I was floating in a sea of stars. The outreaches of my vision were the endless horizon, incomprehensible magnitudes of distance away. In my unconscious mind, this went without notice; the blinding light of hundreds of stars was nothing new to me. This is where I was in my time before, when I was still dead.
I didn’t know if my experience of being dead meant anything to disprove the idea of an afterlife. I knew the world of Equestria wasn’t the afterlife, even if it was so much nicer than my own. It made me curious: why was I alone drifting in that sea of stars? Why had Flurry been able to not only hear me but also reach out and grab my soul?
What felt like more endless drifting halted when, one by one, the stars began to go out. They would flicker a few times before disappearing into the darkness of eternity. Eventually I came into contact with something to stand on; I was apparently a pony as my hooves contacted the floor. I looked around, and nothing was in sight except endless darkness. "Hello?" My voice echoed.
I turned my head every way to get an idea of where I was, until I turned around and was met with the sight of myself. Human Kieran. His sudden appearance didn’t scare me, but instead caused me to smile. Which my human counterpart did back to me as he sat with his legs crossed in the infinite void. "Hey," He chimed.
I looked up and down with a raised brow, and it really put into perspective how much of a change being a pony was. I was the size of maybe a small to medium-sized dog. Nevertheless, I sat on my haunches and tilted my head. "Hi…" I said slowly.
"Enjoying yourself?" Other Kieran asked.
I pursed my lips and hummed, "That’s a loaded question, me."
He rested his cheek in the palm of his hand as he stared at me with amusement, saying, "Yeah, I guess it is." He brought his other hand up to caress his chin thoughtfully. "I guess a better question is, are you happier?"
I opened my mouth and closed it once again as I really thought about that question, "Happier than what? Happier to be in Equestria? I guess-" I stopped myself before I said the wrong thing. I furrowed my brow, "No, I- I liked being a human, I liked being a boy, I liked-" The thought suddenly invaded my mind as I realized… I had no other attachments to my past life. It made a feeling of pain wash through me that I couldn’t describe.
Human me watched with what looked to be pity, and I struggled to answer such a simple question. "No, I’m not happier. I can’t even sleep by myself without my anxiety crawling up my spine and turning me into a quivering mess."
Human Kieran frowned, setting his hand in his lap and leaning forward, "Really? Is it really that awful that you’d rather go back to living alone and scraping meals together each night?"
"No," I huffed angrily and clicked my tongue as I looked away from him, "Why do you get to play the high ground in this conversation? You’re the one that went through all that!" I countered.
"We’re not two different people, Kieran." He commented back to me. "I’m you, and you’re me."
I rolled my eyes and crossed my hooves over each other, "Well, obviously, thanks Sherlock."
Human me laughed, "Sorry, it just seems you had forgotten!" I was growing a bit annoyed by this copy of me. Since when was I ever that happy? I don’t remember having such a wide smile all the time or having such a positive outlook.
"Well, you don’t remember those times because you’re still hung up on what happened to you." The human me replied to my thoughts.
I recoiled a bit in confusion as I scowled at him. "What? I… Right, we’re the same person." I huffed. I mulled over what he said: "I’ve come to terms with what Damon did. I’ve already accepted what those two were using me for."
"But you haven’t really." He retorted. "Which is fine; I’m not here to tell you to stop being upset."
"Then what are you here for?" I asked a bit angrily.
He smiled again and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "The confusion and distrust you have over your new body, these new emotions that you want to reject… You’ll only hurt yourself in the long run."
I rubbed a hoof on my other leg as it quickly continued, "I think, clouded by all these other things, you’re not understanding that you could be a part of something that you’ve wanted for so long, if you’d only give it a chance."
"And what’s that?" I asked wearily, with an unsureness in my words, as I looked down at my hooves.
"A family."
.
..
…
I looked back up, and the human version of me was gone.
"Kieran? Kieran!" I hummed a bit as I opened my eyes, the first thing entering my vision being Luna’s concerned face, surprisingly.
"W-Wha… Luna?" I asked curiously as I sat up, now a human. We were in a random dreamscape field, under a tree, with a sea of stars above. I stared down at my arms and legs curiously for a few more moments before she spoke.
"I was trying to talk to you all night; I couldn't enter your dream!" She seemed a bit panicked by this. "It was like you were blocking me out."
I shook my head wildly, "I didn't, Luna. I honestly don't know what happened."
She sighed before sitting down and wrapping a wing around my side. She grew a devious grin upon her features. "So… You’ve got a new home." She began with a giddy air about her.
I just released a short laugh: "I… I was sort of forced into it, but it hasn’t been bad."
She nodded. "Cadance has told me all about your stay so far."
I felt a bit of embarrassment crawl up my spine. "A-All of it?"
Her devious grin spread a bit wider as she hugged me tighter. "All about it." She reiterated, "It seems somebody is quite fond of the "wicked pink witch," as you used to call Cadance."
My face went bright red as I averted my face as far as possible and said, "Only because she is so nice." I grumbled under my breath.
She giggled, "Oh, come now," she encouraged, "she’s a wonderful mare, I’ve told you. My best evidence? You’re letting me, the infamous night demon, hug you. Only a true princess of love could change someone’s perspective so easily."
I looked back over at her, finally dawning on me that I didn’t even blink when she wrapped her wing around me in a hug. I was usually quite apprehensive of Luna, but now that she was holding me quite like Cadance does, I hadn’t reacted. "Will you push me away now?" She asked with a raised brow.
With a small huff, I shook my head, "She is pretty amazing." I admitted.
Luna smiled and clapped her hooves together a couple times, causing me to blush even harder. When she finally stopped, she thankfully changed the subject. "Cadance told me all about your magic issue." She said a lot more seriously.
I nodded. "It’s honestly not a big deal. I didn’t have magic before; I don’t need it now."
"Yes, but not being able to grip things?" She sighed. "That’s not good, little one."
I rested my head on my hand, "I know. It really annoys me too. Among other things…"
Luna looked at me as her eyes seemed to search for something to say, until finally she nudged my side. "Fear not, my little pony. Come hearth’s warming, every fully developed alicorn will be in the Crystal Empire. And maybe… hopefully." Luna stopped and gave me a reassuring smile. "We can get you a body that better suits you."
She noticed my eyes brighten, and she averted her eyes. "Due to the unprecedented nature of things, we may not be able to fulfill that wish; however, we will try our hardest."
"Thank you, Luna. It still means a lot." I said with an appreciative smile. For a much longer time, we sat there and watched the stars move and shoot in the sky nonsensically. "What’s your sister like? And Twilight. Isn’t she like the ruler of Equestria?"
Luna huffed a short laugh, "My sister Celestia might scare you at first, but she’s very kind, I promise you that. Ever since we’ve retired, she’s taken up photography quite heavily; you might find her asking you many times to pose for pictures."
I hummed curiously, "Photography? Isn’t exactly what I would expect the previous ruler of Equestria to take up as a hobby."
Luna’s face fell a bit before she got a melancholic smile. "She told me it was the most powerful magic of all. Being able to capture a moment that will never again be seen. Being able to look back so easily on those we cherish. Especially when so much time passes in our lifetime."
I thought about what she said, and it made perfect sense. Being the ruler of Equestria for thousands of years, she’s probably seen a lot of people and places fade away into time. I imagine memory, after so many years, becoming a tapestry of all the things you’ve lost. It was a haunting thought.
"Twilight," Luna continued trying to answer my question, "Is the youngest fully developed alicorn, but by no means should you underestimate her. She’s proven her worth by saving Equestria many times and exhibiting such an understanding of friendship that it makes me jealous." Luna laughed to herself, "But personally, she’s a little bit scatterbrained sometimes, and she’s enamored by magic to an extraordinary and frightening degree."
She looked at me, "I apologize in advance for the intense questioning and examination she’ll beg to do on you." She said with a sincere apology.
I waved my hand dismissively, "I’m surprised it hasn’t happened already. If some weird alien appeared in my home world made of magic, he’d probably be dissected within a week."
Luna stuck her tongue out, "Eww, what benefit would such a task bring?"
I shrugged and put my arms behind my head. "Nothing, just humans being themselves. They make cool stuff, but they do bad things in the process most of the time."
Luna’s ear twitched, and she looked up, "It’s time to wake, Kieran. Have a good day, little one." She gave me a nuzzle.
I allowed her the satisfaction as the dream began to fade: "Bye Luna!"
I woke up in the waking world. My eyes forced themselves open as I released a long yawn. It took my eyes a moment to adjust, and the first thing I saw was Cadance smiling. "Morning, sleepy," she said softly.
As my consciousness returned, I realized she was sitting up in bed with me wrapped in a blanket. She was holding me towards her body as she used her magic to levitate a book in front of herself. I blushed wildly. "Morning Cadance," I muttered, my voice coming out odd as I sniffled to clear my nose.
She giggled. "Did you know you drool when you sleep?"
I blushed even more as I covered my face with the blanket. "Sorry, nobody’s home; ask again later." I said.
"You know, a pacifier would fix that issue." Cadance teased.
At once, I pulled the covers away from my face and glared. "Put one of those near my face, and I will end you!" I said defiantly.
She giggled and pulled me in for a quick nuzzle. "I’m just playing, silly. How about we go get you some medicine and see what’s for breakfast?"
She unwrapped me from the blanket, and I stretched my limbs as they touched the bed. "That sounds like a better idea." I replied with a smile.
After breakfast, we were all lounging around the living room fireplace. The cold weather made the warmth all the sweeter. I was currently resting on the couch against Cadance’s side as I watched Flurry with a bemused expression as she played a game with Shining on the carpet below. "And… Miss Sugar said if I can… finish the beginner course." She breathed heavily in between bouts of trying to tag Shining. But shining was using a pillow to deflect the small filly with ease. "That I’ll be able to join the choir next year!"
Cadance smiled as she looked up past her reading glasses as she held the newspaper. "That’s great, Flurry!"
Flurry scrambled up onto the couch and wiggled her rump a few times before lunging overhead. But clearly Shining was a master at this game, as he perfectly balanced the filly in midair with the pillow. Even as she rapidly tried to swipe downward at his legs to tag him. Shining smirked up at her and asked, "And what about that book report for Mrs. Amber Light?"
For a moment she stopped swiping and collapsed on the pillow with a groan. "Four paragraphs, but the book is sooo~ boring! I’d rather jump out a window."
I huffed a laugh at that, saying, "I understand. And honestly, jumping out of a window isn’t that bad."
Flurry smirked widely at me as Cadance glanced down with a raised brow, "If that bush hadn’t been there, you’d be a flat little pony pancake right now." She said, trying to hold her smile in, "And if either one of you jumps out another window, there’ll be no video games for an entire year… If you’re still around after the fact."
"A year!?" Flurry said in astonishment as Shining poked her from behind. She whipped around, "Hey! That means you’re it!"
Shining laughed, "Nope, you've gotta tag me. With your own two hooves!"
As they played, I looked up at Cadance as she set aside her newspaper and reading glasses. "What’s school like in Equestria?"
She pursed her lips, "First, you find a schoolhouse or teacher that teaches all three main subjects: Math, history, and language. Then, if you want, she can redirect you to certain extra classes you can take. Magic, music, sports, art, friendship… It’s a long list."
"Got you!" Flurry called.
"Get back here!" Shining laughed playfully.
"Friendship is a class?" I asked her in surprise.
Cadance giggled, "There’s a whole school of friendship. Because ponies used to not associate much with the other races, like griffons and changelings-"
"There’s griffons?" I said with barely contained excitement as I put a hoof to my head, "This place is crazier by the second." I huffed.
She nodded with a look of amusement. "You’ve still got a lot to learn, little one."
I thought about it a bit more: "Am I going to the same school as Flurry?" Which seemed to make Flurry gasp in excitement from wherever she was hiding from Shining.
Cadance hummed to herself, placing a hoof to her chin in thought, "I think… you might be better off with a private teacher." She looked at me comfortingly, "After all, history and language didn’t carry over between worlds. Math might have…"
"What’s your number system like?" I asked curiously as a bit of dread crawled up my spine.
"We use numbers one through nine. And it resets to one zero, or ten." She explained.
An unprecedented sigh escaped my lips as I relaxed into the couch much more. "Okay, good."
"You know it?" She wondered.
I nodded. "I was hoping you ponies didn’t use a different set of numbers; that would’ve been a nightmare."
"I bet it would." She agreed, saying, "Little things like that being different must be so scary, like losing the ability to read." She frowned a bit as she looked at me worriedly. "I could teach you history and language; I’ve never tried, but… it shouldn’t be too hard."
I leaned into her side, "I’d like that." She hugged me tighter with her wing and nuzzled my head.
"Got you again!" Shining teased.
"No fair! Pick on someone your own size!" She called back.
Shining came back to the couch, jumping up on my other side. He leaned down with a chuckle, "If she wants a fair fight, why don’t you show her who’s boss, Kieran?"
I looked up at him and smirked, as we both seemed to agree. I jumped down onto the floor as Flurry rounded the corner. "Daddy, I’m gonna-"
I ran to the other side of the couch and stuck my tongue out, "He tagged out; now it’s my turn to beat you." I said confidently.
She raised her eyebrow and walked slowly. "Oh, really? Old man finally retired, huh?"
"Hey…" Shining said a bit dejectedly from above us.
As she approached she began to feel me out for how I liked to play tag. I was never the fastest, so I opted for more deception tactics. Making the tagger trip or become confused was always the best defense. Once she was close enough, she stared at me with squinted eyes before suddenly jabbing her hoof forward.
I recoiled away and smirked at her; she did it again, and I dodged again. She lowered herself and stretched her wings. "Oh, it’s on!" She said.
"Good luck!" I said as I bolted behind the couch.
She giggled, "Get back here!"
She ended up winning pretty handily at tag, but it was still a fun time.
In the midst of me catching my breath while playing tag, there was a knock at the door to the living quarters. Flurry stopped just short of tackling me and looked up curiously with a head tilt before running over. I got up on my hooves and followed behind her slightly.
Flurry grabbed hold of the door handle with her magic and opened it slowly. At the entrance were two guards wearing armor I’d yet to see. Most guards in the castle wore silver and white armor that looked like it hadn’t been scuffed since it was made. With Roman-esque helmets that forced their mane through the top.
But these two were wearing much more ragged armor, made of leather and iron. It looked to be used much more than the other type. I vaguely recognized one of them as the earth pony guard, who had a scar over his eye. With dark brown fur and a red mane, his one good eye was brown, while his other was murky white and likely blind. He was super muscular compared to the other guards I’d seen; he looked like someone not to be messed with.
The one next to him I didn’t immediately recognize. He was an average-looking unicorn guard, wearing just a bit shinier armor than the former. He had dark gray, almost black fur, and his mane was a mix of dark purple and lighter purple. Unlike his friend, he seemed to wear a permanent scowl.
As the door opened, Flurry immediately lunged forward and hugged the brown one’s leg. "Bristle!"
He chuckled, "Hello Flurry." He looked up at me, "And Kieran, how are you?"
This was Sergeant Bristle, the one who answered the call on the crystal device yesterday. I felt my face heat up in embarrassment as I nodded, "Um... good, sir."
He waved his hoof towards the darker pony and said, "This is my Corporal, Smoke Strike."
The introduction seemed to be more of an annoyance to the unicorn than anything else: "Pleasure…" He seemed to force it out.
Flurry smiled up at him, "Hey Smoky!"
"I told you to stop calling me that," The unicorn said with a slight groan.
Bristle looked around and asked, "Would you little ones happen to know where your parents are? We need to talk to Shining Armor."
Flurry detached herself and ran a few feet away, "Oh, yes. I’ll go get Daddy! I think he’s in the bathroom."
She bounded off, and Bristle’s eyes widened. "Wait, Flurry! It’s not that important!" He chuckled as he followed after her quickly.
So I was left awkwardly sitting on the ground next to Smoke Strike. I felt sort of wary of him, just based on his permanent scowl and the frown he currently wore on his face. He looked considerably less annoyed when it came to Flurry, but now that it was just us…
"Have you got something to say?" His abrupt and harsh voice said.
I looked up at him in shock and shook my head quickly. "N-No sir…"
"Then stop staring," He huffed. "You’d think that’d be the first bit of manners they’d teach you."
He grumbled to himself, and for a second, I almost thought I caught him calling me an "impudent whelp" under his breath. It surprised me, but I guess not everyone in the lands of Equestria was entirely nice.
I felt my anxiety heighten as I sat there, not wanting to be rude but rather wanting to change the subject. I looked up at him again, "So, what do you do in the guard?" I asked with genuine curiosity.
"I’m a guard," he said, rolling his eyes. "We guard things."
I averted my gaze as his intense look met mine. "Oh, yeah, of course…" I tapped one of my hooves nervously and asked, "W-What kind of things do you guard?"
He growled quietly, "Frivolous and pointless things."
I felt my heart sink lower by the second. "Oh, well, I think it’s a cool job." I said with a smile.
"You didn’t act like it when you were calling my soldiers names in the streets." He replied with a snort.
I lowered my head in shame, "I’m sorry."
I had a hard time keeping my nerves under check now. "I didn’t hurt any of them too bad, did I?"
He rolled his eyes again and said, "We’ve taken care of it. Now, are you done questioning me?"
I felt his harsh gaze on my back as I nodded, and I felt my legs trembling. One of my legs seemed to move on its own, and I grabbed it with my other hoof. I really wanted to just run to Cadance and stay with her, but I’d never get anywhere being so reliant on others. ‘Come on, don’t be a baby.’ I scolded myself inwardly.
I forced a fake smile onto my face, "The castle is really cool, don’t you think?"
He held his head up higher and growled before lowering it to my level: "Listen, let me make myself perfectly clear, little filly." He spat.
"I-I’m not a-" I began shakily.
"You are." He cut me off quickly: "When a superior tells you to stop questioning them like an annoyance, you listen. Got it?" I recoiled from his harsh look of anger.
"Y-Yes sir." I mumbled as I felt tears well up in my eyes.
He jerked his head upward, "Run along now and work on your manners." He scoffed.
I nodded rapidly and ran away from him and the doorway, my heart beating so quickly I thought my chest would pop. I searched around the house in a panic until I finally saw Cadance curled up in the living room with her book. I ran forward and jumped up; thankfully, Cadance’s reaction time was quick, as she caught me as I barreled into her chest.
She set her book down and quickly wrapped me in a hug. "Kieran, honey, what’s wrong?" she asked in surprise.
Not caring how she knew it was me and not Flurry, I finally let loose my tears into her chest fur. "One of the guards… h-he…"
"He what, honey?" She asked with a bit of alarm.
"He… scared me." I admitted quite hesitantly. She seemed to relax slightly.
"Who was it? Bristle?" Cadance asked carefully.
I shook my head. "His name was Smoke Strike."
Cadance sighed deeply and seemed to grumble to herself, "I’ve told Shining time and time again to get his attitude in check. We’ve gotten complaints about him before. Smoke really doesn’t mean to look so off-putting and sound rude; he’s just not the nicest stallion at first."
There was something about the way he talked to me specifically that felt a lot more personal and cruel. He hadn’t even talked that way to Flurry. Maybe it was all just my anxiety getting to me and making me think he was being ruder than he actually was. It wouldn’t be the first time I’d panicked from anxiety and overreacted. I’d done it last night when I thought they'd abandoned me.
Cadance continued to hold me close and stroke my back. "I’ll tell Shining to talk to him about it again, alright? It’s okay, little one."
I nodded and took in her warmth and embrace as my worries and fears washed away. Cadance was like a lifeline in a sea of confusion and scariness, and I didn’t care what it looked like as I nestled into her side as I calmed down. Her steady breathing against my body brought great comfort.
Once Cadance was sufficiently happy with how much I’d calmed down, she brought her book back out and began reading. I closed my eyes and took it in for now. I felt myself drifting off, but it didn’t last long.
Flurry came barreling into the living room, "Momma, have you seen- Oh, there he is!"
"Flurry, please," Cadance sighed, "Speak a bit quieter, love. I think Kieran was trying to sleep."
I hummed, "It’s okay."
"I’m tired too," Flurry said as she hopped up on Cadance’s other side. "Momma, can we read that new book we started?"
Cadance glanced down at me, and Flurry grew more excited. "Oh, can we start over so Kieran understands it? We were only like thirty chapters in!"
Cadance giggled as she put her own book away again. "That's a wonderful idea, honey. Go grab it."
She dashed off and, not much longer afterward, came back hovering a large book. The cover had three foals on some sort of adventure. Flurry handed it off and nestled close to Cadance’s other side. Cadance cleared her throat as she flipped it open and read, starting from the first page.
"A dark and stormy night washed across the rocky mountain landscape, and a young intrepid foal…"
Sunburst opened the door to the outside slowly, almost being knocked back inside by the heavy winds. Upon taking a step out, he let a shiver run through his body, the snow still reaching above his fetlocks. The sun was shining quite brightly today, which was melting the otherwise monstrous piles of snow on the sides of the street.
It was weather like this that made Sunburst appreciate the fact he always wore a cloak. The frigid weather of the Crystal Empire always seemed so cold and harsh until he thought of his friends living here, which made a warmth grow in his body. He looked up towards the castle, illuminating the city. Like a beacon of hope in what would usually be considered a snowy wasteland.
So he began his trek forward into the streets with a heavy breath of fresh air and… "Sunburst!!!"
He halted in his tracks in alarm, dropping his saddlebag as he turned towards the voice in confusion. His mother, Stellar Flare, and father, Sunspot, were running up behind him. His mother spoke in offense: "You were just going to see Flurry and Cadance without taking us?" She quivered her lips playfully.
Sunspot hung his head slightly and said, "He’s got better things to do this holiday without us, honey."
Sunburst put a hoof to his face before releasing a short laugh and a huff. "If you wanted to come, you should’ve just told me."
Stellar walked up to his side, "We thought it’d be obvious." She waited for a moment as Sunburst picked up his saddlebags, "Well, don’t keep the royal family waiting, dear." She urged him as she began to pull him along.
When they arrived at the entrance, they were let in quite quickly, with a few guards recognizing Sunburst. Giving them a quick nod of appreciation, Sunburst took a rather familiar path inward through the castle. Looking around made him sigh, with old memories flooding his mind.
"I will never get over how beautiful this place is." His mother chimed.
Sunspot nodded in agreement, "Judging by Sunburst’s face, neither can he."
Sunburst looked back momentarily and said, "Of course, this was my home for a while. But I am slightly more excited to see my friends."
They got to the last long hallway and could see two guards leaving the home. As they neared, Sunburst smiled widely, "Sergeant Bristle!"
Bristle stopped his conversation with Smoke Strike to look over in astonishment and ask, "Is that you, Sunburst?" He chuckled jovially as he walked up and patted his back, making Sunburst almost lose his glasses. "I haven’t seen you in forever."
Sunburst laughed and fixed his vision: "Yes, it’s been quite a long time." He turned and gestured to his parents, "These are my parents, Sunspot and Stellar Flare. Mom, Dad, this is Bristle. The best royal guard in the kingdom."
"Pleasure," Bristle said with a bowed head.
Smoke cleared his throat. "At least wait until I’m gone before saying these things." Smoke held a look of amusement.
Bristle laughed even harder. "Smoke, you’ve got big horseshoes to fill if you replace me." He said while patting his back.
Smoke barely held himself up from the force: "Yes, well, that’s what you’re here to train me for."
"Anyhow, what’s got you back in the castle?" Bristle asked.
Sunburst hummed, "I’m not sure if it’s confidential information, but the short version is that I’m here to examine Kieran."
Bristle nodded his head heavily, "Oh, of course." He smiled.
Sunburst watched as Smoke turned his head away from everyone. Not before seeing his small smile turn into a large grimace. "Well, I’ll leave you to it. Was nice seeing you." Bristle commented before trotting off.
"You too…" Sunburst spoke slowly, raising an eyebrow at the sudden mood shift of his compatriot. He sensed something in that moment about the unicorn’s magic, shifting into a more hostile feeling. Only a small amount of which caused Sunburst’s spine to chill.
His concentration was cut as his mother grabbed him by the hoof again, "You’re staring off into space again, honey, and we’re only a few paces away from the door."
He looked back forward as if suddenly coming out of a trance. "Huh? Oh yes, of course."
But something about the stallion stuck in his mind; he didn’t like the sudden dark emotion behind his magic. And it flared up at such a peculiar time. Of course, it could’ve just been the guard thinking he noticed something fishy, Sunburst admitted inwardly. But hostility of that degree, so sudden, usually had a relatable cause.
His thoughts ran rampant as he knocked on the large door, only to be met with a gasp and a pink filly barreling into his chest at incredible speed, knocking him back onto his flank. "Sunburst!" The filly squealed.
That cry of joy made him forget his previous thoughts as he hugged the filly back. "Hiya," he chimed back with a small chuckle.