To Cross a Line · 12:11am Feb 23rd, 2018
It’s past midnight. I recently landed an internship and, while it’s pretty neat, it’s also a full-time job and I am honestly dead tired as I write this. I think I can feel my head fusing with the pillow as I type.
This is by design.
We need to talk about communication, and how I’ve been struggling to say something for a long time. For the ones that don’t have the time, here’s the tl;dr: I think I’m approaching my breaking point, please stop.
An actual explanation under the break. Fuck your tl;dr.
I am aware—because I understand the most basic rules of pacing—that I should dwell a little on why I think ‘this’ is happening, and how I know ‘it’ is happening, before actually getting to the point. I’m gonna ignore the most basic rules of pacing, though, because this is actually a serious blog and I am painfully aware that if I don’t get this out quickly, I’ll never post it. I’m already having doubts. I don’t know if this will ever see the light.
Here’s the gist:
There’s a fine line between amiable jokes and online harassment. I think, at one point, that line was crossed, and I have no idea how or when.
I am sorry for this blog. I really am. I’m going to say things that might hurt people or greatly scare them, and I hate that, and I wish I couldn’t—but it’s become such a big deal that it’s starting to affect my real life, and at some point, well. You gotta draw a line.
Be it due to the way I present myself to this website (as an idiot, a buffoon, someone who is constantly making fun of himself and being made fun of), or be it because I simply use way too much self-deprecation in my writing, the fact is, I believe some people have got the sign that it’s okay to open any dialogue with me through an insult of some kind.
Usually, this wouldn’t be an issue. It really wouldn’t! My friends and I insult each other constantly in a friendly way. Someone saying ‘AND THEN HERE’S THIS ASSHOLE’ when I walk into the room is probably gonna make me crack a smile. It’s just my sense of humor. There’s no ill will in that sentence, and I’m perfectly aware of this.
However.
The problem here is, it goes beyond that. It gets to the point where I get PMs of people calling me a retard and implying I’m subnormal—because that’s how they think I do smalltalk, that’s how they open up to me. I get Discord DMs of people assuming I’m a cartoon character, and demanding me to be dumb so they can have some fun. I get people in public chats ping me just to remind me of that time I said something silly, and assure me that nobody will ever take me seriously.
It gets to you, after a while.
It’s not just a single incident. Sure, now and then I get a random message from someone who’s so off-key, so weirdly brutal at insulting me, that I get outright offended. But those are rare—more often than not, it’s really minor stuff. It’s safe stuff.
It’s a guy popping up in the middle of a serious conversation—where I am, say, giving writing advice to someone, or something that I take to heart in a way or the other—just to point out how obviously Aragón is not someone to ever listen to if you want any sensible advice. Or it’s a person being bored and immediately asking me to do something remotely entertaining, evoking words that sound eerily similar to ‘dance, monkey, dance’.
If this was just one cunt calling me a retard through Fimfic PMs? Screw it, I can deal with that. But it’s just—it’s not one incident.
It’s one after the other, after the other, after the other. It’s day after day after day, averaging, what? Three times a day? Four times a day, people I’ve never met or barely know randomly insulting me and treating me like a clown for no reason?
Look, I don’t wanna be the high and mighty asshole who demands respect above all things. We’re all human, and I appreciate it when people take me down a peg. I hate writing this blog—I really do—because among other things, it makes me sound pompous. It makes me sound like I’m bursting with self-importance: look at Aragón, he of the high horse, annoyed because people speak to him in the wrong tone of voice.
And worst of all: I’m aware some good people, some really good, wonderful people, are reading this and wondering if they ever sent me a friendly jab that I took to heart and then I spent hours crying in the bathroom or something.
You didn’t! Nobody did. And everybody did, at the same time. That’s the problem.
Because one comment, I can take. It’s just literally following up on a joke I myself made. Come on, if you’re referencing the raspberry blog, I’m going to give you the fingerguns and be flattered you liked it.
But it’s never one comment. It’s never one incident. It’s a constant stream, a neverending fucking parade of you’re dumb, you’re worthless, get out, shut up, you’re ridiculous, you’re stupid, you’re a retard, you’re the bottom of the barrel, leave, the grownups are talking, you’re an imbecile, you’re not an adult, you’re a cartoon.
You’re pathetic, you’re disgusting, you’re not normal, you shouldn’t be alive, you’re horrible, you’re so dense, you’re annoying, you’re a waste, you’re a child, you’re insufferable, you never shut up, you’re the worst, you should go.
Nobody likes you, nobody respects you, nobody listens to you, nobody loves you, nobody looks up to you, nobody cares, nobody should care, nobody will care.
It’s all friendly jabs. It’s all a joke, and nobody means anything, and it’s just how I talk to people. Even if it isn’t how I talk to people.
In the end, I suppose, this is more my fault than anything. I’m the one who purposely presents himself as a fool. It’s a character I make—of course I do silly shit now and then, everybody does, but I guess if you only present that face to the public, that’s how they’re going to know you.
This has been going on for a really long time. The raspberry blog only made it worse, and lately it’s growing out of control.
Some days I’ll just get one dude making a comment like this in a group chat, and I’ll barely notice. Other days I actually get a fair share of it, but I’ll shrug it off. And other days, I get a PM, and I just break down, because I wasn’t really shrugging it off. I was just ignoring it.
I’m sorry. I’m really sorry if this blog is upsetting you in any way, or making you second-guess how to approach me. That is the last thing I want, but I have no idea what to do now. I can’t go on like this. I flinch when I get new notifications, or when I check PMs from people I don’t know, or when someone randomly brings up the fact that they’re a fan of mine.
‘Cause I’m just expecting it, at this point. I flinch and then wait for the small, off-handed insult that’s meant as a friendly jab, even though I’m trying to signal as hard as possible that I’m not comfortable with it, and then it comes, and it’s still like getting kicked in the stomach.
I am scared of my own audience.
I don’t think that can be right.
There’s a person behind every username, I suppose is the moral of this. Sometimes it’s easy to forget. If I play up a character, and this character only interacts with others by being the butt of the joke, I have nobody else but me to blame if people assume I will want to be the butt of the joke every time.
Please, don’t think this is about you in particular. I’m not thinking of anybody in particular, I’m not giving any specific examples. If anybody’s reading this—I legitimately have no idea what the reaction to this will be; I’m fearing anger, I’m hoping sympathy, I’m dreading indifference—and feeling like apologizing, don’t.
Don’t send me PMs, please. Share your thoughts if you like, comment in here to say whatever you feel is relevant, but don’t single me out to apologize in person for any interaction you might have thought was a wrongdoing on your part. Because then I’ll have to address it, and it won’t be anything that bad after all, and I’ll second-guess myself, and I’ll figure it’s not a big deal, and I’ll delete this blog and everything will start over again, and I don’t want to be afraid of every single person who tries to approach me.
I like writing for this website. I don’t plan to take a break, or get away from the community. Fimfiction is a place I truly enjoy, full of people I really admire. I love my readers, and I feel so flattered whenever someone genuinely describes themselves as ‘a fan’ that I don’t even know how to react.
That’s why I’m writing this blog.
I hate the idea that I’m somehow betraying you all by sharing this, but I don’t know what else to do. Not talking is not solving the issue. Playing it cool is not solving the issue. Shrugging it off is only fucking me up even harder. I mentioned a line before—a line you gotta draw, and a line you shouldn’t cross. I have no idea where to draw it. I’m afraid we might have already crossed it.
I’m at a loss. And I am aware that I’m kind of showing a rather ugly side of me by posting this, and I understand that I’ll probably lose some followers from this, but just.
Stop.
Please, stop. I don’t mind teasing my friends, I don’t mind it if my friends tease me, but please, read the room before doing so. Please. Just, treat me like a human being. It’s all I ask for.
Fimfiction has a Discord server -- cool place, some neat people in there -- and I used to be in the #General room a lot. I had to leave it after one too many incidents where it was clear I couldn't have any interaction without people constantly telling me I was a worthless piece of shit for the sake of a laugh, and to see my funny reaction.
I returned, eventually, but now I only dwell in the #Writing_help room. #General is kind of dead to me.
That's another reason why I wrote this. It's not the first time it happens, and at one point it became too much, and I had to leave. I'd hate it if the same happened with Fimfiction.
Sorry for the bother, and the minor emotional breakdown. I'll go to sleep now. Good night.
Jesus Christ, that doesn't sound like fun at all. Sorry to hear that, dude.
Naw dude, this was a good blog to write. My friends and I do the same thing (and then there's this asshole) but none of us would take that shit from anyone who didn't know us. I dunno, I'm not great with advice, and I'm not good at writing my thoughts out in any capacity. But I hope you're doing well still. But definitely don't feel bad for asking for the bare minimum of respect. At some point, you just have to put your foot down.
You're great.
Whomst is being an asshole to you?!
Can we trade places? Because I could really use a 'pretty neat internship' right now, and can probably deal with the rest.
You’re a wonderful human being.
I've done this "joke" at least twice. At the time, I didn't know. Now that I do, I must apologize, not because I want you to feel uncomfortable or weird or anything like that, but because I contributed and I should acknowledge that's what I did, regardless of my motives at the time. The fact that I was one face in a crowd of faces is not a mitigating excuse.
No one should feel they're having their dignity slowly stripped away from them, whether or not they believe they invited it upon themselves by playing a character. I'm absolutely in your corner on this issue. And I'm sincerely sorry for those "jokes" of mine; for what it's worth as an excuse, I had no idea how they came across.
Thanks for speaking up about it. I appreciate it couldn't have been easy to write this blog post, but there's no shame in anyone admitting they'd like to be treated a little more respectfully. If anything, it would be shameful of someone to ignore such a request.
It's not a high-horse issue. It's common courtesy, based on mutual understanding and communication. That means we're always open for negotiations.
Lastly, hell no: I'm not un-following you. You produce quality work, and you have every right to be proud of it.
I think some people tend to forget that there's a person on the other side of their monitor.
Take it easy, Aragon.
You're a lovely soul and you have nothing to apologize for. You have every right to want to be treated as a human being and I'm sorry you've had to write it in the first place. That people didn't/wouldn't act better.
I'm glad to have you around dude.
...I am... not sure if the Pyrrha Comic thing contributed to this...
but if it did I apologize. I thought of it as a comedy sketch, not harassment, and... I guess I just got used to the idea that everyone has That One Silly Story and people would hear it, laugh, and move on. Not bring it up again and again.
Communication is key to all human interaction. I think laying out your feelings here is not only perfectly acceptable, but indeed the right thing to do.
You're amazing, Ara. <3
And then there's this completely wonderful human being whom we love and adore and who deserves hugs ;_;
How we treat our friends is rarely the issue. It's knowing who is a friend and who is not. :(
Pretty sure this isn’t it. Estee is self‐deprecating to the point where I honestly don’t know if they’ve got a complex or not and yet Estee isn’t assailed by more bants than they can handle.
Not really. If you used less words, were more ambiguous, less direct it might be possible to misconstrue you as having come to the conclusion that you are suddenly above bants, but with how in depth you laid everything out? Not a fucking chance. It’s clear that you’re feeling hounded. Worse, it’s because of a public persona you let get (and others inadvertently took) out of hand, leaving you feeling insecure… and guilty about feeling insecure like you’re the bad guy for wanting folks to rein it in now that it’s wearing at you.
You're an excellent human being, and you deserve vastly better treatment.
We've not interacted much, so this shouldn't mean much at all, but if it helps and for what it's worth, I've often been shy of initiating communication purely because based on the analysis you've done and the snippets of your background and education you've shared, you've transparently way smarter and quicker than I am, and I'd come off as a gurgling pillock in comparison. You're damned competent, and the default ought to be to treat you as such.
It makes you sound desperate for some basic human fucking decency. You have nothing to apologize for; it sounds like we all owe you a collective apology.
I know you said to not think on an individual basis, but I'm almost certain I was in this group in the recent past -- if I'm not still. I (we) should know better.
You don't have to apologize for writing the blog, or feel weird about the issue. It you feel that this is important to you, then it is important, and you are well within your right to express yourself about it.
I hope you feel better quickly.
Jesus crap.
I'm so sorry for you.
I'd give you an internet hug, but I don't have the gif available right now.
...
*hug*
I like and appreciate you.
4803408
Or maybe Estee is assailed by more bants than they can handle and they just haven't said anything. Maybe several authors on here get that crap and Aragon is the first to say something.
Congratulations: you're officially famous.
No, I'm serious. This thing happens to anyone who achieves a modicum of fame or notoriety. Because of some psychological quirk, people tend to think that, because they've been privy to a great deal of your public presence, that they know you intimately, and are entitled to treat you like a close friend. Or, more importantly, how they think your close friends treat you. And, in an effort to be more of a friend than your actual friends, they often go way overboard.
All I can do is offer my sympathy and recommend you look for some advice by people who have had the same problem.
4803389
Whomst'd've*
I'm going to go right back to cracking jokes at your expense tomorrow, because that's how we roll, and because you know me well enough that you can actually snipe back at me better than I can at you.
But I just wanted to say that I have a massive amount of respect for you. You're one of the best writers on the site, and you're still my favorite author, though admittedly you have some very stiff competition and it changes some days. Before I started talking to you, I idolized you and your works, and instead of thinking you were a fool, I thought you were better than Pratchett, which is probably better, but not necessarily by much.
And now that we've talked and stuff, I feel like I'm getting to the point where I just see you as a very witty human. I'm still a little intimidated by your skills (it took me a while to drum up the courage to ask you to look at my fic draft last month), but I can talk to you and banter and stuff. But I still think that you're an amazing writer, and smarter than me in many, many ways. And I wish others could see you like that too: as a very witty person who is also highly intelligent, but occasionally does stupid things because he's human.
Which is why I've tried to be careful in where I make my comments about you. There's places where it's appropriate, and places where it's not, and I've tried my best to figure out which is which, and I also trust you to tell me when I've crossed the line. So don't worry about me worrying: I know you know me well enough that you can be comfortable telling me off.
Also, I'm glad that you made this blog. There's too many personas on this site, too many masks, and while some may choose to wear them, I don't think that people should forget that it's just that: a mask. And it's good that you're making that Crystal clear.
We aren't friends, but that doesn't stop me from respecting you quite a lot. You're a good writer, you're obviously very intelligent, and you seem like a really nice person. What you've written here is something that's very important in all of our lives: communication. Without it, who would ever know you were bothered by all of this? It's just my opinion, but you've totally done the right thing to take care of yourself by writing this, and by stepping back from a toxic environment for a bit of perspective and air. Hope you're feeling better soon.
It’s alright to let it all out. You’re a great person. Don’t let anyone else make you think otherwise.
I don't have much to say other than my eternal thanks for your kindness and willingness to help this subpar writer out.
You are extremely talented on what you do and seem like the type of person who has everything figured out. In fact, I'd love to get to know you better because you are brimming with so much wisdom and advice, and your personality makes your blogs and your writings all the more interesting.
In fact, I'm a bit intimidated by you as a person. I wish I could offer more on that statement, only that I compare myself to your work to see where I need to improve.
That also includes the personality bit. I'm not quite sure why I should portray myself as, and look to your blogs to try and spice up my own.
All and all, it pains me to hear you're going through this. Banter is the quickest way to establish a deep bond. With everything on the table and allowed to be said, you can share some personal troubles that you couldn't trust with anyone else.
With that type of relationship comes a deep trust, but that trust is broken when the other person doesn't know they're taking it too far.
There's not much I can offer other than the people in your life come to that conclusion far quicker than they recently.
I've started reading Hogfather because of you, and in reading your works alongside it, I know Terry Pratchett would be proud of you as a writer.
Keep it together. And thank you for all you have done for both this site and me.
Man, I haven't really interacted with you almost at all, though I consider that pretty much anything you do is gold and you are one of my favourite writers in this site. We may have exchanged once or twice in some comment sections of a post. In any case, I think comedy it's fricking hard. It's really hard.
I think you make gold out of it. I think that makes you a super serious deal, and I've taken and studied and read all and any comment about writing that you have done, because you are smart and know the stuff. If it's worth of anything, I never saw you as a buffon, I have a high respect for you and considering a serious master of comedy, the kind of wich I would patiently hear whatever has to say because it's worth it.
Your blogs, like the raspberry one, aren't, IMO, the espontanous rants of a very dumb person, but on the contrary, materfully enginereed post in which from a completly trivial and otherwise anecdotical situation, you make a whole script of full comedy. I always saw, and enjoy them, as plays, in the sense in which they are great, but they are fictional, a character, if maybe coming from some real base, the kind of which you very gracefully choose the right events and parts to told (and in the right moment) to present them as the most buffonesque possible. Even those (if not your stories) make me respect and admire your skills as a writer more and more.
Un abrazo cabronazo, que te sientas mejor, lo merecés, sos un tipo increible.
I understand this completely. I have a similar problem although as I’m not as much of a public figure (you’re a minor celebrity, look at that. Your parents should be proud.) I don’t have it from many places at once. At college I used to purposely play the victim to stop people bullying others because I thought I could handle it. I just about managed barring a few minor incidents that were solved pretty quickly and usually ended with me in a better standing than I was before. But constantly having people joke about how you’re retarded, even though you’re the one who brought it up? It grinds you down.
You can laugh and cover it up and pretend you’re fine but you arent. And rarely do people realise they aren’t ok with something until it’s reached breaking point. That’s the curse of humanity. We all think we can cope until we can’t.
I follow you so I can laugh at the stupid situation s you get into, not because I want to laugh at you personally. Silly situations happen to us all, you just have a beautiful knack for attracting the weirdest and most hilarious things. I was actually jealous of the berry blog due to the fact you could share your ‘moment’ with a group of friends.
You are, undoubtably, a massive idiot but in the best possible way. Keep on being yourself Aragón, you make the world a more ridiculous place.
Sure, okay.
You know the only solution is to drop the character altogether for a while, right?
Like, i can't remember if I've ever seen you make a serious post that doesn't make a thousand jokes about how your father hates you and your mother thinks you're an idiot or something.
I just kinda figured you were a big ass method actor.
You shouldn't feel you need to apologize for asking for basic human decency. As you said, there's a person behind that user name. Here's hoping enough people read this that it does its job.
Don't feel bad for making this blog. People aren't told often enough that celebrities(you're essentially a celebrity of FimFiction, but this applies for all celebrities of any communities) are people and need to be treated with basic decency. Hopefully this blog makes people know to treat other people, including but not limited to you, with basic politeness.
I know those demons all too well, Aragon. They're in my head every single day. Saying a lot of those same things. Damn stupid things.
I know this is a drop in the bucket, but I've personally considered you insightful, brilliant, beyond hysterical and extremely good at what you do. And I happen to know I'm not the only one. Your talk on Comedy for NaPoWriMo is easily one of the best practical and applicable things on comedy I've ever read. The fact that you can articulate it is incredible.
I know none of this will make the demons shut up. But it'll still be here anyway. And maybe, when they get tired, it might help a little.
For the record, I've always just kinda thought you were way smarter than me. Joking at you about being dumb would be like me trying to do observational humor by saying, "What's up with oranges lately? They're so friggin' blue, am I right". And everyone just stares at me trying to figure out what the hell I'm on about.
That's it, I'm siccing Crystal Wishes on you. One 10 kiloton hug coming up!
Damn dude, don't delete this. Even if you think you are exagerating, someone somewhere on this site is probably getting the same treatment you're talking about.
People need to understand that you can't just contact a stranger, call him a retard and expect him to just laugh it off. That's not how social interactions work.
So please, don't delete the message, it's a good message.
Here's how badly Aragon needed to write this; When he says he did it before he could second guess it? He did it while I was asleep. I didn't even get a PM about this, he didn't ask me for confirmation this was the right tone, he didn't wait for me to come online. First I knew of this blog was checking my feed when I woke up.
There's a series of jokes how Aragon and I are a married couple, and it's a joke we're probably the worst offenders for. But we're probably the first person the other talks to when they're unsure about something, when we're insecure, whatever. It was more important to him right now that he posted this while he could say it than it was that he got the tone right, that he was sure he was choosing his words carefully enough.
Aragon is one of the most cautiously diplomatic people I've ever met. Even his careless comments are composed and calculated to be read as such. He's one of the most savvy, socially brilliant people I've ever known, so I cannot stress enough how significant it is that this time... That that's not what you see here.
This has been boiling away under the surface for months now, and I'm glad to see it up.
Ara, this is not something you should feel at all sorry for writing. We should be thanking you for pouring your heart and soul out to us so we know that basic human decency is not being given to you, and that needs to stop. Or resume. Hopefully you know what I mean. I may have made a snarky comment or two on some of your blogs, but please know that I have great respect for you and never mean to insult you. If ever a comment has made you feel the way you've described in this blog, I sincerely apologize.
Writing this post was a good decision. Congrats on being bold enough to do it.
Dude, we love you, ya wonderfully weird person, you.
Try to ignore the hateful twits. The one thing they hate the most is when they're ignored and you go on living a perfectly normal, happy life without paying them any attention.
Hey, just want let you know that you’re a person who writes stories that make me happy. Thank you for that.
Ok, I'll add my support!
I see no reason whatsoever for you to apologize for demanding people to back off. If you squint real hard, turn your head sideways, turn off the lights and get underwater with a veil on your face, then maybe you could be called "selfish". And that is not a bad thing.
Take care of yourself, your feelings matter. Like I get it, you don't want to ruin the "joke", you get your responsibility towards it, no one wants to the joke to stop, it's funny! I (and a great of people I'm sure) appreciate the sass and the silliness and such. But your peace of mind comes first. Never be afraid to put a stop to something or someone who stepped out of line.
And hey, consider this not just for yourself. People get a chance to grow up when they're told to knock it off/ you crossed the line.
Um. Shit. Uh... fuck.
Um... basically... you're a cool dude. And... yeah... um, I think 4803392 nailed my emotions... thoughts?... both... better than I ever could...
Thanks for writing I genuinely appreciate it, don't kill yourself doing it.
No, it's not your fault. One should expect people to be aware that there is a person on the other side of the screen. It can be hard sometimes, but it's basic human decency, not some kind of unattainable ideal to live up to.
You are a caring person on top of a fantastic writer. I see it in the effort you put in writing-help or in almost every interaction I've seen you taking part in. You give far more than I do, considering you won't simply walk away when some minor frustration accrues while talking with somebody new or who you don't know well.
What you are asking for is the bare minimum, it's to be treated like a person. Asking for it, writing this blog, was of capital importance. It was the right thing to do, and I admire that you managed to do it.
That you had to do it, that I didn't see anything before, well, it reflects poorly on me more than anything else.
You are an awesome person that I respect a great deal -- not just for your comedy but because you're also one of the most legitimately considerate people I've met on here.
That's something I should have said long before now. I hope that at least it helps you swim against the tide a little.
You’ve nothing to apologize for! When it’s time for people to back off, it’s time to get them to back off. Yeah, it’s easy to forget that there’s a face behind the name, but you’re human, like everyone else. And everyone deserves respect. Everyone. And yeah, you’ve some funny escapades. But just because you make a mistake, do something stupid, something stupid funny, doesn’t mean you don’t deserve that respect. So hold your head high. Cause you’re awesome.
It is important to be honest, specially about stuff like this, so I'm happy that you managed to be this straightforward about it. I don't think I ever directly messaged you for anything, but I honestly hope that this will help things going forward.
Dude, this is NOT a bother. Sometimes, you NEED to vent, to get something out of your system, it's hardly strange, it's about as human as you can GET. I may act like a dick sometimes, but much like you acting like a clown, it's all in good fun, I deeply apologize if anything I said contributed to you feeling the need to make this blog, and I NEVER intended to make you feel bad. I, you know what? I suck at words. I really do. So, I'm just going to post a video of someone who could say it better than I ever could.
I've always been extremely cautious about doing or saying anything that could hurt or offend any one simply because it hurts me to know that that I've contributed to any ill feelings. My objective in life is to make people happy, and it makes me sad when people around me are not happy. I don't know if I have ever contributed to this. It was never my intention, but in the case that I have unknowingly offended you I'd like to say that I'm sorry.
There are things that are okay between friends, but those things are not always okay between not-so-much-friends.
Ara, you're a great person. One of the best writers I follow on fimfic. I don't know what else to say.
You don't know me, except maybe as one of your random followers. I don't think we've ever exchanged even a line of text, mostly because I'm shy.
You're one of the authors on here I respect and admire (so much as I can when all I know is what you've written). Now, some of that is pure fascination at the peculiar shit that happens to you and in your presence. But a lot more of it is because I like how you write, you are legitimately funny so far as I am concerned, and you've got clever stuff to say - or at the very least, the ability to put an interesting spin on things.
Even with your choice to deliberately share the really dumb moments, you're still a person and not the caricature that one might imagine based solely on the blog posts of those dumb moments. But as a human1, you've got the right to be really clever or really dumb, and I gotta remember that. Hell, the insults I get from my own brain without outside interference are bad enough - you've got my sympathy with it coming from outside.
Wish I could do more, but I haven't any useful advice.
1 Or other sapient being, I suppose I shouldn't discriminate
You are one of my favorite people on this site. Intelligent, funny, and quite the hard worker.
I'm sorry that you're going through this. If there's anything we can do to help, let us know. ❤