Amie pushed the book closed in front of her, darting across the room to meet the waiting pony. She had rarely felt such negativity coming from one creature before, let alone someone she cared about. But real ponies had much stronger feelings than any of her bugs, even when the difficulties they suffered through weren't as severe.
"Are you okay, Ivy? I knew you hated reading, but I didn't think it would be that bad."
The unicorn shut the door behind her with a little magic, but otherwise kept her distance from Amie. "I knew the transition would be difficult. Coming to Canterlot—I knew it would be bucking awful. But I volunteered to do it anyway, because I thought I was on an important mission to help a friend."
Thought. That word stuck into Amie's mind, sharper than any of the negativity boiling from this mare. She'd seen none of it in the letter—but Ivy had sent that almost two weeks ago. Was it the delay that cost her so much goodwill, or something else?
Amie took another tentative step forward, but no further. With each one, the unicorn grew tenser. This was supposed to be a happy reunion with a good friend, not angry and bitter! "I haven't had a chance to read it all yet. But what I saw—it looks like you found what I needed. There's a thousand people who will call you a hero for doing this... more! It's not just my campers, but their families who get them back."
"Of course they will." Ivy flicked her tail, making her slow way across the room towards a mostly empty desk. There was a single slim folio there, one she hadn't noticed with the obvious stack of important books on the other side. "This whole story was always so dramatic. They're starving. There are thousands of them. You'll save the whole world, Ivy. Just do exactly what your dad always wanted, and you'll save the day."
Amie trailed after her, glancing once at the shut library door. This much negativity coming from one pony, and she couldn't even identify specific emotions through the morass. She had never even felt many of these from another creature before, and it took some guesswork to identify what they might be.
Betrayal. "Bet you thought I would never figure it out, didn't you? I would be off to Canterlot, you get your paycheck, and another contract gets filed away complete. Isn't that right?"
I shouldn't be here. Amie looked back at the way she'd come, judging the distance to the exit. She could outrun Ivy, probably—but there were soldiers here. She felt the house guards filling this place, at least a dozen of them, all tense and alert. Even if she could get out of the library, she'd never escape this place. She hadn't brought weapons, and wouldn't use them on random guards who were just protecting their family in any case. All she had was a digital camera, to capture whatever pages of lore that Ivy found.
"I never lied about anything important, Ivy. My position in Stella Lacus—the people depending on me, the help you could give us—it's the truth. It's truer now than ever." She backed away, towards the pile of research Ivy had gathered. "If there's enough here to recreate this research—or maybe if that specialist you wrote about can help—it could save lives."
"Save lives," Ivy repeated, bitter. She flicked the folder open, paging through it. "My father sent me here to take on the family's responsibilities. His attitude is so... backwards, so tribal. He thinks that a unicorn doesn't belong on the battlefield, they should be managing affairs from behind the lines. Say, his finances."
She lifted up a stack of sheets from within, turning them towards Amie. "Like these receipts from something called the Agate Rent-a-Friend. The place that failures and losers go when they don't have anypony to talk to. Special contract for family member. Are you going to lie about this too? Want me to go over the dates?" Tears streamed down her face. Her voice cracked, tone faltering. She wasn't even looking at Amie anymore.
Amie almost fled. She would have, but that would leave Beth here, confused and defenseless. Whatever portion of Beth's awareness was still there, it came with desperate need for help, terror that she would be abandoned. I won't.
"That's how it started," Amie said. "When we first met—it was a job, like the contract says. But that's not how it stayed! Do you really think I would tell you everything over a contract? Your dad's soldiers killed the last campers they found! You're my friend, Ivy. Does it matter if it started as something else?"
Ivy sniffed, then wiped away the tears with her leg. Amie still didn't taste anything edible coming from her, but at least some of the anger was gone. "If we were friends, why did your truth mean convincing me to do exactly what my dad paid you to do? I bet you're not even a changeling. What kind of illusion spell did you use?"
"It's not an illusion!" There was one advantage to a house without windows—there was no one else to see. Amie changed, abandoning her disguise and retaking Beth's natural, drone shape.
The pony recoiled from her. Shock and fear overpowered the maelstrom of her other emotions, however briefly. "I didn't even suggest going back to Canterlot, you did! I never would've asked for something that was... obviously painful for you. I was gonna come here and do the research myself. You thought I would get caught, remember?"
Her wings buzzed with the anxiety of two bugs instead of one. She actually lifted off the ground, hovering a few inches higher so she was at Ivy's eye-level. Amie couldn't hover, let alone with insect wings. But Beth could.
Amie was crying too. The guilt of one betrayal might have eased in the execution that didn't kill her, but this one was fresh. Unlike her brother, Ivy was still hurt, and had been for weeks. "I should've told you sooner. I thought it wouldn't matter, and I was wrong. But if it was all lies and I didn't care, why would I be here right now? Why bother coming back to collect this research I didn't need? Canterlot hates changelings! This is where the evil ones attacked. If Agate can't tell the difference, these ponies sure won't."
Ivy had no answer. She stared back, expression an unreadable mess of pain. "You have to go, Amie. Right now. Before—"
The wall behind her banged open, revealing a secret door concealed there. Amie stared open-mouthed as four ponies poured out, spears drawn and aimed at her.
I didn't sense them! She backed away, mouth hanging open in pure stupefaction. Even now, with the ponies right before her eyes and anger visible under their helmets, she sensed nothing at all.
"Back away, miss. We'll take it from here." One soldier shoved Ivy back, while the others surrounded Amie, cutting her off from either doorway, or any route of escape.
Terror flared in her, overwhelming her. Beth wanted to fly away right now, to soar over their heads and through the open passage.
No! Amie crushed that desire, overwhelming the girl with all the will she could command. They'll kill you! They'd rather kill a bug than let you escape! She dropped to the ground in front of them, wings falling still.
"Don't hurt her!" Ivy called, voice strained and desperate. "I don't even know if she's a real changeling! My father would never hire one of them..."
"Magister will find the truth of that," said the same soldier as before. He had a fancier blue frill on his helmet. He was also the one to command the other guards, gesturing them back towards the door. "You've done a great service for Equestria, Miss Path. This infiltration is dead before it could begin."
He tossed something onto the ground at Amie's hooves—a set of heavy iron manacles, with a faintly glowing crystal on the links between them. "Put those on, prisoner. If you resist, if you fight, if you try to transform—my stallions here will kill you. Do you understand?"
Stay calm, Beth. I know this is happening. I'm going to get you out of this. But you have to stay alive until I can rescue you. Amie nodded slowly to the guard, then advanced two slow hoofsteps, close enough to reach the manacles. "I am not an infiltrator. I only came to do magical research... that's all."
The guard smacked his spear into the ground in front of her, loud and hard enough to stop her dead. "We're not interested in your lies, prisoner. You will answer the magister's questions. Until then, do not speak. Only obey."
Amie obeyed in silence. House guards arrived to escort Ivy away, rushing her down the hall and out of sight. Amie caught one last guilty look in her eyes, and then she was gone.
There were restraints for both sets of legs, linked closely enough together that she could only awkwardly shuffle forward. Once they were bound, another soldier produced a cloth strap, which they wrapped tightly around Amie's wings. Not hard enough to hurt—this wasn't a torture device. But if she tried to fly away, that might change.
Amie tried to reach out, probing for Rick. He would be close, their only chance to make a real escape. Yet she felt nothing—not him, not the emotions of the ponies all around her. The horror settled on her all at once, a single overwhelming wave.
I'm stuck. I can't go back and send help! What would happen to her real body, resting in the nest? How long could Stella Lacus keep going without her? Her wings twitched with anxiety, but only ached against her restraints. There was no easy escape from this.
She marched solemnly along at the commands of angry royal guards, struggling to keep ahead of their spear points. But she said nothing, not to these men. Stay calm, Beth. They're going to take us to the princess. All we have to do is see Luna. She already judged me once; she's not going to kill me now.
There was no response, at least not in words. But she felt something from the bug, just beneath the surface. Beth's thoughts were like a dream from days before, remembered only vaguely. It was enough to keep them calm all the way out onto the streets of Canterlot.
A crowd of ponies gathered there, lining just outside the Path gates. Ponies muttered and whispered to each other, pointing at Amie as they marched her down the sidewalk. A prison wagon was already waiting there, heavy iron bars far too close together for even a small bug to squeeze through. Ivy was planning this. She had the Royal Guard waiting for the right moment.
She had trusted in her changeling powers to sense when ponies were aggressive—but they had both fooled her. The guards with some unknown magical defense, and Ivy—through her own naivete. She had felt the girl's pain. But by then, it was already too late.
"This infiltration ends here!" the stallion ahead of her shouted, as they stepped out onto the street. "Noble citizens of our illustrious city, go to your homes in confidence! Canterlot will not be victimized again!"
It was right for Amie to bear their ridicule, instead of Beth. Trapped or not, it was better for the other bug not to have memories of this nightmare. The princesses ruled from this city—one of them would come for her, then she could explain. She just had to endure a little longer.
"Let her go!" A scream shook the crowd, loud enough that ponies turned to stare. The guards stopped their advance, though they put up their weapons. No one wanted to risk piercing a citizen of Canterlot with their spears.
A pegasus shoved his way through from the back, spreading out both wings to be as large as possible. The gentry of Canterlot clearly didn't know what to make of him, and scattered out of his way, losing purses and canes into the gutter. "Let her go!"
"Get away!" Amie screamed back, terrified. She wasn't sure where those words came from—but come they did, without her meaning to. "Leave!"
Either Rick didn't hear her, or he didn't care. He reached the nearest royal guard, then shoved against him, pushing the stallion aside. Or he tried, anyway. The pony's bewilderment wore off, and he tensed, widening his stance. Rick stumbled back, overpowered.
"This must be her accomplice!" the officer yelled, as loud as Rick's own. "Bring him in for interrogation!"
Amie felt hot tears on her face, tears of frustration and fear and rage all blended together. They weren't hers, but they still clouded her vision.
But no number of tears could hide what happened next.
Rick shoved again, attacking with more energy than the little nerd could possibly hold. Two other guards closed in around him, smacking down with the sides of their spears. He kept coming. "Let... her... go!"
Light exploded from around him, lifting the nearest guards up into the air and sending them flying down the street. The jail-cart rocked to one side under the force, and even Amie went stumbling back. There was no pegasus flying there beside the cart—but he wasn't a changeling drone either.
She could still see some of Rick there—but he was transformed, shedding black armor for bright greens and purples, and a shiny beetle's carapace to cover his wings. For one awed moment he hovered there, radiating magical power as Amie and the watching ponies could barely imagine.
Until a spear pierced his side, and he tumbled out of the air like a rock.
Luna needs to work faster on her end because of one pony unable to look past the difference and look at the facts the situation is developing into war and that isn't good.
Oh damn
This is seriously getting painful. Amie deserves a break. Her bugs deserve a break. Rick didn't deserve to die.
On the other hand, despite all the suffering that Amie's been through, I can't help but notice the plot armor she's clearly wearing. Not only did she survive the dream blade, but now these soldiers stopped their usual protocol of killing bugs on sight when they saw her while going straight back to it when Rick entered the picture.
Considering how little presence Rick has had, I'd say his death felt cheap, but I'd be lying because I don't actually feel that way. But I still get a general impression like he's being treated like a throwaway character, like this is doing his character dirty.
I'm still not quite clear on how much Ivy knew about the trap she was helping set up.
Wait, did Rick just transform, get stab and essentially pushed down? If so, its funny after his heroic transformation.
Was not expecting this betrayal from Ivy, but damn does it sting.
The second reformation in the hive. I hope Rick survives but regardless of what happens his transformation will offer a clue to Amie about what happened. At the very least, it'll be further evidence to Luna that changelings aren't monsters. But she really needs to start getting the wheels in motion.
Interesting they found out how to block the emotion senses.
Alas, Rick, you failed to be a good drone and flee. Let's see if humanity can do better.
I still hate all these cliffhangers, it is incredibly frustrating and that most build ups doesn't have a release, a good one that isn't just filler, in the next chapter. This is very annoying on certain parts of the arc and it feels like all my hype or adrenaline just gets suddenly flatlined, as if the reader gets punished for being excited.
The worst part? I am already anticipating that the next chapter's exciting arc is somewhere near the start and not really paying off anything other than forcing more hooks that I don't even need. On top of that, I fully expect that every chapter ends MUST be a cliffhanger that is not the final chapter.
But it is to be expected from you, Wordsmith. It is still a horrible thing to be put through when me or some other reader are already hooked from the start, but has to be constantly adding extra hooks for for every chapter, as if your story and pacing doesn't already have a strong enough hook by then.
Sorry for the rant, Starscribe. I hope you take this as a critique.
If this chapter ended with a betrayal and the rest is added onto the next chapter, I would not have minded your cliffhangers as much; I don't have the chance or time to digest what just happened and was suddenly put in some exciting part only to cut off suddenly.
This was some really harsh whiplash of strong emotions in only 2000 words that is stingy with its pay offs.
Yeah, figured something like this would happen given Ivy's emotional state in the previous chapter... though if she doubted Amie even was a changeling, why did she still call in the guards? (I'd also question some of the same points Amie made, but Ivy's heartbroken right now. Perfect rationality is not high on her priority list, especially when she's already decided to take it out on the mare who she thinks betrayed her.)
I can only assume the reason Beth wasn't killed on sight was because of new orders from above. Which, if nothing else, hopefully means whoever stabbed Rick is going to pay for it for the rest of their lives. (Alternatively, they're just planning on getting as much intelligence out of the captive drone as they can before killing it.)
That being said, news travels frustratingly slow, and Equestria may end up kicking off a massacre of refugees in the name of self-defense anyway. Moral of the chapter: Talk to people, whether it's a friend who's fallen out of contact or the armed forces of your country. In any case, we'll see what happens next.
*sighs* I was afraid this was going to happen. I'm hoping, desperately hoping that Rick survives that injury. It sounds like he morphed into the kind of changeling that Wes is at the last moment. I pray that he survives. Haven't The Stella Lacus group been through enough lately? Had enough deaths? There aren't that many of them to go around in the first place.
And Luna damn well better get her plot into gear or this is going to get so much worse. Also kinda tired of the blatant hostility the ponies are giving. Yes they have their reasons but they're still going overkill. And I really don't want to drag real world comparisons into this because that would just snowball into an insane amount of stupidity.
I've noticed before that Amie seems to be innately good at manipulation and I'm not sure if she's noticed that she can wrap anyone around her hoof. Ivy was a good example of this, and she tells Amie as much. I do hope we haven't seen the last of her.
Also hope Rick hasn't just died.
I wonder if this is a universe where the Princesses don't have full authority in Equestria. Luna implied it wasn't her choice to use the Dream Blade but compelled to by a committee of some kind. I was hoping that in the fallout of seeing the spell used on Amie and seemingly implying it would harm her despite her innocence she'd try to stand up to her government. Hopefully we get a look at how that's going soon.
11652449
I'll agree that the weekly schedule release is brutal. Chapters are just long enough to get you invested and then, got to wait another seven days. I should probably stop reading until the story is complete, but I'm too hooked.
Maybe check in on Starscribe stories monthly?
time for a good old ass kicking.
11652424
for real I still think the dream blade thing should have killed her from the wording and how everything seemed to be going I thought i was going to be her overcoming the spell somehow or maybe even an MC change kinda feels like a copout
but her being captured kind of makes sense they were planning this
I feel like one interesting thing about the story is that we readers don’t have any one single character that we can vent on. Sometimes the protagonist does silly things and we are frustrated with them; sometimes the antagonist does evil things and we are furious with them. We can usually find someone to blame for all the bad things that happened but in this story this isn’t the case. Amie was resourceful and kind, her allies and those who supported her throughout the story were generally reasonable and weren’t actively trying to cause her troubles. Wes hasn’t really done much, which was expected of him. He was just sort of there and wasn’t exactly the focus of the story. Albrecht and his faction surrendered without bloodshed. Ponies as a whole were hostile but that’s understandable to a degree, plus they were the protagonists of the show so we are naturally soft to them. Most of them were just nameless people on duty anyway. Bonbon didn’t do anything really harmful in her limited screentime. Luna was a hypocrite but at least she saw her mistakes pretty quickly. Ivy… well, her betrayal certainly was impactful but I personally find it hard to hate her for this, since Amie did in a way use her and she was just an emotionally confused teenager. I don’t think she could forgive herself if innocent changelings really died because of her, and that alone is probably a somewhat decent punishment. Her father was probably the worst person in the story but we haven’t seen much of him so far.
To sum up, there’s no particularly hateable character in the story (so far) but bad things still happen constantly. The story is giving its readers too much tension all the time without a proper way to release it, aka blame the characters. In this case, all the tension is naturally going to be converted into frustration towards the author. One might think a good story must above all be engaging for its target audience. If so, I’d say the story is currently suffering from too much success.
11652570
ponies... are really dramatic folks love them but they do have drama.
pony village was a huge showing of how ridiculous they can act zecora bunny stamped... but hey they can be extra friendly once they know better but I hope they understand that this isn't gonna be fast but a slow friendship due to lots of burned bridges...
im guessing they didn't kill her cause she was a queen how lucky she is to look different than the typical Ling if she had looked like a drone I think there would have been stabbing poor Rick to die by specism tragic I hope someone save that brave kid or the mare that is probably feeling guilty.
I wonder if the skittle form or glow wings have shown up more in history? I mean there had to have been compassionate changelings who showed compassion and did harmonic things or heroic things in those thousands of years it feels so weird that transformation is sometimes I think the form is thanks to the elements of harmony being active...
11652449
Unfortunately, this is where the publishing format/schedule tends to work against Starscribe's stories.
2000-ish words isn't always enough to adequately deliver a story's most intense dramatic beats. Sometimes you need 4000. Or even 8000. As you said, putting a one-week break in between just drains all the tension and gives the reader time to forget about what happened.
And it's not like you can write an 8000-word climax chapter and just arbitrarily cut it into four 2000-word pieces, because that's just going to leave some awkward or unnatural breaks, even if you massage the word count to accommodate some cut-off points.
11652629
To build on the previous statements, even holding off on multiple chapters just to read them all in one go won't help much because readers won't know in advance which chapters are important enough to bundle up.
I'm not sure if Rick is actually dead. He may just be injured enough that he can't do anything and needs medical help to survive. Ivy is still feeling confliced likely because she doesn't know if Amy just told her the truth.
I wish I could say I was surprised, but that would be a lie. Ivy is responsible for this mess. She KNEW what would happen to Amie and she went ahead with it anyway. She absolutely cannot be trusted, if Amie even survives this. Knowing what we know about the Ponies they might very well just murder them in the streets and be hailed as heroes for it. Ponies are unapologetic murderous, racists.
Interesting that the guards had no emotional signature. Wondering if Path's retinue has been compromised by Chrysalis trying to set the ponies against a rival hive.
Oh crap, poor Rick. And it sounds like he was a Changedling,
Now before everyone jumps on Ivy, unlike Chrissie who only attacked love, Amy actually betrayed or at least misled her friend, and friendship is the pony ideal. She is like the anti-friend in Ivy’s eyes. Crimes against friendship has to be like Satanism to the ponies. And their god horses almost failed to protect them, and the ponies have learned again and again that only heroes like the elements of friendship or the princesses or the Wonderbolts can defend them from monsters. Even SMILE which just failed to capture a bugbear for which they were disbanded and their agents disavowed: ponies don’t seem to tolerate false hope or false harmony AND panic easily.
She should have come clean when she had the chance. Yea, Ivy I know I'm a changeling and that seems horrible, but let me tell you about the really bad thing I did… and am continuing to do even after you kept my secret.
Where the hell is Luna and why hasn't she acted yet to stop all this?
Ivy did not think this through. At all. Calling in the guards is incongruous with her not thinking she’s a changeling.
Oh no!!
I'm gonna hold out hope that Rick isn't dead. Changelings have transformation magic, I imagine that it can be pretty hard to kill a well-fed one!
Amie won't know, though. And that will sting.
11653091
Yes but considering she was attacked for she was and had to hide from the world as soon as she figured out how to while working on peace and safety who betray who . Amie was being safe as she could be under the circumstances. Considering most ponies think the only good changelings are dead ones. Ivy didn't even bother to think maybe she didn't tell you because of the kill on site that most ponies want towards changelings. She was asked to something but she wasn't forced into it she knows in her heart that she could say no to what asked. She is the betrayer in my opinion.
11653596
But there was no reason not to admit the silly rent-a-friend thing. If she had come clean it might have turned Ivy further against her fathers hard ass attitude because after all he set her up with a changeling because he lied to her.
11653618
They barely knew each other for more than a short time and Amie is doing her best under difficult circumstances. If ivy had bothered to even talk to her about this before deciding to betray the person who thought of as friend because she didn't tell her something that could cost her life. If she had spoken someone might have overheard or she would have betray her all the sooner.
The ponies shed first blood of the innocent children. Now comes the war. Kill them all, Amie. Kill them all. The men, women, child. They started this war. End it and slaughter them to the last. Make them suffer for their evil.
11652527
Poor. Communication. Kills. Seriously, Starscribe, WHY?!
11652761
As others have said here, 2k words isn't always enough. When I write this story (and all stories), I always outline and write from the perspective of how the story will look when it is complete. This does, unfortunately, mean that the audience is kept in _way_ more tension than they should be if they're reading week to week.
After all, when the story is finished, you would be able to turn the page and know immediately how things turn out. Instead, people are tormented week after week.
If it's any consolation this chapter is by far the harshest cliffhanger in the entire story.
11653829
I am aware of the fact that most of the tension and frustration seen among the readers come from cliffhangers (not necessarily intentional ones) in a weekly update schedule. I’m more or less trying to find an alternate explanation for this general attitude, though I’ll freely admit it’s not a very reliable one.
I’m not very sure if such things exist in western literature but classical Chinese novels written hundreds of years ago literally had every single chapter end on a cliffhanger. Those novels were actually compiled from folk stories told by professional story tellers, and they would always end their story with a cliffhanger, telling people “stay tuned if you want to know what happens next”. I doubt those story enjoyers from centuries ago were happy with this, but it became the norm nevertheless, so it was probably good for business after all. Just some random food for thought, I guess.
11653930
You remind me of part of a story I read years ago. I think it was in Dinotopia. You could get into a theater for free, but you had to pay to stay for the next chapter. So every chapter had to end with people wanting to stay and see what happens next.
these cliffhangars are why I tend to avoid sub 300k word stories
I'd rather drag on in a 10k word chapter than consistently get blueballed every week
that being said
ouch, poor rick, got his 15 minutes of fame
Noooo!!!! Ahhh- Luna, do something!!!