3 - How It Feels to Be Lost
Flurry Heart walked through the castle halls with her head low and an aching feeling of sadness in her heart. She had been so excited when her mother first found Kieran a week ago, but those hopes were immediately dashed when she heard that they had escaped again.
She came upon the living room of the palace, stopping at the cracked doorway as she heard her mother arguing with her father on the other side of the door. "Shining, I’m not just going to sit here in the warmth while Kieran is out in that storm… If we can’t find Kieran tonight, they’ll die of the cold!"
"Honey, calm down. We won’t let that happen, I promise." Shining said reassuringly.
Cadance whimpered, "I scared them off; now they refuse to show their face; nobody has reported seeing him for days. It’s so cold out there tonight; how am I supposed to rest? What if it’s already too late?"
"Stop," Shining sighed, "you can’t think like that. Maybe the snowstorm will coax him out of hiding?"
Flurry pushed through the door with tears in her eyes as both her parents looked her way. "Kieran is going to die?"
Cadance looked at her daughter in horror and said, "N-No, of course not, dear! We would never let that happen!"
Flurry Heart’s tears streamed down her cheeks quickly as she turned around and ran. Cadance and Shining quickly followed, even as the filly closed her door sharply and locked it.
Cadance knocked on the door as she began to cry as well. "I’m sorry, honey! I wasn’t trying to scare you; Kieran will be just fine! Momma was just overreacting!"
"You’re lying!" Flurry retorted from the other side of the door as she wailed, "Kieran is going to die, and it’s going to be all my fault, momma!" Cadance lowered her head in sadness as she felt helpless about what to do.
Shining knocked on the door, "Sweetheart, I’m going out into that storm, and I won’t come back without Kieran. I promise."
Cadance looked up in surprise as the door unlocked and opened a little bit. "Y-You will?" Flurry asked.
"Yep, promise." Shining said before crossing his heart.
"I’m going too." Cadance said. Shining wanted to dispute her words, but taking one look into her eyes, he knew there was zero point. And he gave a silent nod.
"Will you tell them I’m sorry?" Flurry asked shakily.
Cadance leaned down and nuzzled her softly, saying, "You’ll be able to say anything you want to them yourself. I promise."
Flurry gave a half-hearted smile and leaned forward to kiss her mother on the cheek, "Please be safe."
They both nodded and turned to leave as a guard approached them; he bowed swiftly and cleared his throat. "Princess Cadance, we’ve got a lead as to where the filly is."
Cadance's eyes widened, and she invaded his personal space with a desperate face of hope. "You do? Where are they?"
It was cold…
So cold…
The wind howled, and the snow was certainly falling. I tried as hard as I could to curl up and use my cloaks for warmth. Unfortunately for me, they were all thin fabrics, which didn’t help much. I shifted and turned more and more, just hoping that in some position I’d find enough warmth to fill my tiny body. But as the storm raged on, my body only felt colder by the second, and I began shivering. My teeth chattered loudly, and my hooves would grow numb if I didn’t move them.
I heard shouting among the streets outside my alleyway. They weren’t close enough to fear that my spot would be found, but the streets were certainly full of guards. I heard some of their orders: "Find her!"
"Check every little spot!"
"We might not have much time!"
I sighed annoyedly; if I had to leave my spot, it would all be over.
The growing numbness in my body made me concerned, however. It was becoming increasingly clear that I couldn’t stay this way, or I’d freeze to death. I peered outside for just a moment; the blizzard was raging, and it was intensifying for the second time. I reached my shivering hoof out of the box to test the wind and immediately pulled it back in. It was unreasonably cold.
I felt my mind becoming groggy; it obviously wanted me to sleep to conserve energy. But every survival documentary will tell you the opposite.
But sleep sounded so good…
Maybe if I just closed my eyes for a minute…
"No!" I barked to myself suddenly as I shook my head.
Instead, I willed myself to move, and boy, was it hard. It felt like I was trying to move my limbs while they had thirty-pound weights attached. I groaned as I stood, grabbing my three cloaks and putting all three of them on. It still wouldn’t be enough. I had vastly underestimated how bad it would get.
I took my first step outside of the box, and instantly my spine chilled. However, I willed myself to move. I hadn’t known true coldness until after I stepped out of the alley and the wind hit me at full force. I’d rather spend my free time swimming in an ice lake. ‘Where do I go?’ I thought wearily.
I could try a public library, maybe? Or maybe I could just sneak into any old building? Surely somebody had to have left the door unlocked somewhere. I pressed forward through the snow, which was so thick and blinding that I could barely see three steps ahead of me. The only thing indicating I was still following a path were the street lamps lining the path.
I felt myself growing weaker by the second; my small body was screaming at me. Sleep, sleep, find warmth; you’re also hungry now… Man, I hate having physical needs.
If I were proficient enough as an alicorn, I would probably be able to cast some spells to help myself. But not only was I practically worthless at magic; my mind was already groggy. So when they find my frozen body on the sidewalk the next morning, I’ll be forever known as the dumb alicorn who somehow froze to death. That had to be some sort of achievement.
The snow had become so thick. If there were still guards out here searching for me, they’d have zero luck. It also helped that my outermost cloak was white. I felt like I was walking through an icy wasteland; the only thing indicating I was still in a city was the very faint glow of distant lamp posts.
It wasn’t working.
I was cold and tired, and I wanted to stop right now.
Maybe I could just bury myself in a snow drift.
One of my front legs gave out on me. I was so numb I couldn’t even tell which one.
Was I going to die? Again?
‘I don’t…’
A knot formed in my throat as I thought about that.
‘I don’t want to die again…’
I looked upward into the blinding blizzard, my eyes being pelted mercilessly with snowflake after snowflake. I thought I could see a larger building, one with many lights on. I willed myself to move towards it with more ambition. If I was going to die, it wouldn’t be due to the cold.
By a pure stroke of luck, I ended up passing by the outside of a cafe that still had its lights on. It was risky, but it was my best bet. I stumbled over to the doorway, carefully stood up, and reached for the handle. Struggling just to stand. I eventually grasped it, only to realize it was locked. For a moment, I considered ramming through the glass. If I even had enough strength left to do so. But just as I was about to, an older mare was walking out of one of the back rooms. She happened to look my way, and she gasped and rushed over.
Unlocking the door and practically pulling me in, the nice green unicorn pony mare with a dark brown mane brushed the snow off me. "Oh dear! What were you doing out in that storm, darling?" The feeling of warmth that washed through me was nice, but it didn’t immediately make me feel better; I was still frozen to the bone.
She sounded older than most mares, but I couldn’t make a comprehensive sentence as I continued to shiver. Her eyes widened as she grabbed my hoof and guided me somewhere. Where? I don’t know; my body felt checked out already. She sat me next to a large fireplace that was at the back of the cozy little cafe. She leaned down and pulled my hood off. She stared at me for a few moments in complete shock, then seemed to move on. "I’ll get you a warm drink, dear. You just warm up right here, okay?"
I didn’t even nod; I just let my front hooves collapse under me as I lay in front of the fire. Rushed hoofsteps left me to myself. My eyes defocused on everything as I stared forward at the fire, watching the fire dance in amongst the wood and bricks. I felt so sleepy, so sleepy.
After an indeterminable amount of time, I heard her again. "Here you are, darling. Please, drink." She told me as she helped me sit up. She hovered a cup of hot chocolate in front of me, and my weary and tired brain reached out and grabbed it like a zombie.
I took a couple of careful sips; I could practically track the drink as it went through my body. That’s how cold I’d been. The mare next to me seemed pleased by my ability to drink it by myself. And she laid down on the soft carpet right next to me. "I hear a lot of stories about you, dearie."
For the first time, my brain registered words, and I half-heartedly glanced at her. "Oh, do you?" I said with a hoarse voice.
She smirked, "Mostly warnings, and others telling me not to cross your path, or else you’ll wreak havoc with minor inconveniences."
I let a half-smirk spread on my face. "Well, am I living up to the legends?"
She hummed, "Oh, you know. I didn’t plan on going home early tonight or anything." She joked sarcastically.
The old mare had a sense of humor, and I could respect that. I felt my head dip even as I took another sip of the drink.
She sighed worriedly. "You know Princess Cadance and the entire guard have been searching for you restlessly."
I slowly nodded with a bit of apprehension, "I know."
The old mare sighed and put on a gentle voice. "I understand that you may be scared or weary, but I assure you, Cadance wishes for nothing but your absolute safety." The mare reassured me.
I sighed after taking another sip. "But you don’t really know her, do you?"
"Afraid not," the mare returned with a gentle laugh. "But it’s very easy to see when someone is worried for a child so desperately. It’s called maternal instinct."
I scoffed as I rested my head on the ground, saying, "I don’t know what they’ve been telling you ponies. But I’m not their daughter, regardless of the similarities."
The mare just laughed again, "Oh, so young." My ears folded as I felt like I was being made fun of, but the mare just continued onward. "You don’t have to be her daughter for somepony to feel that motherly worry for you."
"That makes no sense," I muttered with a yawn.
The mare nodded, and I felt her pull a fluffy blanket over me. I tried to fight it, but regardless, I began slowly drifting off to sleep after finishing half of the cup. "I’ll be just a minute." She whispered. I heard hoofsteps leaving in the opposite direction.
I lucked out. It would be in my best interest not to get caught in another snowstorm like that. I’d let myself rest for a little while and leave once the snow starts dying down. I wouldn’t have to worry about the mare asking questions.
Curiously, I began to hear ponies talking, and as far as I knew, there weren’t any other ponies here. I slowly yet cautiously lifted my tired head and looked towards the far entrance to the cafe. There the mare was, speaking to two crystal guards and continuously pointing in my direction with worry.
Of course, I should’ve known she’d rat me out the moment I arrived. The worst part was that I caught a glimpse of that Shining Armor pony out the door.
Well, that was it for my warmth session. I stood hastily, my limbs aching angrily in protest, and snuck as quietly as possible towards the other door that I’d been pulled in from. But Shiny seemed to have the eyes of a hawk, as his eyes widened and he called out to me. "Kieran, don’t run! Please!"
With my tail between my legs, I panicked and jumped up, catching the door handle on my way down. When I pulled it, the door swung open violently with the storm outside, knocking me to the floor. I scrambled to my legs as the guards approached and shot back out into the snow with renewed panicked vigor.
I ran, running as fast as I could for my alleyway. For my box. Unfortunately, the snowstorm had cleared a bit, so I was much more visible than before. I heard a guard's armor clamoring behind me, and I knew they were catching up. My legs were stiff and still cold; I had no chance. Any second now, they’d give out.
I tried to shoot into my alleyway as discreetly as possible, but I instantly regretted that decision when I saw what assaulted my alleyway. And I skidded to a grinding halt at the sight.
In the alleyway were two guards, one of whom was the one who found me in my box the first time. And none other than Princess Cadance herself, wearing a heavy fur cloak. She was picking apart my box house with a stream of tears coming out of her eyes. As she went through the few things I’d collected.
The shouting of guards behind me brought their attention to me as Shining barely forced himself through the hole, destroying half the fence in the process. Cadance gasped loudly when she noticed me, and she stood to her hooves. "Kieran… Sweetheart."
I turned to see that the guards and Shining Armor had caught up and were blocking my exit. I slowly lowered my head in defeat, unintentionally tucking my tail between my legs.
I simply walked over to the pink princess in a bit of a huff; she looked at me expectantly as I pulled my box out of her hooves with force. Cadance took a surprised step back as I corrected it back into its place against the wall. "Thanks for coming; sadly, I am not accepting visitors tonight." I said sourly.
Cadance reached her hoof towards me, "Kieran, honey, you don’t have to live like this. You know that, right?"
I shied away from her as I averted my gaze. "It's fine; I like it here. Didn't I tell you already?" I said this as I crossed my forelegs. More to keep warmth in than anything else.
Cadance’s look of heartbreak was ruining me. "You’re shivering like a leaf. I’m not going to let you sit out here." She said firmly.
"If you want to help, then leave that fur coat for me; it’d be greatly appreciated." I expressed a small amount of hope.
Cadance leaned downward, "Or, you can come with us and feel safe and warm. Does that really sound so bad?"
I rubbed my hooves across my forelegs to try and warm up as my entire body shivered. My teeth chattered, "I-It’s okay. I d-don’t need… anybody."
"Yes, you do." Shining spoke sadly as he took a few steps forward.
"I don’t want a-anybody then." I said as I gritted my teeth.
Shining sat down a few feet away, "And I don’t want to let a foal die knowing I could help. You see our conflict here?"
I glared at him, but had nothing to say that would convince the commander of what was potentially the dumbest army ever. Someone had to have taught them, after all.
Cadance laid down on the ground in front of me and tried her hardest to look me in the eyes. "Kieran, we aren’t going to hurt you. And we certainly aren’t going to leave you out here."
I scoffed as I looked up at her and said, "Kieran is dead." I started slowly: "I’m dead, get it? I’m nobody anymore."
I watched the desperate emotions of sadness on Cadance’s face; she opened her mouth, and I quickly continued. "And I’m certainly not Flurry Heart. So I’m sorry to be a disappointment, but you can just leave me alone already."
She adopted a determined expression, and she actually looked at me with a small amount of anger. "You’re not Flurry; she’s far less stubborn. If you don’t want to be Kieran any more, that’s fine too! But sitting out here in a winter storm awaiting your inevitable death lets me know that you’re certainly still just as childish as our daughter." That felt hurtful, I had to admit.
Shining widened his eyes at her, "Honey-"
"No." She cut him off. "If he thinks he is mature enough, then I will treat him like an equal adult in this conversation. Regardless of the fact that I’ve lived his lifespan plenty of times over." She said that last bit with emphasis. And she stopped for another moment and released a deep sigh, "Are you trying to die, Kieran? Or whatever you'd like to be called?"
I felt myself becoming smaller by the moment as I slowly shook my head. She immediately continued her reprimand: "So then, what’s your plan? How do you expect to live until morning?"
I huffed, "I was perfectly warm in the café before you guys showed up."
Cadance put a hoof to her head as she explained to me, "That mare still had to go home tonight; she had a family. You would’ve ended up in a hospital or back on the streets if you ran."
I felt myself shrink even more as she continued, "And if you go to the hospital and me and Shining don’t show up and refuse to help you, where do you think you’ll go?"
I could tell she was expecting an answer, so I answered, letting out precious warmth in the process. "An orphanage, somewhere like that…"
"Yep," Cadance continued. "I understand your species probably considered you adults at a much younger age, but the simple fact is that ours ages much slower. And our bodies don’t fully develop until we're thirty five. You can’t change that fact about yourself now. It’s not that our species is just so much dumber than your own that we need more time; we just happen to have much longer lifespans. Thus, we have longer to develop emotionally. And you’re an alicorn! You’re going to live for thousands of years!"
My body froze in shock. "Th-Thousands?" Wait, that made sense. Luna was thousands of years old; I hadn’t even made that connection by myself. I felt slightly dizzy afterwards.
She nodded softly, "So you are allowed to be a child." Cadance said, "Forcing yourself to grow up too fast is only going to cause heartache and pain. And I know what happens when an alicorn falls into that pit of hopelessness. I don’t want that for you, Kieran."
She waited for a few moments, and I regret to admit I gravitated closer to her due to the need for warmth. I absolutely craved to stop shivering. She shielded me with her wings generously and lit her horn. Which seemed to chase away some of the wind. The chill started leaving my body, and I relaxed as I kept myself just barely standing.
She continued. "And you know what would happen to an alicorn in an orphanage?" I stayed silent. "Any number of things. I don’t like it, Kieran, but there are bad ponies out there. Do you honestly expect me—forget about my personal worries for a moment—as a ruler of the Crystal Empire, would it make any sense to allow potentially dangerous ponies to acquire an alicorn and force you to do things you would otherwise dislike?"
Ah, so that's why she was doing all of this. I was simply a war asset, something to be used and thrown away by royalty. Of course, any royalty would want all of that for themselves. Unfortunately for her, the most I was worth was a smoke bomb every few seconds.
Why… Why was she trying so hard to explain to me then? But also, why couldn’t I say anything as a rebuttal? My mind was blanking in the cold. "No…" I squeaked out quietly to her question.
Cadance’s expression softened, and so did her voice. "Then you can look at it from the perspective of my own motherly worry. And maybe you can understand… Please… Understand why we want to help you. You can hate me all you want, but I’m not leaving you out here in this storm. Understand? If you absolutely hate us, I'll even entertain finding you a different home."
"But why?" I pushed past the knot in my throat as my voice wavered.
She held a hoof out and petted the top of my head gently, "Because I want to see you happy. And not because you’re Flurry Heart’s doppelganger. Not because you’re an alicorn and I want to exploit you for my own gain. But because you deserve to be happy, and for no other reason."
I just shook my head and retreated away from her hoof, hiding in my box a little farther. "I don’t need anybody; I’ve never needed anybody. Just leave me alone." I said this as I turned my back on her. I knew now that it was over; I had no more words to defend myself. I had nowhere to run; I didn’t want to die, and Cadance had made many great points about me. Maybe I was still naive, thinking I could run forever.
Cadance was closer now; her gentle voice told me as much. "It’s okay," she cried. "You can stop running now; it’s over."
I huffed angrily as tears started pouring out of my eyes. "What, so you’re going to capture me and get rid of the old me b-because I look like your daughter and try to turn me into some perfect princess? And then… and then…" My breathing quickened so much that I choked up.
"Shh…" Cadance wrapped her hooves around my midsection and said, "No, I’m going to love you, feed you, and give you the home you deserve."
"But why?" I asked again in complete confusion as I turned to meet her face.
She must’ve been waiting, as I was immediately nuzzled, and she wiped the tears from my eyes. "Because you’re lost, scared, and in need of a home." She chimed fondly.
"I’m just a copy of your daughter-" I retorted.
"But you’re not!" Cadance countered, "You. Are. Yourself." She spoke slowly.
She smiled sadly, "You’re Kieran, the stubborn, clever, frozen, lost human. And frankly, with how ruffled your hair is, you look rather different from Flurry." She commented with a small giggle.
Shining hummed agreeably as he lay down by her side: "You have very different personalities. Just because you share the same colors doesn’t mean a single thing. Who you are is determined by what you do, not how you look."
Cadance leaned forward more. She picked me up and pulled me against her barrel, and her wings wrapped around to further hug me tighter. "Please let us help." She asked me quietly.
I shivered more as my limbs felt weak, and my body slowly stopped responding to me. And I buried my face in her chest for warmth. "I don’t need anybody." I protested weakly. I must’ve looked pathetic as I stained her fur with tears.
"You can say that all you want; I’m not letting you leave me again." Cadance said sweetly.
Cadance nuzzled the back of my head, "I’m getting you out of this cold, whether you like it or not." She stated this sternly as she stood back up with me in her grasp.
It wasn’t long after that when my body succumbed to the darkness and cold. And I stopped moving and fully succumbed to sleep. It was almost as if a spell had been placed on me, but I knew it was because my body had finally stopped fighting. From mental exhaustion to physical exhaustion, it was over.
Cadance was taking me home.
Stats
Page generated in 0.02 seconds
Total duration
1,006 users online
1,219,892 hits today, 1,960,719 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Really wish I could like this story multiple times.
Always happy to see an update!
Very sweet.
That made me choke up. Amazing chapter:D
Whoever does the artworks for this story is really good. Seeing the image of Cadance embrace Kieran really warmed my heart.
Ironic given that they are currently in the middle of a snowstorm.
great chapter
11606662
11606671
same
11606673
yep
Hopefully she brings the box it looks like Kieran put a lot of work into it
No those are not tears falling down, it's just those God darn ninjas with onions again.
Well they seem have gotten through but I don't know considering they even though they didn't want to admit it needed desperately. Will they still be willing to give them chance when the storm ends.
Great chapter. Would like again if I could.
If you want to end this as a short story, that’s alright.
. . . Would you ever consider making a longer sequel at a later date?
11606681
The guy who makes my artwork is pretty cool, and I know him pretty well.
Thanks for the compliment lol.
This is getting interesting.
Anyone who would throw themselves into a snowstorm with near certain death wouldn't be mature even here.
Well, I managed to hold out until the end of the chapter. That's 2 for 2 for making me cry today Flygon. I can't wait to see Flurry and Keiran meet again.
I agree with the author this story needs to be about… Family
AMONG US ON THE BOX AMONG US ON THE BOX AMONG US ON THE BOX!
GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
11606792
She was…. Among Us
That was a very sad chapter and shows how very lonely the little alicorn is…
hopefully she will open up to Cadence and her family. I could see Luna be her teacher.
Btw it’s definitely interesting the comments want a big adventure or something different since I guess the fandom is hungry for that kind of stuff
which btw won’t Flurry and Kevin be in trouble by Death or whoever handles the afterlife for what happened in the story?
But I guess that’s kind of leaning into what you said about not wanting to do for this story.
Anyways, hope to see more
11606814
Yeah, I mean this story is going to have much more to it then just fluff, but it's not going to be like... wars, epic battles and conflicts. Y'know, also:
New pony name for Kieran confirmed?
11606731
Don't worry, the story's not over lol. In fact I'd consider it to be just beginning now.
11606823
I keep thinking you name him Kevin and not Kieran since I don’t think I ever heard that name before 
Yea yes, fluff is the best way
Realy nice chapter :)
ceep it like this ore even better and this story will be a huge sicksess
Cadance is lying through her teeth, watch her raise Kieren to the standards of a princess. I hate emotional manipulation to this extent, every word she says is an empty platitude to placate Kieren into becoming HER CHILD. It didn't matter if he'd been 50, 100 or a 1000 in his pervious life, the moment she locked eyes with him in the form of Flurry Heart, she made the connection that he is her child.
This is supposed to be a story for everyone but fuck me is it grating at me aaaaaaaaa
like if he wants to get adopted and live a childhood that should be on him to choose and yes I know it sounds nice but goddam I hate him being looked down on her so much and yes that's what it is'd book it took and promise my self-id gtfo that universe trying to find my way home are at least someplace with humans.
but to be fair MC got some trust trauma and I don't think it is a bad thing for his mindset but me I love my mom so this bitch trying to be my new mom would make me down right murderess like id promise to her face in the last scene to kill her if it's the last thing I do iam an emotion creature.
Just faved this and read all the chapters, I love it.
Who was the artist who did that artwork?
Awww, this is nice
I'm upset it ended so soon and it isn't going with the escape ending but this might be good given your other fic. Also,
11606792
MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP
He’s likely dealing with a lot of trauma, can’t imagine he’s mentally in a good place. Hopefully Shining and Cadence can give him a stable environment. While some are arguing Cadence was being a little manipulative here… keep in mind she literally found him freezing to death just to try and escape her… before she’s actually even done anything even the least bit bad to him….she’s trying to save his life. Maybe it’s not perfect, but she’s handling the situation better than most considering the absurdity of it all.
Also…. He probably gonna need a bath after all this… after all the drama it would be nice to have a hilarious scene of Cadence trying to clean him.
TLDR: They needed more time to developed. In other word, dumb.
The guards being treated as braindead neanderthals doesn't help either.
B-but we should force them to grow up quickly to work because it's good for them.
Does nobody care about the poor, helpless economy?
Is that you, Ikari Shinji?
11606844
The author does their own artwork.
Source: it was mentioned in their other story about a human-turned-alicorn finding family.
Enjoyed this chapter, looks like things are turning round.
I do wonder where the story will go from here since it'd be starting a new arc.
Life at the castle probably.
Interactions with Flurry, they seemed to be getting on quite well the first time, and I'm sure he's excited to get on Flurry's game console.
More emotional turmoil of "I don't want to stay here and be pampered" but also "I can't bring myself to leave, no matter how much I berate myself"
Learning magic and flight too, obviously.
And maybe shenanigans involving Kieren, Flurry and the guards; I can see him being a bad influence on her.
Plural ? More than one?
And also Kieran didnt he change sex so technically would be called a "she"?
Im confused....
Awesome ch thank u but can u put this story in human filly / colt section please
11606844
I think it's the author himself. He said in the description of the story that the Art of the cover is made by him, plus the artistic style looks the same as the cover, so probably he did it.
What the hell happened to that stubborn idiot on his past life for him to be like this?
I can understand why Keiran is so determined to get away from Cadence, and I have no doubt he will continue to do so in some way, physically or emotionally.
Still, it seems that he will become a member of the family eventually. So at least we have a happy ending in sight.
Perfect job as always, word-smith!
Even if the story ended here I'd say this was a great read.
I don't personally write (my spelling is a nightmare) but its obvious that one of the reasons this story is so good is that you wrote what YOU wanted, because of that more care was put into this story than something constructed off the desires of others...
...that and people in general are suckers for a good found family story.
I wish I could add a like for every chapter. You're a natural writer, please don't stop.
Well, this is way betetr than waiting till he fell asleep in the cafe and they bringing him back into the castell. So Keiran does at least feel like having a choice, instead of wakeing up in what he could consider a prison.
11602511
Luna
11606662
same in full honesty fimfice is pretty much a ded site that i know of so to find a good story that hopfully goes on is a great thing in my book
Observation: The character Kieran is mentally ill. They would rather die than accept any help. They are unable to comprehend social interactions and biological instincts. They are unable to observe parallels between similar cases. They accept help from cafe owner, but not the princess, despite them having same reasons. They are unable to think of making a deal, tradeoff, and come to an agreement with anyone they perceive as an enemy. They are unable to consider the differences in biology or social norms that may exists in alien world and judge everything by their own past life experience. They are unable to plan long-term whatsoever, for example, finding an abandoned house before winter. They would rather break the law and endanger their health than take potential power, wealth and fame they are freely given by the right of existence. They are also unable to comprehend that they might not be treated as they think, despite knowing absolutely nothing about politics or norms of an alien world.
Conclusion: Character Kieran is potentially an unfortunate case of severe stupidity, mental illness probably due to psychological trauma and despite treating themselves as adult, are completely limited in intelligence capacity by very young and undeveloped body, as well as affected by self-inflicted lack of sleep, malnutrition and delusions.
Note: this statement is an approximation.
11606973
This is so true!
Thanks for the chapter
You're the author so you go however you want with the story, Its gonna have a ton of readers who love it no matter the direction you take and there will always be people who wish something else happened.
I for one love it so far and could use more fluff stories in my life XD
11607018
Kyloren is a fucking 16yr my man.....
I mean, have you ever heard of the tide pod challenge?
And beside. Maybe he comes from some shithole where random kind adults = child trafficers.
My feels!
This is pretty much exactly what I was hoping for, especially since I have a real soft spot for found family stories.
Still looks like Cadance is going to have an uphill battle ahead of her if she wants to be accepted as Kieran's new parent. I'm looking forward to seeing that, and whatever you come up with for Shining Armor. The guy has it in him to be a good dad in my estimation. The family dynamic is going to be interesting regardless.
Loved the artwork, by the way. You never fail to impress on that count.
Thanks for the great chapter, and as always I look forward to the next installment!
Awesome chapter.
11607049
Objection: 16 years old is a legal adult age in several countries; 12-14 year old was considered adult in most countries on Earth in middle ages and expected to have a family. Many children in middle ages started working at age of 10 in normal families.
Analysis: This displays that children ate fully capable of caring for themselves from age of 14 if necessary, and capable of judging whether they are literally killing themselves over stubbornness in critical situations. Just because several particular individuals have gotten popular on the internet because of extremely low intelligence, does not represent statistical average.
Note: That is assisted by the fact that character Kieran had survived for month without supervision in the alien world, alien body and no belongings.
Note: Dislike or fear of adults and authorities normally does not extend to life or death situations.
According to priority tree, and considering the excuses character Kieran uses to convince themselves, it can be extrapolated that it's not the real issue.
Unless there is a problem with logic in the story, character Kieran must have some kind of deep trust-based phycological trauma.
Note: Phycological problems can be treated by confronting them, as predicted to happen in the story; it is still recommended to receive help from qualified professional.
Note: It is moderately probable that phycological analysis is useless because author just wanted to rise stakes to traffic degree in the story using sad past and lame excuses.
In that case, please disregard all above mentioned speculation.
Note: No offence is meant by any statements; in case of dessatisfaction, please fill out feedback form M-CR-BN-2.
11607160
Argument mode engaged.
-----------------------------------------
Objection: blatant disregard of a high praise, given to this story by this unit on the first chapter.
Observation: Author is trying to make assumptions about this unit's thought processes.
Note: This unit is only capable of fact extrapolation and observatory statements.
Objection: No attempts to complain or demand anything were made by this unit on this story.
Note:
All interaction of this unit are as follows:
2 observations.
2 error logs.
1 query.
1 answer to user.
Objection: No complain on character writing has been made by this unit.
Note: Using perfect characters is not considered a good practice.
Issuing clarification: This unit had made observation that character Kieran suffers from severe psychological problems. This unit mentioned evidence of irrational behaviour by the character. This unit suggested possible explanation of character's behaviour, namely, young body, emotional trauma and low emotional intelligence.
Note: This unit had issued a humorous statement that it is potentially over-analysing the character, and that story is simply being overdramatic.
Observation: It can be assumed that Author had taken offense by believing that character's behaviour is being blamed on bad writing.
Objection: This unit has clearly stated all of it's intentions directly.
Objection: This unit did not provide criticism, nor claimed to do so. This unit only expressed observations over presented story from it's perspective.
Objections: This unit expressed no emotional opinion on character behaviour. This unit had always provide basis for it's reasoning.
Warning: This statement is classified as personal attack.
Note: Please don't treat this unit as a person.
Objection: This unit has issued 0 insults towards Author. Please don't slander this unit with baseless accusations.
Note: Please keep in mind that different stories are considered isolated sessions. No data is transferred between them. Author name is not recorded in the data logs.
-----------------------------------------
Argument mode disengaged.
Warning: Author has requested to end the session.
Error: Author has blocked this unit.
Unable to respond.
Shutting down.
11607145
Yo, stop commenting on my stories.
I think it's well established at this point that you are only hate-reading them and trying to get a rise out of me. This could literally be the most perfect work of fiction imaginable, and you would still complain. And no, pointing out that Kieran is acting unreasonable is not a f**king writing issue. You want him to be a perfect character with no flaws? Because that's totally great character writing! You never criticize with intent to help; they aren't even considerable AS criticism, just hate. All you're doing is wasting your time typing out long, drawn-out messages that equate to your own insecurities. Stop bothering.
I'll leave the comments you've posted until this point. But if you comment again, they will be removed. I'm tired of you and your baseless insults. Sorry, not sorry.
Edit:
And your entire edit where you defend yourself gets completely thrown out the window when you read your own comment.
How is this not an insult? In this single note, you literally disprove your ENTIRE argument. You called me out specifically, then backtracked when I got mad.
Because you LITERALLY were blaming it on bad writing? Good joke. You are delusional.