If there's one thing the denizens of Equestria have always needed, it's to have somewhere to relax and knock back a few drinks. The tales that follow chronicle Haggis, a surly ex-adventurer, and her plucky human assistant, as they attempt to live their lives and please customers of all varieties.

Artwork by AnonTheAnon (Twitter @RealAnonTheAnon)

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You ended up in Equestria about two years ago, and in that time, you've become quite close with a number of ponies. Of them, Rarity in particular has left a major impression on you. She seems to enjoy having you around, and you appreciate the company.

That said, there is one major roadblock getting in the way of your relationship. More than anypony you know, Rarity is extremely concerned with keeping up appearances. As a fashion designer and all-around fabulous mare, she frequently wants your opinion on how she looks.

Unfortunately for you, you're a human with no way of telling what makes a pony "beautiful."

Sometimes you really need a nice, big, juicy piece of meat to eat. Unfortunately, every creature around you has eyes larger than their heads and are friend shaped.

No animals were harmed in the making of this story, much to his dismay.

A goofy idea I spent an hour writing. Please enjoy.

Audiobook Version now available - Done by yours truly.

It's been a while since you've had a proper day off. No work, no responsibilities, none of it. So, you're going to make the most of it by doing absolutely nothing. Your hammock is set up, your cooler is nice and full, and the shade underneath these Ponyville oak trees feels quite heavenly. Yup, it's going to be a good day.

Twilight, on the other hand, doesn't understand why you would want to do something so... mundane.

This story is a sequel to Lovesickness

Following the lovesickness debacle, your relationship with Chrysalis has been strained. Your deal still stands, but... things are different now. And with some troubling rumors going around about your favorite bug, her motivation to leave the house has only gone down.

However, that doesn't mean you've given up on her. You still believe in her ability to do the right thing, and it is that belief that caused you to get into an altercation with some of your closest friends. But when that altercation escalates as a result of Chrysalis's actions, you find yourself taking on a serious injury that could very well be fatal.

It comes as a shock to everyone when Chrysalis scoops you up and makes a break for it. Although her motivations are unknown, it seems that she is dead set on keeping you away from the ponies that could help you.

But with no friends to assist her, where can Chrysalis even run to, and what could she possibly be planning?

While hanging out with Starlight Glimmer, Eric Reed blurted out that he thought Rarity is a large ham, due to her habit of being overdramatic. As per his luck, Rarity happened to be in earshot and did not like what her human friend called her, albeit for reasons Eric didn't mean.

However, even if Eric tried explaining what he really meant by "large ham", Rarity might not take that answer well either.

This story is one of a still-growing series of stories that all take place after A Giant Adventure to Equestria. However, it is not necessary to read any of them to understand this story, but "A Giant Adventure to Equestria" does show the details of how and why the human OC Eric Reed is in Equestria even if the story isn't that great by my standards and improved writing abilities now.

If you enjoy this story and would be interested to check any of the other stories with Eric, you can find the list of all current ones here.

This story is a sequel to Bed Bug

It was two months ago that you and Chrysalis struck a deal. Now, the two of you live together in your Ponyville home, under the condition that you share your love with the ex-queen while she... doesn't do villain stuff. You've grown quite close in that time, but despite getting her to slowly come out of her shell around you, she still refuses to leave the house.

So when you wake up one day to discover that she has contracted some sort of illness, it comes as a bit of a shock. She has apparently never been sick before, and you don't know enough about changelings to help her yourself. It seems like the only solution is to find somecreature who does.

However, the past is not so easily forgotten. How can you get help when the Changeling Kingdom wants nothing to do with her? When the wounds that she caused run so deep that even children bear their scars? When Chrysalis herself is so stubborn, so prideful, that she is unwilling to admit her fault in any of it?

When is a crime too terrible to forgive?

For a human that ended up in an alien world full of talking ponies, you've been living a surprisingly boring life. Sure, you have friends and go on adventures and stuff, but you don't really have a "purpose" per se. At least, you didn't until about a month ago, when a "heinous villain" that had been turned to stone went missing from Canterlot. Now, there's a washed-up queen crashing in your basement and stealing your love.

If only you could get her to admit that she doesn't actually steal it from you.

This story is a sequel to Anon is Incarcerated Due to His Involvement in the Transportation of Crack Cocaine

AIDHITCC (Anon is Incinerated Due to His Involvement in the Transportation of Crack Cocaine) is the direct sequel to the critically acclaimed AIDHITCC (Anon is Incarcerated Due to His Involvement in the Transportation of Crack Cocaine.)

The current story follows Anon, an immensely powerful creature who has recently been captured by Princess Celestia for his transgressions against pony kind. Usually he is not one to be caught with his pants down, however, his greatest weakness had been exploited at the most inopportune time and now he finds himself at the mercy of the pony leader.

‘What is his greatest weakness?’ You may ask?

Well, I’m glad you’re so curious!

It’s off screen plot convenience.

(Some readers may be disturbed. This is a very serious fanfiction for very serious fanfictioneers. Rated 7/10 by Steve Jobs, who is quoted as saying: “A piece of literature so good, It motivated me to come back to life and get cancer again before dying a second time.”)

Also plz be nic3 firs stry on this site thx ☺️

Shout out to God, my proof reader. And shout out to Lowe’s for sponsoring this story. Perform the Dougie at your local empty Lowe’s parking lot (only redeemable during midnight) to increase the price of your next transaction by 30%. Thank you once again to Lowe’s for sponsoring this story.

WARNING: BY READING THIS MESSAGE YOU AGREE TO THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS. Which means you need to PayPal me money. If you don’t have money, mail yourself to my multimillion shekel mansion and I guess I’ll make due.

Please send thoughts and prays as I’m kinda in a bad place right now. Not mentally, I just live in Canada.

Have you ever just been having a regular day, then suddenly, BAM, you're dead? Well, no, of course you haven't. But what do you expect to happen after you die? If the answer was getting shoved into an overly pink copy of a pony princess, you'd be lying. Worse yet, she made me an alicorn just like her, which causes a whole new set of problems.

Unfortunately, she was adamant that I stay and become her twin sister. I ditched her immediately in my bumbling confusion and fear, and who could blame me? The last thing on my mind was being here! Ponies, princesses, and twin sisters? What kind of fantasy story was that? I was on the run, hiding from guard patrols, and fighting for my next meal. However, my own hubris caught up to me in the end, and her super powerful mother, Cadance, found me and made me see how stupid I was being. And Cadance, is an absolutely crazy powerful pony, with an even more powerful maternal instinct. So when it came down to her word against mine, she was really hard to convince, and she wasn't taking no for an answer.

(AKA, Super wholesome, fluffy, found family. And me having fun tugging on heartstrings.)
(Cover image by: me)