushed in. The surprise was total, and all the bandits surrendered immediately, or so they had thought. . . Derran had been covering one of the windows, giving him a view of most of the house's first floor. One of the bandits, by luck or by judgement, had ended up in a large walk in pantry, thus escaping notice, and was raising his gun to fire on Sergeant Cullain. Derran's training kicked in, and before he could think about what he was doing, he had raised his own weapon to his shoulder and fired. Hitting the bandit right in the center of the forehead, and splattering most of his skull across the interior of the pantry.
Derran had saved Cullain's life and earned a commendation, but at the time he had struggled not to vomit. That night, and for weeks after, Derran barely slept as a result of nightmares involving the man he killed. The bandit in question had been a brutal monster of a human being, of that there was no doubt, Derran had seen his rap sheet personally. However that didn't change the fact that Derran had killed a living breathing human being. It had taken a long time for Derran to come to terms with it, and even after he did, he never felt quite the same.
This situation with Twilight reminded Derran of how he felt in those first minutes after he pulled the trigger. Thousands of nameless fears screaming in his mind, a sense that his very soul was tainted, and a feeling of guilt weighing him down like iron shackles. Back then he had eventually realized that what he had done had been for the greater good. He had killed an evil man to save a good one, but no such rational could be applied now. . . and that made the pain all the greater.
"Howdy Derran!" Derran glanced around with a start, he had been so lost in thought, that he had failed to realize he had arrived at his destination. Apple Bloom seemed to notice his dark mood as she gave him a look of concern. "Ya'll alright?" She asked. Derran didn't react for a moment, and for an instant he actually considered telling her of his troubles. He needed advice, and Apple Bloom and the Crusaders did have something of a reputation for aiding troubled souls. However in the end, reason reasserted itself as Derran smiled, pushing away his unpleasant feelings as best he could to greet her properly. This was his mess, and he would not compound his failings by burdening an innocent child with them.
"Fine miss Apple Bloom, and how are y-" Derran stopped dead, stiffening as he heard it. . . that voice. It echoed in his mind like the tolling of a distant bell. . . Guardian aid me in my hour of need. It was a voice that not even the fires of hell and over a thousand years of time could erase. . . matronly, wise, filled with kindness, and with just a hint of playfulness. It was her, Princess of the Sun, the first of the Seraphim sisters, and the most compassionate being Derran had ever known. . . Celestia was calling to him. . . and there was only one reason she would do such a thing. . .
Apple Bloom had, had more than her fair share of frightening experiences in her life, but what happened next easily made her top ten. Derran suddenly seemed to be surrounded by an aura of pure malevolence, his face becoming a mask of snarling rage, as his eyes shifted to a blazing scarlet. He swiftly placed his helmet on his head and locked it into place in a single flowing movement. A sharp crack and flash of red light precipitated the appearance in Derran's hands of the weapon Apple Bloom had once heard him call a 'Heavy Assault Rifle'. Even through his helmet, she could feel his gaze, and it filled her with a terror she had never known could exist, was this really Derran Grandel?
"Apple Bloom. . ." He said, and she flinched, falling onto her rear as she heard a voice that between the distortion of the helmet speakers, and an inexplicable alteration of Derran's voice, made him seem even more like another person entirely. "go home." Apple Bloom struggled to control her desire to flee, as she forced herself to speak.
"D-d-d-Derran, w-w-what g-gotten i-i-into you?" Derran turned on one heel to face away from her, looking toward the direction of Twilight's castle. His answer was given in a tone that to Apple Bloom sounded like the rumbling of a distant thunderstorm.
"The Seraphim call for aid. . . I must answer." Before running toward the castle in a manner that Apple Bloom could only liken to an out of control train hurtling down the track. His legs moving so fast they became a blur, his heavy boots tearing up the grass and earth beneath his feet as his arms and weapon swayed almost gently from side to side, his head bowed slightly as he charged forward with a sort of controlled abandon. As she picked herself up, Apple Bloom had only one though, if somepony truly was attacking the princess, she felt profoundly sorry for them. . .
Derran ran straight and true. Guided by the ancient enchantment that had been placed on him ages ago, he knew exactly what direction he needed to head. The spell had been his own idea, a way for Celestia and Luna to reach him directly in times of dire emergency. If Celestia had used it, then it was highly probable she was under attack. As he moved, Derran examined his armor's HUD for whatever information it's sensors could give him. No demonic energy readings came back, but that meant little, you didn't need to be a demon to be a threat. . . he should know. Derran's fury burned within him as he approached the castle. He was moving at his top speed the wind whistling as it flowed over his armored body, the landscape around him becoming a blur of color. However to Derran, his mind filled with endless horrifying possibilities, it felt as if he was barely moving at all. . . he needed to be swifter, every second that passed was a loss he could not afford! He did not know what evil had dared to attack the holy ones, but when he found it, he would see that its screams reached the depths of the void itself! His wrathful thoughts lent him another burst of speed, and at last, he finally stood before his destination. Derran reached the front door at a dead run barely taking time to slow down, and with a single kick, smashed his way inside. Only to freeze in the doorframe as his mind blanked, the wrathful fury he had felt a moment ago quelled as swiftly as a match submerged in a lake.
Derran thought he had been ready for this day. . . he had replayed it over in his mind countless times. What he would say, what he would do, what he would think, when he saw them again. He thought he had planned it, the triumphant but respectful entrance, bowing to his ladies, and then presenting them with the Crucible as he gave them the news that they no doubt desired to hear. . . that it was finally over. He had imagined the praise, the joy his ladies would feel, and that he in turn would feel, at serving them faithfully. All of this he had pictured. . . and all of it wrong.
For as he stood there, in full wargear, weapon in hand, staring upon them for the first time in over a millennia, he was struck immobile. They were not in danger, that much was clear, and in some faint corner of his mind, Derran wondered why they had used the emergency summons. However as he stood there, all he could truly think about, was how unprepared he was. Derran was paralyzed, unable to think, move, or speak, as memories and emotions corroded by ages of war, suddenly returned with crystalline clarity. The spell was only broken, when Luna spoke.
"Is it you. . ." She whispered, tears creating rivers that flowed like liquid diamond down her cheeks. "is it truly you?"
Derran dismissed his weapon to the aether with a flash of red light as his faintly shaking hands automatically moved to his helmet. The hiss as the pressure seal broke, echoing through the silence. As, slowly, Derran revealed his face. . .
He was in different armor, wielded a different weapon, and his hair had grown, but there was no denying it. Only one stallion the princesses had ever known, in their nearly millenia and a half of existence, had those eyes that so resembled chips of arctic ice, this aura of power that made their coats stand up on end, or that look of gentle kindness that even his wide eyed shocked expression, and the worst horrors the multiverse could produce, could not dim. Only one stallion, only ever, one. . .
"Derran. . ." Celestia breathed out, the name escaping as an almost inaudible whisper, as her own eyes were blinded by a sparkling wetness. All those present watched the exchange in utter silence, as the Doom Slayer took a staggering step forward.
"Celly. . . Lulu?" Was all he could manage to say, his voice a desperate whisper, as his mind and body seemed to rebel against his will. . . but it was all that was needed. Luna was the first to rush forward, crying uncontrollably as she galloped straight at him. Celestia was no less unrestrained as she followed swiftly behind her sister. As Luna jumped to wrap her forelegs around Derran's neck, he allowed himself to be pushed back on his heels, and as Celestia crashed into him with near reckless abandon, Derran, almost without conscious thought, permitted himself to be born to the ground.
The first kiss. . . came from Luna. It was urgent, rough, and filled with unrestrained passion, as she all but forced her tongue into Derran's mouth. As their twin appendages clumsily danced around one another, all thought fled from Derran's mind. Decorum, restraint, etiquette, none of these words held the slightest meaning in Derran's consciousness. Even as Luna withdrew so her sister might have her chance.
Celestia's kiss was less rushed, but no less insistent, her lips so soft and loving Derran wondered what utter madness had allowed him to forget their touch. Celestia's tongue swirled around Derran's as if seeking to insure it would not attempt to flee. Escape however, was as far from Derran's mind as was possible for his brain to put it. By the light, how could he have forgotten. . . how could he have forgotten this? As Celestia ended her kiss, she and Luna collapsed against Derran's chest and wept unashamedly. As Derran, tears falling from his own eyes, held them, just as he used to over a thousand years ago. . .
"I-I n-n-never. . .never thought I'd s-s-see you again!" Luna wailed, sobbing uncontrollably into Derran's already soaked chestplate. She didn't care that it was hard, or uncomfortable, or smelled faintly of sulphur, as long as she was close to him. Celestia couldn't even manage a full sentence.
"You're home. . ." She repeated, over and over, as she cried out nearly twelve hundred years of lonely nights and suppressed misery. She and Luna had always believed. . . always had faith, deep in their heart of hearts, that if they waited long enough, he would find his way back, and now at last, he had. Derran nodded, as he allowed himself to truly cry for the first time in over a thousand years, holding his two long lost loves tight to his chest.
"I am sorry. . . I kept you waiting." Was all he could think to say, his voice strained as he wept.
It was some time before the three could pull themselves together enough to get to their hooves and feet. Laughing happily as they wiped the last tears from their eyes, all three still on cloud nine from their reunion. However, for one of them, it would not last. . . There is an old battlefield anecdote: if everything is going according to plan, you're walking into a trap. Derran's life went according to plan for exactly four seconds more. . . the length of time it took for him to meet Twilight's gaze. . .
'Pain', wasn't nearly a strong enough word to describe what Derran saw in those violet orbs, 'Torment', also felt woefully insufficient, and even 'Agony', seemed tragically weak. But that look in Twilight's eyes brought Derran back down to earth with the force of a meteor strike. She said nothing, her expression frozen in a look of stunned surprise that, mixed with the look in her eyes, told Derran all he needed to know without Twilight saying a word, as she turned and ran. A shock of horrified realization tore through Derran as he unconsciously reached out to her fleeing form.
"Twilight wait!" He shouted, even though he knew he was too late, as she disappeared up the stairs and down the hall that lead to her room. In that instant, Derran felt his world shatter. . . "What have I done?" Derran whispered, horror in every syllable. His felt his body go numb, as his outstretched hand wavered in the air, feeling like it was now made of lead. Suddenly feeling a burst of panic, Derran made to run after Twilight, but only managed a single halting step, before he turned back to look at Celestia and Luna's surprised faces, still damp with the tears of their reunion. He couldn't just leave them, but he needed to go to Twilight! Caught between the two conflicting instincts, Derran looked back and forth between his two lovers, and the stairs that would lead to Twilight.
Panic overwhelmed him, until once more his body became numb, and he stared blankly down at his hands. "I. . . I don't know what to do." He finally choked out, his voice sounding so small and pathetic that had he not been visible, nopony would have believed the words had been Derran's. Salvation came, in the form of an urgent but wise voice.
"Go to her." Derran stared at Celestia as if unable to understand what she had just said. Luna gave a curt nod a moment later.
"My sister and I waited over a thousand years," Luna stated. "but Twilight needs you now." Derran nodded, at last able to move again.
"Thank you." He stated, in a voice that, for as quiet as it was, overflowed with gratitude, as he turned to run up the stairs. Derran was unable to say exactly how long it took, but between the hundreds of conflicting emotions in his head it felt almost as if he had just vanished and reappeared before Twilight's door. However he had little inclination to care, as from inside the room, Derran heard the muffled, but heart wrenching sound, of Twilight crying. Knocking on the door Derran's only, all-consuming thought, was that he had to do something, anything, to make this better.
"Twilight, please, open the door." Derran asked pleadingly, his voice heavy with sorrow.
"Go away!" Twilight's response was like a physical blow. Derran loved Twilight's voice, it was always filled with an infectious optimism, and gentle sweetness that instantly made him feel better whenever he heard it, but now. . . Twilight's voice was twisted and distorted by a combination of misery, despair, and anger. Derran flinched, as another flare of panic rose within him, growing in direct proportion to the realization of just how completely he had broken Twilight's heart. Derran struggled to think, as his panic turned to despiration. He couldn't bear the thought of Twilight hating him, he needed an explanation, a justification, anything!
"Twilight please, you must understand, I wanted to tell you but I needed to maintain operational security!" Derran's eyes widened in shock and horror at his own statement, for even as the words left his mouth. . . he knew them to be a lie. Twilight's sobs stopped abruptly, and for several long moments there was utter silence. Then, Derran heard Twilight's bed shift as she got off it. Every one of her hoofsteps seeming to echo like thunder in Derran's ears, as she moved toward the door. Derran took an unconscious step backward as the door opened, and Twilight's face was revealed. Her expression was like granite, as she looked up at Derran with tearstained features.
"Operational security?" Twilight repeated softly. Derran would have preferred it if she had shouted. As her lower volume served to highlight the undertone of agonized betrayal in her voice. "And what, exactly. . . would telling me that you were in a romantic relationship with my mentor and her sister, have compromised?" Twilight asked, her voice still quiet, but filled with a cold fury.
"I. . ." Derran began, before realizing that there was only one answer he could give that was not a lie, or a cheap excuse. Whether out of shame or fear, Derran could not have said, but as he stood there, he found himself unable to answer back.
"That's what I thought." Twilight replied bitterly, as she turned away.
"Twilight please I-" Derran began, only for Twilight to turn back suddenly, and glare into his eyes with undisguised hatred.
"Go. Away." Twilight stated, each word enunciated with the cold finality of somepony struggling to suppress their rage, as her tears started to flow freely once again.
"Twilight I-" Derran attempted again, knowing it was hopeless, but still desperately needing to try.
"GO AWAY! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!" Twilight screamed, slamming the door in Derran's face.
Derran heard Twilight run across the floor of her room then throw herself back on her bed, as her sobs resumed, louder and even more heartrending than before. Derran Grandel had known many kinds of pain. . . He had been shot with bullets, electrocuted by lightning, had his bones shattered, organs burst, and been scorched by the flames of Hell itself. None of it had been even close to how he felt now. He felt like his heart had been pulled out, he felt empty, broken, and worst of all, helpless to do anything about it. Derran looked down at his hands as if hoping to find the answer there. "Am. . . am I shaking?" Derran asked internally, and as he continued to look down he saw his hands were indeed trembling. Given his state, it was little surprise he did not notice the approach of three sets of hoofsteps.
"Derran?" Asked Celestia's gentle voice. It took several moments for Derran to pull himself back into reality, and turn to see Celestia, Luna, and Cadence standing in the hall. They wore sympathetic expressions, and somehow that made the pain all the greater. He did not deserve their kindness, not after this, and Celestia's next sentence felt like a punch to the gut. "Head to your room, and we'll find you once we've talked with her." Derran wanted to protest, to state that this was his responsibility, that he could still fix this, but in the end he just silently nodded. He had failed, he no longer had the right to speak to Twilight, even if she had been willing to hear him out. Struggling to maintain his composure, Derran turned to head back the way he had come, his shoulders slumped with the weight of his regret.
"I'm sorry." Was all he could say as he passed Celestia and Luna, unable to look them in the eye. He knew what his apologies amounted to, empty words. . . from a pitiful man.
Derran entered his room in silence, closing the door behind him before walking to the center of the bedchamber in a daze. He felt utterly helpless, he wanted to fight, wanted to scream, wanted to do something, to make this right, but it was pointless. There was nothing he could do, except feel the guilt eat away at him. Derran stumbled as he headed to the bathroom, self-loathing and pain weighing down his every step, as he filled the sink with cold water. Splashing the icy liquid on his face, Derran watched the ripples in the water as if searching for a hidden meaning in their movements. However, if such meaning existed, Derran's eyes could not see it. Finally, after spending nearly half a minute like this, He raised his head to look into the mirror. . . and felt his soul convulse.
Derran's eyes widened in stark horror, his hands going partially limp at his side, and his mouth hanging open slightly, as shock paralysed him. What looked back at Derran from the silvered surface, could almost have been his true reflection, save for three things. The being that looked out of the mirror had blond hair, cut into a military crew cut, his expression was a sarcastic smile that oozed contempt from every angle, and finally, most notably, were his two eyes, that were the red of freshly spilled blood. The figure appeared to lean against the edge of the mirror with its arms folded across its chest, and for a moment the two simply stared at one another. Then. . . the figure in the mirror spoke. His voice was cuttingly sarcastic, and had the quality of a razor blade being drawn along a chalkboard, albeit far deeper in tone.
+Well. . . I gotta admit, when you fuck up, you don't do things halfway.+ The voice echoed inside Derran's head, though he knew from long experience that nopony else was able to hear it.
"You. . ." Derran's voice was little more that a disbelieving whisper, as he tried to understand how this could be possible. The thing in the mirror just gave a mirthless laugh.
+"you"? That's all I get after over a thousand years working together? I'm hurt Derran.+ The image stated, his voice low and mocking. Derran's response was oddly calm, his shock having yet to wear off in the face of this phantom doppelganger.
"I killed you." He whispered, the tremor in his voice making him sound anything but certain.
+And yet. . . here I am.+ The figure replied, his tone light, despite eyes filled with hate. +So we can add another entry to the long list of utter bullshit that you've convinced yourself of.+
"You are not a part of me!" Derran snarled, his rage igniting within him. "Not anymore!" The figure let out an amused snort as it gave Derran a look of smirking contempt.
+Check that, two things. Can you just not get through the day without lying to someone. . . or somepony?+ The being asked sarcastically. At that moment, Derran's shock wore off completely, and he was gripped by an incandescent fury, as he let out a primal roar.
"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" He bellowed, as he put his fist through the mirror with all the strength he could muster, shattering it into countless glittering shards that rained down around him with an almost musical sound. For a moment after, Derran stood there panting. Physical fatigue may no longer have held sway over him, but mental exhaustion was another matter.
+How quickly the facade comes crashing down eh?+ The apparition's voice continued, as Derran pulled his fist from the wall the mirror had been bolted to. +What would Twilight say if she could see her perfect little hero, destroying her home?+
"Be SILENT!" Derran hissed, falling to his knees as he clutched the sides of his head. "Leave me be abomination!"
+Oh no, you don't get to walk away from this, not anymore!+ The voice was no longer sarcastic, now it was filled instead with a cold hatred. +I kept quiet for centuries! Letting you use me like another weapon in your toolbelt to the point where you convinced yourself I was dead! But not anymore!+
"Leave me be! I didn't call you, I do not need you!" Derran snarled, feeling his rage flare brighter.
+Oh? Is that right?+ The being's voice stated, becoming a hateful whisper. +Tell me asshole, do you know why, I can finally speak to you again?+ The voice did not bother waiting for a response before continuing. +It's because you finally dug yourself a hole so deep you can't see any way out! That's why I exist in the first place! You made me to handle the things you can't! You broke Twilight's heart, and now your dipshit ass is hoping I can fix it!+ At the phantom entities words, Derran felt his rage vanish for an instant.
"I. . . I didn't know of her affection. . . I did not realize what was happening until it was too late! If I had more time I-" Derran began, but the voice cut him off.
+BULLSHIT! The only reason you didn't notice at first, was still your goddam fault!+ The voice snarled angrily.
"What are you talking about?" Derran demanded coldly.
+You remember the day we left Equestria?+ The voice asked, sounding oddly calm. +Tell me. . . do you remember how you felt?+ Derran knew the answer he wanted to give, indeed the answer he would have given but a few short days ago. That he had been sad, but secure in the knowledge that he was doing his duty, but suddenly he realized the truth.
"I. . . I. . ." Derran didn't want to say, wanted to maintain the illusion, but the voice within him had no such compunctions.
+You were in agony! Oh, you put on a brave face for Luna, Celestia, and everypony else, but you couldn't hide it from me. . . it was like the fall of D'nur all over again. . .+ Derran felt a stab of shame, as something in his mind shifted, and the true memory returned to him. +But you had a job to do. . . you had to keep up the brave face, play the role of the inspiring hero. . . so you started lying to yourself. Told yourself your romance with them wasn't real, that the offer they made you was just a farewell gift, that goddesses could never love mortals, that Heaven was never meant for you, and after telling yourself that shit long enough, you started to actually fucking believe it! You suppressed all the things that were causing you pain! Your sadness, your regret, your anger, and your ability to feel love, or even remember what it gods damned looked like!+ Derran shook his head, that couldn't be true, could it?
"Your wrong. . . I did feel love." He denied desperately. Yet, even as he spoke what his conscious mind assured him was the truth, something inside him told him the assurance to be false.
+No you felt loyalty, not the same dipshit. . .+ The voice stated coldly.
Derran's body shook, as again something within his subconscious crumbled, and he felt the damming truth of the voice wash over him. It was correct. . .Derran had convinced himself he only ever loved Celestia and Luna as a knight loves his queen, and he had utterly forgotten the other kind of love he had shared with them. The love of a stallion for a mare, and in forgetting it, had willingly rendered himself blind to it when he had returned.
+You even suppressed me! Convincing yourself that I was gone, and as a result. . . I got to remember all the things you chose to forget.+ The voice hissed.
"It is not my fault then, I just didn't re-" Derran began, sounding beyond pathetic, however the voice interrupted like a crack of lightning.
+DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE TRY TO MAKE THAT EXCUSE!! You may not have remembered at first, but you knew full fucking well what you felt later! Last night, in the hallway! Even a gods damned moron with half a brain couldn't have missed it, and neither could you! You fell in love with Twilight!+ Derran placed his face in his hands as the voice continued, desperately seeking a reprieve.
"Enough!" He half demanded half pleaded, he knew what was coming next, and he would have given anything to avoid it. However the voice would not be deterred.
+No.+ It stated, its voice as unforgiving and unyielding as stone. +You shattered Twilight's heart, and you betrayed Celestia and Luna, all so you could avoid your fuckups! I spent almost a millenia buried in your damned subconscious, now you are going to sit down and FUCKING LISTEN!+ The voice continued with a slow unemotional tone that was somehow worse than it's wrathful tirade of a moment before. +This morning, you had a chance. . . a chance to tell Twilight the truth, a chance to own up to your mistakes. You knew she loved you, you knew you returned that love, and you knew that you owed her an explanation of your relationship with Celestia and Luna . . . but you, the so called Guardian of Equestria, couldn't do it, could you? You couldn't face Twilight. So you did what you always do with problems you can't deal with. . . you ran away.+ The voice paused allowing the damning statement to fully sink in, before finishing with a question uttered in a hateful hiss. +Am I wrong?+ Derran wanted to argue, wanted to deny what the voice had said, but he couldn't. . . he couldn't deny the truth.
"No. . ." Derran replied with a whisper, the words sounding like a deathknell. However, he still had a question. "Why are you telling me this? Since when have you ever cared for the feelings of others. . . Doom Slayer?" Derran sensed the mind of the entity within him shift, he could almost see its vermillion gaze staring at him in disdain.
+I don't give a rat's ass about you or your feelings. . .+ Once more Derran could almost see the Doom Slayer's expression as it softened slightly. +but Twilight, Celestia, Luna, I do care about them. They deserve better than this. . . better than us.+ Here Derran could sense the Doom Slayer's expression turn back to a glare, yet his tone was almost sorrowful. +You know the other day, when you got those weird attacks whenever you started to get all warm and fuzzy with Twilight? That was me, trying to keep this shit from happening. . . you may not want to believe it, but I love her too. . . in my own way, and I wanted to keep her from having to deal with this shit.+ Derran shook his head, a self deprecating smile on his face.
"How is it, that of all creatures, you are the one to tell me all this?" Derran asked, a humorless laugh escaping his lips. The consciousness of the Doom Slayer seemed to shrug, as it turned away.
+I told you. . . I'm here to handle what you can't, to fix the problems you don't have the mindset or the power for. It ain't a job big on thank yous, but somebody's gotta keep you in line. . . but then you know all about that don't you?+ Derran nodded, recalling with crystal clarity the incident the Doom Slayer was referring to. When the roles had been reversed. . . That memory reminding Derran of why he had buried this entity to begin with.
"You know this changes nothing. . . I still do not trust you. . . and as far as I am concerned all you shall ever be is a sentient parasite. . ." Derran stated coldly, even as he felt The Doom Slayer smirk.
+But I'm still right.+ Derran nodded at the Doom Slayer's assessment.
"But in this case yes. . . you are still right." Derran conceded, as he rose to his feet. "That said, whatever power you fondly imagine you lend me, is still mine to wield. . . I am not the only one who has a penance that needs paying." Derran felt the Doom Slayer nod slowly.
+Yeah. . . guess you got a point.+ He replied, with what Derran interpreted as a solemn nod.
"And one day, when you are of no more use, I shall kill you, Doom Slayer." Derran promised coldly, and he felt the Doom Slayer smirk in response.
+I'd be genuinely disappointed if you didn't.+ He replied, his smirk widening. +But not today. . .+ Derran nodded slowly, his voice little more than a whisper as he responded.
"No. . . Not today." He agreed. However, no sooner had Derran voiced the thought, than a knock came at the door.
"Derran, may I come in?" It was Celestia's voice.
+All you, boss.+ The Doom Slayer declared, as Derran felt his presence recede into the depths of his subconscious. Derran nodded, he had created this mess. . . it was time to take responsibility for it. . .
Twilight cried. . . she cried until her eyes were puffy and swollen and her throat was raw, but the pain just wouldn't leave her. The moment it had all started, replayed in her mind with crystal clarity. . . the moment Luna's lips had met Derran's, Twilight's world had come crashing down. At first there had been numbness, as her mind and body didn't believe any of this was real, but it had been real. That realization had heralded the worst pain Twilight had ever experienced in her life. Like somepony had stabbed a dagger into her heart and given it a violent twist.
Then. . . then Derran had come to see her, and she had been stupid enough to think that he was going to somehow make it alright. However, instead of helping, all he had done was make the pain worse. No apology, just a half-assed excuse that wouldn't have satisfied a child! It wasn't enough that he had torn her heart out, he had to stomp it into mush right in front of her face! So she cried, she cried until finally she ran out of tears, and her pain at least faded to a dull but constant ache. Twilight wasn't sure how long she lay there before she heard the second knock at her door, however before she could say anything, she heard the last voice she expected.
"Twilight? May I come in?" Came the gentle voice of her former mentor. Twilight hesitated for a moment, before using her magic to unlock the door. As it opened, Twilight was surprised to see not just Celestia, but Luna, and Cadence as well. The three princesses filed in silently, before shutting and locking the door behind them.
"How are you feeling?" Cadence asked, and Twilight almost laughed.
"How do you think?" She spat, Cadence managing to avoid flinching despite the venom in Twilight's voice.
"I take it he tried to talk to you?" Luna asked, though she could easily guess the answer.
"He did." Twilight replied, acid in her every word.
"I'm guessing that he didn't do a very good job." Celestia opined, giving Twilight a sympathetic smile.
"Said he didn't tell me to: 'Maintain Operational Security'." Twilight responded bitterly. Celestia displayed a carefully controlled frown. Luna placed her hoof to her forehead, shaking her head as she muttered something under her breath that sounded like 'For Equestira's sake Derran.' while Cadence just made a face.
"Well I'm certainly not going to try and defend that." Celestia declared firmly, before switching to a more gentle tone. "However I sincerely doubt Derran had any wish to hurt you."
"Oh really?" Twilight replied sarcastically. Celestia nodded.
"Derran has endured things that most creatures would have been utterly destroyed by. He's spent several lifetimes fighting and surviving against odds that few can even contemplate. When he came to Equestria the first time, he was. . . well he was very different. He was broken in ways that should have been impossible to live with, yet somehow he did. We managed to help him recover as best we could, but calling him 'Healed' would be a significant stretch. He made a lot of progress, but. . ." Celestia paused, as a faraway look went into her eye.
"Derran was forced to leave before his mind could truly restore itself. None of us know what mental changes he may have needed to undergo in order to survive." Luna chimed in, her expression slightly pained.
"Is that supposed to make me forgive him?" Twilight asked coldly. Celestia shook her head.
"No, Derran should have told you about. . . us. Nopony can argue that, we are only telling you this to help you get a bit more perspective. Tell me Twilight. . . do you really believe Derran is the kind of stallion who would hurt you intentionally?" Twilight considered the question for a moment.
"I don't know." She said finally. "I don't want to believe it, but how can I know for sure?"
"A fair question." Celestia agreed.
"And even if he isn't, what does it matter. . . it's not like I can ever be with him now." Twilight declared miserably, and to her surprise, Celestia and Luna giggled.
"Well. . . I wouldn't say that." Celestia replied, smiling at Twilight's surprised expression. "Tell me Twilight. . . have you ever read about herds?" Twilight's eyes widened slightly as she nodded.
"It was a practice in ancient Equestria, to help compensate for an overabundance of females to males. Where a willing group of mares would form a joint relationship with a single consenting stallion romantic partner." Celestia nodded.
"A perfect textbook description, Twilight." She complemented.
"But I thought the practice didn't exist anymore?" Twilight asked.
"Oh, we can assure you the practice is still very much alive. . . or did you miss the fact that both my sister and I kissed Derran?" Luna asked slyly. Twilight blushed as she suddenly realized what the princesses were getting at.
"Oh. . . oh wow." Was all Twilight could say as her face reddened even further.
"But we can discuss that more later, I just had an idea. . ." Celestia declared, a mischievous smile forming on her face.
"You may." Derran stated, in response to Celestia's question. Even to his ears, his voice sounded hollow, he was a wreck inside. Celestia entered, walking into the room to give Derran a gentle smile, that he was unable to return. For several moments they stood there, and Derran, despite himself, could not help but marvel at Celestia's beauty. Her snow white coat that was as soft and smooth as silk, eyes of deep violet that brimmed with mystery, feathered white wings that would put any angel to shame, and a scintillating mane that contained all the colors of the sky at sunrise, forever swaying at the touch of an ethereal breeze. . . she was exquisite. "You look well." Derran stated, his voice sincere, yet drained. Celestia nodded.
"Twilight is resting. . ." She stated, glancing over her shoulder and shutting the door with her magic, to allow them to talk privately. "so I thought we should talk about us." Derran felt himself visibly tense for a moment before relaxing. He should have expected this, he had proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was unworthy of Celestia and Luna's affections. This also explained the Princess of Night's absence, Derran doubted she had any more desire to see him right now than Twilight did. However despite all this Derran felt strangely at ease, he had betrayed their trust, so Celestia had come to end it. It was a just outcome. . . though he was certain the pain would come later.
"I understand." Derran replied quietly, readying himself for what was to come, he had sinned, and now he must face the consequences.
"I think we should have a spring wedding." Celestia declared. Derran's head jerked upward, a flabbergasted expression on his face. Had he just heard that right?!
"What?" He asked, and suddenly he felt the Doom Slayer's presence return.
+Are you shitting me?!+ He asked, as incredulous as Derran.
"I know summer is more traditional, but as spring is a time of renewal I think it's the perfect season to usher in a new chapter in Equestrian history, don't you?" Derran was unable to speak for a moment as Celestia continued. "My sister and I will finally be able to rule with you at our side, it's like a dream come-" Celestia's happy words were suddenly cut off by a declaration as final as it was firm.
"There will be no wedding." Derran intoned, the necessity of the words doing little to salve his agony. Celestia looked at Derran's pained expression with a disbelieving one.
"What?" She asked, as stunned as Derran had been a moment ago.
"Milady. . . after what I did to Twilight. . . I cannot simply turn around and marry you and Lady Luna." Deran stated, his tone miserable but resolved.
"Just because you made a mistake-" Celestia began, only for Derran to cut her off once more.
"But it was not a mistake." Derran intoned, his voice calm despite his hands beginning to tremble once again. "I love Twilight. . . every bit as much as I love you and Lady Luna. I had a chance to spare her from the pain she is in now, but I was too cowardly to take it." Derran took a deep breath to steady himself. "I will not do so again. If I married you, after everything I did to Twilight, it would compound my betrayal, and cause her further pain. I will not allow that to happen." Celestia's eyes narrowed.
"I've waited almost twelve hundred years. . . Luna, has waited almost twelve hundred years!" Celestia declared, her voice tinged with anger. "And now you are telling me it was all for nothing?! That you are simply going to end our engagement just because you lost your courage for a few seconds?!" Derran met Celestia's gaze, tears were streaming from her eyes, pain and anger writ large upon her features, but Derran refused to look away, even as his heart shattered.
"If I allowed myself to break Twilight's heart again, it would only prove I am not the stallion you deserve." Derran stated, his own words feeling like the lashes of a whip against his soul. Celestia looked at Derran like he had just stabbed her in the gut. tears falling steadily from her eyes.
"It took me twenty years to stop crying myself to sleep after you left. . . I dreamed of your return every night for the last eleven hundred years! I never even tried to date another stallion because none of them could ever hope to match you!!" Every one of Celestia's words was like a white hot needle forced into Derran's flesh, but his expression did not shift as Celestia began to cry openly. "I love you! I love you so much it HURTS!!" She cried, and Derran struggled not to simply summon his sidearm and put a round through his temple, this was beyond agony. Tears fell silently from Celestia's face, as she looked at him pleadingly. "This isn't fair." She whispered, as a single tear fell from Derran's right eye, even as his stonelike expression did not shift.
"No it is not. . . but it is what is right." Derran stated, and as he did so, he wondered how it was, that in the center of Heaven, he could feel worse torment than any ever devised by Hell. "I am sorry." Derran stated, wishing with all his heart that he could reverse the flow of time. Celestia turned away, unable to even look at Derran anymore.
"Please. . . don't do this to me." She begged, Derran simply shook his head.
"Do you recall what I said to you, when you and Luna both said you loved me?" Derran asked, his words heavy with sorrow. Celestia nodded.
"You said: 'If I cannot make you both happy, then the least I can do is treat you both equally'." Celestia recited. "You said you loved us both too much to favor one over the other, and that all you could promise was that you would never be romantically involved with anypony else." She recalled, her misery evident in every word, as she struggled not to break down compleatly. Derran nodded.
"I already broke half of that vow, I will not break the rest of it." Derran declared firmly. Celestia sniffed, and the remains of Derran's heart felt like they had gone from shards, to dust.
"So you really love Twilight as much as Luna or I then? Even to the point you would give up the happiness you could have with us, just to spare her pain?" Celestia asked dejectedly.
"I do." Derran stated, his conviction absolute. Slowly, Celestia turned back to look at Derran, and before his eyes, her expression of misery and anger, became a triumphant smirk. Her voice ringing out without so much as a hint of sorrow or rage.
"So Twilight, still wondering if Derran wasn't the stallion you thought?" She asked the empty space beside the bed with a giggle, and Derran's eyes widened as the air shimmered. Revealing Twilight, Luna, and Cadence standing there with smiling, tear stained faces. Derran rose to his feet, his features twisted into an expression of shock as he tried to figure out how long they had been there.
"Twilight I-" Twilight raised her hoof, forestalling Derran's words. Walking forward with a funny little smile on her face, Twilight wiped away the shimmering droplets in her eyes, created by Derran's earlier speech.
"If you want to apologize. . ." She intoned, her voice low and commanding as she brought Derran's head to eye level with her magic. "then do it properly." She demanded, as, with a boldness she never knew she possessed, Twilight pressed her lips to Derran's. For a long moment they stayed like that, before finally parting.
"Twilight. . ." Derran began. "I am so sorry. . . I should have told you everything." He declared, tears filling his eyes, as his stone-like facade from earlier, crumbled completely. "I was a coward, an idiot, and an utter fool!" Pausing to take a breath, Derran's voice became a whisper. "I can never apologize enough, to you." He stated, as he looked up at Celestia and Luna. "Nor to you my ladies, I betrayed your trust, and I will do whatever is necessary to atone for-" Derran was cut off as Celestia covered his mouth with her own, a short but passionate moment later the Solar Princess withdrew, and Luna stepped forward.
"As my newest sister said my love; if you are going to apologize. . ." Here Luna's voice dropped to a sensual whisper. "do so properly." Derran had no time to speak as Luna swiftly moved to engage his lips in more important matters, and as the kiss deepened, Darran felt something stir in the back of his mind.
+They really are too good for us . . .+