Don't Bug Me

by Starscribe


Chapter 25

“You in here, Amie?” Bud asked, rattling on her door. Amie sat up from her academic stupor, dislodging several textbooks onto the floor around her.

She managed to get her hooves under her by the time Bud let himself in. Transforming was more than just changing how she looked on the outside—every body had its own characteristics, different ways of moving, holding herself.

This one couldn’t sit still now that she was in motion, bouncing subtly up and down. She levitated her pile of books hastily up onto the table as Bud came in, looking as though he hadn’t slept much more than she did. He had an entire pot of coffee levitating along beside him, and occasionally drank directly from it. Wasn’t that too hot for his tongue? If so, he didn’t seem to care.

“Oh, excellent. Already into character. What do I call you?”

“Rain Fly!” she exclaimed, hurrying over. She passed him the form, then eyed the pot of coffee. If he hadn’t drunk directly from it, she might try to steal it. Would she even be able to drink it? She already knew what happened when she tried to eat plants. “I had a look at your suggestions. I think this should be a good match.”

The unicorn looked her over, then nodded. “This will be the strangest change to my profession since letting the hippogriff join my staff last year. No need for makeup or outfits, no dye and wigs.” He patted her shoulder with the form, then waved for her to follow. “It may be a good thing the changelings who invaded Equestria were such bloodthirsty monsters. Too many like you would put entertainers out of a job.” He stopped in the doorway, waiting for her. “But if this works out, I’d be willing to offer employment to your brother as well. If he can match his energy to ours, we could use another healing worker.”

Do you make up those words every time, or actually believe them?

Amie followed him from the room, then across the narrow wooden bridge. It was barely large enough for two ponies to walk abreast, and had only a single window directly in the center. An uncomfortable space for a pony, enough that even Bud accelerated his hoofsteps while they were inside.

“He’d be more likely to be one of your clients, I’m afraid,” she answered. “He has a hard time making friends. But Mr. Bonzer. Should I… I should be in character, right? Rain Fly doesn’t have a brother.”

He stopped beside the window. In the city below, life was going in earnest now. Thousands of ponies worked. From the carts they pulled and the heavy protective gear they wore, she could only guess they were in the mining industry. Just like Motherlode, and all the other villages around here.

“That’s exactly right, Rain. Each identity you take is another employee. I need to treat each one of them as their own ponies. Or… own creatures. You can copy more than ponies, can’t you? Ever since hiring Stratosphere, we keep getting requests for ponies who want to meet exotic creatures from far away.”

Did Bud want her to be herself, or Rain Fly? She sighed. “I’ve only met ponies since getting here. I think if I meet someone, I might be able to look like them? Ponies are weird and alien to me too. Other things shouldn’t be much harder.”

“Might need to bring Stratosphere in on this if we go for it,” he muttered to himself, then set off again. “But I’m getting ahead of myself, Rain. First thing you have to do is show me you have a future at Rent-a-Friend. You look right, you definitely have the right energy. But will Ivy Path agree? That’s the judge of your future.”

“She will,” Amie promised. “I used to be just like her. Now that I’m a few years older, I’ve been working with kids for years. I know how they think.”

The Rent-a-Friend building was a maze. Bud led her across several hallways, past a stage, another section of apartments just like the one she now lived in, a swimming pool. It was no wonder the building was so big—it probably had a place for almost anything friends might want to do together.

She thought about where Ivy Path might be waiting for her—an obstacle course, or maybe an archery range? But Bud didn’t take her to anywhere like that—instead, they reached a final set of stairs, and emerged in an alley behind the building. Old dumpsters filled the air with exactly the foul smells she expected, and dense shadows kept the awning in perpetual gloom even with the sun high overhead.

“Part of this case, her father doesn’t want her knowing he hired the friend. She won’t meet you here, in fact learning about us will ruin the whole contract. You need to grow naturally into her life, then satisfy her father that her daughter’s needs are being met. Nurture her, fill the gaps. Heal the pony’s aching heart. All the rest.”

Amie winced. “What am I supposed to tell her about where I live? What’s my cover story?”

Bud just kept staring at her, as though she’d asked in another language. “The cover story is your job, Amie. You’re there to act, so act. How to enter her life, we do know a little more. I already spoke to her father, Commander Bravo Path. He said that Ivy spends most of her days on the training course in the base.”

He fished around in his pocket, finally removing a little necklace with a sun logo hanging from it. “This here—families of guards wear these around bases, it will get you in. I can see you didn’t bring anything, that’s good. No weapons through the gates, if you don’t want them to search you. Remember Ivy’s picture from the form?”

It was her turn to stare. “Just making sure I get this right… you’re sending me to a military base? The same military who think everyone who looks like me is a monster that wants to suck the love out of every pony in Equestria? Does that seem like a good idea?”

He lowered his voice, resting one hoof on her shoulder. “Frankly Miss Amie, this is your evaluation. If nopony at the base can find you, then how could a humble pony such as myself have discovered your infiltration? This first assignment protects me, and every other pony who depends on the Rent-a-Friend for their bits and their companionship. I’m not telling you to get caught, I’m saying not to. Give the best debut performance of your life.”

I shouldn’t. The danger here was more than just disappointing one lonely pony with a bad friend—it was her life. Any attempt to claim innocence would be doomed to failure when they caught her sneaking into a military base. But if she lost this job, what would happen to Wes? How much longer could they keep running?

“Do they have any magic to detect me?” she finally asked, resigned. 

“If Equestria had that, changelings wouldn’t be so scary,” he said. “Just act like a pony, and you should be fine. If you can’t do that, you could reconsider your employment. That’s your decision.”

“No.” She pulled free of him, then hopped down into the alley. “How much time is he paying for, exactly? How long should I try to entertain her?”

“That’s… not how we work,” Bud said. “He’s paying for a friend. You stay however long that takes. For a client who doesn’t know they’re a client, that might take weeks of short visits, getting longer as your relationship improves. Satisfy her father, prove the Rent-a-Friend service has a place in Equestria. You’ll be doing more than earning the bits, if you do.”

And if I fail, I’ll be dead. You can deny responsibility, kick my brother to the curb, and pretend this never happened.

Amie bit back a dozen different snide remarks about the “energy” he was projecting with his first job, and set off down the road. Bitter and angry wasn’t what she needed right now, but it also wasn’t what Rain Fly was like.

If I’m gonna live through this, Rain Fly can’t just be a face. She has to be a real pony underneath.


Amie’s trip across Agate was nothing near as casual as the first one. She was no less a stranger to the city, but this time she wasn’t wondering where to hide Wes, or afraid about what they would eat. This time, she had a purpose.

It shouldn’t even be that hard, if she boiled it down to the abstract. Make friends with a lonely horse. Mr. Albrecht basically paid her to do that all summer long already.

Agate was large enough that nopony noticed the appearance of a total stranger from nothing. Meanwhile, Rain Fly was old enough that it wasn’t too strange for her to be on her own. Her living arrangements would be a bit strange, but other than that…

Amie could only wonder if the other workers had such hard assignments. It couldn’t just be as easy as entertaining visitors, oh no. She had to sneak in, making friends on her own, and never let the girl catch on that she was only doing a job. At least the kids who came to Stella Lacus knew the counselors were there to make them feel welcome.

Then she reached the base itself. If anything, what surprised her about it was just how familiar the place was. High fences separated it from the rest of town, along with a single guard post attached to the road for visitors. But since the town didn’t have cars, those visitors all came on their own hooves.

Aside from the guards at the gates, she couldn’t even see any patrolling from the wall. She saw a few shapes high above, probably pegasi. Maybe that was the only way they watched the building for danger. Why bother walking on walls when you had wings?

Bud’s words about the base proved correct in at least one respect. There were no magical metal detectors outside to show whether or not she was a changeling. There was no interrogation for her, no cavity search. She just turned the necklace towards them, and a bored-looking earth pony with a pen waved her through the gate to the other side.

“Name,” she said, her voice as utterly bored as her emotions radiated. Amie would’ve smelled their suspicion, with how sour and unmistakable it tasted in the air. She found none.

“Rain Fly,” she answered.

“Reason for your visit?”

Amie hesitated. “Heard you’ve got a great training course. Wanted to do some PT.”

That made the mare look up, tapping her pen impatiently against the clipboard. “Just what the base needs. Another one.” She scribbled it down anyway, then gestured. “Beige building across from the hangar. Don’t get lost, miss. You’re a visitor on Royal Guard property.”

She nodded hastily. “Beige building across from the hangar, got it.”

Just like that, the forces of the changeling military infiltrated a secure pony facility. No one followed her through the gate. The ponies there barely even glanced in her direction.

As it turned out, there were plenty of ponies her age inside. Most of them wore simple tee-shirts with guard logos and numbers on the back. They went through various drills, circling around a running course, or practiced with shields and spears, going through basic routines. 

She couldn’t keep herself from staring at some of the bigger objects in the base—such as the gigantic mooring-pole, with an airship tethered to it. The exact same airship she’d seen flying over Motherlode not long ago.

Tailslide is in here. I wonder if he could help me.

Amie banished that thought far, far to the back of her mind. The beige gym was one of the larger buildings, and placed fairly near the front. She couldn’t get curious and wander around to see the rest of it without attracting obvious attention to herself. 

I just need to keep us safe long enough for Pachu'a to get back here to help Stella Lacus, she thought, slowing as she reached the doors. A pair of ponies stood there as “guards”, though these weren’t wearing armor. They carried blunted practice spears instead of real ones. When they snapped to attention at her approach, it was with only passable technique.

They took one look at her badge, then one scurried over to the door, holding it open for her. There was no way to second guess herself now. Amie’s only path was forward.