Chapter 55: Before the Blade
Lilac wished that Saffron would be anywhere but here right now. There was good reason she hadn't gone out into the Grove, despite her promises and the growing cost waiting to be imposed against her if she refused.
To face this fairy would be to meet the one who knew what she had done. His words would bring her just condemnation. But what he said now, if true, would be even more painful.
"All this time you lived with the Lightless Star," Saffron continued. "Did you ever believe what they told you? Their story of the world of before—"
Lilac sat up, spinning on him. She pushed off Firefly as she did so, more by accident than anything. The pegasus was so light she just flopped to the side, spreading her wings to catch herself. She stared with no less energy than Lilac herself.
"You told me you didn't know what happened before," Lilac said. Saffron hovered close, a few inches from her face. "I asked about the past, and you said—"
The bug smiled. "I said what was true, that the Grove as we know it did not exist until the Old Ones died. We can't speak to you of what we never saw, this is true. But that does not mean I told you everything. Those who were banished, dead but not dead—we have seen, as ponies have seen, beyond the pale touch of sleep."
Lilac hopped down from the bench, forcing the two winged creatures to follow. Firefly trotted behind, keeping her distance. Her friend knew this mood well enough to stay out of her way until she calmed down.
She reached the back of her fancy bathroom, then flung open one of the linen closets there. Except that there was no linen inside—here she had shelves of books, and tacked-up spell diagrams. She stomped inside, all the way to the map she'd drawn of what she understood of pony cosmology.
There in the center was Equus, probably a planet. Below it was the plane of Rock, and below that, Abaddon, the Fathomless Void. Below that, somehow, was her Earth, sketched with as much detail to the true shape of the continents as any grade school student.
"I don't have the patience for riddles right now, Saffron. I'm dying, did you know that? And you already know what happened on the Magna Vale." She smacked one hoof directly at her planet. "Here's where Firefly and I came from. We were casting our own spell, then got ripped up through Abaddon, and into Equestria. I'm guessing when Lightless Star did that, they let some kinda demon in that they had to fight. My mother never gets into the specifics, but she talks about the previous attempts like they ended badly."
"Sure," Saffron said. "Child of chaos, I feel the pain you carry. You lost love, and you feel your life will soon be taken as well. Did I not warn you that travel beyond the Gate would be fraught with heartache? Did I not warn against the practice, beg that you touched any realm but this?"
Firefly paced back and forth behind them in the narrow space. She eyed her various posters and spell-diagrams without any sign of recognition. "Love?"
Lilac ignored her, for now. "I know! I bucked up, Saffron! I ignored you, and I ignored Iris, and I ignored every scroll and tome I ever found on Worldgates and Somnal slides and everything else! I can't stop it from happening, I can't change the past. How do I undo the damage I caused?"
Saffron buzzed past her, over to the map. He squinted at it, bobbing up and down near the bottom of the diagram. Then he lifted one of her colored-pencils from the shelf beneath it, the same color for the vague purple clouds she'd drawn to represent Abaddon.
He added a few more light touches, expanding them down until they surrounded Earth. "First mistake, apprentice—reference bias. You crawled from this black abyss, so you tell yourself it must be different from the space around it." He panted under the weight of the pencil, and dropped it quickly. As soon as he was finished.
"There. You wonder why your friends cower and crumble beneath the Void's unmaking gaze, their memories unwrit. Your minds are not mightier—they are more familiar."
"Our home is nothing like that monster we saw!" Firefly said. "It's like Equestria. The sun rises and sets, the people speak common languages. Flesh doesn't melt and twist and memories don’t get erased. E—" she choked, whimpering with pain.
Saffron rarely spoke with other creatures. But then, he rarely even appeared when other creatures were around. He knows this matters to her too. Either that, or this was a rare moment of compassion for the fairy.
He spoke now. "You assume there can be no order from chaos? Total disorder is a vacuum, pegasus, an endless expanse of particles that never interact. Chaos exists on the gradient between. Abaddon is not one place—it is a fractal infinity of all possibilities and none, all places and none.
"When the ancient Alicorns were banished there, we cannot know where." He tried to balance on a pushpin, then nearly slipped off, and just gave up, hovering there. "A bond leading down already existed, your memories of home. This did not drive you to madness and would not kill you. But now something far darker has your name. It will never give it back."
Lilac froze, waiting for the other hoof to drop. Her mom might not know what would happen to a pony in her position. But if Saffron told her she would die, it was true. The fairy could not lie.
"Unless you wish to join it, you have only one choice—sever what remains of your bindings to your stolen name. He who is Derek Ashsen cannot tug away parts of yourself if they bind to nothing."
She settled onto her haunches, staring. "What does that mean?"
"It stole your name," Firefly whispered. "Does that mean she has to give up everything connected to it? Her memories of home? Her history, her hobbies, her friends?"
"You gave up most of that already," Saffron said. "Nothing so direct. Memories are patterns, not sympathy. Sympathy is in attachment. To know a fairy lay your egg is your mother, that is knowledge. To flee to her for comfort, that is sympathy."
What did that even mean? Lilac didn't have to forget about being from Earth, but she had to give up her attachment to that knowledge? She had to abandon the parts of herself that tugged on her stolen name.
For now, the specifics didn't matter. Perhaps it would be the struggle of a lifetime to figure out how to do it—maybe it was something she could decide in a weekend. It brought a flood of relief either way. How long or how hard the journey, that was secondary. Saffron's instructions meant it was possible.
I'm not gonna die.
"Saffron," she began, her voice low. "Tell me the truth. Is there no way for Firefly and I to go back home? No spell nobody's invented yet, no ritual, no perfect combination of magic. Nothing?"
Saffron sighed. "How long have you been my student, and still you expect easy answers. I can't banish all uncertainty and promise it's impossible."
He landed, directly on her nose. Those little hooves threatened to make her sneeze—so she held her breath, perfectly still. "If you cleave to this desire, your bindings to your stolen name will remain powerfully with you, no matter what you do. There is no sympathy stronger than the one we choose for ourselves, Lilac Empathy."
Firefly draped her wing around Lilac's shoulder. She held her there, as desperate a hug as their first waking in Equestria. "I want to remember my old life, Lilac. But those people, those places—they've moved on. My family must've had a funeral a long time ago. I hope Sil-Si-my old girlfriend found someone else to live with. I'm sure she took good care of my dog. I think maybe it's time we give ourselves permission to move on too."
No. Her whole body tensed reflexively, as if preparing to run. But there was nowhere for her to run to—she could circle the entire universe and never find her way back to the place she left behind.
She couldn't just sit there with her breath held—she had to move, doing her best to keep still for the bug. Saffron would be annoyed with her if she flicked him off. "That's what you meant earlier."
Firefly nodded. "I just wanted to give you, like—permission. When we first got here, I remember how insistent I was. I needed you to get me back home. I don't expect you to. If you could open a door right now, I'm not sure I would even want to use it. I have friends who know me now. I've learned how to fly, and I want longer to get even better at it. How can I ever get as good as Rainbow Dash and all her amazing skills, if I go back to where we came from?"
She lowered her voice to an embarrassed whisper. "Plus, I—it took me a long time to accept how I was. I don't want to have to learn a whole new body, figuring out how to be a filly was hard enough. I'd be happier to stay this way."
She doesn't even want to go home. Lilac backed away from her, so fast that the little bug slipped right off her nose. He seemed ready for it, catching himself in a low hover. Yet there was still annoyance there. "I don't know if I'm strong enough to give up on everything. Even with the best reasons in the world—"
Something banged on the door to her bedroom, so loud she actually jumped. She whimpered at the voice she heard there—Amaranth, shouting furious. "Open this door, Lilac! Now!"
She turned, kicking the closet door shut behind her and galloping across the room. She reached the front door in a few terrified seconds, and pulled the lock open. Her father was a unicorn, surely he could levitate it open without seeing it. Yet he hadn't.
He barged straight in, smelling of anger and frustration. One of the horse guards was just behind him—and not dressed in their usual duty clothes of a padded vest and billy club to “encourage” the occasional pony or animal that forgot their place. He had a full suit of chainmail, glittering with Celestia's sun mark, and a real sword.
Lilac stumbled backward from them both, retreating towards her bed. Her eyes scanned the room, desperate for anything she could use to defend herself. Had she left any spells half-cast that she could channel? Was there chalk she could use for a shield? No.
Iris appeared in the doorway, but she remained there, watching. Her whole body tensed, eyes bloodshot. Had she just been in a fight?
"Lilac Empathy. I've concluded my investigation of the Magna Vale. Do you know what I found there?"
Lilac shook her head once. "N-no, father. I don't."
"No, Lord Vale," he repeated, stomping one hoof.
"No, Lord Vale."
He paced into her room, eyes scanning the open wardrobe, the large bed filled with possessions. He clicked his tongue once, disapproving, before turning back to her. "There was no sign of corruption anywhere on the vessel. No strange artifacts, no star-refractors, no thaumic demodulator. Not even a hint, particularly in Keen Focus's quarters."
She kept her eyes down, shoulders slumped. This stallion was more like a timberwolf, eyes searching for weakness. She could show him none. "That sounds like... good news."
"Indeed," he said. "It means a deeper mystery, filly. Keen Focus has regained her senses somewhat, and looks to be making a full recovery. She seems intact, save for one thing. Do you know what that is?"
He didn't wait for her to answer. Instead he yanked on her with his magic, dragging her head towards him, forcing her to see. "She doesn't remember you. Not a single lesson, not a conversation, not a meal shared together or advice over a dress. You've been erased from her."
He stretched tall overhead, looming near the ceiling. "I demand an explanation, filly. How is it that a unicorn of great power and distinction has been scoured by dark magic? What did you do to her?"
He nodded, and the armed soldier followed him over. Lilac didn't recognize the face under the helmet—was this one of the guards who pulled his carriage to Canterlot every month?
They were a unicorn, whoever they were, because they used their magic to lift a sword gently into the air, resting it on one shoulder.
Waiting for her answer.
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Oh no
She'll be fine.
This is the second story I've written this on today:
Daaaaaaaaayyum.
Things are on a tightrope. Depending on the guard's intent, Iris must intervene. The cult cannot remain hidden if one of their gods is in danger.
Granted, they don't have every detail correct but everyone including Saffron knew alicorns existed and were banished to Abaddon. The question is why.
The infinite patchwork universe.
Confirmation that the cult did not pick up alicorns? Humanity is indistinguishable from the demons of Abaddon to Equestria because humans literally are demons from Abaddon? Only a little more ordered? I can't imagine banished alicorns managing to set up civilization on Earth without drawing every conceivable horror in the universe to them. Denizens that naturally came into being would go unnoticed.
She got off easy.
There wouldn't be a need of a conspiracy if the sisters are natural beings from Abaddon. The fear of invading demons might be enough for Celestia to want to purge them. That being said, Equestria still thinks they're dealing with a rogue spellcaster. Even in the worst case, Lilac would be immediately arrested, not executed and that should give her some time to find a way to escape.
Things going sideways, but that was to be expected. The real question is what will Lilac and Firefly do?
Wow I thought he'd be angry because he found her letter.
The simplest explanation is the easiest one.
Keen Focus treated Lilac like shit for the week and there are many, many witnesses to attest this. 'Star Madness', as it was called, is not meant to be recovered from.
To the outside observer, it looks like Keen Focus lied about the whole thing to preserve her reputation when she couldn't break Lilac.
After all, everybody knows Earth Ponies can't use magic.
Well then.
If Keen Focus can be made to forget about Lilac...why not Lord Vale?
I still won’t trust celestia.
> After decades of preperation, an ancient cult finally manages to summon two of their dark gods into Equestria.
I've noticed a typo in a short story description
11282201
Thanks for pointing that out! Fixed!
It is as I suspected. Lilac must fully abandon that which was Derek Ashsen. TBH, probably doable through some form of mind magic?
So, Abbadon and Earth are one and the same? It does strike me as odd, with the monstrosity talking about a 'valence tightrope'... That's surely discussing vacuum metastability. I guess it could be more a case of "the monstrosities are around, they just can't do anything until metastability makes them able to act"
This means that any action which pours magic into earth could not only leak a demon onto Equus... Could it leak one onto earth, as it rides on the magical radiation? Surely some would leak from a scry or teleport... If this is accurate, there truly is no safe way back. Hell, we don't know what became of earth - from memory, the scry just showed an empty city. Humans are rich in magic... let's hope the demon didn't consume everyone in the area. You'd think that'd leave more of a mark...
11281900
IDK, all the demons we've seen so far have been magic-hungry, while humans are magic-rich.
11281990
Possible, but i'd be surprised if they didn't verify it by scanning Keen Focus for dark magic. Earth ponies not being able to cast magic could be a good explanation, though. I could see them running a magical scan of her anyway just to be sure, and if they do, they'll see the thread connecting to Derek Ashsen... Admittedly, not many ponies could gain a link like that without fully falling to insanity, so it may leave them stumped. Either way, she's gonna have a tough time getting out of this one...
Oooh, damn that's a cliffhanger!
Oh shit.
11281893
What was the first?
This is a difficult situation and I hope Lilac can give answer that satisfies Lord Vale. I don't really understand Saffrons explanation about the Abaddon but it seem sthat Earth is connected to it in a different way than Equestria. Also we know that travel to other worlds is possible if the mirror to Equestria Girls exists in this world but that is one of Starswirl's more secret creations.
11282430
I honestly don’t remember, but I think it was Lawmare.
(I generally don’t link other people’s stories in comment sections unless it’s the author asking for it.)
11282331
It's speculation but I wouldn't be surprised if the sisters aren't feeding on the magic of the world around them right now. The difference from other demons is that they're in a form that can use that magic.
11282467
My understanding is that there are localized areas of stability and order within Abaddon created by sheer chance. Actual stable rules of physics. They may be rare but in an infinite dimension they are not only inevitable, they are infinite in number as well. Our observable universe is just one of these areas. Earth is a part of Abaddon and Equestria seems to be some sort of higher plane of existence not connected to it at all.
11281990
I think she would have swallowed her pride and upgrade Lilac from Earth Pony to demon at that point. And judging from River's experience with the demon back in the mine, we know ponies are not meant to view the horrors of Abaddon.
11282783
My biggest argument against "Humans aren't actually alicorns" is how alicorn stuff seems to react to the two of them. The ancient alicorn fortress seemed to activate in Firefly's presence to my memory - why would it do that for a demon?
I also have a sneaking suspicion that the two of them are reincarnations. Firefly found something that looked very similar to her coat color earlier etc.
Who knows, we could both be right in some way. What if the original humans got their brains taken over by alicorn refugees, and the original 'humanity' died out aeons ago? Maybe some humans have an alicorn hiding inside them? Or maybe only certain individuals are alicorns all the way down...
You know, wordsmith, the first time I saw this fic with the changeling tag, I expected them in a more bigger role. Held off for long because the descriptiom and the cover used doesn't allude to anything related to this tag.
Admittedly, your writting is solid enough to hook me, but even till this chapter (chapter 55), I have not seen a single mention or clue about a changeling having a focus in the story.
Unless Saffron is suppose to be it? But he has a pretty weak presence for a tag.
11282894
There is a prominent changeling character filling an important role in the story right now. I'm sorry it took so long for them to be revealed--maybe that's an argument for keeping the tag off next time, until the character actually shows up. I'll probably do that just to be safe in the future. I promise the tag isn't there for nothing.
11282894
If you want to know who the changeling is,
It's almost certainly Firefly's 'father'.
Oh dear. This is a thorny issue indeed. Even if Lilac could abandon all her ties to Earth in an instant, that won’t wipe away the consequences of her other actions. It’s just one thing after another, huh?
Man, everyone just needs a day of r&r.