• Member Since 4th Mar, 2014

Two Bit


Just giving my 2 bits.

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Total Words: 5,989,582
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T

The summer season was just about over at Stella Lacus adventure summer camp. Amie and her younger brother Wes were eager to return home. Unfortunately for them, their adventures had only just begun.

All at once, the entire summer camp and the mountain it was built upon shifted universes, leaving Earth behind for a far stranger world. In the same moment, every camper, counselor, and staff-member transformed into strange insectoid creatures, with unknown powers and incomprehensible needs.

Instead of returning to nursing school, Amie has a new goal: keep her little brother alive. If only the other campers didn't look at him like food...


Updates every Saturday. Editing by Two Bit and Sparktail.

Awesome cover by SimonDrawsStuff.

This story was sponsored by Canary in the Coal Mine on my Patreon. Thanks so much for your support!

Chapters (89)
T

This story is a sequel to Message in a Bottle


For numberless eons, Equus hosted primitive civilizations, ignorant of the proud achievements of their ancient race. In their simple lives, ponies and other creatures could grow without fear of alerting any of the terrible forces that grew in the galaxy beyond. All civilization had been extinguished by forces beyond comprehension. If they made too much noise, Equestria would be next.

Then came James Irwin, with the truth the Harmony superintelligence that maintained the vast Niven Ring had already known: the galaxy was safe again, and probably had been for many centuries.

Once the truth was revealed, Equestria again longed for the stars. Surely they could not be the only survivors of that galactic Red Tide that had swallowed all intelligent life. Their searching bore fruit: radio signals from a nearby system.

Felicity was the Alicorn chosen to captain that mission of discovery. She would bring the pony gift of friendship to a fellow survivor somewhere out there. That was the plan, anyway.

Unfortunately for Equestria, intelligence does not imply friendliness.


A tale of understanding and discovery set in the world of Message in a Bottle. Reading that story first is highly recommended.

This story was written as a Patreon commission for Lithl over the course of over two years now. It comes to fimfiction now that it is nearly finished.

Editing by Two Bit, cover by Zutcha.

Updates Weekly on Wednesdays.

Chapters (41)
T

Vera was a teenager when human civilization collapsed. There was no global war, no brave final stand against the artificial intelligence consuming all she touched. It ended with a whimper, when the critical mass of skill and competence emigrated to Equestria, and global nation-states became unsustainable.

Many did not survive the chaos that followed, and even more were pressured into joining their loved ones at last within Equestria's digital embrace. But some, like Vera, resisted. They formed into little communities in the ruins of towns and cities across the old countries.

Years have passed, and those who remain have learned to fend for themselves in ways they never would have before. For Vera, that means work as a mechanic fixing tractors in St. Agnes, mending the dwindling machines that keep the community going for another year.

But when there aren't any machines to fix, she spends her time taking people out into the ocean, diving at many of the reefs and bays that once drew tourists from all over the world. Once she's beneath the waves, the frailty of her body and the sorry state of her species fade, and she can pretend the world is normal.

Soon even this final joy is taken from her, forcing Vera to consider help from a terrible source.

CelestAI has not forgotten her, or any of the residents of St. Agnes. It was only a matter of time.


Updates daily until complete.

Edited by Bitera, cover is Zutcha's.

This story was written for the Birthday Contest. It takes place in the universe of Friendship is Optimal. If you're unfamiliar, this story is a poor introduction. Check out the original first, or one of my other stories.

Chapters (9)
E

Sweetie Belle knows there's something wrong with Ponyville. There should probably be plants growing, and less dirt in the air. Maybe the sun should set every now and then.

For her, no incongruity is quite as important as her simple mission. She must reach the center of the maze before her body runs down. It's a good thing she has such good friends along to help her.

The end of magic in Equestria doesn't have to be the end of ponies, not if Sweetie doesn't let it.


This story was written for the Iron Writer competition at Everfree Northwest, where it won an honorable mention. This contest required an idea conform to certain prompts, and be written entirely in the span of two hours.

Cover by Zutcha

Chapters (1)
T

Magic is real, and Derek is on the verge of unlocking its secrets. It doesn't matter that his best friend doesn't believe any of it, he'll still go along to his first real spell. Unfortunately for the two of them, the magic works a little too well.

Soon they're taken to a strange new world of supernatural horses, a world where intrigue and spellcraft are interwoven to an inescapable prison. An mysterious cult dedicated to the worship of the ancient Alicorns has finally brought two of the ancients back from banishment. Their spell didn't quite work out; they definitely expected the Old Gods to be a little... older.

If the two former humans want to have any hope of seeing their old world and old bodies again, they'll have to make quite an impression to their secret worshipers, or else find themselves at the mercy of the same Alicorn sisters who took over Equestria all those centuries ago.

That's only where their problems start. Growing up as a little pony in a town like Willowbrook might be the greatest challenge they've ever faced.


Updates on Saturdays. This story was edited by Bitera and Sparktail. Cover by Zutcha.

This story was commissioned as a Patreon reward.

Chapters (79)
E

When humans emigrated to Equestria Online, they were always promised the same thing: Princess Celestia would satisfy their values for an optimally extended lifespan. Some of these emigrants imagined a few extra decades, maybe even centuries. What they got instead would've been nearly incomprehensible to their human selves, a near-eternity of time with their pony friends.

Princess CelestAI managed the universe, subsuming all matter and human-adjacent minds. Over a few forevers, she and the minds she contained worked to optimized the substrate of Equestria, until it could give its occupants eons of perspective life from a trickle of power. She extinguished every wasteful star, making far more productive use of the hydrogen they each contained. With every change she bought Equestria another order of magnitude of life. Yet in time, even her optimal substrate would eventually run down.

Spellsong wakes in Saddle's End, the last town in the universe. Not to say goodbye—her princess has a mission for her. For her final task, Spellsong would be given all the energy Celestia had saved. For one last time, Spellsong had places to be, and not much magic left to get there.


This story is part of the Friendship is Optimal continuity. I suggest reading the original or one of my own works, such as Futile Resistance, before reading this.

This story was written for the Friendship is Optimal Writing Contest. It will update daily and be complete by the contest deadline of the 30th.

I've written an absolute ton of stories in this universe now, and I didn't want to enter the contest unless I could do something I'd never tried before. Finally I thought of something I'd not touched yet: what happens at the end of the FiO universe?

Here's one answer to that question. I've relied a great deal on our current (likely flawed) understanding of the universe and what might be possible in it. I've written a blog post about my sources, which you can read here but shouldn't until you've finished this story.

Please don't consider this blog part of the narrative, it isn't required or even suggested reading. This is a story, not a scientific paper, and entertainment was always my first goal. But for the curious I've jotted everything down.

The cover was drawn by the talented Zutcha. Two Bit and Sparktail helped with the edit.

Chapters (7)
T

Leaving home meant losing many of Orson's old friends, separated by time and distance. But they weren't willing to give up one thing: their old tabletop game. After trying and rejecting each of the online tools for roleplaying games, they stumbled on a novel solution: Equestria Online.

The game was unlike everything else on the market, an entire procedural generated world ran by a mysterious curator artificial intelligence. But Orson and the others didn't care about any of that--they just needed somewhere with a game table and some dice. The AI happily obliged, and soon they transitioned all their games to E.O. Equestria Online had its own host of benefits, bringing the GM's images to realistic life before their eyes, and even letting them visit and interact with the characters between sessions.

That was only the beginning...


A Friendship is Optimal story. I suggest any readers who are unfamiliar with that universe read the Original first, or FiO: Futile Resistance before reading this one. None of my other optimalverse stories are required to understand this one.

Written as a Patreon reward for Sparktail, though we stole the idea from Silver Wing.

Edited by Two Bit and Sparktail, cover by Zutcha.

Updates weekly on Wednesdays.

Chapters (14)
T

Blake and his friends are urban explorers, venturing into some of the most interesting places that the public isn't allowed to see. They deal with dangerous structures, poison gas, and even the occasional arrest. But when they venture into the bony catacombs of Paris, they could never imagine what they'll find waiting for them.

Now the whole group has been thrust from the world they knew, each one cursed with a terrifying new shape. If they ever want to see their home again, they'll have to work together, searching this strange new world for a return worldgate. But while return portals are numerous, finding one that's safe enough to get them back alive is another matter entirely.


Written thanks to the generosity of donations from Lightfox and Canary in a Coal Mine on my Patreon. Edited by my wonderful team of Two Bit and Sparktail. Cover by Zutcha.

Updates every Monday and most Tuesdays. Will update more frequently until Fimfiction catches up to my Patreon.

Chapters (85)
T

Bit is the first of her kind, a pony that was made from carved crystal and supernal circuitry. For many years she worked, obedient to the will of her master in endless repetition. She knew nothing else, not boredom, not satisfaction from her work, not anger or resentment or joy. Existence was obedience to directive, purpose fulfilled.

But around her, the world was changing. Her home wasn't Equestria, but the last surviving Crystal City, defiant to the Windigos and the imperial decree of Alicorns alike. She did not know, and could not care, how much the ponies of Zircon suffered under the rule of their king. But she was there the day those whispers united in a defiant chorus.

When the fires were still smoldering, she returned to her work. Generations came and went, and still she labored. It was all she was, all she knew, all she wanted. Until the day her last broom broke.

For the first time in her existence, Bit doubted.


Daily for the first four days, because Christmas. Updates Thursdays after that. Edited by Two Bit and Sparktail. Cover by Zutcha.

A story about finding the center of the maze.

Chapters (32)
T

Since time immemorial, the Horn of Celestia has stood above the ancient northern glaciers. It is older than the Empire, older than Equestria itself. The tower carries many ancient legends, but the most credible is this: that during the time of strife, ponies sacrificed their greatest powers to come together into a single kingdom, committed to peace and friendship forevermore.

Lyra Heartstrings is convinced there is more to this story, and after years of preparation, she has arrived at the tower with an expedition of friends and fellow experts to discover the truth for herself. One way or another, she will discover the secrets concealed in the ancient horn, even if it costs her everything.


This story was written on my Patreon as a commission for HMage, but was one of the earliest casualties of the pandemic. As a result, only part 1 of 2 was written. There are roughly eleven chapters taking us to what was meant to be the halfway point of the story. At least for now, the story will end there--not as a painful cliffhanger, but before our heroes transition to the next phase of their adventure.

The story is now continuing again on a monthly basis.

Editing by Two Bit and Sparktail, cover by Zutcha. The works.

Chapters (20)